Started on a T microdose. I had a hell of a weepy and anxious first month while I tried to figure out if I should be on:
- zero gel
- "one" gel [standard nonbinary transmasc dose]
- "one and a half" gel
- "two" gel [standard trans male dose]
Anyway it turns out that on "one" gel I eat and on the other amounts I don't, so I'm practicing acceptance of sloooooow change and leaning in for the long haul.
Among other things I unfortunately learned after accessing medical treatment, I'm genderfluid and rotate between various genders, preferred sexual interests, and expressions. I say "unfortunately" because I still mostly go by "they" but I suddenly unlocked both my inner scruffy masc butch and my inner high femme (and everything in-between)
I was worried I was gonna need a whole lot of surgery but after one month my chest is receding enough that I can get away with skipping the binder on some days, I'm pretty committed to and settled into at least the hormonal part of the transition, AND I can usually redirect my brain to think about things other than gender dysphoria when that flares up. We'll see what happens next but I feel pretty good about not making any further moves for the next two or three years.
You'd think a game about pawns becoming queens would be more accepting.
Also, this is a great quote.