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[Boksi]

No, it's actually pretty quiet. So long as you don't enter it, nothing bad will happen to you. If you do, though, you'll have to beware constant navigational hazards, poor lighting and some other unspecified threat. If you survive this. I promise that much, at least.

Maybe I'll give you people a one-time action next round. So you might actually survive, y'know.

[Boksi]

Grrr... Goblin rage!

Normal targets get three or four goblins. Easy targets get more!
BWAHAHAHAHA!
Easy targets are Devath, who is prone and can't defend himself, Kyselina who is wounded and woozy, and to a lesser extent PTTG, who has pretty much earned the title "the pathetic".

AXEGOBLIN ATTACK!

3(+0): The axegoblin strikes Devath!
BLOCK ROLL!
5(6-1): Devath blocks the attack!

6(+0): Another axegoblin strikes at poor Devath!
BLOCK ROLL!
0(2-1-1): Absolute failure! You get into an awkward position, increasing your block penalty to -2!
DAMAGE ROLL WITH +1 BONUS!
6(5+1): HAHA! You just lost a leg! Very heavy bleeding!

3(+0): A goblin strikes at sjmarshy!
BLOCK ROLL!
5(4+1): The attack, as pathetic as it was, clatters harmlessly off you armor!

1(+0): An axegoblin attempts an attack against(no player beginning with A? Awww) Sean Mirrsen's porcupine! He hits himself instead!
DAMAGE ROLL!
4(+0): That's a nasty wound the goblin is suffering from there! Heavy bleeding!

4(+0): Another axegoblin lashes out against the terrifying porcupines!
DODGE ROLL!
3(+0): The porcupine is intact!

4(+0): Axegoblin targets Kyselina!
BLOCK ROLL!
-2(3+1-1-5): Whoops! Swarm rules! You cannot block at all! Goblin gets +1 bonus!
DAMAGE ROLL!
4(3+1): You just lost an arm! Don't worry, I'll endeavor to give you a true DF style death :3

3(+0): PTTG SHALL FALL!
DODGE ROLL!
4(+0): PTTG DODGES!

4(+0): KASHYYK!
BLOCK ROLL!
2(1+1): Failure! You fail! Et cetera!
DAMAGE ROLL!
6(+0): BLAM! Your head is split in two! You are dead! Your spirit floats out, cringes and checks his head.

1(+0): The ninth axegoblin(yes, I'm keeping track) hurls his axe away accidentally instead of actually hitting yougiedeggs. I suppose he needs some luck every now and then.

6(+0): Imitating the other one, but intelligently, another axegoblin hurls his axe towards Emperor_Jonathan!
DODGE ROLL!
5(+0): Never hurl your axe over six meters and expect someone watching you not to notice it!

5(+0): Goblin rage! Ioric, the cuddler of kittens, is next! RAGH!
DODGE ROLL!
2(3-1): You fail at basic not getting killed!
DAMAGE ROLL!
3(+0): Ow. I suppose. It's not that bad of a wound, but still, it hurts a lot.

2(+0): The twelfth goblin just stands there. Duuuuurrrr...

2(+0): And the thirteenth decides to join him.

6(+0): The fourteenth axegoblin doesn't like their ideas, and charges Zako like a crazy bastard!
DODGE ROLL!
4(+0): Zako avoid him!

3(+0): Two other axegoblins don't like how Mulch Diggums looks and attack him!
DODGE ROLL!
2(+0): Mulch hasn't quite gained full control of his old body and fails to dodge!
DAMAGE ROLL!
2(+0): Still, a cut is hardly going to injure a zombie.

1(+0): The second axegoblin isn't quite as smart as the first one and simply falls down on his face.

1(+0): The seventeenth axegoblin is even dumber, and chokes on his own drool a bit. Stupid goblins... At least I've got better servants in the rooms ahead... Oh yes, I do indeed...

BOWGOBLIN BLAST!

The squad of bowgoblins takes aim! Doom to whomever they hit!

5(+0): Kyselina! Death awaits you!
BLOCK ROLL!
-1(5+1-1-6): You completely fail to block the arrow!
DAMAGE ROLL AT +1 BONUS!
7(6+1): Every single organ in your body is pierced through at the same time! You are dead! Your spirit is relieved form it's pain and desperation...

