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[Wild Goose]

Epic Fail (in Fortress Mode, I'm afraid)
I was building around a volcano, as usual, when a fire imp came to mess with my workers.  The closest one was my designated clerk (who never seems to get picked as the ruler, oddly enough), so I Drafted him and he became a wrestler.  He runs up to the imp, smashes it's upper body into the red, and hurls it back into the fires from whence it came.
Well and cool and all, but it turns out he fell in too.  Weird thing was, he died almost instantly.  Dwarves are freaking tough, I guess.

[Loctavus]

This is about my most epic fail ever.

Playing adventure mode as a hydra after an absolute killing spree as a tentacle demon. I was trying to assault a goblin fortress, and I was getting annoyed about wandering around trying to find a way through the mountains.

I figured, how much harm could I come to if I just...say...hopped off that cliff there. I was a size 20 hydra, I could take a short fall.

You slam into an obstacle!
Your fourth head is mangled!
You have been stunned!
Your nose, fourth head has been broken!
Your throat, fourth head has been blackened!
Your neck, fourth head has been crippled!
Your brain, fourth head has been crippled!
Your fifth head is mangled!
Your left eye, fifth head has been blackened!
Your neck, fifth head has been crippled!
Your brain, fifth head has been broken!
Your right rear leg is mangled!
Your second head is mangled!
Your nose, second head has been badly bruised!
Your brain, second head has been crippled!
Your fifth neck is mangled!
Your first head is mangled!
You have been stunned again!
Your nose, first head has been mangled!
Your neck, first head has been broken!
Your first head is smashed into the body, an unrecognizable mass!
You have been stunned again!
Your right eye, first head has been blackened!
Your left eye, first head has been blackened!
Your left front leg is mangled!
Your upper body is mangled!
You are having trouble breathing!
Your right lung has been pierced!
Your left lung has been pierced!
Your heart has been pierced!
Your liver has been broken!
You give in to pain.

And to add insult to injury... I found an effing goblin.

The Guard hacks at You in the left rear leg with her Iron halberd!
The shot glances away.
The Guard hacks at You in the first neck with her Iron halberd!
The shot glances away.
You have bled to death.

Epic. Fail.

[MathijsBuster]

I figured, how much harm could I come to if I just...say...hopped off that cliff there. I was a size 20 hydra, I could take a short fall.

The heavier they are, the harder they fall.
Ever seen, like.. say.. an elephant jump down a small cliff? It's not pretty.

[Loctavus]

Well five mashed heads later and I was violently corrected on my misunderstanding. 

[Valandor]

Now if you would have been a winged dragon or something then it would have been strange

[tp12]

i was buisy clearing out a town when i accidentaly set myself on fire.

[Ostsol]

My favourite fail came after I'd just completed a quest involving the killing of a skeletal macelord.  I had spent alot of time building that character. . .  I don't use any of the power-leveling techniques described in the forum and Wiki.  Instead I just wrestle every critter I find in caves: knocking them out or down with my weapon and then strangling them.  (GCSs are always avoided, of course.)  All of the semi-megas I faced fell this way.  It takes a while, but in the end I find it a more fulfilling way to build a character.

Anyway, the macelord didn't put up much of a fight.  He never managed to get past my defenses, while I hacked off bits with every hit.  He fell and, feeling cocky, I decided to loot his corpse.  Then, while trying on various items, I suddenly got a message that my heart had been pierced.  I managed two panicked steps before falling dead.  Obviously, I should have been sneaking the moment the macelord fell. . .

[Makrond]

I decided to assault a dark fortress... 'cept when I got there, it didn't seem like anyone was home. Then I saw a strange red " flitting around... I followed it and discovered it was actually a goblin. She ran up the stairs and back into the aboveground part of the fortress. I chased her and strangled her with my <*Iron Bow*> or whatever it was until she fell unconscious. I then turned my attention to the bowgoblin that had come up in the meantime. I saw another bowgob on the other side of what I thought was a wall, and forgot about it. Next thing I know, my right lower arm has been pierced, with an Iron Arrow stuck deep in the wound. I drop my bow, but I'm holding a rock in my other hand. I manage to beat the goblin I'm wrestling with senseless, but then I get pummeled with another three arrows. Both my arms are now useless, and my left knee is broken.

