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[Heavy Flak]

OOC Stuff:

Anyone doing any sort of fact checking will know that cave-ins do not actually crush rocks.  In fact, they actually make the rock problem much worse.  So, there was a LOT of trickery involved.  I'm going to list it here, for anyone who happens to read my story and has a pit full of 50,000 stones.  Everything listed here was done with Exponents fantastic For Every Tile tweak.

Trial 1: I filled the bottom of the quarry with magma.  This actually didn't do anything, because for some reason magma dropped down will kill dwarves, but not melt stones.  It also doesn't act as a flow, even going so far as to hover over open spaces.  Curious!

Trial 2: I set the temperature of each tile to 12000 (the value that Magma has).  This melted the stone, but nothing else.  After an entire season, I had a quarry full of molten rock.

Trial 3: I filled the quarry with 5/7 Water, and made sure that it started to move.  Then I transformed all the water in the quarry to magma.  Ah ha!  Magma started to flow and melt the rocks!  But the rocks never vanished.  Damn it.

Trial 4: I set the melting point of basalt, rhyolite, and microline to 0, then cried as DF locked up for a forty five minutes.  When it was finished, EVERYTHING IN THE FORTRESS that wasn't a wall that was made of basalt, rhyolite, or microline had melted.  Every cabinet, door, floodgate, earring, and stone.  Also, they never vanished.  They just turned into molton goo, and pissed EVERYONE off as all their shit got wrecked.

Trial 5: I set the melting AND boiling point of basalt, rhyolite, microline, and alunite to 10069, then re-did Trial 3.  Ah ha, success!  Almost all the stones vaporized, except for the ones that didn't, but that's okay.  However, when I set the magma level to 0, no one would go into the quarry because it was still as hot as a thousand suns.  Forever.

Trial 6: I did the exact same thing as Trial 5, except at the end I changed the liquid type in the quarry to water, and 1/7.  All the water boiled away super-fast, and cooled the tiles down to a proper level. 

Whew!  So, anyone who wants to undertake this take, skip all the other steps and do what I did in Trial 6.   

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

Diary of maggarg
Heard an almighty crash as they collapsed the quarry today.
I've never seen that librarian guy look so happy.
Perhaps I should go in that library.
Ah, the last time I was in a library was with old "bookbinder" daggerdrawn in the Golden Library of K'thuul. It was in Granite of 1045 as I recall.. Ah, those golden books studded with gems fetched a fortune in the black market.

[Jools]

Diary of Jools Machinescalded

It seems the latest note encoded in gibberish has been translated. Unsurprisingly, it involved Aryn. His uncompromising dreams for this fortress seem to be driving this place in some new direction once more... fortunately, it seems that this new twist to our lives involves some great architect being drafted in to design something for us. I was expecting the place to be sold out from under us, or betrayal and enslavement by goblins or something, so I'm quite looking forward to it. I don't even know why it was being kept such a secret. It can't be that controversial, can it?

In other news, I've been dropping in to that new library of ours when I'm not looking after our donkeys. There's some interesting stuff in there - in particular, Bertrand's been showing me some of the histories of the early Eastern Dwarves. In particular there's one battle in there that was won by a crafty dwarf building a giant wooden horse and getting his friends to hide inside it, and leaving it as an offering to their foes, before (much later) leaping out of it and having a bit of a massacre.

Now I'm not a military expert but I feel such a tactic would be current and relevant today, and could even be improved by making a wooden donkey instead. I've talked to some of the military about this, but they all seem to be more in favour of lining up and charging or just shooting things from far away. None of the civilians really see the point, either, so I was reduced to asking Glacies, our bookkeeper, if we had any spare wood around I could use to build a prototype.

Apparently the concept of something "spare" is alien to our bookkeeper. Either it's a vital part of our fortress' wealth, or it doesn't exist. So no wood has been forthcoming. I've decided to get my revenge by messing up his rock counts - I've told him that I've hidden a rock. I've hidden the rock behind another rock, and I'm not telling him which one it is.

I give him three days before he gives in and gives me enough wood to build a small scale prototype of the wooden donkey.

[Glacies]

Diary of Glacies

So today Jools came in and talked to me about the wooden horse of Petaldemon. He wants to make a giant wooden donkey, and have it used out in combat. The idea being that goblins will go up to it and then Snake will leap out and kill them.

He's blackmailing me, too. He said he hid a stone. I wept salty tears of despair. Maybe he's hoping I care about one rock. Not like I can't lie to Ayrn about the actual counts.

