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[monk12]

	Wowie! Did you see that, Mr. Cranky? Those moves! That rhythm! That golden glow! Someone in chat, clip that track-side view of Joe- he went by too fast for me to properly appreciate!
	Still, 8th to 2nd is a pretty good climb for a racer, Pop Pop. You should be proud!
	That's banana mush! I ain't dead yet, so stop talking like the race is over- ol' Chompy's got the right idea! Full speed ahead and hot pursuit!

There's no subtlety here; Cranky Kong needs Momentum to win, and a lot of it! A Powerslide might be safer through the curve, but instead the senior Kong puts Speedy Pete to the ultimate test, Driving Aggressively through the Outer Curve to hit the dash panel! Hopefully the engine can take it!

[SuperDino85]

Drive aggressively

[Toaster]

  Crank gave his pit crew a friendly nod as he blasted out.  Several of them were old hands from his previous career, and another came from his tour in the underground league.  Back in the big time, he knew the value of people he could trust.  His skill on the track was built on the trust in the pit.   Sadly, his skill had failed him so far this time, but he could at least get in the front half...

Aggressive driving!

[Dwarmin]

RM note: I've tried porting RTD rolls and equations to DISCORD, leaving the rest of the space for fluff and outcomes. So don't freak out.

Luigi's Waterway - Turn 11

Everybody else is entering purple!
PURPLE SEGMENT

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Segment Tags
Segment Tags
<--Split path-->
Outer Curve:
---Safety Rails (For a reason): If hit by a knock up item or hazard, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back.
---Broad Dash Panel: +1 Momentum to all passing racers
---Broad Curve: +1 to Power Slides

Inner Curve:
---Tight Curve: +1 to Power Slides, Gain a Free Pass Attempt against anyone who took the outer curve (even on power slide fail-Free passes cost no momentum. If your momentum is higher than the driver ahead and you succeed, you can make TWO free passes!)
---Item Boxes (Easy Line of 5): 5 total item boxes up for grabs

SHORTCUT action
No chompy here! Free route!

Gain a free pass attempt against all who didn't try this route-superseding those who took the inner or outer curve, and a +1 to pull ahead.

Cranky and Jack are entering GREEN!
GREEN SEGMENT

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Segment Tags
Segment Tags
Safety Rails (For a reason): If hit by a knock up item or hazard, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back.
Straightaway: No penalty to Power Slides
Broad Dash Panel: +1 Momentum to all passing racers
Cross-Targeting: Projectile and thrown attacks can be targeted at racers in the green section

All the cheeps have been scared away-no more slime!

Joe is in blue!

1st<---->8th

https://youtu.be/iFgrerDaAdo <--Track Mood Music
Player Action
...

Spoiler: Joes Turn (click to show/hide)

...
Joe drives defensively!

That's banana mush! I ain't dead yet, so stop talking like the race is over- ol' Chompy's got the right idea! Full speed ahead and hot pursuit!

Spoiler: Crankys Turn (click to show/hide)

There's no subtlety here; Cranky Kong needs Momentum to win, and a lot of it! A Powerslide might be safer through the curve, but instead the senior Kong puts Speedy Pete to the ultimate test, Driving Aggressively through the Outer Curve to hit the dash panel! Hopefully the engine can take it!

Cranky strains his groaning engines to the red-line, pushing them for all they are worth! He feels his kart pick up speed-and begin to fly to pieces-wooden planks and stray bananas scattering in the backdraft! He smells something like Wrinkly Kong just pulled a fresh pie from the oven, as his kart engine begins to overheat and catch fire. Not the greatest thing to leave unattended in a wooden vehicle, he has to use a porta-barrel banana cream extinguisher to foam away the flameout. This causes his kart to slow slightly, sucking away the precious gains he just made.

His kart has stubbornly refused to gain or lose speed!  Talk about leaving him in suspense...

He gains no momentum!

He then sees a slow moving white blob shoot past him on the inside curve, stealing his 2nd place spot.

Coconuts.

"Mission Accomplished. Now to secure a cozy spot in third and woo the sponsors!"
  "The mission of ignoring a lightning bolt by jumping into the air and attacking a cloud, yes! Hingda dinga cheaten durgen!"


"You may scoff at me succeeding by doing stupid [bullrump], round-man. But doing stupid [bullrump] is the only way to succeed in this world!"

Spoiler: Jacks Turn (click to show/hide)

Decline the coinflip. Inner curve in Red. Mission Accomplished. Now to secure a cozy spot in third and woo the sponsors!

