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[Jools]

Why am I wishing that Vash had included the word "Tame"?

[Vicomt]

Why am I wishing that Vash had included the word "Tame"?

oh that's going to to be fun......

Vash cancels befriend giant leopard: being eaten. 

[Heavy Flak]

The events of the 15^th of Galena, 1066

Vash stood in the growing crowd, his jaw hanging as slack as the rest of the onlookers.  The zoo was more packed than it had been in weeks - ignoring Jools obsessive caretaking - all the Dwarves staring at one cage, set near the north entrance.  The one cage that contained an asleep, and very thin, Giant Leopard Cub. 



Vash's heart was racing, the blood pounding so hard in his ears he couldn't hear the Dwarves around him talking.  The statues were one thing - the rumor mill had been hinting that Glacies was fuming over the misplacement of statues from the storerooms, though the only thing that was certain was the count was off.  But this?  This was a living, breathing, beast placed into a large cage for all to see.  Already the children were laughing and pointing, and with a shaky little roar it stretched out it's long legs and giant paws.  Inhaling deep, Vash pushed through the crowds unnoticed, and as soon as his boots hit the court yard he began sprinting, out the gates and down the road.

Coming to a stop by the pillar, he made sure that he was unseen before stuffing his hand into the hole, feeling around.  A sheet of paper was inside, and he pulled it out and broke the seal without even looking, the pages shaking so bad they were difficult to read.

You have one more wish - payment will be needed.  Think hard.

The charcoal pencil he had pulled out hovered over the page, and slowly was placed back in his pocket.  Biting his lower lip, Vash folded the sheet of paper thrice, and gently slipped it into the inside pocket of his suit.  A last wish?  A payment needed?  He'd make sure it was perfect. 

***

Aryn stood in the hallway by the mess, glaring at one of the many posters that had appeared over the past few weeks.  Today, there was a new addition, graffito inked in large, petulant letters across the top. 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Turning to the paler, recently freed mayor Ineth Orbsbarb, he said in a low tone, "Who the hell is Telamon."
"I don't know," she said dryly, "I've heard his name whispered in the mess today, especially among the artisans and bellows-men.  They didn't realize I had been freed."
"And what do they say?"
"They say that he says... the punishments delivered to the nobility are just, and the beginnings of a proletariat uprising."
"So he's the lead rabble-rouser... Go find Arrowsalves, and round up the rest of my honor guard.  I want this Telamon trussed and drug out into the sun.  I want him swinging from a gallows over the magma as a reminder to all what the "Nobility" thinks of their petty, thankless attitudes."

[Eita]

Rise members of the Proletariat! Cast off your shackles and band together under a Communist banner! I have read the teachings of Urist McLenin, and they speak the truth!

Also:

"Urist McLenin cancels Govern Russia: Stroke"

[Glacies]

Diary of Glacies

Well, Kuli and I are completly at a loss. 6 Iron statues appeared in the church last night. It doesn't seem like we're missing any iron, and the metalworkers just shrugged at me. All in all, a very unproductive day.

Meanwhile, I took the seal off of that map Jack passed on to me. It marked Gatesmaws location. There was a letter inserted within, too.

"So here's where you used ta live before you got run out. I figer that everyone back there's dead cuz of the baronial circle and what they found. so it might be a bit dangerous. However, your design thingy, for your Analzticull machin, are probably still there. So maybe if your lucky you can recover them."

The analytical machine. Back when I was a mechanic, the guild came up with this theory about a machine that could think. It required a central piece, a masterwork of craftsdwarfship crafted from silicon and amber. It would be perfect for a stockpile records system.

I'm going to talk with Ayrn about it right away.

[Sukasa]

Haha, Charles Glacies?

Anywas, was curious about this thread, I thought I'd asked for a dwarf.  I guess not, so can I get on the list?  Any dwarf will do, but I'd have a preference towards a mechanic, or if not, a military dwarf.

[Heavy Flak]

The Events of the 21^st of Galena, 1066

"You can't be serious," Aryn said, pressing his palms hard against his eyes. 
"Extremely, sir," Glacies said, fidgeting nervously from foot to foot.  "I think you're missing the importance of this.  I mean, imagine - just imagine, a machine that can take tallies, preform computations, calculations... isn't that exciting?"
"No, Glacies.  Not at all.  There is NO excitement in that."
"But sir!"
"GLACIES!"  Aryn brought his hand around to slap against the wall, his face contorting with pain.  Cradling his hand, his upper lip curled into a snarl, "Listen to me.  You're not leaving.  You're not going out on some stupid lark, in some old hovel, for some mythical design most likely burned in a fire long ago.  Drop.  It."

