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[Egan_BW]

"Hold nothing back, gramps! Show me why they call you Big Boss!" RAM THE MONKE

[SuperDino85]

”Hey, quit with the loud whining, Purple Stache! This is a warmup race! There’s plenty of other chances to crush or be crushed! Pfff-BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”
Laughing with a kind of maliciousness and insanity only himself, his army and…okay yeah even Mario can understand, Bowser catches a glimpse behind him of Purple Stache and his shell battalion, and decides to drive defensively for once in the entire race as he USES THE HECK OUT OF THE POW BLOCK WITH A SCARY GRIN SO BIG HE DROOLS!!

[Devastator]

That was probably worth it.. the big lizard was going to pass me anyway.  And I learned something.  So all you have to do is touch an area to count as being in it, hmm..  and from that Reverse sign, don't go backwards..

So if you only go forwards, and if I were to not actually skip any areas..

Hit the dash panel and then use the red cheep to fly off the ground.  Then flip over, and properly viking shield glide over the watering hole!  As long as I land in Blue, it should be okay, and all I need to do is to remember to turn the right way.. left.

-edit- If Bowser uses the Pow block before the dash panel, use the cheep cheep to dodge and hopefully grab a green one.

-double edit- Since there don't seem to be any cheeps, if Bowser uses the Pow block first, just try to dodge the pow and gain speed from the jump with a nice downwards glide.

[Toaster]

  Crank took a glance at the map.  The story was grim; he was stuck where he was unless someone ahead of him fouled up considerably.  "Boomer, I think we need to readjust our strategy; not all the old tricks are working.  I still think this one's a winner, though."

RAM anyone who tries to pass me!


Crank watched Chompy bounce off into the subset. 

"Take care, my friendly foe..."

[Dwarmin]

Luigi's Waterway - Turn 13

Everyone left is entering BLUE!
BLUE SEGMENT

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Segment Tags
Segment Tags
<--Split path-->
Outer Curve:
---Safety Rails (For a reason): If hit by a knock up item or hazard, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back.
---Broad Dash Panel: +1 Momentum to all passing racers
---Broad Curve: +1 to Power Slides

Inner Curve:
---Not MOSHA compliant: If hit by an item that causes momentum loss, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back. Racers can attempt to ram each other into the pit-on a successful ram, the unmodified check succeeds on a nat 1 or 2.
---Tight Curve: +1 to Power Slides, Gain a Free Pass Attempt (even on power slide fail)
---Item Boxes: Loots!

SHORTCUT action
If you have a Cheep Cheep in your inventory, lose it and bypass the shortcut.

Pull ahead!

1st<---->8th

https://youtu.be/8yjDTMgcU5Q <--Track Mood Music
Player Action

POW block! The ground QUAKES! Mortality Clarified in a single strike!

...

Transcending history and the world, a tale of souls and swords, eternally retold. Now, two souls are fiercely entangled. A hero desires a sword, and a sword desires truth!

..."Hold nothing back, gramps! Show me why they call you Big Boss!"

Spoiler: Jacks Turn (click to show/hide)

RAM THE MONKE

Jack is getting pumped, ready to deal a singular strike with his zorros rapier if the Monke should be so foolish to approach him.

So pumped he forgets to jump the POW block! Oops!

POW!

1
-2 Momentum! (Now 2!)

The Icecream scoop tumbles right out of the cone! Hee hooooooooo!

...

He now notices Cranky, also tossed into the air by the POW, is now rising in the air to meet him! Hee ho? HELL NO!

Jack's first strike cleaves through Crankys old ape defenses-a tiny wooden barrel is all he has to defend himself, raised in a desperate block, and Jacks sword cuts through it like a bad dream, sending foam clouds spraying about!

Pathetic. Jack thinks, his face viewed from a low angle, looking downwards.

He raises his sword again to cut through Crankys left tire (It's not like he was gonna KILL ANYBODY, RIGHT? LIFE ISN'T FAIR THOUGH...HEE HO!)

...Only to find his blade blocked!

Where did the old Monkey get a cane?

The two meet in mid-air, weapons clashing with enough force to send a storm wave rolling across the lake!

Draft attempt INTERRUPTED by RAM!
[6+2=8] vs [2+2-1=1]
Fail! -1 momentum! (Now 1!)
A furious volley of blows is exchanged as Jack leans back in his seat to try and slash Crankys Kart away! He's surprised to find his blade can't puncture Crankys weapon! It takes him a moment to realize. It's possibly made of the same material as his sword...which means...

Dark barrel wood splinters from the cane and Shadow-Stuff from the sword flies in the air as the combatants increase the pace of their assault on one another...Jack quickly realizes he's being outmatched! No matter how fast his sword seems to swing, always seeking the weakest point in any defense-Cranky parries every blow with casual ease, turning Jacks own attacks against him-always deflecting a chopping strike into a glancing blow. It's like trying to fight the river-formless, flowing, a perfect defense. Jack Frost realizes his blade has one critical weakness, it only seeks weakness in defense, but doesn't account for skill-an experienced cane fighter like Cranky knows where he weak spots are and instinctively guards them!

