We can start by having him modify a stone shell with his geomancy. Since we know he is capable of messing with them we can have him physically modify them so they can be used by humans. If he can manage that then none of our minions will get eaten, since our employer will assume they're inedible as we are.
Ginger Brogue considers your request.
"The shells are statues for magical creatures ta possess, not armor for people like me to wear. Solid all the way through. I'm not saying adapting them for human use would be impossible, but I sure as hell wouldn't know where to begin boss. Methinks you'd have a better shot teaching mortals how to do possessions, than you would hollowing out the statues."The little man strokes his red beard.
"But that said, if ye got a spare shell, when this job is over I could take apart the magics and see if I can figure out how they work. No way in on this green earth the shell would survive my experiments, and no guarentee I'd get anything useful out of it, but there is a chance I could find a way to apply the strength and protection charms on it to other objects."Be open about our employer being that one meth-addicted crocodile. Try to plan around that. Have them go pub crawling or something when Deinosuchus shows up if that's going to be a problem.
Don't keep the meth-addicted crocodile waiting, get in touch with him as soon as we can with the stuff.
The hotel has a top floor common room with a bar where monsters and Villains' may gather without disrupting the regular guests. You bring Brogue and Zero-E out to meet Super Phreak. The old human picks out a quiet table in the corner, and opens up medium sized travel suitcase, revealing the many pages of the USDAGC.
"Here is the document you requested boss. Might I add it is a pleasure to meet you in person.""The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Grey, but I am no mere person." You offer a slight smirk, before adopting the serious facial expression you have seen mortal leaders employ in briefings.
"And on that note, neither is out employer. I have gathered you three together to share the facts as I know them. Our employer is the major super-villain Deinosuchus. As I am sure you are all well aware, Deinosuchus usually works alone, and has little to no history pulling off big complicated jobs that require a full team of Underlings and Henchmen. The agency suspects that he might just be 'ordering takeout' from them, if you well. As such I was given the job as I am not particularly appetizing."A silence falls over the table. Super Phreak is the first to break it.
"That is an interesting development. I thought I smelled something fishy. A few years back, just for fun, I looked into the assets of all the major Villains. Deinosuchus isn't much of the 'worldly possessions' type. In general the totality of his assets usually boils down to a few guns, some fishing gear, whatever truck he has most recently stolen, and whatever abandoned property he is currently squatting in to use as a Meth Lab. There is no way he can afford to hire the agency."You decide against bringing up your big signing bonus as a counter-point. As much as you like the taste and aroma of envy, it rarely bodes well to be the one others a jealous of.
"Regardless of our concerns," you explain,
"it is our duty to serve Deinosuchus to the best of our ability until he gives us good reason to do otherwise. But that doesn't mean we cannot be cautious. Unless doing so is completely unavoidable, Nobody aside from me will be meeting our client in person. Brogue, your task for now is to come up with a magical solution to make yourself and your peers less appetizing to Cannibals capable of transforming into Alligator Kaiju. It would reflect poorly on me if I were to let any of you dear delicious mortals under my care end up as gator food.""Will do boss. Give me a couple days, and I'll whip up something to protect me an' the lads.""And what of the rest of us?" Asks Zero-E.
"Our Client has been vague about our job, and doesn't care to field questions. I'm expecting to receive more information shortly after I hand the document into him. On that note, he is coming to the hotel to pick the file up. I suggest you all make yourselves scarce for the time being." You then wrinkle your nose, and give the same speech that every Underling you have worked for as a henchman has ever given.
"Have fun until I call you back in, but no public display of your powers, gear, or uniforms. If the forces of justice know a specific Agency Henchperson is in an area, they are more likely to send heroes with the skills and abilities to counter said henchperson when we start doing our job. The longer we go without our presence here being public knowledge, the better, my dears."You can smell the apprehension, perhaps even mild fear, on your henchmen as they learn the circumstances of their employment, but nothing that would suggest imminent disobedience or treachery. You dismiss the trio, and call Deinosuchus.