Discord action: Aggressive driving!

Jack has caused enough mischief (for today, hee ho) and decides to be a good little racer-while Crankys flaming kart goes for the outside curve, he directs his sputtering Lakitu cloud back of the purple segment of the track. He feels his kart finally return to normal size! And not a moment too soon-with Cranky puttering, and Chompy free to Chomp (the guy in 1st place hee ho) it's time to hit the gas!

Gain 1 momentum! (Now 2)

The inside curve gives Jack a chance to pass the wily Kong, and he takes it!

Jack takes 2nd place!

Jack cuts past Cranky without losing any speed!

He then aims to drive to the inside, for one of those item boxes...

  "AHHHHHH WHERE DID SLEEPY MAN COME FROM WHY IS WALUIGIS KART MOLDY WHY DID WALUIGI GET SMITED WITH LIGHTNING WAAAA- WAIT WALUIGI IS IN 4TH? HAHA! ALL PART OF WALUIGI'S PLAN SOON WALUIGI WILL BE NUMBER ONE! WAAAAAAAAA!

Spoiler: Waluigis Turn (click to show/hide)

Defensive driving grab a red cheep cheep WAAAAAA!

Waluigi decides prudence will triumph on this day-his low speed and tiny size means he needs to race defensively to hold off the others!

He wisely decides to avoid a pit stop, despite his karts mold issues-these will probably persist after the race. But his Waluigi Pit Crew seemed a bit too eager for him to 'stop in'...

Anyway, another fish would be nice...Waaha! Waluigi is going so slow it'd be hard not to catch one, half of them are going faster than him. As soon as hit the dash panel and returns to a proper size, he reaches out and snags a Red Cheep! It looks sort of familiar-he thinks this is the one who tried to eat his kart before!

Waa! The pointy genie shoe is on the other foot now! Waluigis evil glee increases his Karts speed by 1 momentum!(now 2!)

*Norwegian grumbling*

Spoiler: Olafs Turn (click to show/hide)

Power Slide

[1] Olaf is so distracted by the cheating icecream cones unfair cloud shortcut, he messes his power slide up terribly! He begins to careen all over the track! Erik is going nuts in the pits!

Guess he never practiced doing one of those with a rocket start before...

-1 momentum! Power Slide Fail! (Now 2 Momentum)

  *friendly nod*

Spoiler: Cranks turn (click to show/hide)

Crank gave his pit crew a friendly nod as he blasted out.  Several of them were old hands from his previous career, and another came from his tour in the underground league.  Back in the big time, he knew the value of people he could trust.  His skill on the track was built on the trust in the pit.   Sadly, his skill had failed him so far this time, but he could at least get in the front half...

Aggressive driving!

As if in response to Cranks downcast mood-he feels his kart gain an amazing increase in power! He hears his Pit Chief Avery Boomsons (Known as Boomer for short) steady and encouraging voice over the radio...


"...And that would be the Boomjuice blasting in-I think we got the right mix this time! Ahead of you-the viking, he's hit an invisible banana, you've just about got him...close in! We can break out and advance!" Crank hears the familiar sound of a cigar being lit. Which is very different from that of a fuse. It was a bit scary at first, but he's gotten used to it.

Boomson has been pit chief for Crank practically as long as he's been a racer. Last they met, had been with a tough goodbye. MKL was disbanding, and the Mushroom War was starting in earnest. Boomer was needed on the frontlines-for which side he's never keen to talk about in polite company. And while a lot of Bom Ombs exploded during the war-Boomer survived, having been decorated for heroically exploding a dozen times on twice as many battlefields. Unlike a mass production Bom Omb, he can explode and survive, though it's never entirely a sure thing.

Was Crank surprised to find the smoking bom-omb Captain waiting for him the day he went to sign up again? He shouldn't have been.

...

Only Cranks most ardent fans know about his distant past. In his youth he had designs to be an alchemist, and even briefly helped save the Mushroom Kingdom from a terrible threat-his adventure had only the barest hint of the conflict to come-but, that was all a very long time ago...still, one of the secrets to his success has always been the chemical concoctions his team has been able to dream up using his original notes and occasional insights, though he must admit at this point many of his crew have surpassed him.

Boomjuice is something new-Chief Boomson said Bom Ombs used to drink it in the war to get more of a 'blast' before the fighting started. It's a combination of the classic engine booster moon dust, an expensive pinch of red chaos emerald, and ground up lava lotus spores. The kick he feels in the engine means this is a working formula.

Gain THREE momentum! (Now 5!)

