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Author Topic: Why I don't do story forts (and how can I?).  (Read 1314 times)

Haven

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Why I don't do story forts (and how can I?).
« on: June 02, 2008, 03:55:00 pm »

Alright. So, I get it in my head to do a story fort. Play an hour or two, get through about a year, with a little layout of notes and ideas on a notepad document. It works well enough, or so I imagine. So I get to work. Two full days later, I'm 5 entries in, using a 22 entry layout for one year.

So, below will be what I've written so far. I'm wondering about a few things..

1) Am I a horribly sucky writer? Because if I am I'll be happy to just think these things in my head instead. Honesty on that one, please. On all of them, really...

2) Should I shorten the entries and detail? From what I can tell, having a single perspective seems to help with that, but I rather like having multiple points of view, as keeping the moral ambiguity up may become important. Trying to learn a bit from The Tale of a Sensible Dwarf.

3) If so, how? What needs to be cut out, how, and what, if anything, could use expansion?

So yeah, here we go...

--------------------------------------------

1050. The Golden Age, one of expansion and enlightenment for dwarves across Orid Acath. For many, it is a time of discovery, in which fortresses are founded, and prosper, stretching into empires to span the continent. In one such empire, however, the mountainhome undergoes a drastic change in it's ways. At the preists' decree, a pantheon is created, its laws codified, its ways set, and its members cemented. For worshipers of these deities, this is a time to rejoyce, as great festivals are thrown in honor of the new era. But for the disparate worshipers of less well-known gods, it is a time of sorrowful change. Dubbed heretics, those that refuse to convert entirely are exiled from the land, forced to seek their own way.

Group by group, they made their way through villages and towns, able to stop only to purchase what supplies would keep them alive, until they reached the border. From there, many groups made to go their seperate ways, divided by their deities, as it had always been. However, a small group convened together, made of six disparate dwarves, all influential in their communities. They decided that the only way their clans would not fall into obscurity was to create a new land, to mirror their old home before the pantheon was instated.

When they declared their goal to the group, however, few agreed. The independance, and sometimes bad blood, of their old lives remained. Their destinies, they insisted, lay with their gods alone. Despite their leaders' pleas, the groups went their own ways. Only seven dwarves remained behind, the leaders, and a lone follower of the fortress god Kikrost. With no small amount of reluctance, the small group put together the supplies left behind, and struck the earth where they stood. The place was dubbed Logemvush, and so long as their survival depended on it, the seven would put aside their mistrust for the sake of their own survival.


---------------

"Alright, so who do we have here?" the dwarf looked up from the table, glancing over the other six gathered in the loam dugout that served for an interim town hall. After a bit of silence, he sighed. "Now look, if we're going to manage this place right, we'll need to keep records. I know we've worked together in silence for a while, but this isn't some temporary camp anymore, this is a fortress. Or at least, it will be. So now, stated name, profession and deity. I, for instace, am Ezum Zanorineth, Clerk and worshipper of Bem, deity of beauty. Now... Id, you next, then down the line."

Id nodded, speaking quietly. "Id Alathkalan, Woodworker. Kikrost Ekastabsam Ikalkatthir, Fortress God. You used the traditional census of founders, thank you." Ezum smiled slightly and nodded to the next dwarf. "Dibar Atirrath, Stonecrafter. Worshiper of Atesh Istamtolis, God of thunder and storms." Dibar grinned proudly. The dwarf beside him glowered for a moment before speaking. "Sodel Imusherib, Grower. Worshiper of Lesohs of Art and Beauty." He turned an icy gaze on Dibar before the next dwarf moved to the front. "Minkot Lolokkod, Miner. Nish Lallegondeg Nish, lord of Trade." He leaned back to speak to the last dwarf in line while the next moved up. "Litast Ducimegdoth, Metalsmith, worshipper of Budam, god of food. Or maybe you could tell." The plump dwarf laughed and made way for the next in line. Ezum's eyes narrowed slightly. "Well, go on then." he said. "Rovod Mebzuthmonag, Miner. Also a worshipper of Kikrost."

