Hmm, nope. For someone whose joy is in kicking over sandcastles, I'm not giving them the politeness to handle mine. They'll find a reason whether you give them one or not.
Ehhh, I agree that sometimes you need to defend yourself. In practice, though, life is full of grey areas. And sometimes, you end up attacking someone who doesn't deserve it. This comes to mind.
Politeness should be exercised where possible, until the alternative is forced on you.
Calls for politeness and respectability all too often mean "accept oppression and don't complain". Making bigots feel bad is good. Bigots are cowards who crumple under criticism unless they're allowed to reach critical mass. Letting an "on the fence moderate" feel like big brained or an ally for only supporting *some* oppression is bad and insulting. Rights have never been won solely by being nice. There was always civil unrest driving authority to the table (with the nice, presentable leaders).
Things are really, really fucking bad. I still love being trans, I'm not angry all the time like bigots seem to be, but I don't owe anyone a comforting illusion about the state of transphobia right now.
Related, I'm finally going swimming at the beach with my dad next Monday. I'm going to be in a swimsuit. I've been extremely polite, always hiding my tits, and he still insists on misgendering every trans person including me and my partner.
Appeasement doesn't work
yet I keep trying it. Then hating myself for it. Well too late, I've already told him I'm going to be visibly femme. "Whatever makes you comfortable" damn straight. I hate that he'll be uncomfortable but he forced the issue by failing to respect people I love, including me, despite me making it as easy on him as I could bear. And then some.
This cost me my relationship with my brother too, back in May. I thought I could trust him, he acted like an ally. Nope. Being NB was fine but being a woman disgusts him. Sucks to suck, I hope he's happier without me. Not like he EVER believed me about the anti-trans legislation, and only wanted to whine about the free speech rights of bigots.
Appeasement. Doesn't. Work.
And Nazis SHOULD be deprogrammed. That's not fuckin shock therapy or castration, you know, the stuff that was done to us and
sometimes still is. It's simply making them exist around the targets of their hate until they realize their targets are human beings. This *happened*, you can look it up. Still happens for survivors of modern cults. It should have happened following the civil war too but the South won reconstruction.
No justice, no peace.