*Bwahaha!*

Spoiler: Bowsers turn (click to show/hide)

Drive aggressively

Bowsers weird encounter with the mask man weighs on his mind. While he tries to push his Kart to its limits, it's somewhat sluggish. Which is to say, as sluggish as his kart has been this ENTIRE RACE! He realizes the Mask Salesman sort of played a trick on him. Bowser thought his kart would actually have been improved somehow, but in truth all that happened was that it was put back to the condition it was when he began the race.

Pff! Guess you get what you pay for...after this race he REALLY needs to hire a better pit crew!

He gains no momentum!

...

Spoiler: Rotom (click to show/hide)

....Rotom downloading Skill.PNG...4%/100% completed...

Warning! Warning! Taking most unsafe curve on the track!

Action: Rotom uses defensive driving!
+1 to passing, hazards, and attacks!

Movement phase

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In Purple...
Cranky hits the dash pad gaining +1 momentum!

In Red...
Waluigi, Olaf, Crank and Bowser hit the dash pad gaining +1 momentum! Waluigi returns to normal size!

In Green...
Joe hits the dash pad gaining +1 momentum!

In Blue...
A shell caroms toward Rotom!
Miss!

...

The racers break out-time to race!

Rotom zzz...

Bowser can't pass Crank. How does that Shroomba go so fast? It's like someone kicked him in the rear of the kart...it's time like this he wishes he could use his flamethrower breath.

Crank Gloomba can't let this moment pass him by! He lines up to pass both frontrunners in a single dash boost...

He uses his engines new juice to blow by a spinning viking! He takes 5th place! (now 5 momentum)

But he' unexpectedly stymied by Waluigi! Seems the racers defensive angle was a good play here-no matter how tries to squeeze by, the Purple Madman seems to be in perfect position to block him. Waluigi may not be good at succeeding at most things, but he's really skilled at keeping other people from getting ahead. He feels that click in the back of his mind. He's done his best. A lot of what happens now is up to how well the people in front of him race. If they all race perfectly to the finish line, well, it's a done deal...but not everything goes to plan, does it?

Olaf manages to right his kart before he can lose any more positions-but he's no chance to catch mushroom man!

Waluigi still #1! If he's in FRONT in the segment, he's still technically IN THE LEAD!

Jack Frost's kart is puttering! But he's in 2nd!

Cranky groans. He's just not going fast enough to pull ahead...the finish line is approaching...snow kid passed him...he'll pick up speed in the next straight, of course...now he can only watch and hope Joe doesn't use the last of his star power to coast to an easy finish! ...But oddly enough, Joe actually doesn't even try. It seems he's gone back into the meditative trance he's spent most of the race in. Well, if he wants to give Ol' Cranky another shot...

Joe is assured of his victory-with the star power now dimming he has a chance, not just to pull ahead, but to end this race...but he's so assured, he doesn't even bother. No need to rush things. He'll win in due time.

...

Joe is defensive driving and decides not to try and win the race!

No one else can pull ahead!

Cleanup phase

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Red Cheep snatching!
Waluigi tries to smack another cheep off the track, but he misses again! Maybe there's a message there...it's almost as if he tries to do something for himself, he can succeed...but if he tries to sabotage others, he so often sabotages himself...naaa, it was just BAD LUCK! Waaaaa! Lousy cheater fish!

Crank and Olaf grab the last two fish! Now to bring them to the finish line!

Jack aims for a race winning item! Boom! He grabs one! Wait, Inside his loot box was...another loot box? Trippy.

He feels something is really off with this Fake Item Box, which is now dragging behind his kart like it wants to be laid on the track. Or maybe something about it is really right. It looks almost exactly like the real thing, though the color is bit off. But he's guessing it has a real surprise for anyone dumb enough to run into it! The trick is, it's going to be really obvious if he just tosses it out...it'll be much more fun laid among REAL item boxes...hee ho! It'll also serve an explosive deterrent to anyone trying to pass him, like the old Monkey-though he's not sure if any of those other slowpokes can even get up here.

It's probably the worst thing he could have drawn, sure, but it sure suits his personality!

Rotom fails to get anything!

...

Joes power star gives a final wink and flares out! He's back to a mere mortal now!

...