Ezum sighed. "Well, that's all seven of us, then. Let the ink dry on that and we'll keep it somewhere safe. Meantime, we'd best move to make ourselves comfortable. This will be home for a long time, so there's no use putting it off." The small group dispersed as Ezum set to writing the finer details of their starting point. A valley with a brook running through it, bordered away by volcanic mountains, and one of the few areas on the mountain range free of the old country's grasp. It also served as an access point for outsiders to venture into the dwarven territory proper, and thus was frequently traveled by caravans going to and from the capital. It was hoped that refugees from the farther north would come through this area, and hopefuly decide to stay with the enclave. Ezum had his doubts about this. However, he couldn't deny the power it would give to settle astride the main artery of trade for the old nation... Such power...

-----------------------------

The midsummer sun shown down on the entrance to the fortress, dubbed Logemvush, as Rovod made his way outside. Progress had been made within, with room enough for more, but just as much progress was made outside. The pass was properly walled and gated at Ezum's suggestion, to prevent enemies from reaching the fortress until more dwarves arrived. Or if they did, Ezum had said. But Rovod was sick of hearing his pessimisim. More dwarves lived farther from the border than they, and he was sure they would have to show up soon. Meanwhile, rooms were prepared, a dining area readied, and a well in place by the brook, to filter out fish and junk from the supply. Overall, Rovod felt that they had done well. Indeed, with the travels of dwarves all 'round from the overcrowded mountainhomes, he was sure more would come.

"Admiring the work, huh?" said Litast, coming out of the entrance behind his friend with a wooden mug. "It's amazing how well things went, especialy given all the tension we've been dealing with. It seems like everyone's got an issue with someone else around here. Id and Minkot, Sodel and Dibar, you and Ezum..." Rovod sighed and nodded. "Well, I suppose it's natural. Back in the old country we never had to deal with each other much. Never got along much when we had to, but we could manage to stay together long enough to do what had to be done. I suppose it'd take an even bigger optimist than me to hope we'd all get along." Litast shrugged, moving over to the well and beginning to bring the bucket up from the water. "I think it's plenty possible. After all, you don't see me at anyone's neck. S'long as there's enough food and drink to go around, no reason to get up in a tantrum over things."

Rovod nodded again. "Guess you've got a point. Speaking of that, though, why're you after water? Are we out of beer already?" Litast dipped the mug into the water, filling it and lowering the barrel back down as he spoke. "Nah, plenty more left, and some brewing, too. This is for Minkot. That fall he took mining yesterday put him out for a while. The water'll do him good." Rovod grimaced. "Nothing too bad I hope? I was getting ready to sleep at the time, I'd hate to think he got hurt because I wasn't there." Litast smiled. "Oh, no, nothing serious, just a big ol' bruise on the arm." He raised the mug. "Though funny enough, Id put together this lil vessel for 'im. Said it was for 'the good of the fortress', but I'm hoping they're learnin' to get along a bit better." "Well, I hope so," Rovod said, "it puts me in a bit of a spot when those two don't get along. Id's my leader, but I work with Minkot all the time." He sighed. "I can't really take sides." "And why should ya?" Litast said, smiling more as he made his way to the door. "Let 'em fume at each other if they must, but you know they're both decent enough dwarves, no reason to urge 'em on."

Litast disappeared through the entryway, leaving Rovod to ponder things for a bit. He certainly hoped that Id was moving to be more friendly to Minkot, but he didn't see the rest of the fort transforming in an instant like that, and as long as they were divided, it would be hard to go on being friendly in the fortress. Everyone he knew was good to him, save Ezum, but no matter who he thought about, another quarrel was brought to mind. He made his way back into the fortress, hoping that Litast's optimism was warrented, and perhaps, with his good nature, things would settle down enough to assure their future to be more than just an outpost.


