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[Derakon]

I had this idea while answering the "Goblin sieges" thread.

What if the goblins tried to extort from you? A horde of goblins shows up and parks a ways away from your fort. They bring a diplomat along, who goes to your trade depot and demands 20,000 dwarfbucks worth of goods. If you can't pay up (or you kill the diplomat), then the goblins attack, but if you can, they just take the goods and leave...for a while.

The only logistical problem I see is the actual transfer of goods; the diplomat can't realistically carry away significant quantities of fortress wealth on his own. I suppose he'd just deem the offering acceptable and call in the goblin pack animals (also out there with the soldiers) to come and pick everything up.

There's a secondary issue of traps, since odds are your trade depot isn't going to be readily accessible, but that can be solved by simply making the diplomat and pack animals immune to traps and unarmed.

[R1ck]

Or it could be like Rumpelstiltskin, they would demand your children in exchange for not sieging. Much less
dangerous for their kidnappers that way.

[Granite26]

I can't imagine this not being a raw tag [extortionist] when the diplomacy stuff comes in

I see it being more a human thing than a goblin thing, but hey, that's what the raws are for

[Neonivek]

The problem is that Extortion is kinda what humans and intelligent (semi)megabeasts would do

Goblins don't want your wealth... they want your fortress and to see your population DIE a horrible death!

Though Humans doing such makes perfect sense to me!

[Granite26]

I'll be honest, concerning the "This sure is a nice fortress" statements the human liason makes?  The first time I saw it, I started ramping up my defense in anticipation of a human invasion.

[Mephansteras]

Ha! I had the same thought the first time I saw that message soon.

And I love the idea of Humans demanding "tribute" if they think they're strong enough to successfully siege your fort. After alls, humans are greedy, but they're also rather lazy and not too fond of dying. If they can get what they want with strong words, so much the better.

Maybe even set things up so they can try to annex lands from the dwarves, even smaller fortresses. That'd be interesting.

You see a bunch of migrants show up on the screen....they're human. With them is a group of human soldiers, a human diplomat/noble, and a dwarven liason. He informs you that the king has traded your fortress and surrounding lands to the humans. The human noble sets up shop as your dominant noble, with the human soldiers as an automatic "royal" guard. From then on, the dwarves are treated as a friendly foreign state, and the Humans start making demands and you get human immigrants instead of dwarves. Naturally, the humans all demand aboveground housing. Maybe even a palace or something for the Human Noble.

That could be lots of fun.

[Jetman123]

I'm sorry. Truly I am.


Goblin Diplomat: Listen carefully, Urist. Knifepole conquers and controls everything he rests his eyes upon. He leads an army so massive that it shakes the ground when it's marched, and drinks the rivers dry. All the king-goblin Knifepole requires is this: A simple offering of +mountain goat bone bolts+ and a dwarven beer barrel [20]. A token of Hillsword's submission to the will of Knifepole.
Urist: ... Submission... Well, that's a bit of a problem. Because, you see, rumor has it that the elves have already turned you down. And if those hippies and, eh... boy-lovers have found that kind of nerve, then-
Bomrek: *walks up to the side of Urist* We must be diplomatic...
Urist: -and of course DWARVES... *holds out a hand warningly in front of Bomrek* ... have their reputation... to consider.
Diplomat: *smiles smugly* Choose your next words carefully, Urist. They may be your last as Mayor.
Urist: *turns his back on the diplomat, and goes through a montage of dwarves laboring, sparring, trees being cut down, and stone scattered everywhere* (Thinking) Bones... and beer... *slowly reaches for the short sword at his belt*
*SCHWING*
*the goblin diplomat raises his hands slowly in alarm as he suddenly finds an +Iron short sword+ at his throat, the array of dwarves behind Urist draw various weapons as well and lead the goblin's honor guard to the edge of the well (which is filled with beer and the corpses of drunken dwarves who fell in) at weaponpoint*
Diplomat: Maddwarf! You're a maddwarf!
Urist: Bones... and beer... you'll find plenty of both down there.
Diplomat: No being, dwarf or goblin - no being threatens a messenger!
Urist: You bring the conquered heads of humans and elves to MY fortress steps... you insult my wife... you threaten my people with SLAVERY and DEATH! Oh I've chosen my words carefully, goblin - perhaps you should have done the same!
Diplomat: This is blasphemy... this is madness!
Urist: *pauses to consider that, before turning away for a brief moment to look at his wife*
Wife: *nods shakily*
Urist: *turns back* ... Madness? THIS... IS... DWARF FORTRESS!