As Jack begins to lose more ground, he finds his grip rapidly loosening, and his karts light weight doesn't help either-he barely dodges one stick to the face, while barely dodging another as the hook swings about trying to snatch him off his kart! With an almost pitying glance from the Old Kong (or perhaps this is contempt), Jack is finally disarmed with a single flick-his sword is sent flying into the air, where it slides down into the nearby river, cutting through the water without a splash, but merely a silent whicker-narrowly missing a younger monkey in a...hovercraft? Where did he come from?

The blade comes to rest in the lake bed point downward, momentarily abating the furious battles place between the cheep cheeps just under the surface.

One young Red Cheep swims forward to lay fin upon the blade...

...

Jack is bopped on the head painfully by the cane, as naughty ice cream boys deserve, and Cranky begins to build momentum-gaining drafting speed!

Draft attempt!
[3+2+1=6] vs [3+1=4]

Jack Frost realizes his final error. All this time, he thought they were dueling-but Cranky was also building up power to his banana spoiler! Somehow he was drafting in MID-AIR! With a super-sonic burst, Cranky releases the stored energy-Kong BLASTS past Jacks Kart, soaring over him, and onto the dash pad!

Position lost!

...Well, at least that was fun! Guess he didn't hold back after all, hee ho.

"Coconut Spoiler, don't fail me now!"

Spoiler: Crankys Turn (click to show/hide)

With the checkered flag approaching fast, Cranky Kong Drafts to the Outside, hoping to squeak over the finish line before the POW block of doom obliterates the track!

Cranky lines up to draft, noticing two things, neither of which he's entirely prepared for...

POW!

3
-2 Momentum! (Now 2!)

The POW is a lot closer this time, and Crankys Kart has taking a Heck of a pounding over the race-this particular tremor sends something important flying off his kart. It takes him a moment to realize this was the most important part of the kart. Himself! He's flying through the air, barely hanging onto his kart for dear life-and sailing right toward Jack Frost!

As he watches, the Snowcone Man lifts what looks like the hilt of an sword-Cranky can just barely make the outlines of a long, blade shaped energy emanating from it, radiating unseen danger. Cranky digs in his kart-all he has is a fire extinguishers, which he raises in a desperate block! He can only watch helplessly as the porta-barrel is sliced in two like it was made of paper, spewing banana cream into the air and buying him only a half second...

Eyes flashing red like a lensflare, Jack raises his sword once again! He feels like a chunk of pineapple about to meet the skewer at a BBQ!

"Pop pop! CATCH!"

Crankys wrinkled hand snaps out, trusting Diddy is giving him something to defend him and not like, a pillow or something. He notices Diddy has driven out into the river beside the track, bobbing on his old Diddy Kart Hovercraft. You call this kart a deathtrap? Those things were MUCH WORSE!

...

What lands in Crankys hand is a cane. Not HIS cane. Something altogether different...heh.

Cranky hops up, feet and tail operating the controls of his kart, so he can meet Jack with both hands!

Draft attempt INTERRUPTED by RAM!
[6+2=8] vs [2+2-1=1]

Meeting in a ferocious mid-air battle, Cranky puts all his considerable experience in Cane Fighting he's earned over the years to the test. Oh ho, thought he was defenseless, did they? After the whole Tropical Freeze incident, Cranky could finally put his cane bouncing and cane whacking skills to use-his muscles and mind may have withered, but his reflexes were sharp as ever!

He finds the new cane responds to his desires almost with a will of its own-it seems to direct his cane to block every attack of that nearly invisible, stabbing blade. But this is no magic. This is experience, son.

He notices with the steady patience of years spent on his rocking chair watching karts go by, that the sword always seems to seek his weakest side, trying to strike out of his peripheral vision. With a cane masters calm earned from spending idle hours reading about cane fighting techniques, he realizes he's already won this fight. Because while Jacks Weapon is powerful, he's not the one in control of it. The blade is guiding the user, not the other way around. It's clear he lacks the will. And for Cranky, that means deflecting the increasingly desperate sword strikes is easy-they're as predictable as fruit dropped from a tree, even if he can't use his eyes to detect the strike-all he has to do is hold out his hand.

Almost feels bad for the kid, but this IS a race. One Cranky intends to win. With a combination DK Disarm and a corrective bop to the noggin (kids shouldn't play with sharp objects), Cranky sends his foe askew! The weird ghostly sword goes flying into the river, cutting into the water with a snicker, rather than a splash.

It narrowly misses turning Diddy into a dartboard!

"Eeeeeeeeek!"

Cranky takes the time to sit back down and notices his kart has finally built up enough speed...

Draft Attempt
[3+2+1=6] vs [3+1=4]

Cranky, hardly challenged by that fight, was also guiding his kart at the same time-gathering draft energy in mid-air! As he sits back in his seat, he leans forward and feels a powerful wind gust as the banana spoiler sends him flying like a banana-barrel jet right past Jack!