-------------------------


Dibar took a deep drink of beer from his mug. Life had gone on for a few more seasons, with the dwarves keeping to themselves and their friends, and more or less away from those that particularly grated on their nerves. For him that ment staying clear of the food area while Sodel was planting. Dibar couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something shifty about the planter. At least he brewed well, and for now didn't seem to harbor a lot of serious ill will. All the same, Dibar kept clear of him if he could help it, even though his friends Minkot and Rovod didn't mind Sodel's presence all that much...

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a pounding on the stone doors. It didn't seem particularly hostile, but the fortress' low numbers meant they couldn't affoard a wall guard on duty all the time, and the two miners who usualy took the task were busy digging out around a lava vent in preparation for a magma smelter. Dibar made his way cautiously to the door, peering through a slit to veiw a dwarf he hadn't seen before. He couldn't help but assume something was wrong here. What other reason would anyone have to come through only to stop here and knock on a door? "If you're after heretics," he said irritably, "you're already outside the borders, so you can feel free to get lost."
The other dwarf blinked for a moment. "We're refugees from the mountainhomes. We're almost out of supplies, and we need someplace to stay. If you don't want more citizens, could you at least let us rest here a while?" Dibar smiled slightly despite himself. "Refugees, huh? Well, we certainly wouldn't say no to some extra hands around here. Hold there for a few minutes."

He turned around, making his way back to the central staircase and going down, bringing everyone together one at a time before gathering them back at the top floor. "What's goin' on, Dibar?" Litast asked. "Hope it's important, we were just 'bout ready to tap the magma."
"It's important." Dibar replied. "Got some dwarves looking for somewhere to stay. Refugees, like us. Figured I should ask before I made any promises." Sounds of agreement made their way around the small group. Minkot summed them up with his words. "We're pressed for dwarves, and we have more than enough food and brew to go around. I don't see a real reason why not."
Id nodded. "And as a fortress in our own right, it's traditional to take in anyone who needs a home. It's not like they can go anywhere else."
Ezum stepped back a bit. "I suppose it's settled then. Bring them over to the office area and I'll dig out the manifest so we can add their names."
"I think it'd be best if we all went." Litast added. "It'll make introductions easier."

Dibar went back to the door as the rest filed through to the office. "Well, you're in luck. Come on in and we'll get you written in properly." He pulled the double doors open, and the refugees came in. Eight of them, he counted, closing the doors behind them. "Alright everyone, follow me." They moved in relative silence, the immigrants looking around the top floor. The kitchen and Plump Helmet farm drew several of their eyes before they entered the office.

The area was still rough, and the desk was a bit dusty from lack of use. Ezum was in the process of brushing things aside as the rest stood a few steps away, looking at the bedraggled prospective citizens. With a final move, Ezum put the ink bottle down by a fresh sheaf of reed paper. "Alright, everyone. I suppose I shall be the first to welcome you to Logemvush. As per custom, you'll need to be recorded here. So, if you'll all line up..." The group formed a line against the wall, eyeing Ezum with slight apprehension. "Good. Now, starting from your left, I'll need your first name and your deity. Go ahead."

"Urist, Ok, the mountaingod." A male peasent spoke tersely at the left of the line.
"Mebzuth, Budam." A female dwarf spoke, wearing what looked like a furnacemaster's apron.
"Ilral, Ral Limirral, the Wealthy goddess"
"Tosid, Ok." A female who looked like she could be related to Urist said quietly.
"Ber, Bem Pregnantmeadow." A third female with spectacles.
"Avuz, Nish Lallengondeg Nish." Another peasent this time, somewhat more cheerful looking.
"Sarvesh, Ral Limirral." Another dwarf said, holding with him a trained dog.
"Tekkud, Lesohs." The last dwarf spoke, catching a quick smile from Sodel.

Ezum nodded, looking satisfied. "Alright, that's all the information we need. Litast, Sodel, Id, if you could give them a feel to the place before they set to work..."

Id shook his head. "I think I'd best get some wood to make more beds with, else they'll end up sleeping on the floor." Ezum nodded. "Yes, of course. Dibar, then, if you could split the group up it may keep things from getting too hectic." Ezum made a sidelong glance at him, then at Sodel. Dibar nodded. "Alright then. Urist, Tekkud, Ber, and Avuz, come with me up to the surface. I'll show you how the gates work and the caldera we'll be using for metalworking."


