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[Iituem]

From the diaries of Sodel "Cousteau" Idenoshar

Diary Entry 14th Opal 300

Well, I've gone and done it this time.  Opened my big mouth right at the Queen's own table.  Now I'm really in trouble.

It was all going well up until the fourteenth cask of rum.  The party was going splendidly and after the last goblin attack had been fended off we were all in grand spirits.  Then the subject turned to the palace.  I very unwisely made some derogatory comments about the architecture of the Mountainhome, particularly the palace, right in front of the Queen herself.  She challenged me on the matter and then, to make matters worse, I actually answered her.

"How would you do better than the greatest stonemasons in the land?" she challenged me.  I completely missed the touch of anger in her voice, I am sad to say, but I never was a brilliant judge of intent.

"Why," I cried, "any dwarf can tunnel into solid rock and delve a home from it!  How many people can delve water, though?  Why, I could dig a palace worthy of the Mountainhomes in water itself, with walls of glass so the ocean could be seen beyond!"

The Queen, it turns out, is not without a sense of humour.  She told me that I would have all the materials my wagons could carry and the opportunity to hand pick the kingdom's best and brightest to aid in construction.  She also granted me a further 'honour', as she put it.  She instructed me not to bother coming back; when the glass palace I had promised was ready to her satisfaction, she would come to me.

I should probably mention at this point that I am not a glassblower.  Nor am I an architect or even a stonemason.  In fact, I can't say I know anything about plumbing or pump operation either.  I have only two skills, both taught to young noblemen, to help me carry this out.  The first, being a competent axedwarf, is of limited value in this venture.  I shall have to rely on my second skill.

Fortunately, I am a very proficient liar.


Greetings, fellow beardies!  (Or dwarves, in the more common tongue.)

It seems the tradition for community forts to have certain insane requirements, so rather than try and build a fortress in a nightmarish forest, the bitter tundra, or inside a volcano, I decided to take up the challenge of trying to build a fortress underwater.  Out of glass.

There are six slots available for the initial expedition team, if anybody is interested.  You get your own personal introduction as part of the team.  Just state your desired name, desired profession (we will need at least one glassblower in all this) and any personality quirks you want included.


One last thing.  You are all convicts.

[rickvoid]

I'll take the glassblower I guess. Give me whatever skills are needed for that, and I also request a pick so that I won't be completely useless until the glassblowing industry starts up. Just don't let me hit legendary miner, or else I won't blow you any glass. (Pretty sure that's how that works...) I don't particularly care about the name, just set his nickname as Void.

[Katsuun]

I'll take this:

Name:Kats (Looking for irony here)
Gender:Either
Profession:Grower/Brewer/Cook
Quirks:If possible, make him or her like raw glass (See above)

This looks interesting...

[userpay]

Eh why not
nickname: Userpay
gender: preferably male
profession: woodcutter/glassblower (gonna need more than one glassblower)
quirks: Whatever you feel best.

[Iituem]

18th Opal, 300

The kingdom's best and brightest, as it turns out, are criminals.  His Majesty has given me my pick of the gaols.  My first trip took me to the salt mines at Kulettögum, in search of a glazier by the name of 'Void'.  After escaping a massive carp attack whilst trying to ford the river (the same could not be said of my guide) I found Bëmbul "Void" Datanûz carving salt from the mire in a set of chains.  Her record says she has twenty years here, after a foiled attempt to break into the Royal Treasury.  I gave her the option of a change of pace from salt mining, if nothing else.  Fortunately, she seems to have picked up a thing or two about engineering during her time in Abbeyverse (and looking at the huge tower made entirely out of salt here, I can't say I'm surprised).





"Bëmbul Datanûz?" Cousteau called out, looking between the four grimy, salt-stained miners hacking away at the solid wall of rock salt.

"It's Void," grunted the shaggiest of the quartet.  Her beard was tangled with grit and her legs were manacled to a ball of heavy salt.  "What brings you to this carp-infested hellhole?"

"I heard you were a glazier," Cousteau called over the din of the salt mining.

"There are perfectly good glassworks back in the Mountainhomes," Void grunted, picking her axe back up and turning to the rock face.

"I heard you were the best," Cousteau added.  Void paused and turned back, leaning on her pick and scratching her beard in consideration.  A tiny hail of rocks crumbled from it onto the floor.

"No," he answered finally, "not the best.  But damn good.  Not a bad mining engineer, if I'm working with salt, either.  What do you need 'the best' glassblower in the kingdom for?"  Cousteau considered for a moment.  This seemed like an excellent time to put her greatest skill into action.