Cranky advances to 2nd!

Some days you get the peel. Some days you get the banana bunch. Other days? You get the whole tree.

"Boomer, I think we need to readjust our strategy; not all the old tricks are working.  I still think this one's a winner, though."

...

"Take care, my friendly foe..."

Spoiler: Cranks turn (click to show/hide)

RAM anyone who tries to pass me!

Cranky sits down low in his kart, spreading his purple shoes wide-any fan knows this is Cranks classic 'Bashing' stance, where he forms himself roughly into the shape of a mushroom sized boulder, and dares anyone to try and pass him.

*POW*!

3
-2 Momentum! (Now 3!)

Cranky can't stop the POW-and his hopes to ride it out are dashed, as it seems Bowser threw it with the force of a thousand Alchemy Workshop Explosions. His kart rattles dangerously (thankfully not a deathrattle) and he's forced to reduce speed-a bit-just to maintain control.

Still...none shall pass!

"We're home free, Crank! Rumors on the track we might take a home a bit more than we hoped for, so don't hold back!"

”Hey, quit with the loud whining, Purple Stache! This is a warmup race! There’s plenty of other chances to crush or be crushed! Pfff-BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

Spoiler: Bowsers turn (click to show/hide)

Laughing with a kind of maliciousness and insanity only himself, his army and…okay yeah even Mario can understand, Bowser catches a glimpse behind him of Purple Stache and his shell battalion, and decides to drive defensively for once in the entire race as he USES THE HECK OUT OF THE POW BLOCK WITH A SCARY GRIN SO BIG HE DROOLS!!

Molten lava drops from Bowsers maw to sizzle on the track, as gives the POW block a CONSIDERABLE heft! He's not entirely sure if matters how hard you throw it, but it sure FEELS GOOD! His POW rattles the track with a thunderous blast! The shroom ahead of him is rattled, and the stache behind him is sent flying-sending all those green shells away harmlessly! He even gets those two losers in front!

Bwahahaha!

Hmm, maybe he should have raced a bit faster though...this defensive driving isn't going to get him a win. Oh well, at least it was fun to watch!

"NO! NO! NO! WALUIGI WILL NEVER GIVE UP AGAINST CHEATERS! THEY THINK WALUIGI WILL JUST SIT BY AND ACCEPT SUCH A UNFAIR DEFEAT?!?! NEVER!!! WALUIGI IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE NUMBER ONE! WAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Hey purple man! Don't give up! I saw you trying to snag an item- well I left one last one! Grab it and turn the race around, hee!"
  "YOU THINK WALUIGI IS STUPID? WALUIGI ALREADY HAS ITEMS! YOUR CLEARLY TRYING TO GET WALUIGI TO WASTE A PERFECTLY GOOD ITEM BOX FOR NO REASON! WELL WALUIGI WONT FALL FOR IT WAAAAAA!"

Spoiler: Waluigis Turn (click to show/hide)

Throw all Waluigi's shells forward than do a kart flip to dodge the POW Box the stink lizard infront of Waluigi just got! Waluigi will be number one!

Waluigi is so busy hitting buttons to launch ALL the shells, he barely remembers to jump to avoid the POW! What did the colonel say?

STUNT roll: High Jump! [2] Fail!
Vs POW Block [3]
-2 Momentum! (Now 1!)

All Waluigi can remember is that he'll be cleaning toilets in Leavenworth Prison! His kart goes flying-his shells go launching in all directions, bouncing crazily!

[Item Lost!]
[Hazard on track!]

Waluigi is suddenly covered in ominous SHADOW as something huge and viking-like blocks out the beneficial rays of the sun (Waluigi body need vitamin c!), hovering after him like a tubby UFO!

CHEATERS CAN FLY NOW?!

((OOC: Yeah, Waluigi asked for a stunt roll, despite the system not being finished lol simple explanation is an additional D6 rolled as an action, like aggressive racing-but instead of momentum on a pass, you gain a bonus vs various hazards and shortcuts.))

...

Spoiler: Olafs turn (click to show/hide)

That was probably worth it.. the big lizard was going to pass me anyway.  And I learned something.  So all you have to do is touch an area to count as being in it, hmm..  and from that Reverse sign, don't go backwards..

So if you only go forwards, and if I were to not actually skip any areas..

Hit the dash panel and then use the red cheep to fly off the ground.  Then flip over, and properly viking shield glide over the watering hole!  As long as I land in Blue, it should be okay, and all I need to do is to remember to turn the right way.. left.

-edit- If Bowser uses the Pow block before the dash panel, use the cheep cheep to dodge and hopefully grab a green one.

-double edit- Since there don't seem to be any cheeps, if Bowser uses the Pow block first, just try to dodge the pow and gain speed from the jump with a nice downwards glide.

Olaf thinks for a moment. Even for a viking, this is tough.

The cheeps are clearly of capable of giving air-time with their fluttering jumps, providing enough lift to take a full kart right over a huge watery gap. He realizes that it's incredibly limited thinking to assume they could ONLY be used in the last section of the track. Why not take off...? Right now! Olaf hops into the air, grabbing his cheep and holding it aloft just as the POW wave passes underneath!