Leading pack!
1st place!!! https://youtu.be/XQ2GUKB9GBM
Momentum- 4
Items-None

Middle pack!
3rd Place!
Momentum- 2
Items-[Fake Item Box]
2nd place!!
Momentum- 3
Items-None

Trailing pack!
4th place.!
Momentum- 3
Items-[Special: Red Cheep] (5 turns to Poison Shroom!)
5th place..!
Momentum- 5
Items-[Special: Red Cheep]
6th Place...!
Momentum- 3
Items-[Active: Robotic Shield (3/3)Charges][Special: Red Cheep]
7th...? Place.
Momentum- 4
Items-None
8th Place... (https://youtu.be/fCiHSZzuwdc) Does anyone have a full restore?
Momentum- 1
Items- [POW Block]

Spoiler: Racer Info (click to show/hide)

Waluigi (Fluffe9911)
Place: 4th
Status- Fine
Segment- Entering PURPLE

Mid-Race Hiccups: Mold Growth

Karate Joe (SirAston)
Place: 1st
Status- Mere mortal!
Segment- Entering BLUE
Module Perks: Item Boost, Armor Shell Broken!
Race Perks: Stardust Charge (Speedy)

Module Hiccups: Grounded, Signal Interference Broken! (but this is good!)
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Olaf the Stout (Devastator)
Place: 6th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering PURPLE
Module Perks: Shield Box Used up!

Module Hiccups: Low Loot
Mid-Race Hiccups: None! (Pit-fixed one this race)

Crank (Toaster)
Place: 5th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering PURPLE
Module Perks: High Acceleration

Module Hiccups: Low Loot, Cold Start
Mid-Race Hiccups: None! (Pit-fixed one this race)

Bowser (SuperDino85)
Place: 7th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering PURPLE

Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Rotom (Naturegirl1999)
Place: 8th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering RED
Module Perks: Item Boost, Armor Shell

Module Hiccups: Poor Handling, Ghost Kart
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Cranky Kong (monk12)
Place: 3rd
Status- Normal, Missing Cane
Segment- Entering GREEN
Module Perks: Streamlined

Module Hiccups: Poor Handling
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Jack Frost (Egan_BW)
Place: 2nd
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering GREEN
Module Perks: Dirty Weapons

Module Hiccups: Featherweight
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

...

...Joe could have closed out the race right there, but he didn't! Not sure whats going through that racers mind!

It seems to be working out for him so far! His star power is now run out-he's got a final curve to handle before the finish line...

All that's in his way is Chompy! And, in a strange turn of events, a spare shell dropped by Bowser in the last lap.

For the other racers, it's do or die-Cranky and Jack get one last chance to pull ahead and cross the finish line! But who's taking pole position and who's being left in the dust between the two of them? Expect the last straight to be an exciting one!

...

Crank was so close, only to be held off by Waluigi!

He's got a chance to secure a solid fourth now-if he can just get past him and pull ahead. And if Jack and Cranky can't close out with a surprise win...

He's got a Cheep Cheep, and they don't!

The same goes for most of our races! Hit the gas, guys! You might not get gold, but racing your heart out is what this sports about!

Changing track conditions!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

BLUE SEGMENT
(1) turn left!
Bowsers shell is still bouncing, but it's losing speed and about to fall apart-will it turn this race into a comedy or a tragedy?

Chompys revenge!
Fixated on Joe, Chompy has picked up speed! He will perform a +2 opposed hazard check vs Joe, with him adding his momentum!

GREEN SEGMENT
Chompys scared away all the cheeps on the track! No more slime!

[Devastator]

Turn around and abuse the lack of barriers between Red and Green.  With the absent track Lakitus, maybe nobody will notice if I skip the curve.  Got nothing to lose.

[Egan_BW]

Drop the box immediately! It's not as though anybody's going to go for items right before the finish line, anyways. If we're lucky the purple man will hit it an go in the drink again. Drive Aggressively.

[SuperDino85]

Powerslide the inner curve

[Fluffe9911]

  "TIME FOR WALUIGI TO FINALLY GET A ITEM AND WIN THE WHOLE RACE WAAAA!" Inner curve powerslide grab a item for once! WAAAAAAA!

[monk12]

Cranky Kong howls furiously as the regulation MKL engine plays merry hell with his classic Diddy Kart! Lacking a cane to beat it with, he instead resorts to the Kart's built-in safety measures, saving the Speedy Pete but losing a position in the race!

	Whose banana-daquiri soaked brain thought this blasted Stardust engine was a good idea!?! First the Rocket Start, and now my last chance at victory! I might fall all the way down the leaderboard at this rate!
	Sorry Pop Pop, but it's MKL regulation! Everyone uses the same engine, and the same fuel.
	Palm rot! There's nothing wrong with the way we did it back in the Diddy Kart days! And why did you weigh down Speedy Pete with this cockamamie fire extinguisher? It's dead weight!
	Safety regulations require it, Pop Pop! Everyone's got one- nobody wants to die in a fire.
	That's the problem with this sport, everyone's gone soft! If you're going to keep on as my Pit Crew chief, you're going to need to solve these problems if we hope to compete in the next race!