"The Queen has ordered a new palace built," she explained, cautiously leaving out the exact details, "and has given me the task of doing it.  Now you'll be transferred away from the Mountainhomes, but you at least won't be mining salt for a living."  Void considered this proposal for a good five minutes, leaning on her pick and scratching her beard in a silence permeated only by the continual smashing of iron against rock and the gentle tinkle of salt crystals hitting the floor.

"I'll help you," she decided, "and I'll even tell you where to find the best glassblower in the kingdom, but first you need to do two things.  First, get me out of here today and second, get my friend out of his post down at Nist Akath.  He's got a green thumb and can cook and brew well, even if he knows far less about locking mechanisms than he thinks he does."

"Done," Cousteau agreed.

"What about fish?" Void asked warily.

"Where we're going," Cousteau said with a grin, "we'll be eating them."

[Katsuun]

Im in Nist Arkath? Isn't that breaking the forurth wall or copyright infringment or something? 

[DwarfMan69]

Cool, all the great dwarven fortresses in one world.

[Dogman]

Sign me up please.

Nickname: Dee
Gender: female preferably
Profession: mason/mechanic/architect (a 5/3/2 split would be nice)
Quirks: reserved, dislikes being around crowds, that sort if possible.

[Tormy]

Sign me up also if its possible!

Nick: Tormy
Gender: male
Prof: miner/soldier, I would prefer to be a soldier later on.
Quirks: Tormy likes gold and axes, and detests small vermin

[Iituem]

Better to think of it as an homage to certain other fortresses, rather than blatant plagiarism.   




24th Opal, 300

The caravan Void and I were travelling on made its yearly stop at Nist Akath, a desolate fortress in the middle of a featureless plain of ice.  Well, almost featureless.  There were no less than six permanent goblin camps built around the place.  I did not ask.  Additionally, I listened to an hour of soft crunching on the way there before asking where the road was.  Apparently, that was the road, and it is made entirely from bones.  Again, I chose not to ask.

When we arrived, we found Kogan "Kats" Godennanir teetering at the edge of some sort of massive stairwell.  He is serving time in this ice-bound nightmare for the same crime as Void, and I offered him a similar deal in exchange for his aid.  He accepted, on the premise that there wouldn't be a shortage of glass.  Oh, there's no fear of that.




"Green glass!" the dwarf bellowed at the top of his lungs, brandishing a stool like a weapon.  "Get me green glass!"  Cousteau was a little dumbstruck at the sight; a dwarf wearing little more than his beard and the tattered remnants of his shirt, covered in blood, mud and vomit (yet strangely, not out of place amongst anyone else in this fortress) standing at the edge of a vast chasm ringed by a tiny set of spiralling staircases and looking like he hadn't slept in days.  She had heard often of dwarves going into strange moods, even seen one herself.

"By the gods, he's possessed!" she cried.

"No, this is normal for him," Void grunted.  They watched as Kats threw the stool down the chasm, where about thirty seconds later they heard the faint crack as it was reduced to splinters on the skeleton-strewn rocks below.

"I'll do it!" he threatened.  "I can't take this any more!  I can't live in a world without green glass!"  He lifted a foot, taking a breath and closing his eyes.  Void took something from her trouser pockets, dangling it in the air like a kitten toy.

"Hey Kats!" she called.  The dwarf opened an eye and glanced back.  "Look at the pretty!  Look!"  She jiggled what she was holding, and the mad dwarf started running for it gleefully.  "Go get it!" Void shouted, tossing the little piece of raw green glass into a corner.  Kats leapt for it, snatching it up and holding it lovingly like a lost infant.  Cousteau coughed, thinking of the speech she had prepared, then made a simpler offer.

"How would you like to get out of here?" she asked the quivering dwarf in the corner.

"Will... will there be glass?" Kats pleaded, wide-eyed.

"Definitely," Cousteau promised.  "There will be absolutely no shortage of glass."


As the wagon rolled over the tundra and patches of green started to show through the omnipresent sheet of ice, Cousteau turned to Void.

"Well, I've gotten you out of the salt mines and rescued your friend.  I believe you promised to take me to the best glazier in the kingdom?"

"Aye, that I did," Void agreed.  "What's the date?"

"The twenty fourth.  Why, is it important?"

"I'd say so.  He has a meeting with the Hammerer on the first. Still, it's only a five day trip back to the Mountainhomes, right?"