5(+0): Sean Mirrsen! Your luck will be tolerated no longer!
DODGE ROLL!
4(5-1): Curses!

2(+0): Awww... Thirdie doesn't want to play...

4(+0): The final bowgoblin takes aim at lambskin, and fires!
BLOCK ROLL!
3(2+1): The arrow makes a nasty dent in your armor.



HAMMERTIME!

God, I'm tired of all this rolling. And I've only killed two of you. Time to drop the hammer on Devath.

3(+0): A hammergoblin stirkes[sic] Devath!
BLOCK ROLL!
-2(2-2-2): You absolutely fail to block the hammer.
DAMAGE ROLL WITH +1 BONUS!
6(5+1): WHAM! Your face is now neighbors with your hippocampus. You are dead! Your spirit floats up, cursing every single goblin it sees. It doesn't do anything though, because they're not magical curses.

2(+0): One hammergoblin temporarily forgets how to move his feet.

3(+0): Another one has no dance magic, but still strikes at Frelock!
DODGE ROLL!
3(2+1): You dodge the hammer!

1(+0): One hammergoblin goes batshit insane from stress! He bashes his brains in!
DAMAGE ROLL!
6(+0): KABLAMM! Bits of goblin brain fly everywhere!

1(+0): Another more heroic goblin attempts an assault versus the dire porcupine menace, but only succeeds in tripping and falling on his rear.

4(+0): Screaming obscenities, one of the hammergoblins drops the hammer on PTTG!
DODGE ROLL!
4(5-1): PTTG dodge again! Amazing!

6(+0): HAMMERFALL! Sjmarshy is going down!
BLOCK ROLL!
3(4-1): You are bruised but not seriously injured.

1(+0): Another goblin drops his hammer on his toes!
DAMAGE ROLL!
4(+0): He breaks one foot!

5(+0): No mercy! Yougiedeggs!
DODGE ROLL!
1(+0): You hurl yourself at the hammer!
DAMAGE ROLL AT +1 BONUS!
7(6+1): I love it when a dice roll goes my way. Your chest is removed from the rest of your body. You die. Your spirit says something to the effect of "figures"...

4(+0): Lambskin is the next target!
BLOCK ROLL!
2(3-1): You fail to block the hammer!
DAMAGE ROLL!
4(+0): You break an arm. The left one.

4(+0): Hmmm... Zako! DIE!
DODGE ROLL!
2(3-1): You fail to dodge! Oh noes!
DAMAGE ROLL!
5(+0): Several ribs break and your left lung is pierced by one! Heavy internal bleeding! OH NOSES!

3(+0): DOWN WITH THE EMPEROR!
DODGE ROLL!
3(4-1): Emperor_Jonathan dodges.

6(+0): The thirteenth hammergoblin literally hurls himself at Ioric Kittencuddler.
DODGE ROLL!
4(6-1-1): Ioric dodges the hammergoblin-projectile! It skids to a stop a while away. It is prone!

5(+0): Hammergoblin rage is directed towards PTTG!
DODGE ROLL!
2(4-2): Finally! The hammergoblin lands a hit on PTTG!
DAMAGE ROLL!
1(+0): It causes PTTG's hand to heal! WHAT THE FLAMING FUCK?!

1(+0): The fifteenth hammergoblin spontaneously combusts!
FIRE DAMAGE ROLL!
1(+0): The hammergoblin is not harmed at all.

5(+0): The sixteenth hammergoblin strikes Frelock!
DODGE ROLL!
1(1+1-1): HAMMERFALL!
DAMAGE ROLL AT +1 BONUS!
3(2+1): Frelock is bruised but not broken.

3(+0): Final hammergoblin attack! Sean Mirrsen!
DODGE ROLL!
2(3-1): Whee! Finally!
DAMAGE ROLL!
3: The goblin falls flat on his face in front of Sean. His hammer lands on his foot, complicating his movements even more, but except for his foot, Sean is unharmed!

SWORDGOBLIN STRIKE!

4(+0): Two swordgoblins try to strike down the porcupine menace!
DODGE ROLL!
3(4-1): The porcupine dodges! Dang porcupines!

