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[Sean Mirrsen]

Normal elven arrows won't do much against a zombie, though some of the more specialized ones may cripple him. I think humans are safest in the "ranged death" regard, of the readily available races at least. They do have the surpassing numbers and lots of neat weaponry though.
Anyway, I think the best course of action (from a zombie's point of view) is go to look for humans, anywhere but the place he was just chased out of. I think Eddie won't use weapons, but get him a helmet at least.

[Daniel Charms]

Go East, find humans, eat their brains.

[Mulch Diggums]

G Have eddie sneak back to town and steal the best clothes in the city. If the temptation to eat brains happens to come over him when hes busy stealing socks off merchants he should be inclinded to sucumb to it.

[Demonic Gophers]

I vote D.

[Kagus]

East wins by one vote, and I'm in the mood for updating so it will have to do.  Now, to put my zombie cap on and get cracking...


Eddie, on a whim, traveled east along the river towards what looked increasingly like a human settlement. 

Eagerness rising in his slightly decayed bones, Eddie shambled his way into town, expecting a grand welcome full of tasty walking snacks.  His zombie stomach grumbled in anticipation and zombie spittle began welling up in his mouth at the prospect of those exceptionally tasty brains people often had...

However, his happiness was dented as he realized that the town was, in fact, a ghost town.  No angry mob coming to greet him this time, their brains waggling around on their necks like scrumptious balloons...

Eddie contented himself with a half-mangy pile of lamprey fillets as he chatted with some of the local spirits, who were quite happy at having someone come to visit them after so many long years.

"Rraagh..."

"OooOO!"

"Mrh?"

"UuuhWAAaoo..."

"BLARGH!"


The conversation continued as Eddie left the house of his most gracious hosts who had offered the rotting fish and went in search of some dead bodies he could loot for their clothes.  The ghosts informed him that all of them had either been buried or had their clothes stolen, but there was a very nice shop down the way that held some other items Eddie might be interested.

And so, Eddie went shopping.  The genereal store was a ramshackle affair, or at least it was now after many years of neglect.  The proprietor, a portly wraith with a charming smile that you had to squint slightly in order to see, showed Eddie around and helped him pick out a few of the more interesting items.

Eddie managed to find an absolutely exquisite silk cloak that fit his form perfectly and swirled about him in a most dashing manner.  This, combined with the white bronze earring and bracelet and the zinc ring he had picked up in the jewelery section, made for quite an imposing figure.  ...If still somewhat naked.

Eddie was just adjusting the giant panther bone crown on his head when he recalled that he was not carrying any ectoplasm with which to pay the ghost.  However, upon bring the subject up the shopkeeper hastily shushed Eddie and told him not to worry, it was so fine to talk with a new chap that Eddie could have whatever he wanted for free.

Eddie, being quite delighted by this, promptly snatched up a magnificient sword that would have shone brilliantly had it not been for the fact that it was covered in dust.  The rapier, made from resilient arsenic bronze and crafted with excellent skill only added to Eddie's dashing good looks.  The ones that hadn't fallen off, in any event.

Giving it a few swings, the bejeweled-but-naked zombie gave his very best duelist impression, swinging the sword up in front of his face and affecting an expression of regal boredom.  His spectral audience soundlessly clapped in approval.

Eddie strode out, wearing his silk cloak, his bone crown, and his various baubles as he thrust his sword into the approaching night and cried out "be ready, world, for I am coming!".

At least it sounded like that...  It's very hard to understand someone whose tongue is half rotten.

~``~,,<sub><</sub>^<sub>></sub>,,~``~

Okay, turns out my modding did a little something interesting...  He can't actually wear any clothes.  Turns out, clothing is (surprisingly) assigned to body parts that have the specific [LOWERBODY], [UPPERBODY] and [HEAD] tags.  Well, I removed the upper/lower body tags so that it would be impossible to kill Eddie by attacking those parts. 