[Iituem]

1st Obsidian, 300

The greatest glazier in the land is also apparently a murderous psychopath.  Litast "Userpay" Ustuthikal decapitated all nine of his assistants (and apparently three clients, a critic of his work and one dwarven milk seller whilst he was at it) over a slight scratch on a masterwork glass axe.  He did so with the axe in question.  Additionally, I heard rumour that he used to be a highwaydwarf.  I am questioning the wisdom of having just saved him from the Hammerer's block, but at the same time I need all the skilled help I can get.  He insists that he is also good at logging, but I am going to have to think very carefully before letting him get his hands on an axe again.




"Litast 'Userpay' Ustuthikal?" Cousteau asked cautiously, peering through the steel bars into the dim, cramped cell.

"Over here, old girl," came a remarkably chipper voice from one corner of the cell.  Cousteau could make out a dim, dwarf-shaped shadow.  "What can I do for you?"

"Ah, 'Userpay'... that's an odd name," Cousteau remarked conversationally.

"Back from the trading days," Userpay chuckled.  "Stationed at a little outpost on the Most Hill.  Nothing but conglomerate under the ground and few decent metal deposits, so the Governor told us that if we wanted to stay fed and clothed, we'd have to start intercepting passing traders.  I felt I should greet the merchants brightly, but briefly, so I'd often present my axe to one of them and call out: 'You sir!  Pay!'  Eventually, it got shortened down and became a nickname.  Anyway, how can I help you, old bean?"  Cousteau began to wonder if this dwarf had spent a little too long in solitary.

"I need a glassblower.  The best glassblower."

"Well, I'd say you've come to the right place, but I imagine the right place probably involves a furnace, more glass and less being manacled to the wall, my friend!  Speaking of which, is there anything you can do about that?  I'd be awfully obliged."

"Well," Cousteau admitted, scratching the back of her neck, "You are wanted on fourteen counts of murder."

"Which means whatever you must be asking is pretty good, if you can get me off a hundred and twenty six strokes of a hammer."  Cousteau didn't see any reason why not to just tell the truth, given the situation.

"I've been tasked by the Queen to build a glass palace," she began.

"That's not so bad."

"Under the sea."

"That is so bad.  Do you reckon they expect to see you again?"

"Probably not, no."

"So you're basically giving me one death sentence over another."

"Yes, but at least you'll be able to breathe the fresh-"

"-salty-"

"-air.  There's a lesser chance of someone beating you with a hammer a hundred and sixteen times after you're dead, too."

"Well, you make a promising offer, ma'am.  Land me a job as a temporary woodcutter before the glassworks open and I'm all yours."

"Woodcutter?"

"I miss the weight of an axe in my hands."  Although Cousteau couldn't see the face in the darkness, the slightly unnerving grin was plainly visible in the shadows.  She felt herself suddenly quite glad for the steel bars.

[Iituem]

3rd Obsidian, 300

I had an appointment today with another potential member for my team, rather as a result of an opportunity presenting itself.  One of the more skilled masons of the Mountainhomes was arrested and sentenced to six months' imprisonment for failing to construct a statue out of adamantine.  Apparently he too had made the mistake of slighting members of royalty, as he has been repeatedly in and out of jail for just over fourteen years now on similarly trumped up charges.  I offered Alåth "Dee" Stinthädalåth the opportunity of a prison with open air and a sea view.




"When you wake up in the morning, consider imprisonment," Cousteau commented casually as she entered the gaols.  Dee glanced up from the sketches he had been making on the prison floor.

"I often do," he responded quietly before going back to sketching designs.  Cousteau glanced at them; some sort of mechanisms.

"What's that you have there?" she enquired.

"Just something I've been thinking about," the dwarf muttered.  Cousteau decided this one might need a little encouragement.

"What might that be?"

"Just something to move water."

"Water, you say?"  Cousteau raised an eyebrow with interest.  "Like a mining pump?"

"Sort of," Dee muttered, frowning at the design.  "But not."

"How not?"  Cousteau was getting a bit tired of having to prod this dwarf for every answer.

"Well," Dee began, drawing in a sharp breath before speaking a great deal quickly and all at once.  "It's like this.  You know how with a mining pump you've got a little bit of water filling up a small space, so you get your screw pump and you hook it up to a windmill or a water wheel, or you get a strong dwarf to move the handle until his arms hurt?"

"Yes," Cousteau said uncertainly.

