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[Weirdsound]

I think we should just let it have the crown, but it looks like at least one of the children belongs to the Rasputin Society.

You know what, I've had enough of this crown's groveling and manipulation. Dr. Bugbearstien, would you be so kind as to take it off my hands?

"O'course, kid. Now  this isn't going to tickle, and might cost you a few small bits of your scalp, but if you can hold still it shouldn't do any real 'arm, okay?"

"Nonononononon! Lets talk about this! Please! Mercy! This is going to hurt! You don't want pain, right? Nobody wants -AAAAAGH! THE PAINNNNNNNN!"

6

The Bugbear's claws erupt from his knuckles like a comic-book character, and he carefully wedges one between the crown and your skin. He then runs said claw around the diameter of your head. It painfully catches your skin in a few places. At one point you flinch, and cause the doctor to accidently take off a good chunk of your ear! After a few minutes of this agony, however, Dr. Bugbearstien pulls the claw out, and lifts the crown off your head. Your skills and memories come rushing back.

-Turquoise Studded Golden Crown
A curse has been lifted!

"Ehh... Not me cleanest work, but I got the damn thing off. I'll eat this sunofabitch later. I need ta focus on that teleporter before somebody with some actual moral fiber shows up. I could take that mace first, while I'm at it tho. Ya don't want something like that, right? Yer a good boy who don't want to kill no dwellers, eh?"

Sounds like you want the mace more than I want to get rid of it. Perhaps I should just move along like you suggested earlier.

"Errmm..."

How do you proceed?

Assets by DALL-E and Midjourney. Character Sheet.

[ZBridges]

Maybe it would be open to releasing the emo kid in exchange for the mace?

[IronyOwl]

I suspect the kid's worth a lot more than the mace, but it's worth a shot.

[King Zultan]

+1 To trying to negotiate for the kid, maybe we have some other cursed crap we could throw into the deal?

[Weirdsound]

Maybe it would be open to releasing the emo kid in exchange for the mace?

You said I lack moral fiber. But you also think I'm too good to be killing dwellers? Which is it. Am I a good man, or not?

You ask with a slight tinge of menace to your voice.

"Errrmmm... I don't know. Something in between I hope."

In between sounds about right. I'm not particularly motivated to stop you, per say, but I think it is in my best interests to rescue that kid wearing black in the back of your stasis field. You want the mace. I want the kid. I propose a swap.

"Hmmmm lad. That's a tough ask. Mace is a one-time meal for me, kid is a lifetime of dining. On the surface, notta great trade. But if ya factor in I'd still have two other kiddos ta play with, and want this operation to go smoothly and would rather ya don't try to play hero... ermmm... I might be open to that."

Might be?

"I'm a bit worried about taking you and yer pet two on one. If I give ya a friend, and ya decide to be dishonorable, the fight will be three on one. Don't much care for that math, do I? How 'bout we put the burden of trust on you instead, kiddo. I'll take the Mace now, and set the teleport to exempt yer buddy. You can hang out here while I work, should be three hours tops, help protect me genius should any actual heroes show up, and ya can have the emo bastard when I leave. Sound good?"

The Bugbear retracts the claws on his right hand, and offers it for you to shake.

How do you proceed?

Assets by DALL-E. Character Sheet.

[IronyOwl]

I say we take the deal. If he double crosses us, which seems likely, we'll hunt him down like the villainous teddy bear he is and loot his fancy lab in the process. Might even bring some of our Dweller buddies for a heroic redemption rescue mission.

[ZBridges]

I say we take the deal. If he double crosses us, which seems likely, we'll hunt him down like the villainous teddy bear he is and loot his fancy lab in the process. Might even bring some of our Dweller buddies for a heroic redemption rescue mission.

+1

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

I say we take the deal. If he double crosses us, which seems likely, we'll hunt him down like the villainous teddy bear he is and loot his fancy lab in the process. Might even bring some of our Dweller buddies for a heroic redemption rescue mission.

+1

+1. Now that we don't have a crown brainsuckering us, we should be able to pack more of a punch.

[King Zultan]

I say we take the deal. If he double crosses us, which seems likely, we'll hunt him down like the villainous teddy bear he is and loot his fancy lab in the process. Might even bring some of our Dweller buddies for a heroic redemption rescue mission.

+1

+1. Now that we don't have a crown brainsuckering us, we should be able to pack more of a punch.

+1

[Weirdsound]

I say we take the deal. If he double crosses us, which seems likely, we'll hunt him down like the villainous teddy bear he is and loot his fancy lab in the process. Might even bring some of our Dweller buddies for a heroic redemption rescue mission.

You shake Dr. Bugbearstien's hand.

