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[Loud Whispers]

"Everyone says every country is full of friendly people but this is a flat out lie"

[hops]

Warning: A whopping 21% of Earth's surface atmosphere is composed of oxygen, a caustic gas which its inhabitants breathe. There is very low concentration of methane, and so most travelers who don't breath exotic gases like nitrogen or oxygen may require their own supply, or to purchase a herd of cows.

[Il Palazzo]

Useful phrases understandable by a large part of the local populace:
Fuck! - this is bad
Fuck off! - go away
Fuck off - I don't believe you
Fuck you! - I don't like you
You fuck - you are unintelligent
Fuck-up - an error
Fuck me! - this is good
Fuck me - I implore you to engage in a consensual act of mutual massaging of our sexual organs

[EuchreJack]

What would be in it?

Written for aliens of course.

I'll shoot the guy who says the obvious reference.

Written by Novel based upon his in-depth research of an obscure forum known as Bay12forums on a primitive thing they call an "internet".  It's like our Information Storm, but involves tin cans and wires.

[King Zultan]

The name of the planet means dirt and as such dirt is the most valuable thing on the planet.

[Sirus]

"A planet inhabited by primitive apes who still think that digital wristwatches are cool and new."

[Magmacube_tr]

"You see that planet? Don't come 100 light years near it at any cost. Okay? Good."

[MorleyDev]

"Move along, nothing of value to find here"

[EuchreJack]

"The rock under which any self-respecting scum can hide in peace."

[King Zultan]

"The entire planet is a garbage dump so feel free to drop your trash wherever you please."

[EuchreJack]

"They worship their dead printed on paper"

[King Zultan]

"They drink H₂O, a liquid know to be deadly to most every living creature in the universe."

[Loud Whispers]

"Do not feed the humans. If you do, they will grow dependent on you and expect more. Eventually humans will start scavenging from your spaceship."

[Sirus]

"Not even the dominant species on the planet are fully aware of what goes on in the depths of their oceans, despite said oceans taking up roughly three-quarters of the planet. Subaquatic exploration is to be done at one's own risk."

[Magmacube_tr]

"Not even the dominant species on the planet are fully aware of what goes on in the depths of their oceans, despite said oceans taking up roughly three-quarters of the planet. Subaquatic exploration is to be done at one's own risk."

To give us some slack, our oceans are much deeper than they optimally should. The crushing pressure and permanent darkness makes things super hard. And makes those depths very much ecologically unproductive.

Earth is an habitable planet alright, just not a super one.