Olaf goes airborne!
Pow Block: Auto-Pass!

Neither the shockwave, nor the storm of green shells released from Waluigis spinning kart, or even the fake item box (a trapped treasure chest if he ever saw one) will touch Olaf, as he delicately flutters in the sky like an oversized butterfly-he notes he doesn't have enough range to get all the way to the end, and wisely aims to set down right before the dash panel! His cheep goes flying, but only after a gentle landing!

In the distance, Wagger the Lakitu gives Olaf a silent nod, as to confirm this is the proper way a racer should act.

Movement phase

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In Green...
Jacks fake item box gleams enticingly right before the dash pad!

(Crank Hazard Check vs fake Item Box) [6]
(Bowser Hazard Check vs fake Item Box) [5+1=6]
(Waluigi Hazard Check vs fake Item Box) [6]

For once, NOBODY gets tricked! Not Even Olaf-who literally just flies over it, with the help of his Red Cheep!

Olaf also flies over the storm of green shells with an auto-pass! Viking Flights are helpful!

[5] Not even Rotoms gonna fall for that when they finally get over here! [3] Though Waluigis shells will mangle the poor pokemon even worse then they already are.

Crank, Bowser, Wauligi and Olaf all hit the dash pad gaining +1 momentum!

...

The racers line up for the podium...

Rotom zzz...

Olaf hits the track, his energy rejuvenated! He feels like he just got an extra life! He sets his sights on Waluigi, even if the action is...somewhat pointless? NO! He remembers his earlier move...that one was unintended, but...

He flips his kart over and turns it into a SLED!

Pass Check vs Waluigi
[2+2] vs [5+4] (-1 momentum!)

Let no one say Olaf didn't try his hardest-he slides by waaaaa~ man easily!

Now shorn of his fish, he realizes he's got to take the hard way over the watering hole-but on account of his, well, shield shaped kart AND the downward slope of the track (which has been mentioned several times over the course of the race!) he's sure he can sled his way down and over-hopefully right before Waaaa~ man can use his fish to pass him!

He feels his kart begin to pick up some speed! Now just to choose the right place to make the jump...he'll have to slide around the rim of it just so carefully. Too high and he'll lose too much speed on the pavement and flip upside down, too low and he's cheep food...he'll also have to consider the grooves in the mud all the racers have left, including the one he himself left on the last lap...

Waluigi has gone from 1st place to 7th...but his cheep wiggles eagerly in the bowl in the back of his kart. Hah! Time to CHEAT BACK! Even if completely allowable under the rules! He has a fish, and the lizard and viking DON'T! That means he's practically guaranteed to pass them!

Bowser feels he might have messed up a bit back there. If he wants to win this race (Winning is a frame of mind, bwahahaha) he's gonna have to go into creative mode and think of a way to get past all these guys before they zoom past him on their cheeps...didn't they say at the start of the race you could STEAL CHEEPS? Why hasn't he been doing that THIS WHOLE TIME!?

Crank Gloomba is glad to have gotten out of the shroom-storm without too much damage, and his position intact...there's the barest chance he can close out the race right now with a 4th place win...might not matter much in the end, but you never know...

Jack sees Cranky picking up speed and bows his head, because he knew that he'd been beat. And he knows soon, they'll lay that golden trophy on the ground at Cranky's feet.

Cranky is like, "Jack Frost, you just come on back if you ever wanna try again-I done told you once, ya little ice cream dish, I'm the best that's ever been!"

Well, they might have said those things. Track audio was unclear.

...

Crank tries not to rest on his laurels...

[1-6+4=-1]

But his kart can't just be pushed anymore! Well. Maybe they figured out the side effect of Boom Juice. It's a hell of a jump start...and a Kart Hangover for the ages, sapping star juice like there's no more tomorrow. Crank guesses Bom-Ombs don't mind, since they explode before the side effects kick in.

Cleanup phase

Cranky blasts by the finish line feeling like a winner! Little does he know he actually DID WIN! But we'll tell him later.

Cranky secures 2nd place!

Jack follows right behind, not knowing yet his prize is going to be a little better than he thought!

Jack secures 3rd place!

...

Chompy watches the race finish from a nearby hill, not that his visual acuity is that great at such long distances. He's a bit upset his friend didn't win...but he's sure there's more than once race in a season, and if you never stop trying, eventually you'll win!

He bounces off into the distance toward the nearest Red Cheep Canning factory. Delicious! A snack before he hits the road...the walls aren't even much of a problem to smash down!


Winning racers!
1st place!!! https://youtu.be/XQ2GUKB9GBM
Momentum- 2
Items-None

2nd place!!
Momentum- 2
Items-None
3rd Place!
Momentum- 1
Items-None


Front pack!
4th place.!
Momentum- 4
Items-[Special: Red Cheep]
5th..!
Momentum- 4
Items-None
6th Place...?
Momentum- 3
Items-[Active: Robotic Shield (3/3)Charges]
7th place.
Momentum- 2
Items-[Special: Red Cheep](3 turns to Poison Shroom!)