Then the first goblin wakes up and whips me to death; bleeding to death shortly after.

Turns out they weren't walls, they were fortifications. Bugger.

[alfie275]

umm tp12 your sig says *pulls liver* instead of * pulls lever* just thought I would say.

Anyway my most epic failure was when there was a magma leak, I thought oh well it'l flow into my moat , but then there is a goblin siege , one of the goblins steps on the pressure plate wich for some reason opens the moat flooding reservoir , so the moat floods and the magma maks it into obsidian, the magma then flows over the top and into my main entrance way.
The goblins don't take the main entrance they take he side entranceb ut don't need to worry I just pull a lever and it closes, now which lever was it again? That one, I'm sure but no that released my mega beasts into the unfinished arena where they kill ll my miners and rampage through my fortress which is now flooding with magma, the magma kills everything except my dwarves in there rooms, so I pull the apocalypse flood sytem lever, all the magma turns to obsidian , water drains, ok i just mine the obsidian right? No I just remember all my picks where on the miners and ALL the miners were killed. Most epic fail ever!

[Logical2u]

This started off as an epic win and turned into an epic failure.

After slaughtering two goblin fortresses and a cave, my adventurer (a dwarven hammerman by the name of Kib Tacticarch the North Bones) was tasked by a random human to kill a demon by the name of Unu. No big deal, he thought.

He was decked out in superiorly made adamantine plate mail, with six superior adamantine shields and a superior adamantine hammer, and was talented in hammering, a master of shield use. No big deal.

He quick travels to the fortress. He starts running as fast as his extremely agile legs can take him toward the temple of Unu.

Unu dialogues Kib. "Blah blah blah!" but the demon is flying. Oh, great. So Kib finishes off the whip-goblin on the ground.

Unu lands. "Alright", he thinks. "I'll just run up to him and finish him off, no problem".

Unu throws a ball of fire at him.

Code: [Select]

You are struck by a ball of flames!
Your right lower arm is cracked by the heat!
Your right elbow has been badly burned!
Your upper body is cracked by the heat!
Your upper spine has been cracked by the heat!
Your lower body is cracked by the heat!
Your stomach has been badly burned!
Your pancreas has been badly burned!
Your right kidney has been cracked by the heat!
Your left lower leg is cracked by the heat!
Your left lower leg is partially incinerated!
You lose hold of the *Adamantine shield*.x5
You lose hold of the *Adamantine war hammer*.
You fall over.
You lose hold of the *Adamantine shield*.
Kib Rimadrovod Irolosod, Hammerdwarf has left the martial trance.
"Oh, great. All my stuff is gone. Wait..."

Kib throws some +Adamantine bolt+s at Unu (my fortress had some talented metalworkers, thankfully). One catches Unu in the right leg.

Code: [Select]

The flying +Adamantine bolt+ strikes The demon in the right upper leg!
It is mangled!
The demon's right hip has been crippled!
The demon falls over.
The demon gives in to pain.
You give in to pain.
"Alright!" Kib thinks. "All I need to do now is run away so that my wounds heal!" Unu regains consciousness, but the *Adamantine Plate-mail* deflects most of the shots this time, including some fireballs.

Code: [Select]

The demon bites You in the right upper leg!
The shot glances away.
The demon grabs You by the left lower leg with his right upper arm!
The demon locks Your left knee with The demon's right upper arm!
The demon badly sprains Your left knee!
Unu, demon has bled to death.
Somehow, that shot to the hip brought Unu down. Kib, the North Bones, is UNSTOPPABLE. He just took down the leader of the Goblins!
 
Now to get the hell out of here...

Wait.

Code: [Select]

You can't travel because somebody can see you.
You are no longer stunned.
You give in to pain.
The goblin punches You in the left lower arm with his left hand!
Great, another goddamn wrestler thinks he can take me on. Well, we'll just see about THAT.

