5th Limestone, Early AutumnBahahaha! My plan has worked, and Apiks can kiss my shiny dwarven backside! Booyah, baby! I, Tal Denber Machinebend, am now the sole ruler of Necrothreat! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! All right!
A couple weeks back, my buddies and I got a call that we could be the rulers of a fortress, "easy as 1 2 3!" I said, "eh, I could take it or leave it." I decided to take it - after all, that's why Armok, our holy and most blessed redeemer, invented thievery. I stole a fortress, baby! Man, I don't know what's funnier, how everybody's eating their food outside in the rain, or how we don't have any stone yet!
...
...What exactly have I gotten myself into?
Okay, first thing's first. We're gonna need some serious quantities of alcohol. I commandeered the wagon, emptied it, and now we can fill it with moonshine!
6th Limestone, Early AutumnSeems like we don't have anything to brew in our wagonstill... And the farm plots aren't set to grow anything... Man, first brewing and now farming? I have to do TWO THINGS?! Forget it.
7th Limestone, Early AutumnMy love for the blessed Lady Alcohol got the better of me. I got some of these schmoozes making it
for me! Booyah, baby!
I also decided it'd probably be a good idea to build a table/chair out of wood, indoors. I dunno about the dwarves, but I like eatin' my meals in style. Even if they're stolen meals. (Tip #82: Stolen meals add extra flavor.)
We've got a path to the underground, but sorry to say, looks like there's nothing protecting it. I set some of the dumber dwarves about chopping some wood. Is there anything I can't do with this newfound power? All right! Shoot, I need somebody to high-five.
I need a room... There's no way I'm building one of my own, though. You crazy? Too much work. Naw, I'm stealin' somebody else's. I'll get a nice room, covered in engravings of me...
8th Limestone, Early AutumnOkay, so we don't have any rooms with stone walls, so no engravings. No prob, no prob, I'll just... huh. You know, crazy as it sounds, I think that infomercials scam you sometimes. I've been SCAMMED! The scammer has become the scammee!!! Or... maybe it's the other way around... They just THINK I fell for it. Well, just wait! All my actions are pre-determined, which means they fell for their own scam by creating it! They think they're going to be successful! Bahahaha!
Still, we need that wood. And those chairs. Augh, this is gonna be a problem. Can't I just have somebody else do it? Nah, you know what, I AM gonna have somebody else do it. They can all kiss my shiny dwarven backside! I'm king, baby! I bow to NO tree. The trees bow to ME!
...on second thought, chopping wood suddenly sounds appealing...
12th Limestone, Early Autumn
Oh yeah, baby! Bow to me! We're getting some wood, now! And the lame-o farmers have already started growing plump helmets! Soon I'll have barrels of beer, and all to myself! No... why stop at beer? I shall allow only the finest Merlot in my esteemed mansion. I'll have some lame-o carpenters commence on building it.
Man, these Gray Langur Men are stealin' everything. That's MY job! Still, have to say I admire their style, but they have horrible tastes. I only settled for stealing a whole fortress, while they're fine with a few socks and shoes. Bahahaha, losers.
3rd Sandstone, Mid Autumn
So, it's been a coupla weeks, and we still don't have any booze! I can't think straight! Still, I've chopped a lotta wood, and we're getting my mansion built! Booyah, baby! Those gray langnurs can kiss my shiny dwarven backside... While I'm swimming in my three-hundred foot pool! Booyah! There's this awesome pit in the ground that nobody's using, and I'm gonna fill it with water from the river! Who's awesome, baby? That's right! Me! I'm sure the fish won't mind too bad if I steal their water.
Apiks is helping build my illustrious mansion. I bet he had no idea he'd be working for me before his term was even up! Bahahaha! Sprin's hauling wood around, Mastahcheese is helping build my mansion, too, Ushriromiya is helpin' grow my mushrooms for my booze, and Esther1... is sleeping... Hey, whoa, nellie! Nobody's lazy on MY watch! She needs to get back up and keep doing my work for me!
Bah, there's no way I'm climbing those stairs to the living quarters. Too far of a walk. Maybe I can find somebody else to do it.
7th Sandstone, Mid AutumnNobody's doing a thing! They all say they're starving! Liars... trying to steal my food from me... Oh well, I've ordered a butcher's shop built so we can slaughter our animals. We dine on fine red meat tonight, baby! Booyah!
11th Sandstone, Mid Autumn
Migrants! Bahahaha, suckers. I'll put 'em to work building my mansion. Oh, and might I mention... WE STRUCK GOLD?! Booyah! Right on the other side of the aquifer. Denber, you, my friend, are a genius! Mwah! Oh yes, my mansion will be made of solid gold! I'll tear those walls down and build it fresh! Solid gold!