2(+0): The other swordgoblin develops temporary amnesia!

6(+0): The third swordgoblin throws his sword at Mulch Diggums!
DODGE ROLL!
5(6-1): Whoops. Turns out this isn't an awesome move to make.

6(+0): Undaunted, the fourth swordgoblin tries the same!
DODGE ROLL!
0(2-2): Now that was unexpected!
DAMAGE ROLL WITH +1 BONUS!
7(6+1): Schluck! Your head flies off. You can still move that part of your body, but the rest falls down lifeless.

4(+0): Now for Jonathan...
DODGE ROLL!
5(6-1): Grr.. Another dodge?

4(+0): I'm not giving up that easily.
DODGE ROLL!
2(4-2): HAHA! HIT!
DAMAGE ROLL!
5(+0): Yes. The emperor is dead! Long live the emperor! No wait, you're not quite dead. Darn. Still, I don't think you can last long with such a heavily bleeding wound...

5(+0): Alright... Let's go for PTTG!
DODGE ROLL!
-2(1-3): Epic Fail!
DAMAGE ROLL AT +1 BONUS!
5(4+1): Ouch! Wasn't that your just-healed hand? Heavy bleeding is to be expected.

3(+0): The swordgoblin figures that they're gonna win anyway, so why stick his neck on the line?

5(+0): The ninth swordgoblin decides to attack Zako!
DODGE ROLL!
3(4-1): Zako dodges that, at least.

2(+0): Swordgoblin McSorethumb does not want to fight.

2(+0): And neither does his cousin, Cheesemaker McSorethumb

4(+0): The twelfth swordgoblin does, though. He attacks Frelock!
DODGE ROLL!
2(3+1-2): Frelock fails to dodge!
DAMAGE ROLL!
6(+0): YEE-OW! That must've hurt. Is that your pelvis in your ribcage? You are dead. Your ghost is vengeful.

5(+0): The thirteenth swordgoblin, a father of two, attacks sjmarshy!
BLOCK ROLL!
3(4+1-2): You block. It's not well-executed, but you're still alive.

3(+0): Swordgoblin McIncestlasher came to the same conclusion as the eighth swordgoblin. Remember that guy?



THE REST OF THE GOBLINS!

3(+0): The previously(last round) injured axegoblin runs away. Sorta. He can't run very fast because of his broken rib.

4(+0): The goblin swordsman also runs away. He has an injured left arm, in case you're curious.



SUMMONED BEAST!
No, I hadn't forgotten. Here, it's only fair, really.

1(+0): One of the porcupines shoots another porcupine!
DODGE ROLL!
4(+0): That porcupine is unscratched!

6(+0): Another porcupine releases a storm of quills, hitting everything in the area!
PORCUPINE A DODGE ROLL!
3(5-2): The porcupine dodges, somehow!
PORCUPINE C DODGE ROLL!
6(+0): The porcupine hurls itself three meters into the air!
AXEGOBLIN DODGE ROLL!
1(+0): The axegoblin is perforated by needles. Combined with earlier injuries, this causes his death!
AXEGOBLIN 2 DODGE ROLL!
6(+0): The other axegoblin beats the porcupine, actually hitting the roof!
HAMMERGOBLIN DODGE ROLL!
0(1-1): The hammergoblin, having already fallen prone, is completely unable to defend himself!
HAMMERGOBLIN DAMAGE ROLL!
3(2+1): However, he proves surprisingly resistant to the quills.
HAMMERGOBLIN 2 DODGE ROLL!
3(+0): The goblin is only slightly perforated. Only maybe two dozen quills at most.
HAMMERGOBLIN 2 DAMAGE ROLL!
2(+0): It does not impede him the slightest.
SWORDGOBLIN DODGE ROLL!
3(+0): Similar to hammergoblin 2
SWORDGOBLIN DAMAGE ROLL!
2(+0): Geez, it's a carbon copy. What are the odds? No, really, it should be a simple enough calculation. You can do that, can't you?

6(+0): I am not doing all those rolls again. Instead, let's say that the last porcupine killed two bowgoblins.





I really can't be bothered to update the list. You can just use last round's and update it personally if you want to. I've done too much already.

