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Author Topic: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race  (Read 1454 times)

lastofthelight

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The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« on: May 21, 2008, 11:37:00 pm »

Well, dwarven children take time to grow, as well all know. They also have a tendency to be stolen by pesky thieves and end up in other cultures. To make up for this, dwarves tend to live a long time. However, a population of between 100-200 dwarves is considered a fairly significant Mountain Home.


This leads to an interesting question. Since dwarves take so long to mature, and dwarven children have a tendency to be stolen by various thieves....well, in my case, the average dwarven fortress lasts about a year, and kills about 7 healthy dwarven adults each time.

So, fellow dwarves - we must ask ourselves if the species can hope to survive. I mean, if the dwarven mountainhomes only last a few years on average (killing almost everyone within them each time) - then it stands to reason that the dwarven population, being inherently unstable, is declining - and the species will inevitably die out.

The only possible way to stop this would be if most of the dwarves from failed or failing fortresses /left/ - to other fortresses, and this seems a viable way to slow or halt what seems to be an imminent extinction of the dwarven peoples, though even then we would be a mostly nomadic people - always moving to and froe across the world to the next soon-to-be-failed fortress.

There is only one alternative: We must begin stealing goblin and kobold babies, for loe; they reproduce like rabbits, and come in great numbers, so obviously have plenty to spare.

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Neonivek

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2008, 11:52:00 pm »

Yes most dwarf forts don't last long, but those that do tend to last very long periods of time if not forever.

Though Dwarves reproduce at incredably slow rates further made slow by baby snatchers... Dwarves however live very long periods of time, though not as much as a Elf.

Dwarves also never reach an age in which they cease to be capable of reproduction.

basically, Established Dwarf settlements are never likely to fall, but Dwarves expand slowly.

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Slappy Moose

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2008, 11:55:00 pm »

I just make my dwarven newborns born as children that take a year to mature.

 :D

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umiman

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2008, 12:29:00 am »

Have you not ventured into a proper mountainhome in adventurer? They survive by making their homes so incredibly complicated and large that no one can find each other, and when they do, they are usually too horny to kill.

Grek

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2008, 12:32:00 am »

In the case of abandoned forts, the former citizens leave and head back to their mountainhomes. They don't die off every time.
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Mechanoid

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2008, 02:04:00 am »

quote:
Originally posted by umiman:
<STRONG>Have you not ventured into a proper mountainhome in adventurer? They survive by making their homes so incredibly complicated and large that no one can find each other, and when they do, they are usually too horny to kill.</STRONG>

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LeoLeonardoIII

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2008, 10:52:00 am »

There are numerous answers here.

1: In every primary mountainhome there is a special room with just one bed, where every dwarf sleeps at the same time and "marriages" are quite frequent.

2: Kobolds steal Dwarven babies so they can spin their beard-hair into ≡Dwarf Beard Loincloths≡ which their crazy mayors mandate all the time. It's their HFS.

3: Also they eat the babies. *SPOILER!*

4: Dwarves stealthily impregnate every caravan that comes by. When an Elf bears a bearded, drunken child it's cast out and finds its way salmon-like back to the Mountainhomes.

5: Finally, it's pretty obvious that dwarves never die, they just get really good at faking. For example, when a dwarf dies, he remains on the unit list and shows as "not caring about anything anymore" which obviously means he collected on his life insurance and skipped town, leaving some goblin bones in his coffin to fool the treasurer.

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Jreengus

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2008, 02:49:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Neonivek:
<STRONG>Dwarves however live very long periods of time, though not as much as a Elf.
</STRONG>

Clearly you havent been watching what happens to elves who enter my fortress.

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Keizo

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2008, 03:15:00 pm »

It's a good thing Dr. Urist discovered Dwarviagra, a compound made by [P]rocessing  and grinding up a mixture of elf chunks, goblin bones, troll skulls, withered plump helmets, and dimple dye (for color; it wouldn't be Dwarviagra without that distinctive blue color!).

There is a potential for cardiac risk of sexual activity in dwarves with preexisting cardiovascular disease. Therefore, treatments for erectile dysfunction, including DWARVIAGRA, should not be generally used in men (or women; who can tell the difference anyway?) for whom sexual activity is inadvisable because of their underlying cardiovascular status.