However, seeing him mope around is making me depressed so if he still wants to build that strange thing in three days, I'll see what I can do about getting him some timber.

Anyways, if there's no timber lying around I'll just request some when the caravan arrives. Why am I going tosuch trouble for this git? Right, he's the only nice person out here. Well, with the possible exception of mookie Anyways, off to go drink.

[Zako]

Diary of Zako:

Im not bothering with numbering my entries anymore, too much effort for one in such discomfort.

Apparently, the "leader" of this place has been caught out by Miss Dodik's skills at literacy. Interesting, I must talk with her after I recover.

And who is this Roaroak fellow? Who knows? I'm not sure if its of importance, but I will have to look into it when Dojango comes back.

Damn Sgt. Pepper for breaking my leg...

[Heavy Flak]

From the files of Aryn Estetar
12^th of Timber, 1065

The collapse of the middle quarry layers went swimmingly.  I'm much surprised, my charges have quite a tendency to want to burn themselves, get crushed, drown, get trampled, try to scavenge trinkets off a live battlefield, to pick up on-fire equipment, to wall themselves in and starve to death, to break a hand and refuse to get out of bed then dehydrate, to succumb to some creative madness and then wither away as they can't find some obscure gem they lust over... the simple fact that the controlled collapse of 20 square miles of desert without a single causality is perhaps the greatest gift I could have been given.

It was promptly offset by that pornographer Erith dropping slabs of tile from the Blood Zone into the magma vent.  That caused a spray of magma mist into the air, which set alight a tanner who was trying to dump a goblin sock into the lava.  While on fire, the reports from a truamatized Rice say that he obviously wanted to hug his son, because soon the child was on fire too.  If it wasn't for Erith throwing more tiles over the side for no discernible reason, neither of them would have been blinded and stumbled into the magma vent to vaporize, and most likely I'd be on fire right now.

I'm going upstairs to liberate a barrel of rum.  I need to get trashed before I read through ANY more reports. 

[Eita]

Oh dear lord... That is... Hilarious.

[Zako]

AHHAHAH! Good god! I can't really see how that would happen in real life, but I think it would be like this:

On-fie-guy: I'm on fire!! OH NOES! I must hug my son!

Son: Ahhh! I'm on fire too!

On-fire-guy: Oh well, back to work.

Reporter: The police have discovered two incinerated corpses that were holding stone slabs side by side today. It appears that they were hauling them into the garbage disposal when they must have caught fire...

Cameraman: Im on fire!!

And so on...

[Jools]

Diary of Jools Machinescalded

I gave in and gave Glacies his rock back. It's a rather fetching lump of microcline, actually. Lovely striations.

In other news, apparently there's been another tragedy involving splashing magma and burning dwarves. Very sad, especially given it was a couple of family members. Maybe I should try and find Kuli and see if there are any relatives in need of counselling or help or anything... perhaps, even in their darkest hour, they can find comfort in Zefon.

[Glacies]

Diary of Glacies

Well, there was some sort of tradgedy around the magma pit and two people died. Apparently it's a pornographers fault. I've deducted 90 turtles from Ayrn's account because I saw him stealing a barrel of rum. Hopefully he'll be none the wiser for it, but if he does find out, the legal system is on my side.

Jools returned that lump of rock he stole. It was a bit of microcline. I don't have the heart to tell him that the #198 painted on it means it's already been recorded in my stocks. A quick search for timber uncovered a handfull of wood chippings. Jools will have to wait, I guess. And I still have  dibs on any mahogany that comes in.

Meanwhile, I think I'm gonna look for some bars of rose gold and black bronze. My room could use some nicer furniture. While I'm at it, I should probably squirrel away some turtles (The monetary kind) to pay Jack.

[Heavy Flak]

*swoops in to grab the coveted 1000 post spot before that jerk Stravitch can.*

DAAAMN YOU JOOOLLS!

[Jools]

Technically that's the 1000th reply, not the 1000th post. Glacies got that.

<Runs away>

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

<Hides>

[Kuli]

Yay!  Migrursut reaches another awesome milestone!

[Flar Moonchill]

Technically that's the 1000th reply, not the 1000th post. Glacies got that.

Bad Glacies, stealing Heavies thunder! No Biscuits for you!

Congratz Migrursut! May you see 10,000 more!

[Stravitch]

Noooooo! Why must sleep be so enticing!  Damn you Sandman! You win this round *shakes fist*