----------------

Sodel and Litast led their small party down the stairway, stopping off at a few levels along the way to explain the future plans for the fort. "On this level we have what will be the metalworking area. Right now we're just about to put down a smelter, but we aim to get a forge if a caravan makes it's way through, and then we'll have our two miners dig for some ore." Sodel explained. Mebzuth spoke up. "I saw a little copper near here. It wasn't much, but there could be more." Litast smiled a bit. "Well, you'll have to point that out to Rovod then. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

Sodel led them further down. "You'll note there's a lot of obsidian here, good for stonecrafting. We'll have an administrative area down this passage. now, down here we'll have a catacomb, laid out proper, just in case. You can see we already have an alcove dug out, but hopefully we'll have plenty of time to smooth it out. Now, if you'll follow a bit further, the main living area is down here..."

They went down several more flights of stairs before coming to their end in a wide, smooth passageway. "This here's the main corridor. Those double doors off to the side lead to the dining area, and the passage opposite is where the rooms branch off. We weren't really expecting visitors so soon, so the mining on that will take place today, hopefuly before anyone gets too tired. Now, let's head on up to the caldera." The small group made it's way back up the stairs, with Litast taking over the talking for a while as Sodel excused himself to look after the crops. "Now, as y'can see, we have our food processin' over up here, alongside the woodworkin' and stoneworkin' spots. Got the inner doors here, then the place Evuz's usin' as an office right now, which'll be a militia room, an' the outer doors." Litast paused for a moment, bringing them outdoors."Now, as y'can tell, most of the area we got walled off fairly quickly. The cliffs up there took care of most of it, an' we used the stone from inside to make the walls here. There's another bit of a drop out by the volcano top, but after a bit we plan on takin' down the ramp here an' replacing it with a sealed path, as we don't need much more than trees from up here. Now Dibar should be 'bout done with his group up there, so c'mon an we can see the lava for ourselves. Not somethin' you see back at the ol' mountainhome, for sure..."

-----------

Litast led his group twards the ramp, pausing suddenly. He listened carefuly, and could hear sudden shouting and commotion. He hurried up the ramp, the immigrants following him, to see something he had never seen before.

-----------------

The immigrants were panicking. Dibar had warned them away from the caldera but it was too late by then. Something that he guessed was a fire imp had surfaced at all the noise, and began rampaging, throwing lava about and occasionaly balls of fire at the objects of it's annoyance. They'd never had trouble with imps before, but apparently they had disturbed it now. Urist had already been first to come across it's path, and was laying on the ground, trying to beat out the voracious flames running up his arm. Ber was luckier, running out of the way with nothing more than a singe on her way to get help. Most of the rest had already managed to flee, and the few remaining grimly dodged the flames and molten rock. Suddenly, Tekkud made a break for the ramp, running past the imp. He made a dozen paces before the imp threw a ball of fire, scorching Tekkud's leg into uselesness. It bore down on him as he franticaly tried to drag himself out of it's reach...

Suddenly, the imp exploded, chunks strewing the ground as it dropped into an unrecognisable mass of ichor. Id wiped his axe off on the grass before setting it aside and pulling Tekkud upright. Litast hurried to where the group stood, staring around him at the scorched and bloodied ground. "What happened?" He asked. Dibar came up to answer as Id hauled Tekkud away to the fort. "An imp came up out of the lava. Caught us entirely off guard. I guess Id was chopping wood up somewhere and heard what was going on. Come on. I'll make sure Urist gets back to the fort, take a look around and make sure nobody got lost, will you?" Litast nodded as Dibar turned away to go. "Sure thing. I wouldn't blame 'em for getting lost, what with a-" He was cut off by a sudden burst, and Dibar dragged Tekkud down in time to avoid the wall of flame that erupted behind him. He chanced a glance back, and managed to dodge a second streak of flame, dragging Urist along by his unwounded arm as he ran for the ramp, not daring to stop again until he made it back into the fort's walls.


