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[ZBridges]

Do we have business with the goblin?  We could get the kite shield and broach identified before we equip them.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Business, IDK. But we do have that emblem thingy that might make the goblin less likely to attack us, so I say we hail the goblin and see if they're willing to help us identify stuff. If not, well, we have a perfectly good machete...

[Weirdsound]

Business, IDK. But we do have that emblem thingy that might make the goblin less likely to attack us, so I say we hail the goblin and see if they're willing to help us identify stuff. If not, well, we have a perfectly good machete...

Umm... Hey there Goblin. Are you friendly? I'm looking for help identifying some things.

"Oh! Yes, of course! Greetings human, You can call me Ishtar, daughter of Ishtar, and I am a representative of the Goblin Guild of Brigands, Merchants, and Wicked Priests. Please check out my inventory of goods and services. I assure you the quality more than makes up for the price."

Spoiler: Shop (click to show/hide)

Pouch of Steel Throwing Stars - 2 Dub
Bright Yellow Latex Suit - 3 Dub
Staple Gun - 1 Dub

Box Labled ‘4 Sneaky Potions that Dungeon Bosses Hate’ - 5 Dub
Tank of exotic colored Koi Fish - 1 Dub per Koi (Pick a Color and pattern)

Spoiler: Crafting (click to show/hide)

A Standard GGBMWP Convenience Fee of 1 Dub will be assessed for each crafting project completed.

Inert Memory Gem - 1 Mini-Boss Heart + Any Two Memories. While in your inventory, an Inert Memory Gem will consume the first memory of each type that you gain while holding it. It will become an Active Memory Gem, which is necessary to make a level up key, once it consumes each of the following memory types: Triumphant, Colaborative, Heartfelt, Burning, Creative, and Frustrating.

Level 15 Key - 1 Active Memory Gem + 1 Source of Metal + 1 Source of Any Magic + 1 Triumphant Memory. Used by a level 14 human on a locked door in the Dungeon of Displaced Time to access a level up room.

NPC Level-Up Key - 1 Active Memory Gem + 1 Source of Metal + Any 3 memories of the same type. Used by an NPC Party Member to access a level up room. The Memories and Metal Source used in crafting will determine which sort of dungeon the key will work in.

x3 Healing Potions - 1 Heartfelt Memory + 2 Sources of Any Magic. Healing Potions restore 3d8 When Consumed. They may have other side effects, for good or ill, depending on the magic source used in crafting.

x2 Guild Approved Identify Scrolls - Any Memory + 2 Sources of Any Magic. Consumable item that can identify anything not sold by a GGBMWP merchant.

Golem Minion - Any Three Memories + 2 Sources of Any Metal + 2 Sources of Decrotive Minerals + 1 Source of Any Magic. A party member of your own creation. Its form and abilities vary based on the materials and memories used in its creation.

Blessing of the Goblin Pantheon - 1 Burning or Frustrating Memory + 2 Sources of Unholy Magic. Upgrade applied to any item of your choosing, the exact details of which depend on the materials and memories used. The Goblin Pantheon is less than benevolent, so items blessed this way may gain minor negitive side effects, or abilities which specifically encourage immoral behavior.

Spoiler: Divination (click to show/hide)

Statblock of a Local Ranged Dweller Archtype - 2 Dub
Statblock of a Local Melee Dweller Archtype - 2 Dub
Statblock of an expendable mini-boss’ minion - 2 Dub
Statblock of a potential friend turned rival - 3 Dub
Statblock of a mad scientist with dinner plans - 4 Dub
Statblock of a skulking threat - 4 Dub

Item Identification Service - 2 Dub per item. Will not identify items sold by GGBMWP Members. Truly rare or powerful items may require an additional fee to fully identify.

Navigation Advice - 2 Dub minimum. The overflow bin is a maze of teleporters. If you are looking specifically for anything or anyone, I can point you in the right direction for a fee.

