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[Languidiir]

Urist and the Three carps
Once upon a time there were three carps; the mother carp, the father carp and the baby carp who lived in a river-house in the fortress. One morning the mother carp made booze for breakfast. When the three carps sat at the table to drink, they found that the booze was too hot. "Let's go for a walk to the eerie glowing pits," the mother carp said. "The booze will be cool enough to drink when we return." So off they went.

Nearby, Urist was walking in the fortress. "I've been walking such a long time, and I'm tired and thirsty," Urist said. Just then Urist saw the three carp's house. "Maybe there is something to drink in there," Urist said, and went inside.

Urist saw the booze on the table, and decided to try it. First Urist tried the father carp's booze, but it was too hot. He drank it anyway. Then Urist tried the mother carp's booze, but it was too cold. Down the hatch! But the baby carp's booze was just right, and Urist drank it all up also.

"My goodness I'm sleepy," Urist said entering the bedroom. Urist sat on the father carp's bed, but it was on fire. Urist then sat on the mother carp's bed, but it was adorned with adamantine spikes. The baby carp's bed was just right, and Urist fell asleep there.

In a short while the three carps returned from the eerie glowing pits. "Someone's been drinking my booze!" said the father carp. "Someone's been drinking my booze too!" said the mother carp." Someone's been drinking my booze, and they drank it all up!" cried the baby carp. They looked around the house to find who had done this. When they looked in the bedroom they saw Urist asleep on the baby carp's bed. Just then Urist woke up, saw the three carps and screamed. The three carps tried to catch Urist, and they did. Chunks of Urist got ripped off, and Urist got TORN APART, LEAVING GORE AND HALF-LIMBS EVERYWHERE IN THE CAVE RIVER. THEN MAGMA FLOODED IT AND SET THE BITS ON FIRE. THEN A BOOZE STOCKPILE EXPLODED FROM THE MAGMA, SENDING !!DWARF CHUNK!! EVERYWHERE, WHICH RESULTED IN A WORLDWIDE EXPLOSION FROM ALL OF THE BOOZE AND NEARBY DWARVES. APOCALYPSE.

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[ May 14, 2008: Message edited by: Languidiir ]

[Kagus]

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her tallow and carp.
Along came a spider
Who snuck up behind her
And ripped Miss Muffet apart.

[Lord Nightmare]

Kagus: that should be "and ripped POOR miss muffet apart" on the last line, the meter doesn't work otherwise.

LN

[ May 14, 2008: Message edited by: Lord Nightmare ]

[SHAD0Wdump]

Ahem,where is the part of Urist getting savagely eaten by the carp,seriously THAT is what SHOULD happen,it's only logical.

[Languidiir]

Urist ran. Fast.

[Duke 2.0]

quote:Originally posted by Languidiir:
<STRONG>Urist ran. Fast.</STRONG>

Doesn't seem very dwarflike.

Unless there was a sock somewhere in the distance.

[Akroma]

there are two things wrong about the story

Urist tried the fathers booze and found it was too hot, but drank it all anyway. Then Urist tried the mothers booze and found it was too cold, but drank it all anyway, etc

also, I was hoping for a gore end of urist getting ripped to shreds by the carp
no one flees the carp

[Languidiir]

Updated.

[Kagus]

How the hell does the constipated-face smiley keep planting itself on my posts?...

[Frelock]

Little boy urist, come build your wall.
The demons are coming, to kill us all.
Where is the mason, they come to the keep.
He's under the haycock, fast asleep.

[Kagus]

Urist, Bomrek, Tekkud, Fath
Never ever take a bath
Fear the giant spider's wrath
Urist, Bomrek, Tekkud, Fath.
(Damn that's terrible... EDIT: changed, but not much better)

Old King Lum was an angry old bum
 and an angry old bum was he;
He called for his steel, and he called for his rum
 and he called for his hammerers three.
Every peasant, he had a grudge
 with Lum and his hammerers three;
So one day Lum was flushed out with sludge
 and all the peasants, they were set free.

(Hmm...  Stretching it a bit.)

[ May 16, 2008: Message edited by: Kagus ]

[Evergod41]

All around the mulberry bush
The Human chased the Kobold.
The Human thought 'twas all in fun.
Pop! goes the Elf's head.

A Bucket for a barrel of beer,
A Bucket for some magma.
That's the way the Fortress goes.
Pop! goes the Elf's head.

Up and down the Mountain Side,
In and out of the Cavern,
That's the way the Fortress goes.
Pop! goes the Elf's head.

Half a pound of quarry bush leaf,
Half a pound of tallow,
Cook it up and make it FUN!,
Pop! goes the Elf's head.

[Imp]

The meter's slightly mangled, so to spare some readers from possible head scratching, this is patterned after 'We Three Kings'

Seven dwarves all leave as one
Ordered off to found a new hall.
Avoid ocean for onwards motion,
Settle somewhere, someday.

O heavy wagon, too much stuff:
The booze barrels look safe but
Momuz' axe and Usal's shield
Are perilously packed indeed.

Calm forest borders serene plains
Unicorns and elves everywhere.
Wanting more challenge, they move on,
Settle somewhere, someday.

O heavy wagon, too much stuff:
Stable logs and heavy rocks,
Yet Rish's pick and both his socks
All fell off three times today.

Mountain, shrubland, both wilderness
Scorching hot, but no river here
And few plants, and so they go
Settle somewhere, someday.

O heavy wagon, too much stuff:
Anvil weighs more than ev'thing else.
But spider threads and rope reed cloth
Both blew away yesterday.

Sinister swamp and desert
Worst places they've seen yet
Try to pass on, but somethings wrong
Settle somewhere, someday.

The player watching has chosen
Here he wants to rule their demise
Never their choice, but must rejoice
Armok chose them for this.

O heavy wagon, too much stuff:
None of which matters as we see
Skeletal carp spawn right at start
And no chance at all to play.