----------------

Dibar regained his breath as Id took Tekkud off to a fresh bed. Rovod hurried over to where he stood. "What happened? Where's everyone going?" he asked. "I was just finishing the rooms when Sodel came down and told me to clear everything out." Dibar looked up. "An imp up in the caldera. Two, really, maybe more. They caught us off guard. Id took one of them down, but... Did... Litast make it in?" Rovod shook his head, and Dibar grimaced. "He was right behind me last I knew, but if he isn't inside..."

Ber looked up from where she sat, dabbing a herb on her blistered skin. "Should we sent someone out to look for him?" she asked. Dibar considered it for a minute. "I... Don't think so. If he hasn't shown up by now, I don't think... Well, it isn't my call alone anyways. What do you all think?" Rovod  took a drink of brew for a second or two. "I think you're right. It's unlikely, and not really worth chancing that thing getting into the fortress." Sounds of assent made their way around the room. Id spoke quietly. "Alright, so we'll keep the doors shut for today, I guess. After that it should be safe to go back out. Imps aren't the most paitent, they'll probably go back into the vent. But for the future, we'll stay away from there unless we need to, and we'll only go up a few at a time." Nods all around once more, and the group dispersed, some going down to check on their fallen friends. Id looked around. "Rovod."

Rovod quietly moved to where Id sat. "Just wanted to tell you. Litast.. Had mentioned a while back you still thought of me as your leader. Well, I wanted to tell you. This isn't the old country anymore. There aren't enough of us to even have a chain of command yet. As far as I'm concerned, you're a contemporary, alright? Do what you feel is right for the situation. Now, I still have some beds to make..." Rovod nodded, watching Dibar come back from barring the outer doors. "Ber... are there any particular rites Litast would want observed?." She shook her head. "No, none that I know. Just to be left somewhere you won't end up rotting is all." Dibar moved over to the work bench, pulling some stone from the pit beside it. "Alright. I can take care of that then."

Rovod went back down the stairs, stopping at the small burial chamber. He remembered how it had been Litast's idea to put it in this early. Somehow it didn't feel like enough. He shrugged, continuing on. Hopefuly, with the new immigrants, there would be enough diversity to keep the place from falling into chaos. The only founder without a bad word for anyone was gone. Now, he could only hope.

-------------------


Sodel opened the door to the room where Tekkud lay resting on a bed. "Brought you some brew." He said, setting the mug in Tekkud's uninjured hand. The wounded dwarf drank gratefuly. "Appreciate it."

"So..." Sodel paused for a moment. "You worship Shosel?" Tekkud's eyes widened a bit before Sodel quickly continued. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I too follow the one of Torture and Misery. I imagined it would be best to keep that quiet, with the tensions as they are. Best not to leave oneself too open. At any rate, you used the same cover I did, so I think we should be sure to get our facts straight before anyone gets suspicious." Tekkud looked around for a moment. "So, you have a plan?"

Sodel nodded. "Some way north of where we'd come from, there was an enclave of Shoselites, hidden in the mountainhome's own strong arm. They should be coming through this way before winter takes hold. I plan to meet them before the others, and clue them in to our current situation. For some time we've lacked the power to meet openly in our faith, and now we have an oppertunity too good to pass up. Meantime, I will have Ezum arrange to keep your care a high priority. He and I have decided to work together, though I have kept the particular nature of our motives a secret from him for now. The more we have, the better."

Tekkud smiled. "Yes, your plan seems reasonable. There will be strength in our numbers, and given time we will spread Shosel's litany of pain throughout the borderlands. Their land will be ours, and we will not be cast out again, or forced to hide away." Sodel stood. "Well, until next time then, brother."

Sodel closed the door behind him, starting off down the hallway. Life would be good. A new dawn for them all was fast approaching, and before long Shosel's name would be feared in more than just tales for children.