While he continues to berate his great grandson over the radio (to the delight of a radio audience that regularly consumes the tasteless content of DK Country Police Body Cam recordings with the sort of fervor usually reserved for a major religion,) Cranky focuses on reclaiming his position from the impudent whelp who passed him on the inside! Once again taking a clean race line into the final straightaway, Cranky Drafts, hoping to leverage his small advantage into a pass before the Fake Item Box completely cuts him off!

[Toaster]

  Well, if racing didn't work out this season, he could always give alchemy another go...

...oh hey, Chompy isn't home!

Take the shortcut!  Free shortcut is free!

[Dwarmin]

RM note: OK turns out everybody liked the tasty Crunch of numbers with fluff, except maybe Aston who called my posts ugly.

Luigi's Waterway - Turn 12

Cranky and Jack are entering BLUE!
BLUE SEGMENT

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Segment Tags
Segment Tags
<--Split path-->
Outer Curve:
---Safety Rails (For a reason): If hit by a knock up item or hazard, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back.
---Broad Dash Panel: +1 Momentum to all passing racers
---Broad Curve: +1 to Power Slides

Inner Curve:
---Not MOSHA compliant: If hit by an item that causes momentum loss, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back. Racers can attempt to ram each other into the pit-on a successful ram, the unmodified check succeeds on a nat 1 or 2.
---Tight Curve: +1 to Power Slides, Gain a Free Pass Attempt (even on power slide fail)
---Item Boxes: Loots!

SHORTCUT action
If you have a Cheep Cheep in your inventory, lose it and bypass the shortcut.

Pull ahead!

Everyone else who matters is entering GREEN!
GREEN SEGMENT

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Segment Tags
Safety Rails (For a reason): If hit by a knock up item or hazard, roll an unmodified hazard check-on a nat 1, fall back.
Straightaway: No penalty to Power Slides
Cross-Targeting: Projectile and thrown attacks can be targeted at racers in the red section

!!Hazard!!
Fake Item Box
Hazard roll or get flipped! NOT REAL LOOT!

Broad Dash Panel: +1 Momentum to all passing racers

1st<---->8th

https://youtu.be/iFgrerDaAdo <--Track Mood Music
Player Action
...

Spoiler: Joes Turn (click to show/hide)

...
Joe drives defensively!
+1 to passing, hazards, and attacks!

...

Spoiler: Jacks Turn (click to show/hide)

Drop the box immediately! It's not as though anybody's going to go for items right before the finish line, anyways. If we're lucky the purple man will hit it an go in the drink again. Drive Aggressively.

Jack slams the big red button to drop his fake item box repeatedly as the materium weirdly twists about-he sees Cranky behind him preparing to draft! Despite Jack being in front in the race action order. His item box is a weird paradox state where it simultaneously just hit Cranky and flew past him, since Cranky has already either succeeded or failed to do so. How confusing.

[4] In any case

Despite the warping of time and space
Maybe there's the slimmest chance to steal 1st place
To win the race
All he has to do is beat grey face!

If he can just get a little more SPEED! Jack uses the nicely cleared track (Thanks Chompy!) to gun it! This makes it all even more funny, because how can Jack gain speed to use against Cranky, if just tried/succeeded to pass him?

+1 Momentum! (now 3!)

Finally, he see Cranky time-sliding after/ahead of him!

Crankys free Draft Attempt vs you!
[4+3=7] vs [2+3+1=6]

Who cares about RULES! They were meant to be broken! Jack sends his speed gained in the present back into the past to help ensure he won't be passed in any possible reality. In this reality, Jack holds off the Kong! ...and in every reality, he also fires his totally innocent looking item box! You know, unless Cranky just crashed into it, then he obviously didn't fire it...wait just one moment...

That's the problem with this sport, everyone's gone soft! If you're going to keep on as my Pit Crew chief, you're going to need to solve these problems if we hope to compete in the next race!

Spoiler: Crankys Turn (click to show/hide)

Once again taking a clean race line into the final straightaway, Cranky Drafts, hoping to leverage his small advantage into a pass before the Fake Item Box completely cuts him off!