Jalar Fellsewers, Goblin Diplomat has died after colliding with an obstacle.
Goblin Bowman has died after colliding with an obstacle.
Goblin Bowman has died after colliding with an obstacle.
Goblin Bowman has been struck down.
Goblin Bowman has died after colliding with an obstacle.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

That's being copy-pasta'd into my archive of internet awesome.

[Granite26]

You see a bunch of migrants show up on the screen....they're human. With them is a group of human soldiers, a human diplomat/noble, and a dwarven liason.

This makes me think of the annexation of Texas.  Either you let the humans move in to the empty space above ground, or you fight to keep them off of empty land.  Then you either fight to kick them out, or you let them keep bringing people in.  Eventually they've got more than you and decide to fight to make it a human ruled land, because the dwarven obsession with beer and tantruming when they build their hovels over your masterwork engravings.

Yep, that's humans for ya

[Danaru]

Jalar Fellsewers, Goblin Diplomat has died after colliding with an obstacle.
Goblin Bowman has died after colliding with an obstacle.
Goblin Bowman has died after colliding with an obstacle.
Goblin Bowman has been struck down.
Goblin Bowman has died after colliding with an obstacle.

I was chuckling before, but this had me on the floor

[Jetman123]

Really? Honestly, I was worried about getting E-smacked when I made yet another 300 parody, but I'm glad you guys found it funny. ^_^

For those of you who don't get all the jokes there, it might become more obvious once you watch the full scene from the 300 movie instead of just the trailer (which has the most memorable "This is sparta" part, but not the part leading up to it).

Here's a link on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkWS9PiXekE

[perilisk]

You see a bunch of migrants show up on the screen....they're human. With them is a group of human soldiers, a human diplomat/noble, and a dwarven liason.

This makes me think of the annexation of Texas.  Either you let the humans move in to the empty space above ground, or you fight to keep them off of empty land.  Then you either fight to kick them out, or you let them keep bringing people in.  Eventually they've got more than you and decide to fight to make it a human ruled land, because the dwarven obsession with beer and tantruming when they build their hovels over your masterwork engravings.

Yep, that's humans for ya

I dunno, humans aren't big on living caves if they can avoid it, dwarves aren't big on living above ground. It could work, as long as you're willing to trade stonework and metalwork to them for your wood and herbs. Plus, you can deny responsibility when the elves get ticked off.

[Erk]

You see a bunch of migrants show up on the screen....they're human. With them is a group of human soldiers, a human diplomat/noble, and a dwarven liason.

This makes me think of the annexation of Texas.  Either you let the humans move in to the empty space above ground, or you fight to keep them off of empty land.  Then you either fight to kick them out, or you let them keep bringing people in.  Eventually they've got more than you and decide to fight to make it a human ruled land, because the dwarven obsession with beer and tantruming when they build their hovels over your masterwork engravings.

Yep, that's humans for ya

I dunno, humans aren't big on living caves if they can avoid it, dwarves aren't big on living above ground. It could work, as long as you're willing to trade stonework and metalwork to them for your wood and herbs. Plus, you can deny responsibility when the elves get ticked off.

jeeze the option to try to coexist with a fickle human alliance living on the surface would be an enormous AI challenge, but also would turn Dwarf Fortress from one of the greatest games ever made into... uh... one of the greatest games ever made. But it would go from =game= to #game# (where # is masterwork). Especially if you could do the same with elves, but of course they'd be even more picky about how you could coexist with them.

[Derakon]

Aside from the FPS hit, I wouldn't mind cohabiting with a human town. Set up a permanent bazaar topside, coordinate together for defense, that kind of thing. They can make the surface crops, leather and meat, ranged weapons, and that sort of thing, while my dwarves do the serious earthmoving, forging, and so on.

[Erk]

Aside from the FPS hit, I wouldn't mind cohabiting with a human town. Set up a permanent bazaar topside, coordinate together for defense, that kind of thing. They can make the surface crops, leather and meat, ranged weapons, and that sort of thing, while my dwarves do the serious earthmoving, forging, and so on.

Not to mention they'd frequently make demands of the dwarves, and the player would have to balance being nice enough to stay on their good side and hard enough that the humans don't get outrageous. Of course, you could make counterdemands.

This would work much better, of course, if nondwarven producers could make things that dwarves cannot.  Having a benefit to varied foodstuffs would be a good start.