--------

Ezim called Rovod away from the dining area. "It's been a few days now. I sent Sarvesh out to check for imps, and he told me the area was clear. What I mean to ask you right now is... Well, if you'd retreive Litast's remains from the caldera, so he can be put to proper rest. Id has his hands full with making the last few beds, and you seemed... The best choice to ask." Rovod looked at Ezim for a moment. He was surprised at the sudden turn of things, but determined not to let his personal opinion cloud things over. Someone would need to get Litast's bones back into the fort, and he'd hate to think of leaving him out there longer than need be. "Alright, I'll bring him back." Ezim nodded. "Yes, alright then. Well, if you'll excuse me, there's paperwork on the new immigrations still to be done..."

Rovod put his pick on his shoulder and started out the door, catching an odd look from Sarvesh on his way out. Rovod wasn't sure why the dwarf'd been chosen for scouting, he seemed a somewhat timid sort. He unbarred the outer doors and made his way into the courtyard. The walls and gates were all just as they were left, and the ramp still stood. He began his trek up the ramp and onto the caldera, searching around for Litast, or what was left of him, among the scorched obsidian.

After a short time, he found dwarf bones scattered across the ground, and realized that they were all that was left of Litast. Pulling out a leather sachel, he grimly picked up the remains, marveling at the idea of the intense heat that must have reduced a full dwarf into fragile bone fragments. He pushed the thought out of his mind as he gathered the last of the ashes into the bag, almost convinced that he could feel the heat from the blast on his neck...

Instinctively, he dodged to one side as a sudden gout of flame shot over where he'd stood a moment before. grabbing his pick from the ground, he swung in a blind arc in the direction of the flame. There was a wet splattering and a high-pitched squeal, and Rovod saw an imp impaled on his pick, dripping ichor on the ground and writhing about where it had stuck. He stared for a moment in semi-shock before slamming the pick on the ground, dislodging the imp. He stood, stunned, looking into the caldera, but nothing new came out from it's surface, and he made his way back to the fortress, carrying Litast's remains in one hand, and his ichor-splattered pick in the other.

sarvesh stared at him as he made his way back in, and Ezum hurried over to where he stood. "What happened? Did you get the remains?" Rovod glared at him icily for a moment. "It wasn't safe. It is now, though." Ezum stared dumbly as Rovod made his way down the stairway to lay his friend to rest in the now-prepared alcove.

------------

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dresdor

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Re: Why I don't do story forts (and how can I?).
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2008, 10:39:00 pm »

use whatever styles and note techniques suit you.  Personally, I play and record important events, and then do write-ups afterwards.  

On another note, I really like your writing style and think this is a really good bit of work.  I want to read more, and I say keep up the good work.

Helmaroc

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Re: Why I don't do story forts (and how can I?).
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2008, 10:39:00 pm »

1-No, in fact, you're a pretty good writer. Remember to always write what comes to mind, go and fix things later.

2-Nope, you can never have too much detail, despite what people may tell you.

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Frelock

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Re: Why I don't do story forts (and how can I?).
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2008, 04:23:00 am »

I'm enjoying your writing.  Keep it up.

And I disagree with Helmaroc; when you take up 30 pages describing the kind of hat a person is taking with them on a trip, you've put in too much detail.  It just screams 18th century.
But you don't have that problem.

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Captain Mayday

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Re: Why I don't do story forts (and how can I?).
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2008, 04:52:00 am »

I do have one suggestion. You need to watch your white space in order to enhance legibility.

Persons speaking have what amounts to a paragraph to themselves.

Shifting topics demands new paragraphs. Also, break up the paragraphs a bit with new lines when it seems to require them.

This is all just grammatical, but as somebody who has difficult reading slabs of text, I can't emphasise enough how much it helps.

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Kagus

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Re: Why I don't do story forts (and how can I?).
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2008, 01:04:00 pm »

Yep, breaking up word-enhanced areas can seriously improve legibility.  But don't take it too far...

Oh, and excessive description can be done quite well.  Just read a Stephen King book and you'll see what I mean.  He really does spend pages describing hats, and you'll love every letter of it.


And good work so far on your own story, keep it up.