Spoiler: Racer Info (click to show/hide)

Waluigi (Fluffe9911)
Place: 7th
Status- WAAAAAAAA!
Segment- Entering BLUE

Mid-Race Hiccups: Mold Growth

Karate Joe (SirAston)
Place: 1st (Finished race)
Status- Mere mortal!
Segment- WINNER CIRCLE LOL
Module Perks: Item Boost, Armor Shell Broken!
Race Perks: Stardust Charge (Speedy)

Module Hiccups: Grounded, Signal Interference Broken! (but this is good!)
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Olaf the Stout (Devastator)
Place: 6th
Status- Sledding?!
Segment- Entering BLUE
Module Perks: Shield Box Used up!

Module Hiccups: Low Loot
Mid-Race Hiccups: None! (Pit-fixed one this race)

Crank (Toaster)
Place: 4th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering BLUE
Module Perks: High Acceleration

Module Hiccups: Low Loot, Cold Start
Mid-Race Hiccups: None! (Pit-fixed one this race)

Bowser (SuperDino85)
Place: 5th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering BLUE

Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Rotom (Naturegirl1999)
Place: 8th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering GREEN
Module Perks: Item Boost, Armor Shell

Module Hiccups: Poor Handling, Ghost Kart
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Cranky Kong (monk12)
Place: 2nd
Status- Normal, SUPER CANE
Segment- WINNERS PODIUM
Module Perks: Streamlined

Module Hiccups: Poor Handling
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Jack Frost (Egan_BW)
Place: 3rd
Status- Normal
Segment- WINNERS PODIUM
Module Perks: Dirty Weapons

Module Hiccups: Featherweight
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

...

Now THAT was exciting!

We're not quite sure what happened-are battle canes and whatever Jack had legal?

The crowd loved it! They want more of that!

Then we will MAKE it legal!

...

Cranky Kong and Jack Frost have closed out their race with a furious finish!

And now the trailing racers, minus one, enter the final turn...

Everything should be decided, but...

Nothings ever for certain in this sport! Olaf is attempting to toboggan his way over the watering hole!

And Bowser is looking hungry for another cheep!

Let's see if the race has any surprises left for us!

[Fluffe9911]

Waluigi gives off a pained Waaaaaa "WELL... WALUIGI CAN STILL GET 5TH PLACE USING THE SHORTCUT ATLEAST? WAAAaaa..." Dejectedly use my cheep cheep and take the shortcut waaaa...

[SuperDino85]

”Huh, I actually thought for a moment that Purple Stache was going to throw one of those before I hit the block…oh well. Where was I? Oh yeah! Showtime!

Draft behind the gloomba and swipe the cheep away from him before he can take off with it

[Toaster]

  Front half beats the back half.  Crank would have to take what he could get.

Shortcut with the cheep! If the Koopa King ate his fish first, ram inside?

[Devastator]

If whoever is in front of me is on the Outer Curve, Powerslide Inner Curve.  If whoever is in front of me is on the Inner Curve, Draft Outer Curve.

[Dwarmin]

Luigi's Waterway - Turn 14

Everyone left is entering BLUE!
BLUE SEGMENT

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Segment Tags
Segment Tags
<--Split path-->
Outer Curve:
---Safety Rails (For a reason): If hit by a knock up item or hazard, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back.
---Broad Dash Panel: +1 Momentum to all passing racers
---Broad Curve: +1 to Power Slides

Inner Curve:
---Not MOSHA compliant: If hit by an item that causes momentum loss, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back. Racers can attempt to ram each other into the pit-on a successful ram, the unmodified check succeeds on a nat 1 or 2.
---Tight Curve: +1 to Power Slides, Gain a Free Pass Attempt (even on power slide fail)
---Item Boxes: Loots!

SHORTCUT action
If you have a Cheep Cheep in your inventory, lose it and bypass the shortcut.

Pull ahead!

1st<---->8th

https://youtu.be/8yjDTMgcU5Q <--Track Mood Music
Player Action

Front half beats the back half.  Crank would have to take what he could get.

Spoiler: Cranks turn (click to show/hide)

Shortcut with the cheep! If the Koopa King ate his fish first, ram inside?

Seeing the Koopa King hot on his tail (literally, Bowsers breath is like a baking oven), Crank hits the gas and turns hard-hoping he can outrange and take off with his cheep, or at least outmaneuver him!

Bowser gets even closer, feeding on Cranks draft and gaining distance!

Bowser Drafts you! Free pass attempt!
[6+4=10] vs [4+4=8]

There's no room to shimmy! Crank feels the huge koopas cart become a battering ram, speeding right by him! A huge clawed hand reaches forward to snatch his cheep from its bowl and abort his attempt to hop over the gap!

Bowser attempts to Cheep Snatch!
[6] vs [4]

Yoink!

