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[Languidiir]

From now on, rule 4 is no silly Yu-Gi-Oh bullcrap. Really. Tacticus is not a card game, in this case.

My Colossus wanders over to the booze stockpile. According to the 23rd Ironback material rulebook edition, rule 1523 addendum 4c footnote states that bronze is a source of ignition.

code:

#####.#####
#....C....#
#%%%%%%%%%#
#%%%%%%%%%#
#%%%%%%%%%#
#%%%%%%%%%#
#%%%%@%===#
###########
Urist Drunkface cancels Drink: Interrupted by Colossus.

[Continue to watch first post for players, watchers, bets, and rules.]

[ May 17, 2008: Message edited by: Languidiir ]

[Dasleah]

Feind! Scalliwag! Ragamuffin! Uncivilised native!

:p

Seeing as the Almighty Rule Number Four has been played, I remove all current cards from play and immolate then in the nearest ignition source.

However, as the Expanded Grumbletops Revised Platnium Edition (3rd Printing) rulebook states, I now get to roll and an equal number of dice and compare my tally to the Introduce Gameplay table. I substitute my first eleven rolls to force selection of Proficiency: Monocles for all creatures in play.

*rolls dice, adds tally, looks up on chart*

Aha! Armok is with me (as implied under the Jefferson - Immanuel ruling during the Southern Hemisphere World Championships of '88)! I am able to introduce the Ooooh! Shiny! Rule to all Peasants in play not currently getting murdered or indulging in a spot-of-tea. This allows me to attach a Level 10 Attraction bonus to the Bronze Colossus currently in the bronze stockpile. As such, he is now irresistable to the Peasants, who - *rolls dice* - having failed their Resist checks by 5 and a kitten, begin to wander towards him, entranced by his splendorous hide.

Back to my Axedwarf fishing with a Hammer, he manages to pass his Identify: Eminent Underwater Menace roll, but fails on his Recognition check, and so believes the unbreathing Kobolds to in fact be a rather nice !!Door!!, which he admires, giving him a +5 Admiration bonus to his morale. However, he fails his Paradox check to determine whether he can handle a flaming door underwater, and so he begins to drool, which, under the Excessive Consumption of +Wine+ rule, is a flammable substance.

I end my turn.

[Duke 2.0]

Oh no! Now my kobolds have no way of breathing underwater! It is very fortunate for me that kobolds count as peasants when it comes to item-granting rules. I don't think I need to cite where this rule is stated, we all know the section. However, due to size restraints all items granted to kobolds that are improper sizes are changed to a similar item of the appropriate size. Thus they are all granted cigars.

It is unfortunate that one of these kobolds was just discovered by a peasant, and given a proper beat-down. The peasant, being a poor fellow, instinctively grabs any nearby item not currently owned. Lets see...
*Rolls dice*
Ha! He fails his ignition check! His shirt goes up in flames. Although I wonder, where are all these peasants going towards?

It seems the axedwarf is in the no-drool zone. Due to rules in the Confederate Rulebook of Lesser Elven Shady Nations, I am granted one token of Underground Feature. Of course, due to rule 34F.T section T17; I can only play this token on squared to be mined in the future. In which case, the miners will soon find a chasm underneath their main hall.

[Languidiir]

The drunk walks toward the Colossus, arms open wide for a hug.
The Colossus suddenly realizes that killing is futile, and everyone should just get along. He runs toward the peasant, arms open wide, willing to throw away everything he was taught in Colossus school for this one drunk dwarf! Oh, peaceful, joyous day! Peace! Peace between dwarves and Colossi! Run, dwarf, run to the Colossus! Run, Colossus, run over that booze stockpi- oh.

code:

#####!#####
#!!!!!!!!!#
#!!!!C!!!!#
#!!!!!!!!!#
#!!!!@!!!!#
#!!!!!!!!!#
#!!!!!!!!!#
###########
Bronze Colossus cancels Love: Interrupted by explosion.
Urist Drunkface cancels Love: Interrupted by explosion.
Urist Drunkface has been struck down.
The Bronze Colossus has been struck down.
! - fire/explosion

Hmmm.

Looks like both the Watchers lost their bets.

[Lord_Frodo]

I'll join as a watcher.
Hmmmm one pig tail bag that menaces with iron and mule bone spikes, says the spy dwarf above the entrance dies before he wakes up.

[Dasleah]

Well then, as stated by the "Hey Dude, I'm On Fire!" rule in the 11th Edition Dwarving In Environments That You Really Shouldn't Be content pack (and it goes without saying that I'm using the revised Thai printing), the Colossus' death cries cause the activation of all latent Fear tokens in play. Time to take those Terror checks, lads.

*rolls dice*

So, screaming "Fire in the Mines! Why didn't the canary warn us?!" the Miners under the Main Hall, in their quest to find that Chasm, activate and move in the Stampede Phase (before woman and children, as stimuplated in sub-paragraph B, section 12r, of the Weldbug Magnetite rulebook) It appears, however, that one of the Miners has the fortune of having 3 points in his Rapid Escape: Pennyfarthing skill set, and so he gains a +3d4 + (x + y) / z bonus to his movement in peggles.

