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[Dwarfaholic]

I though he was a dwarf, thinking he was a robot, attempting to pose as a dwarf.

Why do I always think so complicated?



Aaanyways, my application:

Name: NNnn.... yakayaka zooooNot-in-the-FaceIt hurts we don't like it

Gender:Where? I don't seezitwhathappendeaththeyalldiehappyflower

Specialty:Whatareyoulookingatdon'tlikemyfacehuhyougonnageatbeatdowndiediediediediediediediediediediediediediediedie Will you be my friend?

Reason for wanting to hench with us:Thequestionis:who'shenchingwhodundundunnIlikepieit'ssotastyImissyoumommy

How do we know you aren't a spy?SpieswhereIkillthemtheydiediediedie- mystomachtastesfunny.

[Sappho]

Thank you, yakayaka.  Your application has been approved.  Your preference for Whatareyoulookingatdo duty will be taken into consideration.  Welcome to the Dr. Destruction family.

---

In other news, Chapter 2 has been given a short update.  Dr. Destruction is also putting up a suggestion box in the meeting room as we speak (or, at least, as we read and write).  If you have an idea regarding how Dr. Destruction can make your henching experience more enjoyable, feel free to drop a note in the box.

[Aqizzar]

Aw, a gemstone artifact would have made a great focusing array for a spy-carving laser or something.  Well, glad to see we're all making a good impression.  To evil!

They used to call me a butcher because I likes to take the bones out.  I likes the bones most, but the meats and skins are nice too.  Scarface has plenty of work to do already - I likes to butcher.

[Neoskel]

Just dump the bodies in the volcano. What kind of supervillain buries their henchmen?

[EuchreJack]

How about placing the coffins in some kind of death chamber?

Anyways, I have an applicant for consideration:


Name: Nashonluslem, aka Bloodypuzzle

Gender: Pick one, if I die, somebody else can take over my name and my work

Profession: I work with levers.  I create devices, and the mechanisms used in the devices.  I also create and place traps.  Now, perhaps one of your minions would like to pull this lever?  Come one, just pull the lever...

Reason for wanting to hench with us: To create beautiful devices of self-illumination, of course.  Perhaps your guests would like to stay in one of my luxurious rooms, with complementary beef wellington?  Just step over here, right next to the barrel with the food in it.  Never mind that glint of metal.  Yes, just a little closer...

How do we know you're not a spy? Just like you, I work for a higher goal than wealth or power.  And if you're at all dissatisfied with my work, feel free to kill me and give someone else my name.  After all, it's the work that's important, not the person.  Besides, everyone else wants me dead, though it's not my fault.  I didn't make them do anything...

What I suggest: We create traps where people chose their own fate. 
Pull this lever, and they can leave without harm.
Pull that lever, and a dozen crossbows fire into them. 
Tell them, "Feel free to grab a platinum goblet on the way out."
Then, after they grab the goblet: "What, you're having trouble walking while skewered on that spike?"
Freedom of choice!  The best form of chaos!

[Prometheus]

Meatbag Gamma approves of Unit Bloodypuzzle's work. Gamma offers to facilitate the setting up of such devices. Great work requires Co-operation.

This unit is still not a robot, if you were asking.

[erendor]

This seems pretty interesting!  I like the song!

Name:Lovage
Gender: Male
Specialty: Security, surveillance, safecracking.
Reason for wanting to hench with us: Looking to take up a career that offers opportunities for advancement, a good safe defense system (or opportunity to design one), and ideally large amounts of unprotected valuables with poorly kept records...to protect, of course...
How do we know you aren't a spy?:  I'm wanted in several Mountainhomes for 'security' and 'item ownership confusion' reasons.

(P.S Prometheus, high fives for Cave Story!  Huzzah!)

[Sappho]

Thank you, Nashonluslem.  Your application for the position of henching associate has been accepted.  Your preference for deathtrap duty will be taken into consideration.  We notice you have not provided us with your gender.  Dr. Destruction is an equal opportunity employer, and respects your right to gender confusion.  All job titles are gender-neutral.  Welcome to the Dr. Destruction family.

Thank you, Lovage.  Your application for the position of henching associate has been accepted.  Your preference for security duty will be taken into consideration.  Welcome to the Dr. Destruction family.

I also thought I'd post a list of available henching associates for you guys to adopt.  There's plenty left, but I'm not expecting another immigrant wave until at least next year and I may do some... fun things with some of them.  As of this post:
Miner x 1
Woodcutter/Carpenter x 1
Mason x 1
Mason/Speardwarf x 1
Metalcrafter x 1
Armorsmith x 1
Peasant x 6
Milker x 1
Butcher x 1
Grower x 2
Soaper x 1
Ranger/Marksdwarf (currently soldier with Oddbins on guard duty) x 1

Obviously I'm planning on giving most of these guys new jobs (at the moment they're all on hauling/smoothing duty), so you can take them as they are or let me know what you'd like them to be in the future.

Everyone who has put in an application is already in there.

I'll try to post a new update later today.

[Prometheus]

I'd like for Gamma to have mechanics and siege engineering/operation as main skills, with partial duty on EX-TER-MI-NATI-ON, with a weapon of the good Dr. Destruction's choice.

[peterb]

This is awesome!  But I'm still trying to figure out how you're going to ignite the atmosphere.

[Sappho]

Eh, I'll just get some of my henching associates to do that.  I'll name them my Doomsday Squad and tell them they'd better find a way to do it or they'll be spending the night in the volcano.

By the way, I saw a post a while ago about someone getting an Elf liaison who allowed them to request all sorts of fun elven trade goods.  Anyone know how they did that?  Cause that would be really useful to me and my plans...

[Lazureus]

Name: Xen
Gender: Female
Specialty: Huntress/MarksDwarf (please train her to elite wrestling before giving her a crossbow please)
Reason for wanting to hench with us: She loves to kill things, not spy on them, the more things she kills the happier she is.

[Sappho]

Update!  Chapter 2 is complete, and a link to the Year End Map for 1063 has been added to the first post.  Enjoy!

[Cepheid]

Name:  Cepheid
Gender:  Female
Specialty:  Spying
Reason for wanting to hench with us:  Because I have been ordered to spy on you.
How do we know you aren't a spy?:  I am a spy.

In reality, she is just insane.  Put here wherever you need her.

[Dogman]

Uh oh, Fire Imp leather and meat. I've heard they do terrible things to your food stockpiles...