Save:
https://dffd.bay12games.com/file.php?id=17219Summary:
I paved over the entire surface and won back around 10 FPS some those stupid cacti
I exterminated and then atom-smashed over 600 olm men and their pets
I dug down to the magma layer and third cavern layer and built magma forges, because I didn't want the tedium of fuel sources
I didn't find Adamantine, but I did at least fully outfit our squad and have them begin training to be decent armor users.
I forgot to dwarf myself again so if you don't mind putting me on whatever murderous psychopath you can find.
I used Fastdwarf to deal with the insanity of cleaning up Olm and Cacti genocides. Should play well now, but tbh if you still have slow FPS playing this save I would not judge you for using Fastdwarf dfhack.
Oh also I used dfhack to set so only 50 olm men can invade us at a time
I probably recovered 20-25 FPS in total from when I started?
That Terrible LaughterThe last thing I remember was laughter...This fell, terrible, roaring laughter echoing all around me. I couldn't recognize the voice making this awful sound, but a few moments after first hearing it I realized it was myself who was laughing.
I didn't recall laughing, or why I was laughing, but my body very much was, and this out of body sensation continued for several minutes of uncontrolled laughter while onlookers stared at me with concern and fear.
Then, I felt the laughter myself and I no longer felt out of my self, but very much
MY SELF and laughed for another couple of minutes before wiping the drool from my beard and announcing "I know what must be done!"
The first joke occurred the same day: The army of olm men, an army almost as large as our whole empire that was spread across the continent, had all died mysteriously from a plague on the other side of the cavern from us! Hilarious! I couldn't contain myself! I laughed myself silly, and while a few dwarves chuckled the rest were clearly too awed by the favor shown to us to appreciate it!
I gave my biggest warmest smile, which made O'brien squirm from the warmth it made him feel, and told everyone "Bust down the cavern wall! We're gonna smash every single body into paste!"
Everyone froze! Why would they freeze, you ask? They were simply overwhelmed by having to decide who would bear the honor of smashing all these wonderful corpses!
I nodded sagely for I knew these thoughts to be in their minds and followed the silence with "Not to worry, honorable kinsmen! We won't have to draw lots on who will be part of this momentous task, but instead every single one of us shall do this! From toddler to greybeard we shall all participate in the greatest corpse pasting in world history!"
They were stunned into silence, so afraid to break the reverential moment we were in that a few whispered to others quiet enough that I couldn't hear!
We set to work!
Sadly, some of the animals survived and began mauling revered corpse haulers and we lost a few dwarves. I had the squads dispatch them easily enough and instructed a butchers shop be built on top of the Olm man corpse pile in order to butcher the pets.
"You want us to butcher the animals that have been feeding on the Olms that all died from the plague?" Jennifer the dwarf asked
I didn't blink, and hadn't blinked at all in awhile, because I was training myself to not need to blink anymore and said as simply as I could "Yes."
Awed by my authority she said nothing else and soon we were butchering Giant Olms and Cave bears!
Oh how gorgeous!
I give it to the mayor. She has been complaining non-stop about my new edicts as overseer and this should quiet her down!
I have mandated 22 hour shifts a day and have banned blinking more than twice a minute.
Now for my next task: We begin digging down down down down dowwwwwwnnnn!
Did I ever mention that I particularly love this cavern's color palate? So soothing
But the soothing caverns aren't why I am here. I already feel quite soothed since I stopped sleeping and picked up laughing instead.
We find the great magma sea! Where the world ends and begins! Finally! Running around looking for coal was distracting everyone from the no-blinking mandate
We build the great forges and I set the labors to constant.
How neat! I wonder if that is where I shall find the singing metal?
As I recline upon my table in my room, for my chair was harboring conspiratorial thoughts against me, I was interrupted! An elven diplomat! Here?! In the depths of the caverns! Accursed creatures can't leave us alone! The diplomat brings a letter! I trust no one else to read it, but verbally summarize it to the rest "We snooty, stupid, ugly stinky elves promise peace and harmony with the dwarves if you swear to live in harmony with nature and stop hurting it. We are also not very smart!"
Otto looks dumbfounded by the elves proposal and says "Maloy, there's no elves down here and there haven't been any in the fort"
He was speaking in code of course, because the elves might be spying on us. I nodded sagely.
"We must send them a message they shall never forget. We never yield!"
Otto looked nervous, perhaps fearing that I would have us move to the surface to wage war, but my idea was far better "We will open a path to the surface and pave over every inch of soil on it!"
Silence filled the room as the crowds were awed by my divinely inspired idea "Th-the whole thing?"
I nodded sagely
another chimed "But we've been down here for years! The sun could kill us! Paving the entire surface is madness!"
I continued nodding "Yes, you see.
That is why I have had you all banned from blinking! Your eye muscles have been trained to withstand it! Do not worry we will extend shifts to 23 hours a day until the project is complete!"
One of Otto's soldiers reached for his sword before a hand stopped him. Clearly the soldier feared elven infiltrators and I smiled warmly at him that he went pale "Fear not, kinsman. The elves will not be able to stop us!"
Labor started. Dwarves vomited, passed out, or even began spasming violently on the ground of the surface from the sheer exultation they felt completing this most noble of tasks.
Then a great rumbling shook our whole fort!
Thankfully, the beast was at the first cavern, which we were not on, and was going to have a wonderful tea party with the other forgotten beast.
Sadly, the tea was overheated and burned them both. Did I mention that Sasmcith is basically a muscled skeleton with its flesh burnt off? Fascinating
The tea was so hot that it actually incinerated poor Onga's tongue! That's why we dwarves drink cold alcohol!
It turns out O'brien is from the civilization we plan on conquering! Whoops! Hopefully no one has told him!
Another artifact finishes while receiving Otto's hospital report of all the injured dwarves we have
I give the mask to Otto, which doesn't stop him from chattering about injured dwarves, but at least it muffles it so I can focus on those strange shadows on the edges of my vision.
We find something funny while digging for the singing metal I keep hearing
Tobul kindly asks for permission to flee to a more tactical position. I understand his position, but I am deadly curious on whether or not the steam monster will try to enter his body through his nostrils and cause him to explode. The thought makes me laugh
Ah, it turns out all he had to do was vaguely swish his pickaxe in its direction and the steam was dissipated. Not as funny as my idea, but its fine.
Beautiful
Pictured: A wild hamster digs at pavement looking for food
They called me a madman
A lone camel looks desperately for grass to graze on and finds none
The surface has been cleared! We are free of those treacherous Cacti!
I watch the sunrise on a grateful fortress! And then the laughter ends and I see everything I have done. I scream.