***

"So ya' want me t'do what?"  asked Ingish Pickrims, his eyes narrowing in confusion.
"I want you to be me," Glacies said patiently, "It's not that difficult."
"I jus' dunnae get why yer' wantin' this?"
"You look the most like me, Ingish.  I mean, you're an inch taller I guess, and you've got a bit more gir-" He paused as the Tanner scowled, and coughed into his palm.  "I mean, I'm much leaner 'cause I'm... always doing stuff like keeping track of stocks.  I just need you to do this for a bit, a season, maybe two at most while I go out and fetch these schematics.  You can live in my room, use my clothing, have access to my bank account..."

Ingish's eyes lit up at the thought, and Glacies kicked himself mentally.  He finished with a lame, "So... you'll do it?"
"Aye, 'course I will, cain't be t'at hard.  An' I get a runna' yer' coin?"
"Yes, but... just leave me some, please?  And don't go out ... buying all sorts of things.  You have to BE me, and it'll be suspicious if you're walking around in new clothes, and buying drinks for the miners, and what not.  Carry a ledger, wear my coat, and sit quietly in Aryn's meetings.  And everything will be fine, okay?"
"Course it'll be fine - now you'll s'cuse me, ol' Ingish's gotta' go buy a barrel'll the GOOD booze."
"No!  You're Glacies!  Oh... great..."

[Keldor]

...

Aryn:  "You let me out of here at once!"

URIST9000:  "I'm Sorry, Aryn, I can't do that."

...
HAD to be said XD

Anyway, I'd like to request a dwarf - 'Keldor', cheesemaker, dreams of making the world's finest cheese.  Likes cats - all types of them.

[Heavy Flak]

OOC:

Haha, I'm surprised I haven't worked a 2001 reference in here somewhere... good show.

Keldor, and Sukasa: you're both added to the quickly expanding list.  If Duke Bomrek didn't demand platinum items once a season, I'd pump out so many platinum statues our worth would skyrocket... maybe I'll do it with gold, and have Limul cover them with jewels and Mookie with Bones to hopefully trick more migrants into showing up. 

I'll be honest, this is getting a bit annoying.  I posted a thread over in General Discussion, but I'll repeat it here: Any reader here have modding experience, that wants to try to find out the "don't come to this fort" flag and write a util to reset it?  Doing so, I'll make sure to grant your wildest dreams^*

_{* Wildest dreams are limited to a hearty thanks, internet fame, maybe a story request, and nothing else.  Wildest dreams don't include money, houses, cars, video games, anything of value, and most things not of value.  Not valid outside the continental United States}

[Vactor]

One thing i noticed recently while doing a single dwarf family fortress in a sealed fort is that if you have few enough dwarves migrants show up every time, (even though they all die the next season).  I had about 200 dead dwarves, 6 in the sealed family.  If this is determined as a function of your fort population vs your max population cap, you should be able to trick your game into thinking you're severely underpopped by setting your population cap at a very high number until you get an immigrant wave.  (I think this may give you a baby boom as well, but i can't be certain)

[Heavy Flak]

One thing i noticed recently while doing a single dwarf family fortress in a sealed fort is that if you have few enough dwarves migrants show up every time, (even though they all die the next season).  I had about 200 dead dwarves, 6 in the sealed family.  If this is determined as a function of your fort population vs you max population cap, you should be able to trick your game into thinking you're severely underpopped by setting your population cap at a very high number until you get an immigrant wave.  (I think this may give you a baby boom as well, but i can't be certain)

Hmm, now that is an interesting theory... when I get home, I'm skyrocketing the cap to a paltry 400 dwarves.  Also, I now want that many.  Double-digit FPS?  What the hell are those?