Spoiler: Quest (click to show/hide)

Price Controls - 3 Dub Buy-in. A powerful Bugbear crime lord named Pal-Oof has been smuggling goblinoid goods to earth and undercutting the guild by selling them at below our mandatory minimum price point. We will sell you information on the backdoor to his base of operations; Rob him blind as you see fit, and if you manage to kill him, return his head to any guild member for an extra reward.

-Hmmm... If I show this goblin the Talisman, she might be required to make a small contribution to my cause... but the Talisman might vanish. Is it worth it?-

How do you proceed?

Assets by DALL-E, Midjourney, or found under a Creative Commons License. Character Sheet.

[ZBridges]

Start by getting the kite shield and broach identified.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Definitely gonna go with purchasing identification service for the broach and kite shield.
Everyone else: thoughts on whether we want to identify that potion? We have 12 dubloons before any services are purchased, and purchasing identification for broach/shield will use up 4. Purchasing identification for the potion will use up an additional 2, putting us at 6 left - half down from where we were originally.

[ZBridges]

We could get two identify scrolls crafted for one dub by using our frustrating memory and cursed ivory.

[Weirdsound]

Start by getting the kite shield and broach identified.

You fork over 4 Dubloons, and produce both the broach and the kite shield.

"Hmm... Interesting... Let the divination begin! Argggwolf Smellsite Aroooooooooooooooooooo!"

The room goes dark. You hear a pack of wolves howl continuously for almost half a minute. When they stop, the room's lighting returns.

"Argggwolf, wicked seeker of blood and knowledge, hath sniffed your items and told me of their past and present!"

Okkkkaaaay...

"The broach is a Warscarab, produced as part of a small batch of similar magic items by the undead artificer Vezos in the '90s! It is composed of gold and gems from the elemental plane of earth, and trace amounts of genuine remains and relics plundered from Egyptian tombs. Do to their consumable nature and the fact that only several hundred were made, Warscarabs may be worth more as a collectables or a trade goods than dungeoneering tools, but if you wish to use it all you need do is prick your thumb with the pin and place the broach on your body. It will be absorbed into you, granting you a powerful insectoid form for a short time. The exact nature and duration of the granted form is unique to each Warscarab and usually unknown to the owner until called upon, but I could sniff up that information for an additional 4 Dubloons if you wish. If you did so, I could certify its power free of charge, perhaps increasing its value to collectors."

How about the shield...

"It is called February, and was forged by the Human Knight Lucy Tran with the help of the Gnome Whistlesong in the year 1979. It was part of Tran's 'Armor of the 12 Birthstones' that served her as a standout member of the Level Up Club. She abandoned the armor in 1985 for better gear when she assumed the moniker of 'Rust the Terrapaladin' and co-founded the High Score Table. The exterior of the shield consists of a Mini-Boss heart converted to Amethyst via geomancy, and underneath the gem is a layer of flexible spinx bone. February can reduce the power of particularly dangerous incoming attacks, but doing so will cause it to crack and lose its magic. If cracked, February can be restored by a skilled artificer or a competent dungeon smith, such as myself, using decorative minerals."

Fascinating. Thank you.



How do you proceed?

Assets by DALL-E, Midjourney, or found under a Creative Commons License. Character Sheet.

[IronyOwl]

I think we should get the scarab super-identified and then sell it to a collector, but there's probably no harm hanging onto it for now just in case we end up using it in an emergency.

In the meantime, equip the shield, bid the goblin farewell, and head to the upper right red portal.

[ZBridges]

I think we should get the scarab super-identified and then sell it to a collector, but there's probably no harm hanging onto it for now just in case we end up using it in an emergency.

In the meantime, equip the shield, bid the goblin farewell, and head to the upper right red portal.

+1

[Weirdsound]

In the meantime, equip the shield, bid the goblin farewell, and head to the upper right red portal.

Thanks for the help Ishtar, my friend and I will be on our way now.

"Thank you for the business. Seek me out anytime you have Dubloons to burn!"