Cranky knows all about the weird temporal rules of Mario Kart! Despite him reacting in the race after Jack, his move right now is actually taking place before either of them-weird, right? He can hear multiple Diddy Kongs both praising him for passing, and comforting him simultaneously for not passing, though weirdly enough Dixie Kongs voice does not overlap, being absolutely the same in both realitiesl

Free Pass Attempt vs Jack!
[4+3=7] vs [2+3+1=6]

Unfortunately, Jack gains speed in the future, and sends it back to the past to alter the outcome of previous events-classic quantum cheating!-the time stream collapses to a singular absolute point where Cranky always fails to pass, and gets an item box to face. Well, some days you get the banana bunch, and some days...

  "TIME FOR WALUIGI TO FINALLY GET A ITEM AND WIN THE WHOLE RACE WAAAA!"

Spoiler: Waluigis Turn (click to show/hide)

Inner curve powerslide grab a item for once! WAAAAAAA!

Waluigi wants to get a tasty item box, having being denied this entire race-he skews into a power slide, intending to hit ALL THE BOXES!

[2+1=3]

The track betrays him! Waluigi overshoots 'slightly', as in hilariously, sending him on an angle that will result in him crashing into some of the huge piles of obviously impassable metal garbage nearby Big Teeth left behind from other loser karts. By the time he straights his Kart out, his power slide has (like his kart racing career so far) become a complete failure.

Half focused on the item boxes, he squints ahead at a distant point of movement (really, Waluigi is good at squinting) and sees...

Crank free Pass Attempt vs You!
[1+3=4] vs [4+5=9]

The Blue Mushroom is cheating right past him!

Crank passes you!

Waaaaaa!

Waluigi is now redoubled in his efforts to get an item box, so he can catch up and pay him back!

Then he hears what sounds like some sort of Dinosaur roaring at him from behind. Or is that laughter? Sounds like...'bwahahaha'?

Bowser free Pass Attempt vs You!
[4+4+1=9] vs [2+3=4]

Nooooooooo!
Bowser passes you!

Waluigi is left in dinosaur dust!

His dizzying pride, hath merely precipitated a calamitous fall...

...

Spoiler: Cranks turn (click to show/hide)

  Well, if racing didn't work out this season, he could always give alchemy another go...

...oh hey, Chompy isn't home!

Take the shortcut!  Free shortcut is free!

Crank doesn't have to deal with any temporal non-sense. He's got a chance, ONE CHANCE, to turn everything around. Right here, Right now. He just has to cut through Chompys Junkyard with enough speed to pass the puttering Purple Man...which will give him a clear path to pull ahead!

Free Pass Attempt vs Waluigi!
[1+3=4] vs [4+5=9]

Crank has dealt with a lot of crazy tracks in his career. Giant pinballs, falling apples, chain chomps, Arwings...Chompys yard isn't so hard by comparison. He avoids the heavy buildup of gloomba colored junk in the center and swerves around, dodging old garbage half sunk into the ground. He in fact recognizes a lot of these kart parts! Including his own fender (8L00MBA#1) hanging at the top of one pile.

When he gets to the other side, a quick glance proves Waluigi had no idea about the ground he lost-he's not of any more concern...he idly spots the old trackhand Wagger the Lakitu (notably for his extremely fast racing cloud and disapproving glare that can stop racers in their tracks, literally) is closing in on the course with his red flashing REVERSE sign. Oh dear, someones mucked things up...

Crank takes 4th place!

Crank turns sharply and guns it! He can see the straight and the dash pad, just ahead...and the two racers dueling in the distance.

And a free shiny loot box someone just left lying in the middle of the track! Score!

He can hear his pit chief Boomer yelling over the radio.

"Don't fall for that oddly hypnotic item box, Crank!"

...

Spoiler: Olafs turn (click to show/hide)

Turn around and abuse the lack of barriers between Red and Green.  With the absent track Lakitus, maybe nobody will notice if I skip the curve.  Got nothing to lose.

Olafs star-puter is not sure how to process his racing action, as if he doesn't touch on purple, he's clearly off track and not in that good cheaty way you can use to get ahead, but that really obvious cheating way that attracts a Track Lakitu with the big red glowing sign to...oh, right there he is...seems he wasn't afraid of Chompy...



"Halt and reverse direction! You've violated the law of the track! I am authorized to shame you into taking a proper path through the course!"

Olaf feels the sheer power of the Lakitus disapproval weigh down upon him, so much that his kart begins to literally lose power and slow down, as if in shame at its drivers action. Bowser roars by him with a hearty laugh.

Cheaters never prosper! Hee ho!