"Right, well, that's great if you need to pump water out of a shaft, but that's really only going to work if you have a finite supply of water to drain and somewhere to drain it to.  What I'm more concerned about is where you get permanent flooding of mine shafts, such as when some idiot tunnels into a river or lake and the whole mess comes crashing down, flooding everything in sight.  In that situation you can't just pump it all out at whatever pace and wait until it's all gone out because it's always going to be coming in but at the same time you can't perpetually just have a man standing by to pump it so you need some sort of mechanical power source only you tend to get the most power from damming rivers, but if the river's already flowing into your mine shaft you can't just use the river to pump itself out because of energy loss, so you'd need a second river to dam to do it, but even so the energy requirements are insane, so what you really want is to be able to pump a lot of water quickly within a limited range, creating a temporary vacuum in which you can send a worker to build some sort of construction or wall to dam the water flow, allowing you to set up the next pump in the dry."

"Uh... huh."  Cousteau could feel her eyes glazing over.  "So...?"

"So I can design a pump that can create a small vortex of air in, say, a lake or a flooded mining chamber.  I just don't have the power available underground or even at this altitude to do it on a reasonable scale.  Water up here just doesn't move fast enough, or with enough force."

"What about the sea?"

"What about it?"

"Well, there's a lot of water there.  It's all moving."

"Don't be silly, you can't dam the-" Dee paused.  He furrowed his brow and immediately started sketching on the gaol cell floor furiously. "Hold up.  Maybe if I had a way of testing this... Hm.  Sorry, who are you?"  He looked up.

"Cousteau Idenoshar, and how would you like a chance to test your pump design?"

[userpay]

I like how this is going.

[Iituem]

7th Obsidian, 300

I was sat at my desk, ordering through the preparations for the journey ahead, when I was interrupted by a sharp squeaking noise.  A rat had scurried in through a hole under my door.  As mildly annoying as it was, it was nowhere near as alarming as the axe-wielding maniac that kicked the door open and split the rat in twain (all over my imported rope reed rug, I would care to add).


"What in blazes-" Cousteau exclaimed, leaping to her feet.

"Rat!  Sorry!" barked the dwarf and he pulled his axe out of the rug.  "Bastards are everywhere!"  There was a sharp stench coming from his beard.  It smelled horribly enough like gutter cruor.  Cousteau wasn't even sure that was available in the mountain homes, let alone legal.  His eyes were decidedly bloodshot.

"I... see.  Might I ask why you decided to follow it into my room?"  Cousteau gestured to her belongings.

"Oh, don't worry!" the dwarf chuckled gruffly.  "This isn't a break-in, nothin' like that.  Exterminator."

"We have... exterminators?  Isn't that what cats are for?"

"Community service.  It was this or a Hammer strke.  Got to say, much prefer bleeding the little bastards to twenty pounds of iron in my shoulder."  The dwarf sat down heavily on Cousteau's bed and pulled a little black bottle from his belt, swigging from it.  He burped and offered it to Cousteau.  "Want some?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Cousteau murmured, trying to hide her disgust.  "So community sevice, you say?"

"Yeah," the dwarf muttered, burping.  "Again.  Ever since I got kicked out of the axe squads, it's been hard to hold down a job out here.  Took up mining, even, but here in the Mountainhomes there's less call for that than in the outposts.  Most everything's already mined out."

"Why'd you get kicked out of the army?"

"Disrespecting the chain of command or something."  The dwarf snorted inwards, then spat into a corner, gobbing up an orthoclase vase to Cousteau's intense dismay.  "Served under a lunatic who ended up sealing himself in a brass tomb and didn't fancy charging into an army of goblins.  Stuff like that sticks to your name, though.  Once the violet-bloods get it in their heads you're a liability, nothing much you can do."  He swigged again from the bottle.

"Well," Cousteau murmured uncertainly, "What about a change of scenery?"

"Huh?"

"I've been ordered by the Queen to go... well, to leave the Mountainhomes and work on a project for her.  I'm taking a number of convicts with me and, good as I might be with an axe, I'd feel comfortable with someone to handle security around.  Plus, we can always use another miner.  I can get you out of this community service, too."

"Hey," the dwarf considered.  "That's actually not a bad idea.  Could do with getting out of this damned rock-hole, maybe get a chance to be in a proper fight again.  What did you say your name was?"

"Cousteau.  You?"

"Tormy.  Tekkud 'Tormy' Lolumkol."


Apparently I now have a head of security for this expedition.  I am not entirely sure what came over me.

[Kanute]

Name: Arnfast
Profession: mason? I'm flexible
Quirk: goes to lengths to disobey authority and conspire. Doesn't really have an end goal in mind, though