You strap your new shield to your left arm. It is heavy and slows your movement, but the protection it offers you inspires confidence. The slower pace also puts you at Jameson's walking speed, making it easier to coordinate stepping into the Warp Distortion at the same moment as your minion.

Once in the portal, you are not sure if you perceive it as some sort of scifi warp zone, or a literal passageway. For some reason, your brain refuses to understand exactly what is going on; momentarily it feels like your head, legs, and torso are all in different locations.



The strange feeling only lasts for a few seconds, and is quickly replaced by wonder. The universe is so much bigger than you could have imagined, and the future is yours to create!

+Creative Memory



You exit the warp distortion, and find yourself in a new room. To your north the Dataflow river runs through a pipe on the wall. To your south are two more warp distortions and two human looking figures apparently distracted by their cell phones. The guards stand between you and the furthest portal, as well as a pile of interesting refuse on the ground.

Even with your new shield and Jameson's shambling walk, you are fairly confident you can make it to the green portal before the room's inhabitants can react. It is also possible you might be able to rush them down for a surprise melee attack, although you are less positive about this. Assuming their hostility, reaching the Dark Blue portal or refuse without a fight is not likely to happen.

How do you proceed?

Assets by DALL-E and Midjourney. Character Sheet.

---

Spoiler: DALL-E, You Perv! (click to show/hide)

Me: first person cartoon perspective of stepping through a red portal
DALL-E, Unprovoked:

[King Zultan]

Are we sure those guys are even hostile?

Anyway I say we go for the green portal.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Yeah, let's not fight unless we have to right now. Try a run for the green portal. Or perhaps shamble, given that we're staggering around with a shield.

[IronyOwl]

We sure we don't want to amble over and say hello instead?

Or perhaps shamble, given that we're staggering around with a shield.[/b]

I've heard it said we're as nimble and elegant as a dead cow!

[Weirdsound]

Try a run for the green portal. Or perhaps shamble, given that we're staggering around with a shield.

You and Jameson shamble quickly and loudly across the room.



The occupants turn and notice you just as you reach the green portal.

"Errmmm... Excuse me. Ummmm, actually, this dugeon is a private clubhouse. Singularity Force members only. You are not author...."

BZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT! The Warp Distortion cuts him off mid-sentence, and you and Jameson quickly find yourselves in a new room.



This room houses only one other Warp Distortion to your Southeast. The Dataflow river cuts through the room from North to Southeast; It looks narrow enough to leap over. Three people stand on the far bank, looking right at you. You recognize one of them.

"So you choose to sit at the Rasputin society's table, and then storm OUR dungeon? I mean I guess I was pressuring you to come here and pick up a Sim Card... but still that takes balls. And it makes me feel certain feelings THAT ARE BEST RESOLVED WITH VIOLENCE!"

Ai produces a comically large sniper rifle and aims in your direction. Her two comrades point their palms in your direction. You note that they are wearing gauntlets that glow the same color as their eyes.

"Hehehe... Since you have no chance, I'll spot you losers the first move! BRING IT!"

In the heat of everything you notice it; The gauntlet wielding underling closest to you has the look of a potential buyer about him. You will likely have to deal with his leader and comrade before you are able to negotiate with him, however. How do you proceed?

Assets by DALL-E and Midjourney. Character Sheet.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Well looks like we're in for some fun.
Standing orders to Jameson: attack what we attack.
We're clearly not gonna be able to make a run for it this time. With that in mind... let's see.
Let's ask the crown if it's willing to animate our walking stick for us, since it locked us out of doing that. Use salesman skill to phrase it as a "necessary protection" or the like if needed.
I'm not certain how many actions we can take per turn, so please factor that in before considering these:

• Let's jump over the river alongside Jameson, assuming we're able to. Looking at our movement speed we can both land right next to the guy closest to us.
• Next, let's do some Homeric Recitation and try boring our adversaries out of their minds.

How far does Homeric Recitation go? Weirdsound, please don't consider this final yet until at least somebody else chimes in on it, because I'm not the best at this.