The only thing that remains is the [HEAD] tag, which has been reassigned to his brain (makes him much harder to kill without a piercing weapon).  Because of this, he has somehow managed to shove the bone crown through his skull and placed it directly on his brain.

Also, I'm holding a little competition...  Anyone who comes up with a fitting ASCII breaker (like the Baron's ballista bolt and Liceyi's dream-barrier) will...  Eh...  Have their breaker used.

Maximum three lines, but I'd prefer something that's either one or two lines.  Thank you for allowing me to be even lazier than usual.

[Kagus]

So, um, yeah...  I haven't had a heck of a lot of time to update this recently, but things should be coming in soon.  In the meantime however, I would like to state that Eddie is sitting in the middle of a weapons shop in an abandoned town, and he doesn't know what to do.  We've still got goblins to the north, elves to the south and humans to the east, but I was wondering if Eddie should just head straight into the mayhem or should he get a little zom-buff before fighting the big boys.


So, yeah...  Essentially just the earlier voting menu, with "humans to the west" crossed out and "eat asphyxiated wolf brains" written in.

[SHAD0Wdump]

Eat some wolves and go humies(if none,go elves)

[Jools]

Eat some wolves and maybe try and work on some weapon skills, then go and eat elven brains. See if they taste different to human ones.

[KoE]

As a first-time poster, I'm inclined to say kudos on the whole idea and previous entries in this topic, as well as commentary that Ballista'em has had the best death thus far, and largely feels like the best character, perhaps barring the current one.

Anyway, as for voting business, my vote falls into the previous categories of train up and eat wolves and such. And head on to elves, should he get zombuff enuff.

[Kagus]

Right, zombuffing it is.   To the Necrogymnasium!


Bidding farewell to the helpful spectres, Eddie ventured out into the dark night to find a combination of brains and adventure that would be fitting for zombie as heroic as Eddie.

That patience of the dead is exhibited even in those no longer entirely deceased, and Eddie strutted around proudly for several hours, never breaking the disjointed goose-step that his stiff legs performed as he puffed his chest out and presented his newfound riches to whoever or whatever might be watching.

As it happened, there was something watching.  And Eddie, still prancing around like a morbid loon, didn't detect the giant panther until it had bitten his decomposing left hand.

Startled, Eddie whirled around (as much as a zombie afflicted with rigor mortis can whirl, that is) and began punching the beast's muzzle futilely.  After a few smacks, Eddie realized that he was still holding the bronze sword he had picked up earlier.  He immediately tilted his fist and shoved the point of the sword deep into the great cat's hide.

As luck would have it, the rapier's point managed to find the soft gap between two vertebrae in the creature's spine, and the sword sank deep into the bone and severed its important nerves.  The panther thudded to the ground in a limp heap, letting go of Eddie's hand as the jaw flapped open limply.

A slightly amazed Eddie stood over the beast as it lay, bleeding but still alive, on the grass in front of him.  His rotted lips spread back to show grime-stained teeth in a huge grin, as Eddie raised the sword once more to perform a heroic-looking coup-de-grāce on his first slain monster.

Unfortunately for the cat, Eddie had forgotten exactly which body parts were to be attacked in such a maneuver.  And, being a zombie, he had no important organs of his own.  The result was a confused Eddie repeatedly stabbing the poor feline in various limbs, minor organs, and some muscles which were ismply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Eddie the zombie stood there, poking the giant panther with his sword, for over half an hour.  Due to the fact that the cat had become motionless since its spinal injury, Eddie had not been able to tell when exactly it was that the thing had died, and so he simply continued prodding it until it bled to death from its many injuries.

Once Eddie had finally ascertained that the furry pulp in front of him was now, in fact, dead, he greedily cracked open its skull with his death-hardened teeth and began devouring the primal brain, delicious brain juice dripping from his jaws.


