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[Lord Vahn]

TALES OF THE SILKY FORESTS

Hi everyone. Recently I've been writing some DF stories, and I thought I might as well post them. Feel free to be a critic, constructively or otherwise .

Note: These characters in these stories are all based on past events and historical figures from the legends mode of my most recent world. Most of this stuff happened during worldgen (apart from the involvement of my two PCs - Nina and Vahn). So, no screenshots. Of course, much of the details and events are partially or entirely fictionalized - but that's what DF is all about, isn't it?

So, without further ado, Part One:

Bloody Muddy Mayhem

Evhol hated mud. She really, really hated mud. She hated mud more than she hated kobold necromancers and dwarves named Urist - in fact, she hated it nearly as much as she hated spiders.

That is to say, she absolutely loathed it.

Thus, one can easily imagine her reaction when she found herself surrounded - trapped even - by the icky gooey brown stuff comprised of the letters M, U, and (oh gods) D. She shuddered, knowing that as soon as she stepped into it the disgusting mess was going to seep through her boots, slowly but surely, until it wound its way in between her toes. Squelch squelch squelch. Evhol shuddered and groaned aloud (as it is more or less impossible to groan in any other way).

"Oh, don't be such a wuss," said Hal, taking a torch out from her pack and lighting it. Hal Brushsinks was Evhol's faithful companion, and despite her masculine name, most definitely of the female persuasion. There were several men back in Dipgirls, the human capital, that could attest to this fact in great detail. Some more than once. Er.

The flames danced on the cave's walls, deftly illuminating the pockmarked silt that comprised this particular hole in the ground. This wasn't reassuring - siltstone had a reputation for being prone to cave-ins. Evhol shuddered again.

"Let's just venture forth, kill this damn Fatpuzzles, whatever the hell it is, and get out of here, okay?" she said. Hal nodded in agreement and the two rangers slowly made their way through the twisting maze of the cave.

Everything was going swimmingly (or rather, squelchingly) until Fatpuzzles, evidently a cougar, announced his presence with a roar that didn't really do anything other than hurt Evhol's ears. In response, she roared at the beast, drew her swords and charged in for the attack. Hal followed suit; when Evhol got into one of those moods, it was best to simply play along, unless you particularly wanted to lose an ear or other important extremity.

Evhol swiped and slashed at the cougar. A lot. For a long, long time. When she was finished waving her sword around, blood covered everything. The walls, the mud, Evhol, Hal, the disfigured, brutally hacked remains of the cougar.

"Bloody mud," said Evhol, as she and Hal began the long walk (squelch?) back to town.

[Kashyyk]

quite good so far, I am looking forward to some more!

[Lord Vahn]

Glad you like it. I'm going to try and post stuff every day (I live in New Zealand, GMT+12:00), and today's a new day (for me, at least ), so check back a little later and I'll have the next part up.

[Lord Vahn]

Part Two:

"When going on a long journey, put your faith in muck."

Osime Sunclam was displeased. She was also an elf. Right now, however, she was much more displeased than elven - in this state, one might even call her furious. Somehow, the two bumbling fools she had sent to their deaths had survived. She had assumed that a pair of inept rangers - inept human rangers - would be easily slaughtered by Fatpuzzles, the great cougar, and in communion with that beast she had devised a trap for them.

But now, to her great dismay, Evhol and Hal had returned triumphant, completing her "quest" in a matter of days. To make matters worse, they were even asking for a reward! Oh, the insolence of these lesser races! She sighed. And then she sighed again. As mayor of Lessonstone, the only joint elven-human city in the entire world of Licevaecamo (The Legendary Universes), she had responsibilities - including wiping out every single damn tree-killing human she could find.

Of course, Hal and Evhol were totally unaware of this angry internal monologue as they walked up the steps of the town hall to Osime's office. If they had been, things might have progressed rather differently - but they weren't, so everything happened as it should (or, depending on your future retrospective perspective, shouldn't) have.

The hideously disfigured head of Fatpuzzles crashed down on the table in front of Osime. She twitched slightly, then recovered her composure. Evhol spoke up.

"We killed your damn cougar. Now where's the reward?"

"You don't need one," replied Osime. "You're champions! That's reward enough." Evhol frowned, the delicate muscles of her face knotting up her brow. There was something in the elf's tone she didn't like. It might have been the cloying, narcissistic, arrogant, haughty and above all condescending way in which she spoke. Or it might have been the halitosis from frequent corpse consumption. Either way, it was nasty.

"However," Osime continued, her terrible breath wafting through the room, "If the conquering of one cougar is not enough for you, I have heard tales of a greater, more fearsome beast: the great and mighty Declinedteachers, scourge of huntsmen and the most powerful cougar ever to walk Licevaecamo.
There is but one obstacle in your path to glory - to reach the realm of Declinedteachers, you must travel through... the Silky Forests."

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

Damn hippy cannibals.
won't even use toothpaste because it contains seaweed jelly.

[Glacies]

The title made me laugh. 

[Lord Vahn]

The title made me laugh. 

Yeah. Churches/Temples/Lava Cults really are hilarious in this version.
Just wait 'till you see the next one