Anyway, I'm introducing a temporary new mechanic. Limit breaks. Yeah, the JRPG concept. You think it's lame? Well, if you still think it's lame after what I say, you must have a serious grudge against them. Here's how it goes:

Anyone still alive, ie not dead or undead, can perform this, but only if I say so. Like this next round, I'll allow you to do them so you can actually survive. First of all, limit breaks do not depend on random chance, they depend on your ability to be bizarre. You simply state how it happens, within limits. You cannot extend the scene beyond this room, but you can summon any object you need as part of it. Make sure it isn't too long, you lose points for that. The more ridiculous, contrived, insane and generally crazy your limit break is, the better your outcome. It's still random, but I assign dice to it depending on how I like it. Remember to make it weird and hilarious, but coolness can help if you can add that too.

So there you have it. Round's over, I've likely made some mistakes and frankly I don't care a bit.

[sjmarshy]

Limit break huh? well seeing as I'm not going to move too well after the bruising I've just recieved, I attempt to summon a custard gollum(or however you spell it). This gollum slowly walks through the goblin masses. absorbing the odd weapon, ignoring physical attacks and suffocating any it comes in contact with, due to the horrid lumpy consistancy of the custard it was born of. 

[Boksi]

That's a decent attempt. Not too impressive, but I chuckled so it's a solid hit. You can change it if you think of a better one.

[Sean Mirrsen]

If I made myself auto-overshoot summoning a Dire Wolf, and ended up with a Daishi landing on top of the goblins, would that qualify?

[Boksi]

Hmm... Yes. I think it would. It would only work as a very large hunk of metal falling on them, though, and disappear after the limit break.

[Xotes]

Hrm. As my armor was already equipped, and I feel my power level rising, I feel free to shout "OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!" And then proceed to zip around the room at the speed of sound, bouncing off the walls like a pinball in the hands of a good player. I then, having shocked the goblins into being frozen by the fact that I am unharmed in the slightest, do it again but this time I plow into the goblins using my hands and my feet and my daggers to cause much death.

How's that?

In response... HUZZAH!

[Boksi]

The part where you bounce around like a pinball was amusing, yes. Solid hit as well.

[Zako]

Ok, try this you green bastards!

Limit break! I focus my rage into existance in the physical reality and create...

A flying slipper...OF DEATH!

It grows teeth and becomes bigger and devours all my goblin foes!


Edit: I love kitties! I feel the love.

[Mulch Diggums]

I grow spider legs out of my neck and jump at the goblins to try to impale themwith my sharp legs. fuck science and reason! woo!

[Roundabout Lout]

can we post an action, or is this a limit round? If we can, I attempt to posess one of the goblins.

Edit: By the way, Boksi, excellent game! This is the best roll to dodge yet, just stop rolling me 2's!

[Boksi]

Yeah, dead or undead characters(like Mulch Diggums) can use normal actions. So can living characters, but they're probably better off doing a limit break.

[Ioric Kittencuddler]

Alright, tell me what you think of my limit break:  I strike a pose, sticking my finger up into the air to summon a horde of one hundred (100) adorable winged kittens who then fly in a circles around the room letting out their adorable plaintive calls.  This continues five (5) seconds with various different camera angles before I lower my hand and the adorable host sweeps down upon everyone visible.  The kittens land on everyone in the vicinity and start licking them with their adorable scratchy little tongues.  This might be a good point for them to lick the flesh off their bones since that's what cat's tongues are for, but instead their saliva is made out of the concentrated essence of love!  Overwhelmed by the adorableness, enemies change sides, helping to fight against any who would dare to harm the bringer of such fuzzy soft warm squeaky little puddins.  Thanks to the fact that the kitten's saliva is in fact made of love, it also heals the wounds of any who feel the love because love is more powerful than death or something.  Also  whenever they lick someone little heart shaped confetti appears in the wake of their tongues.

[Roundabout Lout]

A limit break of bringing all the dead back would be appreciated...

Edit: Yay Kittens!

[Ioric Kittencuddler]

Well, if your heart is full of love then you'll be healed of all wounds!  Love of kittens!  Kittens!

It's basically a combination of my two other powers.