We have a deal.

The Bugbear nods, and turns toward Jameson.

"Hopefully this undead bastard is better at holding still than you are, kid. Then again, removing somtin ya stuck holding is usually easier than removing somtin stuck to ya head..."

The claws pop out once more, and your new friend gets to work.

2

The not-so-good doctor manages to dislodge the mace while only inflicting a bit of collateral damage to the Zombie's hand.

-Ivory Encrusted Mace
A curse has been lifted!

"Alright... sit tight an watch the portals while I work. Assuming I don't get more surprise guests, we both get what we wantin a matter of hours."

---

Time passes, and you quickly learn that Dr. Bugbearstien is the chatty type. Most of what he says is just boring gossip about family and colleages of his that you have never met, but you pick up a few interesting nuggets as the minutes turn to hours...

"...so I take it ya trying to get in good with the Rasputin Club, or whatever dem lipstick wearers call themselves, based on who you bargained to save. Interesting folk them. They count the strongest and oldest of the Dwellers outside o' Levy and the Heartkeepers' personal army among their ranks. Bastard has been kicking 'round since the late sixties, and that's impressive. Those snots like to brag 'bout how immortal they be, but its really rare for em to last more than a decade without wandering away from the school an' getting killed or meeting a fate worse than death at the hands of a Sucubus or my ilk."

"...Have ya met Pal-Oof, dat Bugbear the guild goblin at the entrance is trying to put a hit on? I only ask I think he has ties to them emo kids. Been hearing rumors the Rasputin crew is working as his distribution network. That's just nuts... a Bugbear working with dwellers... but then again, I guess that be rich coming from a Bugbear working with a human."

"...You level up dweebs are fucking lucky, ya know that? Mr. Levy is scary enough that even the Khanum respects him, but he chooses to spend his time showing human children the ropes o' the dungeon life. You feckers get to run amok and do whatever you please, but everyone else in the dungeons 'round here gots to follow his rules or face annihilation."

"...See, us outsiders to these parts like to argue 'bout the number of dweller factions there are. Everyone agrees on three: The Rasputinites, the Singularity Sentai Squad, and the Hero Jocks. But then there are the militants; They supposedly have infiltrated a clique in da school like the others, but they stay out of petty squabbles and only act when ordered by Levy or a Heartkeeper. I personally know a few dumb blots willing to come to blows over if they count as a faction or not."

---

You don't know how long it has been. Probably at least an hour and a half. Long enough to learn that the clock on your phone doesn't work in the Overflow Bin. Dr. Bugbearstien told you he was getting to the end of things about 20 minutes ago.

Suddenly, the warp distortions flare to life. Six gauntlet clad dweller nerds pop into the room.



"Kill the Bugbear and the Zombie, and knock Randy the fuck out. Levy wont let us kill him, so we'll have to come up with something creative to punish him for siding with both the Rasputin Society and this monster!"

Dr. Bugbearstien sighs.

"...Whelp. Now I'm glad I bargained with ya kiddo. Purple Gauntlets punch. Orange Gauntlets blast. We can enter the stasis field safely, but the Dwellers cannot; Can't hide there forever though, they can shoot in, and if they get ta my terminal they can probably figure out how ta turn it off eventually. That should be everything ol' Levy didn't tell ya 'bout fighting the Singularity Farce, so LETS BUST SOME HEADS!"

How do you proceed?

Assets by Midjourney and DALL-E. Character Sheet.

[IronyOwl]

Dayum shame we ditched Jameson's mace, but his horns are now the best weapon we've got.

Switch to machete and charge the purple nerd to our direct right, if we can do both. If not, just charge with our walking stick. Jameson bull rushes the southern purple nerd and has full permission to KILL.


I'd like to Animate Tool but I'm worried about them having the firepower to destroy it, and menacing the ranged ones might be more important than summoning another comrade. Homeric Epic would be nice but it's unreliable, nappers might wake up from combat sounds, and we can't hit very many of them without risking Jameson taking another nap or locking him out of reaching most targets.

That said, "bard smash" isn't the most reassuring combat strategy, so I'm open to more sophisticated ideas.

Unrelated to our current predicament, this is some fascinating banter. Levy's a powerful dweller with an interest in human children for some reason? How odd. Bugbearstein referenced "the Khanum," which might mean the bugbear god is a position rather than a specific name. And of course we now have names for the four lunch table factions; apparently Mean Girl is some kind of... apolitical hit squad answering to Levy or something?

[King Zultan]

Dayum shame we ditched Jameson's mace, but his horns are now the best weapon we've got.