...

Wagger the Lakitu has been in MLK ever since it's first modern incarnation, and he's been wagging his finger at drivers going the wrong way for almost 30 years. He didn't expect to have to dust off his old racing cloud (more than fast enough to catch any racer, and he isn't half bad a driver himself) and unglove his wagging hand, on the very first race of the new season...but he really wasn't that surprised. In fact, he was sort of pleased. He always liked to show the kids that while inventive driving had its place, there was a difference between creativity and butchery. Anyone who disrespected his track disrespected him.

Olaf is hit with a DELAY! Advance to Green, fall to the back of the pack!

Position lost!

*Bwahaha!*

Spoiler: Bowsers turn (click to show/hide)

Powerslide the inner curve

Bowser is getting good at power sliding...

[3+1=4]

Turn and burn! Bwahaha! +1 bonus to passing checks!

Maybe something about him spooks Olaf-the Viking guy just turned off the track for no reason! Bowser watches with satisfaction as his race position ticks up nicely. What a nice gift!

Bowser advances to 6th!

And this puts him in PERFECT position to get by Purple Luigi! Seems he can't drive his kart very well-a wonder how he stayed at the front of the track so long! Time to shove him aside!

Bowser free Pass Attempt vs Waluigi!
[4+4+1=9] vs [2+3=4]

Bowser advances to 5th! -1 momentum!

Wow! The air is sure nicer at the front of the track! How far can the Koopa King go? He's never asked that question before, because he's always known the answer-he'll go as far as he likes! Bwahahaha!

He finishes his power slide by angling toward a juicy item box! Never forget the loot in all the excitement!

...

Spoiler: Rotom (click to show/hide)

....Rotom downloading Skill.PNG...8%/100% completed...

Action: Rotom uses defensive driving!
+1 to passing, hazards, and attacks!

Movement phase

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In Blue...
Chompy tries to munch Joe!
[6+4+1=11] vs [4+5=9]
Joe may have gone back to sleep, but he knows Chompy is his biggest threat-he hightails it (belatedly), just escaping the range of the terrible teeth!

Bowsers Shell comes back! Wildcard!
[1+2] vs [2] and [3] to avoid fallback

He's unexpected blindsided by the orphan shell! Despite taking it on the nose, his kart continues a steady forward dash, operating without its drivers help! The finish line is right in VIEW!

It's too bad JOE IS ASLEEP!

In Green...
(Cranky Hazard Check vs fake Item Box) [4]
Cranky is already in the process of/has succeeded/will succeed in dodging the fake item box!

Cranky and Jack hit the dash pad gaining +1 momentum!

They hit it for all it's worth!

In Red...
Rotom hits the dash pad gaining +1 momentum!

...

The racers all take their final bow...

Rotom zzz...

Olaf can't pass Waluigi! His Kart seems to be composing a letter of sullen resignation!

Waluigi pulls off his monocle, idly brushing its spotless surface with his soft purple ascot. He sighs. His reflection in the glass is strangely warped, much as his hopes so oft are. As a gentleman and a thief, he cannot help feel this setback is most precipitous to his chances of victory in this endeavor. This unfortunate turn of events, woe betide, may yet snatch any hope of justice from his grasp. Even now it flits away, a bright dream upon waking turned harsh and cold as some say, the contents of his soul. It may indeed, require actions of a certain magnitude in proportion to his feelings on the matter to express himself on the severity of this. I daresay-darksome, dire actions. Like a divine being cast from the pearly heavens for the sin of pride, for desiring more than he was promised-will he not look about and say "This! This is the rock upon which I suffer! My kingdom is naught but this-a single stone! And nothing more! A single stone!". A tear flows down his long cheek and splashes down upon the unfeeling track, the bed of his stolen hope and utter heartbreak. He must bid this life, adieu.

Bowser can only see the Gloomba karter preparing to break out. His only regret is he's not fast enough to follow-yet!

Crank Gloomba takes a shot! He's got to break through and no suspiciously alluring item boxes are gonna stop him!

Cranky can only wait and see if Jack can break out-maybe he'll be able to ride the draft all the way to the finish line! Hey, stranger things have happened, ask Shy Guy and say the word 'Blue Shell'. Now that's a kick.

Jack has the slimmest, most bare chance of success of winning. It all comes down to this next moment...

Joe is like, really close. Is he even reading this?

...

Joe is defensive driving and decides not to try and win the race again!

Jack tries to win the race!

[1-6+4=-1]

Jack feels the 1st place position slip from his tiny, [spongy] little hands.