After finishing his feast, Eddie stood  up and surveyed the local wilderness.  The blackness of midnight surrounded him, and off in the distance a pack of wolves could be heard howling to each other.

Eddie grinned in the darkness, a fleck of panther brain stuck between two of his teeth.  Then, hefting his blade, the world's first ever zombified adventurer set out in search of new challenges, grand quests, and fresh brains.

[Kagus]

Several days later, Eddie was completely drenched with blood and goo from his stint as a beast slayer. 

It was only now, as he stood on a hill with his cloak flapping out behind him, that he realized he was no longer holding his sword.  On his shoulder rested the leg of a giant spider, one of Eddie's more valiant kills.

Eddie sucked thoughtfully on what little juice remained inside the leg as he recalled shoving the sword deep into the spider's abdomen.  His memory had blanked out soon after, as Eddie's hunger took over and he began to eat his way deep into the spider's brain.  In this state, he had apparently mistaken one of the arachnid's limbs as his blade of choice, and had pulled it free from its host to wander several miles away with its new owner.

The most peculiar aspect of the ordeal was the fact that the spider was not Eddie's last kill.  He had unwittingly stabbed countless savage beasts with a spider leg, instead of the heroic sword he thought he was using.

Eddie pondered how most weapons looked similar once they had been covered in dried goo and vomit as he tossed the emptied leg over his shoulder and licked the last of the ichor from his lips.

In a way, Eddie was happy that he had lost the sword.  Fencing was difficult when only one leg would cooperate during a lunge, and he had missed the satisfying feeling of sinking his dirty fingernails into the soft flesh of a still-living meal.

Eddie had also missed the terrorizing of small villages, a pastime which was strictly outlawed in the heroic handbook.  Now freed from his heroic duty to the bronze sword, Eddie was more than ready to go out and cause some havoc.

As luck would have it, Eddie saw a flaxen-haired head poke out from behind a nearby tree.


Mmm...  Elf brains.  He'd heard about those.

Letting out a ferocious battlegurgle, Eddie charged at the elf with the wholly unimpressive speed of his fastest shamble.  The elf, however, paled startlingly and then ran as fast as his fleet feet could carry him.  Pansy.

But as the elf turned, Eddie noticed that the elf had the body of a small horse extending out from just below the waist.  This wasn't an elf at all!  This was one of those horse-elves,a "kentaur" as folks called them.

Eddie grumbled as he tried to gear his stomach away from the sugary-sweet brains of elvenkind to the remarkably gamey kentaur brain meat.  Although Eddie had been hoping for succulent elf craniums, he found that he was salivating just fine at the thought of the almost spicy kentaur flesh.  This was going to be a good haul after all.

As he shambled into the woods, he noticed that there were no kentaurs sitting around and waiting to be eaten.  He had just stopped to ponder what to do now that everyone had run off, when a large crossbow bolt sank into his leg.  Eddie looked around just in time to see a large kentaur lancer bearing down on him, spear held perfectly level with Eddie's torso.

Waiting for the perfect moment, Eddie slapped the spear down into the ground and then used his other hand to snatch one of the rear legs of the kentaur as it passed.  The kentaur yelled in surprise and started kicking, but Eddie hung on and bit the kentaur's hoof off.

The lancer let out another yell, and Eddie yanked hard on the leg stub.  In his current pain and disorientation, the kentaur went down with a heavy thud, allowing Eddie to shove his hand into the kentaur's guts.

After only one bite of the savory intestine he had pulled out, Eddie saw another bolt zoom across his vision, followed soon after by another one flying over his head.  The elf-things had ambushed him!   Eddie didn't like being ambushed...

Eddie was angry.


With a furious "BLAARGH!" of rage, Eddie ran towards his assailants, his rigor mortis temporarily lessened by his zombie rage.  Another kentaur came charging out of the trees, and he was met by a steaming and acidic spray of zombie puke as Eddie vomited into his face.  Tearing at his own eyes, the kentaur stumbled about until Eddie ripped his arm from its socket and charged at the other kentaur knights bearing down on him.