Switch to machete and charge the purple nerd to our direct right, if we can do both. If not, just charge with our walking stick. Jameson bull rushes the southern purple nerd and has full permission to KILL.

+1 Hopefully the good doctor will aid us in combat.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Dayum shame we ditched Jameson's mace, but his horns are now the best weapon we've got.

Switch to machete and charge the purple nerd to our direct right, if we can do both. If not, just charge with our walking stick. Jameson bull rushes the southern purple nerd and has full permission to KILL.


I'd like to Animate Tool but I'm worried about them having the firepower to destroy it, and menacing the ranged ones might be more important than summoning another comrade. Homeric Epic would be nice but it's unreliable, nappers might wake up from combat sounds, and we can't hit very many of them without risking Jameson taking another nap or locking him out of reaching most targets.

That said, "bard smash" isn't the most reassuring combat strategy, so I'm open to more sophisticated ideas.

Unrelated to our current predicament, this is some fascinating banter. Levy's a powerful dweller with an interest in human children for some reason? How odd. Bugbearstein referenced "the Khanum," which might mean the bugbear god is a position rather than a specific name. And of course we now have names for the four lunch table factions; apparently Mean Girl is some kind of... apolitical hit squad answering to Levy or something?

+1 but I'd like to note that if we don't use Curse of Circe this turn, maybe we should do it next turn. Pig-ifying an enemy, even if it turns into some sort of tusk-shooting monster boar, will probably make it slightly less painful to deal with.

[Weirdsound]

Dayum shame we ditched Jameson's mace, but his horns are now the best weapon we've got.

Switch to machete and charge the purple nerd to our direct right, if we can do both. If not, just charge with our walking stick. Jameson bull rushes the southern purple nerd and has full permission to KILL.


I'd like to Animate Tool but I'm worried about them having the firepower to destroy it, and menacing the ranged ones might be more important than summoning another comrade. Homeric Epic would be nice but it's unreliable, nappers might wake up from combat sounds, and we can't hit very many of them without risking Jameson taking another nap or locking him out of reaching most targets.

That said, "bard smash" isn't the most reassuring combat strategy, so I'm open to more sophisticated ideas.

Unrelated to our current predicament, this is some fascinating banter. Levy's a powerful dweller with an interest in human children for some reason? How odd. Bugbearstein referenced "the Khanum," which might mean the bugbear god is a position rather than a specific name. And of course we now have names for the four lunch table factions; apparently Mean Girl is some kind of... apolitical hit squad answering to Levy or something?

You set Jameson's standing order to KILL the enemy, swap to your machete, and charge at the nerd right in front of you!

Machete to Hit: 18 + 2 = 20
Damage: 5

You burry your weapon right into the dweller's shoulder! He howls in pain. Jameson follows up by bull-rushing the purple gauntlet wearing nerd to the south!

[url author=Bullrush Horn Attack]
To Hit: 5 + 5 + 5 = 15
Damage: 2 + 1 = 3
[/url]

The undead minotuar collides with its target, but does not quite exert enough force to knock the hapless nerd over.

"Hang on kiddo. Let me fire up muh security protocols, then I'll get right to joining ya in this little melee."

Doctor Bugbearstien presses a few buttons on his console. Suddenly a small goblin looking creature that looks to have been torn from a low polycount 64 bit era videogame appears near the edge of the stasis field.

"Buhahahaha! My Polygoblins will tear you apart if me and this human ain't enough, dweller scum!"

"PaRRRAmeters REcoGniZED M-M-M-MasTEr! PurGINg dWelLer SCuM!"

Despite its apparent enthusiasm, the Polygoblin is unable to move before the dwellers compose themselves and counter attack! The two purple nerds near your take a swing, as does the one Jameson is fighting.

Attack rolls of unidentified enemies are hidden.

Randy is attacked twice and hit once for 5 damage.
Jameson is hit once for 3 damage.

You manage to block one of the gauntlet punches with your heavy shield, but the other painfully finds its way to your gut! Then the nerds with the orange gauntlets move...

Neither the attacker nor target are identified.
Dr. Bugberstien is attacked once for damage.

The northernmost blaster fires a shot which grazes Dr. Bugbearstien. His two comrades take a few steps back, their gauntlets begin to glow as if they are charging up, but they do not fire yet.



How do you proceed?

Assets by DALL-E and Playground AI. Character Sheet.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Hmm... Well, let's see. I feel like it might be worth spraying some "Colorum Splendidus" in the injured nerd's face (the one we poked) if it looks like it could be used in such a manner, and then going at him again with the machete. Jameson can do what he does best: gore things.

Are improvised weapons a thing in this game? Or do we need to find that out ourselves?

Open to feedback and/or alternate suggestions.