[Heavy Flak]

The events of the 1^st of Limestone, 1066

Glacies had his modest things packed into a satchel, and he slung it over his shoulder, a heavy sense of melancholy gripping his heart.  Pulling the wide brimmed miners cap down low over his eyes, Glacies took a dollop of glue and smeared it on his mustache.  Looking into a warped piece of buffed bronze, he carefully applied the large, waxed-stiff donkey tail-hair mustache to the glue, wiggling it and holding it into place until it set.  Of course, the black tail didn't match up exactly with his light brown beard, but with his cap, and his large mottled coat, he didn't expect that anyone would recognize him.  Taking a last look around the room, he inhaled deeply and pushed put the door, quickly darting through the hallways and up the stairs.

This close to bed time, he saw very few in the hallways.  The ones he met ignored him, and once his boots hit the courtyard, Glacies felt a little better, a little safer.  Darting towards the Depot, he silently counted the remaining barrels to be moved downstairs, then pushed past it, towards the southern exit. 

He stopped in his tracks, gawking.  Stravitch was standing by the drawbridge, talking to Ex-Mayor Likot. 

They both turned to look at him.

Likot was immobile, her green gaze impassive and terrible.  Stravitch just looked annoyed.  Scowling, the old goat pointed at Glacies, and said, "The hell are you doing out at this time of night?" 
Freezing up, Glacies stammered some before saying, "I... am a mason!  I ... do masonry.  It's my shift?  On your... project?"
"Oh," Stravitch's scowl stayed in place, "The hell are you doing out here, at this time of night?  Get back to the construction site!" 

Likot turned her gaze to Stravitch, her head cocked slightly to the side.  Her voice came, hollow as always, and tinged with thinly disguised annoyance, "Captain.  Perhaps you should ask to see this mason's credentials.  Perhaps this isn't his shift.  Maybe he works on some other project."
"No, he works on MY project.  I have a lot of them, Glacies has it arranged."
"Yes, Captain.  That's an excellent idea.  Perhaps you should check with Glacies about this Mason.  See he's properly reprimanded for being late."
"Too much work," Stravitch said, as Glacies lifted the brim of his hat to mop at his sweat soaked brow.  "besides, look at him, he's TERRIFIED of me.  Ha!  Won't be late again, that one.  Now go on, get!"
"You're... an excellent Captain of the Guard, Stravitch.  Class act... it's obvious nothing gets past you, does it?"

Glacies darted past them, mumbling apologies.  Standing out front on the road, he looked over his shoulder once before disappearing behind the wall, crunching the sand.  Pulling a crude map out of his knapsack, Glacies traced a line with a finger, took a deep breath, and set out, for adventure.

[Jools]

From the diary of Jools Machinescalded

I was checking the hooves of one of my donkeys when I noticed that one of the older ones (Urist, the one in the rope reed hat) had a particularly thin accumulation of tail hair. I was wracking my brains for lotions that might cure donkey-tail-baldness when I noticed that the hair was not lost, it had just been cut, close to the tail.

From this I have learned two things. Firstly, that we have a criminal in the fortress (along with the living dead, brainless morons, a dwarf with a God Complex and more bullies than a tin of beef extract). Secondly, the criminal in question is not stupid - he or she cut the hairs rather than plucked them. I've caught dwarves before trying to pluck donkey tail hairs - well, caught is a bit of an exaggeration, found-writhing-in-agony would be more accurate.

The question is who to tell of this hideous crime (harming even one hair on a donkey is a crime - this case has almost uncountable acts of this nature). Few dwarves if any accord donkeys with the proper respect they deserve, and fewer still would be driven to act on hearing this news. The obvious person to report crimes to is the Captain of the Guard - but ours is a bullying nincompoop obsessed with his tower, whose only taste for justice is in dealing out beatings, and were he not Captain of the Guard himself I am sure he would have a charge sheet as long as his beard. I could tell Kuli, but he has enough problems of his own these days. Perhaps I should go and see Glacies about it - he might not care about donkeys, but at the very least he'll want to find and count the hairs... I don't know what to do.

OOC: Population cap being raised? Baby explosion? Excellent news. Just give me and Kib a little time alone (ideally with a dozen red roses, some Barry White and a large tub of triple-chocolate ice cream) and we'll soon be hitting the target... ;-D

[Eita]

Dwarves reproduce via spore though.

[Jotwebe]

Wow, Migrursut rules!

I'm sprinting to the end of the dwarf queue, an claim one! Gender no matter, job whatever, but I'd like someone with at least dubious worshipper of Neth Okin Shagog - The Equity of Balance, or whatever that one was.

Weird deities to the fore!