Bah, I'll just leave the walls up there. Too much work to pull 'em down. I AM going to have our miner, Nish, dig out a nice spot for us belowground. We'll feast on our meat in style! Only the best for Denber and associates!
...Nine migrants?! What are we gonna do with them all? I'm gonna have to build somewhere for 'em to stay... Damn it, maybe being a ruler isn't all it's hyped up to be. Maybe I can hire somebody else to do the dirty work. I'll just sit back and watch. But hey, we got a second miner! Wait, correction... THREE miners now! And they brought along free picks! We're going at the stone doubletime now! We'll have gold out our behinds! Booyah! Stealin' has never been so profitable! I estimate a 100% profit margin... and I didn't invest a dime! That means INFINITE, baby! Who says there's no such thing as a free lunch?! I steal mine daily!
17th Sandstone, Mid AutumnWe're brewing my booze! Booyah! All right then, one little issue. My unwitting slaves inform me that merlot is made from grapes, and we don't have any grapes. I suppose I'll have to be content with fine wine. But hey! I got a table up, and it's serving as a dining hall! All for me! Actually, I tricked a few of the migrants into putting it up. I just leaned against a wall and told him what to do.
Phew! Being an overseer sure is tough work. Obviously, I am taking a much-deserved break in this picture. Beside me are smelly animals. They poop on my floor. I'm going to have them executed.
22nd Sandstone
My diving board is done! Booyah! Sad, though, my idiot carpenter slaves didn't understand what I was saying, and built the diving board ACROSS the pool. Maybe I didn't give them enough of a description. Or maybe they just haven't seen my standard of living before! That's right, baby, Tal Denber's in the house!
I'm gonna put up a fence around the place, just to make sure I can keep trespassers out of my pool.
10th Timber, Late AutumnNobody's doing what I'm telling them to anymore, so I made myself manager. Now they HAVE to do what I say, and on my schedule! I want my mansion up double-quick! It ain't enough that I'm mostly done with my private fence! And I want a dining room! And I don't want to have to lift a finger to make it happen! Make it so, chumps!
I also made Mastahcheese my site moderator. Sources tell me (which I shall keep secret) that this is similar to a sheriff. He carries a gun, and booyah, you know it! It'll keep my forumite servants in line!
Such a nice place we're carving out for ourselves... You can see Esther1 over at the mason's workshop on the left. I don't know anybody else's names (takes too much effort to learn them), but as you can clearly see, I'm not going down there until that place is finished! No way you'll see ME working in the mines! Uh uh! I'm too high-class for that. That's right, baby. Stealing is classy. And if it isn't, then I made it so. I'm Tal Denber! All shall fear my handsomeness and bow before me!
That room at bottom-left is going to be the dining hall. Doesn't it look grand? And yes, it has walls of tetrahedrite! Silver walls, baby! Booyah!
11th Timber, Late AutumnUmm... Mastahcheese informs me that tetrahedrite is an ore of copper, not silver. Still. I've got all the booze! Can't touch this! And I can't be bothered to learn it anyway. If I say it's silver, it's silver. My word is law, man. Can't steal my words from me, nuh uh.
24th Timber, Late Autumn
The caravan has finally arrived! About time, too. I had us some spiked wooden balls made beforehand. Those things sell for millions. Bahahaha, suckers, all they get in return for our goods is a few worthless pointy balls. They can kiss my shiny forumite backside. Booyah! Oh, and better - my privacy fence has been installed! Now I can swim in my pool in peace! I can't wait until they finally get my waterfall done, and the pool, and the sauna...
Apiks suggests I'm demanding too much of everybody. I told him to go train himself. That's what you get for messin' with the man, Denber! Oh yeah! That's right!
He's got a nice room to train in, at least.
2nd Moonstone, Early Winter
They're not worth as much as they ought to have been, but I guess that's what you get for having skilless carpenters workin' for ya. I therefore decided that Esther and Mastahcheese could have their old jobs back. We've got plenty of useless migrants for the task. Mastahcheese is still gonna be our Site Moderator, though. And I made Ushiromiya our Banhammerer. If anyone steps out of line, they can have him to fear! And THEN me! I bet I'm scary enough already, though. Still, I can't be bothered to lift one of those heavy banhammers. Too heavy. Takes too long, too.
5th Moonstone, Early Winter
Aw, carp...
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Topic: Necrothreat - Teh LOLmod succession fort - PG2 FOR DETAILS (Read 237483 times)