[b... pain points that were extremely frustrating:[/b]
Getting dwarfs to do specific tasks
It sounds like this is worse in Steam than it is in older versions. Not that older versions were exactly direct, but there were routes to brute force a particular task to completion faster than you describe.
Ideally this means there's a route to improving the Steam version. Although I note that some of the current issues are tied up with changes to to the jobs/labor system. My vote would be to restore the old functionality around jobs instead of roles, but there may be a third route I'm not aware of. Also, full disclosure, I'm actually still playing 47.05 in ascii after only a very brief try of Steam, so I'm possibly no longer the target demographic.
Prioritizing construction
Yeah, you really should be able to use the 1-7 priority scale for construction the way you can for designating mining, plant gathering and other tasks. This seems like a straightforward, high return quality-of-life improvement to make to the game.
In the meantime you should be able to get a weak effect by keeping non-urgent other jobs at 5-7, but that still runs up against workshop tasks.
Station and Build orders should disregard enemies
No, and even hell no. As a personal preference it's defensible and coherent, but it's not the universal value you make it out to be.
A midpoint compromise though would be to let a player in Fortress Mode take control of one dwarf at a time. Then you could drive that one around to pull levers, pick up socks, build walls in the face of invasion, etc. Between Fortress and Adventure mode it seems like the tools are all there, but possibly the architecture isn't.
I refused to use Therapist and I had a bad time
Yeah, that'll happen. Therapist is easy to install, intuitive to use, and the gains are all from time/efficiency not from hacks, cheats or edits. And it's been around long enough it might even be at least an allowed-for part of the play experience, if not originally intended.