*sigh* My drooling Axedwarf, due to the Pradox Confusion continuing into this round, rolls against the Activity: Mindless table in the Lesser Barking Toads and How They Make You Crazy Rulebook (Hotpants Publishing, 1744)

*rolls*

It appears that the Paradox is losing its grip, as he failed the roll by 11 and 4/5ths (and so I get to remove 5 Cer-Azy tokens from play), but nevertheless his mind is still broken. Thus, because of Dramatic Device: Advice Plot rule (as most famously enacted in the Uzbekistan LARP ruleset, 2nd printing, Hindi translation, revised) he suffers a Fey Mood!

He demands... *rolls* bronze, *rolls*, kitten shells, *rolls*, and a portrait of Her Royal Highness in *roll* a suit of Woolly Kobold Wool Armour.

I reset the appropriate tokens, resorting all Monocles and Stiff Upper Lips to their respectful positions, and end my turn.

[eldar]

i'll join as a watcher for now, and i bet 20 Dragon scale plated boots(from deon's mod) the magic carp of death shroud rule 1.5, page 321 section 2.ab of the handbook "Rules of Water and You", shall come into effect from a three dice roll rolled Dasleah by thus ending all water activity for 3 dice rolls and all objects in water suffer 2 eyesight damage.

[ May 19, 2008: Message edited by: eldar ]

[LASD]

The items from the lost bets appear to the game fortress, following the rules from "The Lost Notes of Pantshelm rule set" by Various authors.

The spinning hydra leather backpack containing mule bone greaves and 2 green glass mug's studded with spikes of green glass appear on the top of the mountain. They fall down and collide with the sleeping spy dwarf. Acknowledging the fatality of projectiles, this could be... well, fatal. But as a watcher I can't roll a die (or dice) to determine what will happen because of the rule known as "Watchers are losers and shouldn't be allowed to do anything fun". This rule is under heavy debate, but because players are more important than watchers the rule still stands in the Age of Demon and Titan in 1051. Someone else has to do the roll.

EDIT: Oh my, I forgot to make a bet. *polishes monocle*. So, hereby I bet my (well, of course not mine as in I would use them) Dwarf leather thongs that at some point a dwarf will make thongs similar to these in a fell mood.

[ May 18, 2008: Message edited by: LASD ]

[ May 18, 2008: Message edited by: LASD ]

[Duke 2.0]

Indeed, if that pack had fallen on that dwarf a fatality would happen. However, I specifically chose kobolds for the numerous strategies that can be accomplished with their skills. One such skill as outlined and implied by the Kaolinite Orthodox Beermaker Order of Lifting Drunks ruleset, and suggested at the 1992 panel of Tacticus rulemakers involving the yet-to-be-dead Gygax, kobolds have a chance of stealing any item I so choose to steal, weather that item may or may not be included in the list of explicitly o nailed down items as listed in the 2003 list of things allowed to be nailed down on page 1267B section 5F article "Containers in containers, mugs, spikes and glass"

Basically, if I fail this roll:
*Rolls dice*
Then I can steal any number of items within that pack mid-air.
*Rolls dice*
Of course, due to  bad roll here the pack itself is not stolen.

Now for continuity sake, I add more kobolds to the top of the mountain. They are now harassing wildlife, stealing their wallets and setting up rigged gambling rings.

[Languidiir]

Unfortunately, due to the giant explosion almost directly beneath him, our hero the spy dwarf wakes up just in time to dodge the flying pack.

code:

.......k..c..
...k.........
......k......
#########..@#
,,,,,,,,##.##
,,,,,,,,,###,
[],,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,],,
,,,,,,,,,,U,,
The liaison has been struck down.
k - kobold
c - cat
] - article of clothing
U - human

Looks like we won't be getting supplies from the human caravan this year.

Meanwhile, my miner, Tekkud Minepants, is digging around for a chasm.

code:

████████£█
████..@££█
████.█████
████.█████
████.█████
Praise the miners! We have discovered adamantine!
£ - metal
█ - stone 

This doesn't bode well.

[eldar]

not to distrupt game play but can you put me in the bets section, im feeling ignored  

[RPharazon]

You need to place a man's bet first.

For example, I place a bet that the aforementioned Tekkud Minepants will wet his famous pants in accordance to the "Holy Shit Adamantine" rulebook, wherein is contained the Urinal Incontinence rule under Section 56b, subpage 35.

My bet collateral will be a shiny masterwork gold ring with Elven writing decorating it in compliance to the "Weird Elven Artifacts and their Consequences" rule under section 3 of the "Stupid Hippy Elves" article in The Official Tacticus Biweekly Magazine.

[eldar]

ok lemme edit my previous previous post to standards

[Squeegy]

According to the Overkill Handbook, section 12b, rule 4.1, if one's awesomeness level is over 9000 one can join the game with a dragon in full plate armor with a hammer. My awesomeness level is only 9000, but by joining such an awesome game it goes up by 1 and I may join with my dragon, which I position by the entrance to the fortress.

[Snoopicus]

(Delete)

[ May 20, 2008: Message edited by: Snoopicus ]