Crank feels his whole kart shudder as Bowsers immense strength not only steals his cheep, but tears the entire water bowl off the back of his kart! Disaster! Poor Cheepy...

The Gloomba karter feels a sudden cold rage...as they draw together, both of them head to the dangerous inner curve. Crank planned on this if the unthinkable happened, but he thinks Bowser was just intent on following his lead...Bowser begins howling in victory-his roaring laughter seems to echo and mix in Cranks mind with that of another Mad King...was he really hearing Bowser this whole time, or...?

"OOOAAAHHHH HOH HOH HOH HOH HOH!"
"BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"OOOAAAHHHH HOH HOH HOH HOH HOH!"
"BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

...Crank suddenly goes into crash stance, and veers his wheel to the side, attempting to sideswipe Bowser and force him back-or out of the race! EITHER WAY SOMEONE IS GOING DOWN!

RAM attempt!
[1+4=5] vs [6+4=10]

Cranks kart nails Bowser like a pin missile from a Beedrill, sending him skittering over the track-right down into the watering hole!

Crank doesn't bother to watch the ensuing carnage-taking the precious moment, he accelerates and scoots past Bowser, just dodging a flail claw that about added another scar to his collection.

Finish line ahead!

...he can only watch with some distaste as Waluigi flutters over the finish line right ahead of him. He supposes there wasn't much he could do about that...

Position Lost!

((OOC: Weird way to resolve this. But normally we really shouldn't do if/then actions for this reason. As it was, this was a unique case-I read Bowsers actions as taking place before Crank could use the shortcut, so a success would cancel Cranks action, but he offered a workable counter-I might very have just tossed him into the abyss otherwise. Thus, the draft and ram went in reverse order.

I'm thinking of making some small changes to the phase order in the next update to work around having to do this.))

”Huh, I actually thought for a moment that Purple Stache was going to throw one of those before I hit the block…oh well. Where was I? Oh yeah! Showtime!

Spoiler: Bowsers turn (click to show/hide)

Draft behind the gloomba and swipe the cheep away from him before he can take off with it

Bowser Drafts Crank! Free pass attempt!
[6+4=10] vs [4+4=8]
Bowser attempts to Cheep Snatch!
[6] vs [4]

Yoink!

Bowser has no choice but to drive aggressively! He can't let the shroombro escape with that cheep!

The Koopa King bullies his way into Cranks draft, overtaking him a moment before he can make the jump-he pulls up alongside, and with a mighty roar, both bypasses Crank AND steals his Cheep! Bowser isn't gentle about it-he opts to just tear the entire water bowl off the back of Cranks kart, Cheep and all! Bwahahaha!

Bowser didn't think this far ahead, of course-he accelerates to the dangerous inside of the track, along Cranks intended path! He's laughing so hard he doesn't see the Gloombas laser death glare, nor the puny kart veering into him from the side!

RAM attempt!
[1+4=5] vs [6+4=10]
-2 Momentum! (Now 2!)

He is amazed as his kart is hit with what feels like a bom-omb blast! Who knew those little guys packed such a punch? Mario and Luigi tore through these chumps like cloud fluff! Were all of them just holding back?

Bowser feels his kart begin to skitter and skid-the track is weirdly warped here! Bowser feels an almost magnetic pull as his Kart slowly begins to turn and slide toward the water pit! Uh oh!

Hazard vs 2 to avoid THE PIT
[4]

Bowser feels his front wheels leave pavement and begin to grind grass and dry mud, meaning his kart about to stall and take a death plunge-thinking fast, he decides to use the stupid fish like the dumb mushroom was going to-he leaps into the air, using it to right himself back onto the track in just the nick of time!

Bowser might fall into pits at times, it's part of the job, but he'd never fall into a pit with LUIGIS NAME ON IT! Bwahahaha! There's no way that 2nd banana can beat him, even remotely!

From the corner of one big eye, Bowser spots the 3rd Banana (or whatever fruit they eat in wherever he is from-Gooseberries?) trying to draft past him!

Olaf Drafts you! Free pass attempt!
[1+3=4] vs [4+2=6]

No way, pal! Bowser shimmies his kart back and forth-he saw the Gloomba do this earlier to the monkey-and is satisfied to see Olaf recede into the distance like a sinking cruise liner hit by a torpedo ted.

Bwahahaha!

Uh oh, he's catching up again!

Bowser doesn't even notice as Waluigi flies past him.

Position Lost!

"WELL... WALUIGI CAN STILL GET 5TH PLACE USING THE SHORTCUT ATLEAST? WAAAaaa..."

Spoiler: Waluigis Turn (click to show/hide)

Dejectedly use my cheep cheep and take the shortcut waaaa...

Waluigi is almost surprised as nobody pays any attention to him at all-especially the Viking, who is sure to lose now. Well, how do you think WALUIGI FEELS?!

He abruptly makes a hard turn, a short hop, and uses his Cheep to flutter over the water pit-Bowser just avoids taking a dip, much to his disappointment. It's sort of anti-climactic after all he has suffered, but...