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LeoLeonardoIII

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2008, 03:47:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Keizo:
<STRONG>There is a potential for cardiac risk of sexual activity in dwarves with preexisting cardiovascular disease. Therefore, treatments for erectile dysfunction, including DWARVIAGRA, should not be generally used in men (or women; who can tell the difference anyway?) for whom sexual activity is inadvisable because of their underlying cardiovascular status.</STRONG>

Urist cancels Mate: Heart Exploded
Urist has been struck down!
Libash cancels Mate: Job Item Misplaced

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NikkTheTrick

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2008, 08:59:00 pm »

This ☼thread☼ is made of win. It menaces with spikes of hilarity  :D

My theory is that dwarves have a lot of women back at a Dwarven Secret Procreation Base (DSPB) in the mountains. As we have seen, a dwarven woman does not have to be in the same tile as a male dwarf to get preagnant. That means that semen are either airborne (like vapor), which is unlikely, or they travel straight to a female dwarf in a straight line in a very narrow but powerful beam. It is so narrow that holes it puinch through material cannot be seen by visible light(less that 200 nm in diameter).

In fact, the tream is so powerful that it has a very long range. So long that it reaches women in DSPB from anywhere in the world. It takes years for a dwarf to learn to aim over such distance, but once he does, he is able to perform his long-range duty to dwarfkind daily.

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Skillet

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2008, 03:18:00 am »

This thread raises an interesting question, but I dont think it is necessarily true. While it is true that fresh embarkations tend to be quite fatal, with a death rate far outpacing birth and survival rates, this doesnt necessarily spell death for the entire dwarven species, for the simple reason that we do not have a comprehensive understanding of how things work back at the established civilization.

The old mountainhomes must be heavily populated. Why? Because the king allows hundreds of immigrants to expatriate and run off to fledgeling fortresses(dangerous ones). If their loss would have impacted the needs of the population greatly, he would put a stop to all this immigration and lock down the mountainhomes. So, huge basic dwarven population in the mountainhome. QED.

Next, the new fortresses are dangerous, short of food and high in danger. Even elementary studies of animal population growth and reproductive health shows us that hardship and danger result in less breeding, while safety, security and reliable food results in more breeding. This is a simple question of energy consumption - when you have to devote more energy to survival, you have less to put into gestation and raising young.

So, if we can assume that the dwarven race, in some of its base ways, is fundamentally animalistic, then it stands to reason that fresh fortresses will not share the same breeding rates as the comfortable, secure mountainhomes. In fact, they are probably breeding like bearded rabbits back home.

Some dwarven hypothesists fiercely debate this point. They point out that human populations are quite different than animal populations, in that larger, established societies typically result in a greatly -reduced- birth rate as individuals aquire different pursuits than simple survival. To them, I simply recommend they go ahead and imply to the next dwarf they meet that they are similar to humans in any way, and see what happens.

So, to sum up: behind the scenes, there is an enormous population of horny dwarves back home, keeping up the numbers for the good of dwarfkind. No worries, friends!

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Formerly haftan

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2008, 01:24:00 pm »

HA HA!

"Libash has been depressed lately, Libash was cockblocked lately, Libash likes Dwarviagra for the flavor!"

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Strangething

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2008, 06:46:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Keizo:
<STRONG>
There is a potential for cardiac risk of sexual activity in dwarves with preexisting cardiovascular disease. Therefore, treatments for erectile dysfunction, including DWARVIAGRA, should not be generally used in men (or women; who can tell the difference anyway?) for whom sexual activity is inadvisable because of their underlying cardiovascular status.</STRONG>

Do not take Dwarviagra if you suffer from light gray, brown or yellow injuries.

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The Dark Bunny

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Re: The viability and future of the Dwarven Race
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2008, 12:42:00 am »

quote:
Originally posted by NikkTheTrick:
<STRONG>My theory is that dwarves have a lot of women back at a Dwarven Secret Procreation Base (DSPB) in the mountains. As we have seen, a dwarven woman does not have to be in the same tile as a male dwarf to get preagnant. That means that semen are either airborne (like vapor), which is unlikely, or they travel straight to a female dwarf in a straight line in a very narrow but powerful beam. It is so narrow that holes it puinch through material cannot be seen by visible light(less that 200 nm in diameter).

In fact, the tream is so powerful that it has a very long range. So long that it reaches women in DSPB from anywhere in the world. It takes years for a dwarf to learn to aim over such distance, but once he does, he is able to perform his long-range duty to dwarfkind daily.</STRONG>


Reproduction via bionic penis beams.  An interesting theory.

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