He answers on the 9th ring.
"Yes?""I got the document.""Good. I'll be by the hotel tonight. Keep an eye out. I'll arrive in a red Semi-cab without a trailer and wait across the street from your room. Come out to the truck, hand over the goods, and we will have a chat."---
Deinosuchus' truck arrives a few minutes past 10pm. You check to make sure the street is clear, and fly out to meet him. The tinted window is open a crack, and from inside you hear a voice.
"Passenger door is unlocked. Get in."The batch of incubi forged for the invasion of earth were not designed to experience fear in any capacity other than as a meal, but as you enter Cletus' truck, you feel the sort of foreboding nerves that you haven't experienced since the final days of the invasion.
The passenger seat itself is clearly stained with fairly fresh blood, and a few large bones, including a broken human skull, sit at your feet, but it is Deinosuchus himself who really makes you uncomfortable. At first glance, he isn't much: Average sized, slightly overweight, and rocking a bootlegged Breaking Bag shirt that reads 'I am the Danger'. But you know that with the possible exception of the archdevils who created and trained you, that this is the strongest being you have ever met. Even in his human form, Deinosuchus is said to be obscenely strong and durable, and that is before you take into account the fact that he can turn into a 100ft tall reptilian monster at the drop of a hat.
Beyond all that, it is Deinosuchus emotional state that truly catches your attention. He doesn't have one. Perfect emotional neutral. Like smelling a flower. This in and of itself is quite unusual; You were specifically created to read, interact with, and terrorize the mortals of earth. You usually have some issues smelling and understanding the aroma of beings who are not, or not entirely human. But you are still a demon. You should be able to pick up something of an emotion from any mortal, especially one this close to you. It is only when he reaches over to grab the briefcase containing the document, and his arm briefly brushes your stone shell, that you sense it.
Your first thought is that you have never detected an emotion so perfectly repressed. But your first thought is quickly pushed from your head by the second; Never before have you detected a despair so complete. Deep down Deinosuchus is completely and utterly resigned to some less than pleasant fate. The fact that something can make a being as powerful as him feel that way is terrifying enough on its own. The fact that any mortal can hide such despair and function normally makes no sense. The fact that the person feeling this perfect despair is your employer is particularly troubling.
Cletus stares at the document for a few minutes before he nods, puts the truck in drive, and informs you that
"We are going for a drive."For the better part of three hours the two of you drive in silence through the nighttime swampscape. You can do little except fixate on the strange circumstances of the person sitting to your left.
Eventually, however, the truck comes to a stop outside a large metal gate at the base of a hill.
"This town is Called Gator Gulch. There is an airport here I'd like to use as my base of operations for the upcoming work. Sadly, I have some... erm... bad history with the drug runners who control the place. I ate old Cajun Jack's arm and was silly enough to let him escape with his life because it tasted bad. The guy holds a grudge, and seeing as he is one of the Veja Cartel's major distributors in the American South, he's an inconvenient enemy to have. I'd go in loud, and eat his whole fucking crew, but then everybody would know its my base of operations."Your employer points to the gate.
"The family that lives in that house up the Hill are the Clancys. Bunch of rich fucks who's ancestors bought the plantation from a bunch of broke former slave owning fucks. The Patriarch and several of his adult sons fly planes as a hobby, and they own a hangar at the airport. As far as I know, they are the only non-drug people to utilize the place, so they probably have a relationship with Cajun Jack."Deinosuchus offers you a wicked grin that is completely unsubstantiated by any detectable emotions.
"What you and your crew are going to do is pay the Clancys a visit, and 'convince' them that it is in their best interest to let us use their hangar without making a fuss. Ideally we then use them fucks to reach out to Cajun Jack, and hopefully gain access to the entire airport without making a big public stink. Don't mention my name. Let them think you are running the operation. Jack should be more agreeable that way."Having finished his instructions, Deinosuchus turns his truck around, and starts driving back towards the city.
Do you dare attempt to talk with your employer on the ride back? If not, what is your next move?