"27th Moonstone, 1053
We have finally arrived at Callcave today. I count us at 13 or 14. I ran out of fingers, anyways.
That is good. What is bad is that we're going to Callcave.
Also, we were met with neutral news. One of our Axemen is alive, though he is missing his right arm, and the poison blurs his mind.
Good news, all right, but what if he remembers my abandoning of him?
As is customary, I entered the cave first, and immediately met an iron man.
While I whipped him (for a long time, I might add!), I decided I needed a better weapon, one effective against the hard armor of the behemoths that stalk the halls.
Well, in the end, I removed his head with a nice wrist-flick, but still.
Okay, we have now all entered the cave. I scouted ahead, AGAIN. I immediately met with a spider...
I hid, and made our signal sound, called "an arrogant fool screaming at the top of his lungs". For some reason, the spider didn't notice it.
Wait a minute... THEY ARE TAUNTING ME!
This must be the works of Imp and Skanky. THEY HAVE POISONED THE MINDS OF THESE INNOCENT PEOPLE!
THEY. WILL. FALL!
Already they are attempting to get rid of me, via "accidents". The amount of time it took them to reach me was unacceptable, and they didn't all need kill that batman, did they?
But we shall see who is the leader soon, oh yes, we shall.
The time is approaching.
I can feel it.
Oh yes, it is definitely Imp and Skanky who are leading this revolt against me.
When the others finally arrived, Imp was first in line, trying to look like a hero.
"Are you okay?", he said.
"Well, duh. I AM Bathru Raceprophet, after all. AND YOU REMEMBER THAT, MORTAL. Durr, durr."
"Okay... whatever." Then he charged the spider.
Their plan is clockwork precise, I must admit. While Imp got himself wounded, Skanky came in "to save the day". He cut the other eye of the beast (note how he left it one eye for it to see) and sent it booming down the corridors into the dark emptiness.
Not wanting to look any worse, I sneaked up to the spider and gouged it's other eye. That'll show them who's the real hero here!
Then, to look like I was doing something, I started whipping it.
The Vile One, the one called the Choppinator, joined my side, obviously trying to impress the others.
"Listen, Bathru... We've been talking, us all, and we've been wondering why you've been acting so strangely."
"Hmm, strangely? Is that what you call it? HM?"
"Well, yes, with all the glowering and muttering and the way you- hey, stop that! Yes, right that, that... trying to trip me, that thing. Why do you hate us?"
"Oh yes, I'm the one FILLED WITH HATRED NOW, AM I? AM I?"
"I don't understand what you could possibly mean with that."
"Oh, but don't you? Hm?..."
"And that too! That constant changing in attitude. First angry, then riddley, then, I dare say, cowardly, what's the big deal? Why can't you be stable?"
"Stableness won't help when you're spread across the floors."
"AND those lame anecdotes, and the irrational fear of spiders.
What is wrong with you?"
"Oh yes. Wrong with ME, right? Well, let me tell you, young one, you cannot imagine what I've seen with my two eyes, AND YOU'D BETTER REMEMBER THAT. For I still have my eyes, unlike, quite possibly, some soon, within this party.
Oh yes... the eyes. They are the juciest part."
"You're out of your mind!"
He then circled to the back of the spider and split it's head in half, a move that would later, unfortunately, be known as "The Choppinator".
Some memories were sparked recently. Next to the body of the recently slain cave spider was another one, slain in older times, times one struggles to remember.
All I remember is cave spiders, and their horrible toxin.
It drives victims mad, they say.
Well, they're obviously wrong, 'cause I've had more than my share, and look at how healthy I am!
They're idiots, that's what they are.
Idiots like spiders. But deadly.
Interesting confrontation. I met a ratman and started killing it the routine way, but then, suddenly, a spider emerged from a neary entrance! I dropped the bloody and unconscious ratman from my hands and, with all my might fighting prowess, assailed the beast.
I immediately got webbed. While I was lying on the ground, I noticed Skanky. I cried out for him to help me, but he seemed not to notice, and beat on the ratman I had been strangling.
YET MORE EVIDENCE OF HIS DISLOYALTY. HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I NEVER LEAVE A KILL UNFINISHED.
Maybe he knew. Maybe he hates us. I mean me.
Luckily, my old and trusted friend, the Wrestler, charged the spider and brought it crashing down to the earth with himself.
At this point Skanky probably thought he'd wasted enought time, cut the ratman and half and started running towards us and the spider.
He danced to the spider, and as I gazed on, paralyzed with fear no awe no POISON he repeate his earlier succesful combo on the spider, splitting it's head and throwing it away.
However, I did not idle while waiting for the poison to fade. I had already decided where we would go next.
We would go down the unexplored hallway that the spider had blocked.
Met a giant cave swallow. Beat it strangled it. That was trivial.
Our next encounter, however, was not.
Abovope "Manstabs" the batman.
Wielder of the fearsome and manly rope reed sock.
Bane of a random drunk it had ambushed, if memory does not fail me.
After I had beaten it unconscious and commenced strangling, I noticed something funny.
The Wrestler obviously had something against this bat, as he took the time to break three of it's limbs, leaving it with a single arm uncrushed.
What is the story behind this? Hm? We must know!
I must know, that is. Me.
On a side note, this bat was a bleeder. He also took a long time to choke to death.
Found the corpse of a seasoned veteran. A maceman, to be specific.
He was the third oldest in the party.
Victim of spiders, him too.
Ambush again!
While I was following a hallway (which later appeared to be a dead end, anyways) the Wrestler was attacked by a lurking spider!
The others told me he had put up a valiant defence, immediately knocking down the spider before it could do anything.
This, however, did not help him, as the beast rose back up and bit him in the head, poking out his left eye.
Imp later choppinated the spider, and we left the Wrestler to recover from the poison on his own.
In the light of recent spider attacks, I have decided that it would be best if the beloved and wise leader of our group (that's me, if you didn't know), would be better off if he trained some mace skills. So I went and stole the mace from the previously mentioned deceased maceman.
I also took his shield.
Tragedy in the group! Despite my awesome leadership, we have lost a member!
It was the Wrestler, though, so nothing big, though I find it prudent to avoid telling this to The Others.
This is how it happened, honestly.
I was killing this batman in a hallway, training my mace-wielding skills.
While I was prefectly innocently doing this, the Wrestler was attacked, by a spider! He was viciously ripped apart, and once we had recovered the body, one of the drunks said that the sight made him look sick.
See? I couldn't have done that. A spider did it. Spiders.
That'll teach him...
Trying to make me feel bad...
Anyways, I was the first one to reach the body, and over it was a giant cave spider!
In a fit of righteous rage, I charged the beast with my mace and drove it away.
Unfortunately, before running away, it webbed me, so that I could not chase it down.
What a horrible tragedy to our party.
Also, Imp was bitten in the head by a spider. Nothing serious, though.
More importantly, I, too, was wounded in the fight. Against the spider.
I decided to scetch a picture in memory of our beloved friend, the Wrestler, or rather what we looked like after we found him.
Notice the awesome grief visible in my eyes.
Oh yeah, and we never found the swordsman. Pity pity. What horrors belie this party in this cave.
Oh yes.
Enemies of the public:
Imp
The Choppinator
The Wrestler REMOVED
I will rule."
By the way, how can I make a word look like I've overwrited it?
I'd really need that for future use.
[ February 05, 2008: Message edited by: Dwarfaholic ]
[ February 05, 2008: Message edited by: Dwarfaholic ]
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Topic: The adventures of Bathru Raceprophet (Read 4302 times)