Waluigi #4!

Waluigi advances to 4th and crosses the finish line!

...

Spoiler: Olafs turn (click to show/hide)

If whoever is in front of me is on the Outer Curve, Powerslide Inner Curve.  If whoever is in front of me is on the Inner Curve, Draft Outer Curve.

Olaf drafts outer curve!

[1+3=4] vs [4+2=6]

Olafs indecision, however minute, seems to cost him that valuable split second-just enough so that he'll never make up ground on Bowser, who's unexpected Cheep Snatch (and aerial escape from the pit of doom) keeps him ahead...for now...Olaf feels his chances are pretty good once he hits the dash pad...

He spots a giant purple bug flying to the finish line. Ah, that was probably Waluigi. It strikes Olaf he might have had more luck trying to prevent that from happening.

Position Lost!

Movement phase

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In Blue...
Olaf hits the dash pad gaining +1 momentum!

...

The racers coast to the finish line...

Olaf has one chance to shoot by Bowser and claim at least one place in this lousy race...

Pass Check vs Bowser
[2+2=4] vs [1+4=5] (-1 momentum!)
Olaf takes 6th

Olaf ends up in a tussle, as Viking and Dinosaur get into a fist fight (a much less epic version of the fight at the front of the race). Bowser punches him in the gut, Olaf smacks him across the fake, Bowser pokes him in the eyes, and Olaf finally knocks Bowser back with a one-two punch!

Bowser can only say...he tried his best! BWAHAHAHA!

Crank Gloomba breaths a sigh of relief. This new league is not going to let him make an easy comeback.

Cleanup phase

Crank blows by the finish line a blue blur!

Crank secures 5th place!

Olaf putters behind, seeming like he needs a donut!

Olaf secures 6th place!

Bowser is right behind, and he seems perfectly...happy? Or maybe he's gone insane with range. It's hard to tell with Bowser.

Bowser secures 7th place!

Eventually, a pokemon kart with dead batteries drifts creepily past the finish line.  Non-abrasive consolation tissues are in order.

Rotom 'secures' 8th place!

...

Winning racers!
1st place!!! https://youtu.be/XQ2GUKB9GBM
Momentum- 2
Items-None

2nd place!!
Momentum- 2
Items-None
3rd Place!
Momentum- 1
Items-None
4th place!
Momentum- 2
Items-None
5th place.!
Momentum- 4
Items-None
6th Place.
Momentum- 4
Items-[Active: Robotic Shield (3/3)Charges]
7th..?
Momentum- 2
Items-None

Spoiler: Racer Info (click to show/hide)

Waluigi (Fluffe9911)
Place: 7th
Status- WAAAAAAAA!
Segment-

Mid-Race Hiccups: Mold Growth

Karate Joe (SirAston)
Place: 1st (Finished race)
Status- Mere mortal!
Segment- WINNER CIRCLE LOL
Module Perks: Item Boost, Armor Shell Broken!
Race Perks: Stardust Charge (Speedy)

Module Hiccups: Grounded, Signal Interference Broken! (but this is good!)
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Olaf the Stout (Devastator)
Place: 6th
Status- Sledding?!
Segment-
Module Perks: Shield Box Used up!

Module Hiccups: Low Loot
Mid-Race Hiccups: None! (Pit-fixed one this race)

Crank (Toaster)
Place: 4th
Status- Normal
Segment-
Module Perks: High Acceleration

Module Hiccups: Low Loot, Cold Start
Mid-Race Hiccups: None! (Pit-fixed one this race)

Bowser (SuperDino85)
Place: 5th
Status- Normal
Segment-

Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Rotom (Naturegirl1999)
Place: 8th
Status- Normal
Segment-
Module Perks: Item Boost, Armor Shell

Module Hiccups: Poor Handling, Ghost Kart
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Cranky Kong (monk12)
Place: 2nd
Status- Normal, SUPER CANE
Segment- WINNERS PODIUM
Module Perks: Streamlined

Module Hiccups: Poor Handling
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Jack Frost (Egan_BW)
Place: 3rd
Status- Normal
Segment- WINNERS PODIUM
Module Perks: Dirty Weapons

Module Hiccups: Featherweight
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

[Dwarmin]

Hey guys, we got the monitor working again!

An exciting race, Jim! An excellent season opener!
That's right, Bob! It's good to see our new racers haven't lost any of that competitive spirit from the old league!
Every race has winners and losers, Jim, but all those who gave their all will be remembered forever...
...right after this word from our sponsors!

...


And now the top three racers approach the winners Podium!
At the top is Karate Joe! He beat this race in his sleep! LITERALLY!
Our lovely Lakitas are floating down to the track with the golden winners trophy, overflowing with coins!
...Well, this an odd turn of events. Joe is TURNING DOWN THE REWARD! We can't get his exact words on audio, but it seems he has spurned all material possessions in an attempt to pursue spiritual and physical perfection! To paraphrase-"I was just here to see if I could."

