Do you hear it? The rattling of lifeless lungs, wheezing as they fill with air once more? The creaking of cold limbs finding their strength anew with dreadful purpose? Your ears don’t deceive you, friends, the dead rise again! Come one come all, and bear witness to the Loser’s Battle Royale! 40 slain fighters of this year’s tournament have been resurrected by our necromancers for one final free-for-all showdown, for the glory of Armok! Which one will earn a second chance at life, in this brutal trial by combat? Win or lose, these warriors have more punishment left in store for them, so let's not keep them waiting any longer. Let the battle royale begin!
Gamelog:
https://pastebin.com/MutBg9hP 
-306. G’Remy Le Festin bleeds to death, after his right foot is sliced off by the iron two-handed sword of Aunt Ana Pastor, First of Her Name.
-447. Barbara “Biddie” Vicious’s skull is jammed through her brian, after being bashed by Uvash’s iron warhammer.
-505. Rugard’s head is cloven asunder by Hu De Phuc’s iron slicing knife.
-548. Mr Fun Guy’s lower body is slashed off by Steelblood Deathedge’s iron long sword.
-813. Canon is decapitated by Steelblood Deathedge’s iron long sword.
-939. Archelaus The Cunning bleeds to death, after his guts are spilled by a snip of Verden ‘Crabcakes’ Oceanblade’s crab pincers.
-989. Greased Lightning’s skull is jammed through her brain, after being bashed by Uvash’s iron warhammer.
-1061. Rosenbonk Stabfriendly’s upper body is cloven asunder by Rolly Polly’s bronze spear.
-1154. Crackling Ice (Crackle) loses her head to a slash of Howard’s large steel dagger.
-1192. Koko The Crazy bleeds to death, after her heart is bruised by a bash of Uvash’s iron warhammer.
-1352. Monarque bleeds to death, after losing his first left upper arm to a snip of Verden ‘Crabcakes’ Oceanblade’s crab pincers far earlier.
-1376. Aunt Ana Pastor, First of Her Name’s thorax is crushed by Tekkud The Singed’s wagon wood shield.
-1471. Snaggle The Mad Sadist’s skull is fractured after a lashing from That One Cat We Found’s iron scourge.
-1484. Melon Tusk is beheaded by Nadash Raizza’s steel battle axe.
-1514. Don Kevin is beheaded by Hu De Phuc’s iron slicing knife.
-1822. That One Cat We Found is strangled to death by Grovewarden Gaia.
-1883. The Eensy Weensy Eviscerator is decapitated by Hu De Phuc’s iron slicing knife.
-1964. Arragern sel Morristlai’s head is cloven asunder by Leaf Lordedge’s iron two-handed sword.
-1978. Steelblood Deathedge is decapitated by a slash of Howard’s large steel dagger.
-2037. Armok (the miner not the god) bleeds to death, after being bitten in the lower body by Uvash.
-2134. Rolly Polly’s head is crushed by Myth-O-Man’s silver whip.
-2320. Tekkud The Singed bleeds to death, after his skull is fractured by Myth-O-Man’s silver whip.
-2370. Grovewarden Gaia bleeds to death, after her pancreas is torn by Howard’s large steel dagger.
-2378. Verden ‘Crabcakes’ Oceanblade’s lower body is cut off by Howard’s large steel dagger.
-2386. Leaf Lordedge’s head explodes after being punched by Leppo.
-2458. Tree Dweller is found dead, after succumbing to a final blow to the upper body by Ine The Undead Impaler’s feather wood buckler.
-2470. Nadash Raizza’s head is cloven asunder by Urist McDwarf’s copper pick.
-2628. Avon Gagglemaster bleeds to death, after his left foot is fractured by Myth-O-Man’s silver whip.
-2658. Hu De Phuc’s lower body explodes into gore, after being struck by Myth-O-Man’s silver whip.
-2702. Gug’s neck is sliced off by Howard’s large steel dagger.
-2751. Uvash’s head collapses after being punched by Rudolf Lundgren.
-2854. Sir Capybarrian The Wise’s lower body explodes into gore, after a kick to the guts from Rudolf Lundgren.
-2921. OxNgosnud’s head is cloven asunder by a slash of Howard’s large steel dagger.
-2968. Ine The Undead Impaler’s brain is torn by a stab from Howard’s large steel dagger.
-2990. Urist McDwarf (the elf) bleeds to death after his skull is fractured by Myth-O-Man’s silver whip.
-3016. Leppo bleeds to death, after his head is bitten and shaken around by Mikey The Gorlak.
-3070. Mikey The Gorlak’s guts are spilled by a stab from Howard’s large steel dagger.
-3086. Rudolf Lundgren is beheaded by Howard’s large steel dagger.
Battered and bloodied by a myriad of brutal blows in this mad free-for-all, Myth-O-Man limps forward with growing determination. Once bested in the first round of the tournament, he’s now proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that he can go toe-to-toe with some of the fiercest fighters this year’s tournament had to offer. With growing confidence, he hefts his silver whip, eyes narrowing on the only foe left between him, and victory. From humble roots of a turbulent upbringing, and a further humbling in the arena, Myth-O-Man now stands poised to snatch glory from this bloody affair.
Howard skitters into the mothman’s path with characteristic jitteriness, eagerly carving into Rudolf Lundgren. Having met his end in the Quarter Finals to the dastardly Captain Drekkar, this housepet now stands with a surprising kill tally to his name in this battle alone. Perhaps we were all too quick to judge his young owner when he registered his little lizard pet into the arena. But if Howard wants to return to the comfort of his owner’s embrace, he’ll have to survive the wild onslaught of Myth-O-Man, who charges in out of nowhere! As their weapons swing wildly, it's anyone’s guess which of these fighters had the more questionable caretakers, and more importantly, who will survive their murderous duel?
-3114. Myth-O-Man’s brains are torn after a stab to the head from Howard’s large steel dagger.
Exhausted by the ordeal, Howard stands over the corpse of his final foe. Alone in the charnel pit of the loser’s battle royale, he’s incredibly come out the other side with barely a scratch sustained, to the thunderous cheers of his many fans. Sparing Myth-O-Man one final glance, the little lizard skitters off towards the loudest of his supporters; his young master, little Urist Mcdwarf. Though he returns not as the champion of this year’s tournament, he is reunited with his adoring owner at long last. Perhaps his master’s affection is all the reward little Howard truly wished for…
Congratulations to Howard for not only being the winner of this year’s Loser’s Battle Royale, but for coming out the other side with the highest kill tally! To the rest of the fighters, you make us proud for fighting, and dying once more for the glory of our dreadful god, Armok!
FINAL KILL TALLY
1 KILLMikey The Gorlak, Leppo, Urist McDwarf, Ine The Undead Impaler, Nadash Raizza, Leaf Lordedge, Grovewarden Gaia, Tekkud The Singed, Rolly Polly, That One Cat We Found, & Aunt Ana Pastor, First of Her Name.
2 KILLSRudolf Lundgren, Verden ‘Crabcakes’ Oceanblade, & Steelblood Deathedge.
3 KILLSHu De Phuc.
4 KILLSUvash.
5 KILLS Myth-O-Man.
10 KILLS!Howard.
Run and written up by SlitherPapi
Author
Topic: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament IX (Read 16063 times)