[[It's a lot shorter than I'd wanted it to be, but it's an update. ]]FROM THE JOURNALLOGTHINGYWHATEVER OF SARGE2nd Granite, Early Spring 254WELL, it appears MS FATH (who the freak gave her such a STUPID NAME) is throwing a tantrum.
Hilariously, she's strapped to a traction bench. AND ASLEEP. How the freak she's managing to do it, I don't know. She just lays there, screaming wildly in between snores. Frankly, it's the funniest thing in the world. I tried to sell tickets, but it seems nobody wanted to take a seat next to the corpses in the hospital. Why, I don't know.
Nah, you know what? I'm renaming her. Fath is a stupid name. I'll give her something more feminine-sounding. Something pretty.
...Much improved.
Somebody decided to put all the coffins aboveground. How they expect us to keep them from rising from the coffins, I have no idea, but hey - coffins are heavy, right? What if someone was to say... "drop"... by which I mean "launch"... said coffins at Haxxors? Do you think they'd dodge? ...Do you?
4th Granite, Early Spring 254OMG...
These people are idiots.
WHO THE FREAK BUILT NINE STILLS?!? WHY on EARTH would we need NINE STILLS?!? WTF COULD WE DO WITH THEM?
"O hai, can I haz beerz?!"
"Yes you can, here's a tsunami of the stuff!"
"OMG NOOOOOOO glub glub glub glub!" *is washed away in a tsunami of the stuff*
"LOLOLOLOLOLOL N00B" *is also washed away*
Hilariously, despite our NINE FREAKING STILLS... We have 36 drink. One drink for each person... and that's it. By the holy power of hell... this isn't going to last long.
Oh, and, uh... GoombaGeek made an artifact toy hammer. Almost forgot. Nice little thing, encircled with gold cabochons. Makes me feel warm inside.
5th Granite, Early Spring 254Okay, so that warm feeling was a stomach bug. NO HARM DONE! Except to that dude I threw up on. Apiks, or something. Ah well, he didn't need to be clean anyway. And besides, who WOULDN'T like to be vomited on by a GOD? I mean, REALLY! I'd BEG to have a god vomit all over me. I probably healed his wounds or something. But he went to change clothes. ...ingrate. I sent him to the mines.
People keep coming to me for all sorts of weird, useless junk. You know what, Ustuth? Shove it. Keep your horribly boring reports to your ever-loving, happy-go-lucky self.
I really don't think anyone cares. Besides, I'm much, MUCH too busy doing OFFICIAL stuff. I'm the GOD-OVERSEER OF NECROTHREAT! I defend us ALL from teh EVILS of this world, and my job is
never done. I shall NEVER REST, not until NECROTHREAT is SAFE, from
all who would
DARE attack, and they shall
fall to their knees before it's MIGHT
Y TOWER.
10th Granite, Early Spring 254I wonder when supper is.
13th Granite, Early Spring 254"WELL, boozebrains!" I cried, raising my voice across a room of my fidgeting worshipers. They don't worship me in my presence, likely because they fear embarrassing me. Such thoughtful peasants. "WE HAVE BREACHED..."
"The next dimension?" one guessed, beside himself.
"The fourth wall?" another asked, looking at you.
"NO, FOOLS!" I roared. "THE CAVERNS, YOU NINNY-HAMMERED, METAL-PLATED... THINGS! - People, or whatever. WE'VE BREACHED THE CAVERNS, and discovered a magma pool. AND a deep pit. ALL WHO FAIL TO WORSHIP ME SHALL BE THROWN INSIDE!" They stared at me as if I'd said something laughable. And of course I had - after all, why would they
not worship me? I continued in a majestic, musical roar befitting a lion on a mighty tower. "Apiks, our miner, tells me that there's an incredible drop in the lower caverns - over 50 z-levels deep!"
Mastahcheese raised his hand.
"MASTAHCHEESE!" I shouted ominously. "HOW
DARE YOU INTERRUPT -"
"What's a z-level?"
I paused, lost for words. "Oh, well... I guess it's something like ten feet or so? Just a few meters... but, um..."
"So, a drop that's a tenth of a mile?"
"Yes, that's right. THAT'S RIGHT," I roared, recovering my senses. "THAT'S DAMN FREAKING RIGHT! A TENTH OF A MILE. And if ANY of you want to SURVIVE my ULTIMATE WRATH -"
I was interrupted again, this time by the dinner bell. I leapt from the stage, knocking over tables and chairs on my way to the door, shouting, "- YOU'LL EAT LAST! HAHA, N00BS!" And I was gone. Unfortunately, supper was giant hedgehog sweetbread... It could've been better.
25th Granite, Early Spring 254OHHHHH, and while I'm thinking about it, I'm imposing a ban on exporting flasks. ALL FLASKS SHALL BE MADE IN A LIKENESS OF ME, for I AM SARGE, THE ALMIGHTY GOD OF... stuff.