Well, I can't argue with results...
Joe has left his kart and folded himself into a meditative lotus stance!
He's now rising into the air...! His physical form is now becoming pure music and dispersing into the air, as he achieve a higher form of existence...He's vanished, or 'transcended', at least to our limited perception!
It's more about the journey than the destination, Jim! Wherever he is going, he'll know exactly how to get there-that's the goal of seeking inner peace, I think!
...Well, anyway, we're going to take that as his official retirement from the sport-but, what a way to go out on-and shift his rewards down to the 2nd place racer!

A Fishin' Lakitu grabs cranky with his fishing rod (instead of a hook, it's just a hand with a while glove-very family friendly) and hauls him from the 2nd place podium to 1st!

...

Congratulations to Cranky Kong for winning on pure technicality!

The records will always say 2nd place, but he'll get rewarded as if he was in 1st! Hey, what's more important, right? Bring out the huge golden cup!

Gained 3 Coin, 2 Fame, 9 Points!

...
Jack is hauled up next, from 3rd to 2nd!

Cheers for our next racer, Jack Frost!

A hard fought race deserves a reward!

Being out the smaller, silver cup! It's just the right size for the teewee wittle puny wacer!

Please Stop talking like that, Bob! Our friendship depends on it!

2 Coin, 1 Fame, 7 Points!

...
A now empty 3rd place podium is soon to be filled as a small army of Waluigis marches onto the track, eating popsicles and carrying the apparent winner (he seems a bit taller than he was before?) on their shoulders.

"Three Waaa's for Waluigi!"
"Three Waaa's for every Waluigi!"
"Only three cheers-and not one more! Waaaa!'
"If we'a each do a'one Waaa, it counts as three in total!'
"Waaa!'
"Waaa!'
"Waaah!'
"Waaa'ma Mia!'

I guess he managed to win after all! Bring out the tiniest, bronze cup! Hey, someone flip a coin in there! We forgot to fill it in...

Waluigi, #3!

1 Coin, 5 Points!

...

For the rest of the racers, points will have to suffice...!
Crank takes home an adjusted 4th place win and 4 points!
Bowser cashes in at 5th! And gains 3 points!

Didn't we have more racers than this? Oh, right...

...
RACERS RETIRING

Karate Joe left the mortal coil and ascended to a higher reality!

Olaf has signaled his impending retirement from MLK after a disappointing 6th place! We're waiting on if he has any departing words...

Rotom-Kart was rushed to the poke-center wing of Mushroom Kingdom Hospital after spending the race idly drifting around the track. Investigations are ongoing, but the nurses say there were trace elements of sleep powder (used by Track Lakitus to contain threats) found dumped in their star engine! No one could have guessed that this odd confluence would lead to a racer being all but comatose during the race-some are already suggesting nefarious elements are at work, as Rotom generated significant interest from the Race Master in the warmup sessions!

...

And thanks for watching, folks! This is Lakitu Bob, signing off!

This is Lakitu Jim saying, same time, same place-next week! We'll have more surprises-and amazing racing! Just for you!

[Dwarmin]

Meanwhile, in Waluigis Waluigis Waluigi Warehouse, yes it's actually called the Waluigis Waluigi Warehouse, Rookie Pit Wa-chanic Walouise makes a terrible discovery...

"...Hey what's terrible smell! Oh no! POISON SHROOMS! Waaaaaaaaa!"

Waluigis Kart gains POISON SHROOMS as a permanent hiccup!

[Fluffe9911]

Waluigi jumps onto the 1st place podium and grabs the microphone connected to the podium before Cranky can speak! "WAAAAA I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE HERE TO KNOW THAT EVERYONE ELSE HERE IS A BUNCHA STINKING CHEATERS WHO HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT TRY TO RUIN WALUIGI THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE RACE ESPECIALLY THAT EVIL ICECREAM CONE MAN WHO HAS TRIED TO BRAINWASH WALUIGI INTO INTENTIALLY LOSING LIKE THE COLD FIEND THEY ARE!" The race guards start rushing over to the podium! "BUT WALUIGI IS STRONG! DESPITE ALL THE CHEATING AND EVERYONE HAVING IT OUT FOR WALUIGI, WALUIGI STILL MADE IT TO THE TOP THREE AND NEVER GAVE UP THIS SHOWS THAT NOT EVEN CHEATERS HAVE THE POWER TO STOP WALUIGI!" The guards start pulling Waluigi off the podium! "ANYWAY LONG STORY SHORT I WOULD LIKE TO THANK NO ONE CAUSE THIS WAS ALL WALUIGI AND ALWAYS REMEMBER WALUIGI NUMBER ONE WAAAAAAAAA! Waluigi is pulled off the podium and taken off the track!

[Egan_BW]

"Good race, everyone! I might not have taken the win, but that's because everybody kept a good attitude and tried their best! Well, except for Waluigi."

[Toaster]

  Crank was disappointed, but them's the breaks.  He had to keep his head up high and not sweat it.  He nodded to his fellow racers and gave his well wishes as they went past, but he stayed out of the spotlight.

He hadn't earned it yet.