Some were slain with their chests crushed from powerful blows from the severed arm, others died after their brains were turned into impromptu snacks for the raging dead, others had their necks almost torn away as Eddie snapped the bones inside.  Eddie grappled, bit, bashed, threw, puked, and punched his way through the crowd.  Bolts would periodically pierce into his flesh, and Eddie pulled a bolt from his stomach in order to shove it into the heart of another kentaur.

Blood flew, organs tore, and finally the dust settled.  Eddie, now looking very much like a pincushion with multiple bolts sticking out of his various appendages, stood amidst a veritable army of kentaur corpses.  Eddie straightened up from his ready crouch, peered around him into the nearby forest, and then set upon the corpses, bloating himself with their ripe flesh.



Several hours later, two ovoid forms, one shorter than the other, walked slowly into the clearing.  They jangled slightly under the weight of many assorted pieces of armor that had been scavenged from scrap dealers and back alleys.  They looked at the rotting kentaur corpses, their heads hollowed out by eager zombie claws and their guts torn open to get at the juicy organs inside.

The larger silhouette walked over to one of the corpses and squatted down heavily.  He looked into the empty skull and motioned for the smaller form to come over.  As the second form squatted down next to the first, an earnest voice spoke in the silent dusk air.

"You see here?  Judging by the scalp flakes and brain remnants, I think the killing blow came from the outside and then made its way in."

A second voice, this one hushed and reverent, spoke up.

"Yeah."

"And if the blow came from outside and went in, that means there must have been someone else who killed it.  That can only mean one thing..."

Both forms turned to look at each other in the cold twilight.  After a moment, they both spoke one word in unison.

"Zombies."


The forms made to stand up, but had apparently been squatting for too long.  Their small legs were unable to lift up the weight they supported, so the forms were forced to fall down and roll around until they could find a suitable handhold to pull themselves up with.

The final rays of light left the sky as two rotund forms rolled around a small clearing filled with the devoured bodies of a score of kentaur warriors.

      _______      
....  (  ■ _/\ ■  )  ....
       ||||       

Right...  So, there go the elves kentaurs, or at least the first town of them.  Whereto next, oh mighty democratic forum system?

A)  Goblins.
B)  Humans.
C)  More kentaurs.
D)  Cave beasties.
E) *________

[SHAD0Wdump]

Well our valient zombie has chowed on humans... panthers... elv-erm-kentaurs... It's about time we threw him into a goby tower ay?

[Jools]

I vote goblins. Preferably armed with swords or similar. Eddie's practically invulnerable, but it might be amusing for him to try and get by after having a few bits lopped off...

[JujuBubu]

e.) those stubby guys with beards and the marinated brains

[Kagus]

Eddie walked toward the entrance to the first of the obsidian towers, his own leg dragging behind him stiffly and the leg of a kentaur grasped firmly in his hand as a makeshift club, the hoof acting as a morbid pommel.

As Eddie shambled up to the doorway, a goblin opened the door and took a couple steps before seeing the zombie.  The goblin tried to turn away and run back into the tower, but he had reacted too late.  The kentaur leg smashed hard into the side of the goblin's head, shifting the jaw out of place and disorienting the goblin.  As the goblin reeled from the blow, Eddie swung the leg again and broke knee of his victim.

The goblin went down with a distraught warble, its jaw failing to produce any recognizable words.  Eddie continued beating the goblin until his body had been completely broken, and then Eddie shoved the strong fingers of his empty hand into the goblin's brain and scooped out a handful of green matter.