Code: [Select]

The goblin punches You in the left hand with his right hand!
The shot glances away.
You have suffocated.
Oh.

Historians would later say, Unu was associated with Death, Torture, and Fire. Only that year did he become an enemy of the humans. He mortally wounded Kib Tacticarch the North Bones, who suffocated, but was slain by Kib Tacticarch.

(oddly enough, I looked through the legends, and saw that a goblin crossbowman that attacked my fortress returned to his home where he was killed by my adventurer two years later...  adorned in armour from a place he failed to destroy)

[Astus Ater]

*sigh* Just had an Epic Failure but it wasn't in Adventure mode, nor in Dwarf Fortress mode. Yesterday, in real life, I failed royally at walking. I somehow stepped with the side of my foot, and put all my weight on it. I now have a sprained ankle, and spent an hour and a half at the ER, where they gave me a boot to wear for the next three-to-five days.

Probably worse than the time I accidently fell asleep in adventure mode next to a goblin I was killing.

[Neoskel]

So i had this great idea. Whenever i killed something new, i would keep it's body and burn it until only the bones and skull were left and i would keep the skull. So i had a groundhog skull, a wolf skull, a cougar skull, and a black bear skull. Then i realized, my legendary ambushing/throwing/swimming/armor using/shield using/wrestling dwarf could head over to the nearby goblin fortress and get a goblin skull and maybe even a demon skull.

So i head in and kill every single goblin and the demon. Then i took some time to grab a bunch of the corpses and pile them up on top of some shrub, which i then lit on fire. Since things can take a while to burn, i stepped a good distance away from the fire and went to sleep. When i woke, there was a neat pile of goblin bones and skulls with a set of demon bones (darn demon didn't leave a skull..) amid a 6 square diameter area of burning grass.

I walked in and picked up a goblin skull, ...and caught fire. I ran over to the nearest stagnant pool of water, jumped in and boiled to death. 

[Cthulhu]

I just made a swordsman, put Crusader for his profession name, and went out to cast down Gozru Tombsins, the demon god of the nearby goblin civilization.  After purging over a dozen of his filthy worshipers, the demon himself announced his presence, and leapt from the top of his tower.  I threw my spear and hit him in the hip, due to the weird flying bug, he fell.

Five Z-levels.

And survived!  Nearly every part of his body was broken or mangled, but he was alive after falling five Z-levels.  A testament to the absurd constitution of a demon.  Then, in what could've been the coolest moment in DF history if it weren't for my lack of planning, I drop my sword and grab his head to gouge out his eyes(Coolest moment ever would've been if I had dropped the shield, grabbed him by the head, and then started hitting him.  Just imagine that, a demon is lying mortally wounded, and the human knight grabs him by the horn, lifts his head up, and then cleaves it in half with his sword.  It just screams awesome).  Long story short, I wasn't able to gouge out his eyes due to a tiny hand and low wrestling skill, he burned off my face with a fireball, and the fight degraded into a Who's Going to Regain Consciousness First Contest.  This went for a while, as we both went in and out too quickly to do any real damage.  That is, until he breathed fire and fireballed in the same turn.  Now I'm dead, and since he didn't suffer any permanent damage, I can't make a new guy to finish him off, I'm going to have to kill him legitimately.

[RavingManiac]

During my first try at adventurer mode, I start out as a dwarven swordsman. After figuring out the controls and all, I set out on an arduous trek towards the nearest fortress. It takes a while, and I reach its location only to meet with a solid block wall. After a few minutes, I finally find a path to the top and, after more trial and error, figure out how to descend stairs.

And when I look around the fortress, I realize that it is a featureless, bland pit in the ground with no shops or anything, merely a bunch of drunks.

Long story short, I commit suicide my hurling myself down from the sides of the pit multiple times until I bleed to death.

I have not touched adventure mode since.

[Cthulhu]

You should go back to it, there are much better things to do than commit suicide.