Eddie began munching on this latest snack as he ventured deeper into the tower.  A few steps in, he was confronted by two more goblins, obviously brawlers from a local beer pit.   Eddie swung his leg across the faces of both goblins, shattering the nose of one and severely bruising the eye of the second.  One of the brawlers tried to grab the kentaur leg, but Eddie responded by sinking his teeth deep in the goblin's cheek.  As the bitten goblin fell with a shriek of pain, the second lunged at Eddie in an attempt to grapple with the zombie.

Eddie brought forth the kentaur leg and batted the airborne goblin in the midriff, causing him to expel all the air in his lungs as he collapsed to the ground.

The prone goblins were summarily slain and devoured, and Eddie's teeth were now decorated with trailing streamers of goblin intestinal lining.

An armored goblin guard came across Eddie just as he was standing up from his latest meal.  A powerful swing sent the guard's helmet flying across the room, accompanied by a dull *bang*.  The next strike hit the guard in his now-unprotected head, shattering the skull and sending bone fragments deep into the brain.

Eddie made a disgusted "blurgh" noise at this latest development, as picking the pieces out of the guard's brain would simply not be worth the effort.  Eddie shambled down a nearby corridor in search of his next meal, trailing blood and other bodily fluids along the smooth obsidian floor.

After a short while of traveling down the corridor, Eddie heard a scraping noise along with some guttural speech.  A moment later, a thick iron bolt came whizzing down the corridor at the zombie.  The bolt shot across Eddie's free hand, neatly severing the thumb and opening up severe gashes in the other fingers.

Eddie roared with anger as the digit plopped onto the floor, and he quickened his pace down the corridor.  As Eddie approached, the guard shot off several more bolts, only a few of which went clicking off the smooth obsidian of the corridor. 

As his flesh filled with more iron, Eddie realized his movement was being further inhibited by all his new protrusions.  With a gargle of fury, Eddie hurled the kentaur leg end-over-end at the goblin guard.  The guard, who had been reloading his crossbow, looked up just in time to see the hoof splatter into his face, caving in the bone structure and killing him before he could fit the next bolt into the crossbow.

More battlecries echoed off the obsidian walls, and the sounds of armored feet clomping on the glassy floor of the tower were drawing closer.  Eddie understood that not only was discretion the better part of valor, but running away was the better part of staying alive.  Eddie shambled his way back through the corridor, moving as quickly as his studded frame could.  More bolts began to fly down the passage as he neared the exit, and Eddie praised his lucky worms that he had managed to move quickly enough.

Just as he was leaving the passageway, a heavily armored goblin tromped into Eddie's path.  The bolts coming from the other end of the corridor stopped for fear of hitting this imposing greenskin.

The goblin cackled, her armor clanking along with her maniacal laugh.  She then uttered a few words in her race's foul speech, and hefted the halberd off her back.

Eddie swung at her, but she stepped back deftly and brought her halberd down on Eddie's right arm.  The scalloped axe blade cut straight through the rotting flesh of Eddie's shoulder, and his arm fell to the ground beneath him.  Eddie heard the marksgoblins behind him laughing as Eddie lost his arm, and he reeled backwards from the blow.

Interpreting his movement as a sign of weakness, the goblin axemistress put one hand on her hip and cackled again, her pointed yellow teeth showing as she let loose with a full and unrestrained laugh.

Sharply reversing his direction, Eddie swung his upper body forward, using the angle to provide more momentum as he thrust his own mouth forward and spewed a torrent of zombie vomit straight into the goblin's face and her open, laughing mouth.

She choked hard as the acid hit the back of her throat and began eating its way down her windpipe.  She spasmed, letting go of her halberd and collapsing to a kneeling position.   In her shock, she had swallowed a large portion of the zombie's toxic stomach fluids, and she felt them burning her away from the inside.  She gasped for air, pulling a few drops of the toxin down into her lungs.

Eddie shambled over her quivering body as the goblin axemistress fell to the floor and began spasming wildly in her death throes.  The goblins at the other end of the corridor were too stunned to follow him as he made his way out of the tower, clutching with four fingers at the stub where his right arm used to be.