Oh well, 2nd place is good too!

Crank meanwhile, isn't nearly about to give up...he feels his kart begin to overheat...just push...a bit FURTHER!

[2-6+5+1=2]

...By just the slightest hair, he fails to pull ahead, as the boomjuice finally runs out! He can hear the somewhat muted cheers in the distance...but, not for him...

"Crank, the race isn't over! Get your cap in gear, son! We're not out of the running yet!"

Cleanup phase

KARATE JOE HAS WON THE RACE!

He ambles across the finish line and into the pit stop! He spurns the usual post-race celebrations as his race team hauls him out of the kart, and off the track in a big fluffy bed. Seems we'll to reward his kart for victory!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Item snatching!
Bowser and Waluigi go for items!

Bowser goes first! [6] Yoink!

[8] POW Block!

He remembers getting hit by the POW block before. Time to pay back whoever did that! This could really SHAKE THINGS UP!

Waluigi will fin ally get his first item! [6] Yoink!

[4] Triple Green Shell!

A star would have been nice, but this...alright...adieu... Waluigi reckons he'll have to use these shells pretty quick and try to dodge the POW he can see Bowser is holding up triumphantly just ahead of him)...

You see this here, soldier? Pay close attention. It's a POW block. It's a tectonic geo-weapon, producing shockwaves with enough power to send you flying-combined with other modes of attack, it can end your mission in failure-next stop, Leavenworth prison!

...Because if he gets hit by another of those things, they'll go flying off his Kart to hit Round Man (Olaf). Not that that would be totally bad, mind you...

...

Chompy can't get at a slumbering Karate Joe past the pit stops pretty much invulnerable force field! Admitting defeat, he bounces off into the horizon-clearing the river and the nearby hills and continuing to soar in the air to...wherever it is freed Chain Chomps go...he makes a bunch of loud noises as he flies over the track, but only Jack Frost can understand what he's saying, or indeed, that he's speaking at all

<"~Chomp chomp!~ Thank you for freeing me, icecream bar! ~Chomp!~ Sorry I couldn't get the sleepy guy...but you're still in first place! Don't give up! Look at me, I finally got CRANK AGAIN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! It felt GREAT! I never gave up waiting for him to come back, and one day he's right there! Hey, it was a good game! I hope he has as many happy memories as I do...

...As for me-now, I'm getting the ~Chomp!~ outta here before they put me in that cage again! I'm free, free at last! No more karts on my diet-I'm going back home to ChomperLand! You're welcome to visit anytime! I'll introduce my wife and the Chomplings! Hey, they might even come visit YOU first! And I'll tell all my buddies not to chomp ya! Not too hard anyway, we can be an excitable bunch!">

Winning racers!
1st place!!! https://youtu.be/XQ2GUKB9GBM
Momentum- 2
Items-None


Front pack!
2nd Place!
Momentum- 4
Items-None
3rd place!!
Momentum- 4
Items-None

Trailing pack!
4th place.!
Momentum- 5
Items-[Special: Red Cheep]
5th..!
Momentum- 3
Items-[Reserve: POW Block]
6th place.
Momentum- 3
Items-[Special: Red Cheep][Dragged: Triple Green Shell] (4 turns to Poison Shroom!)
7th Place...?
Momentum- 3
Items-[Active: Robotic Shield (3/3)Charges][Special: Red Cheep]
8th Place... (https://youtu.be/fCiHSZzuwdc) Does anyone have a full restore?
Momentum- 2
Items- [POW Block]

Spoiler: Racer Info (click to show/hide)

Waluigi (Fluffe9911)
Place: 6th
Status- Fine
Segment- Entering GREEN

Mid-Race Hiccups: Mold Growth

Karate Joe (SirAston)
Place: 1st (Finished race)
Status- Mere mortal!
Segment- WINNER CIRCLE LOL
Module Perks: Item Boost, Armor Shell Broken!
Race Perks: Stardust Charge (Speedy)

Module Hiccups: Grounded, Signal Interference Broken! (but this is good!)
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Olaf the Stout (Devastator)
Place: 6th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering GREEN
Module Perks: Shield Box Used up!

Module Hiccups: Low Loot
Mid-Race Hiccups: None! (Pit-fixed one this race)

Crank (Toaster)
Place: 4th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering GREEN
Module Perks: High Acceleration

Module Hiccups: Low Loot, Cold Start
Mid-Race Hiccups: None! (Pit-fixed one this race)

Bowser (SuperDino85)
Place: 5th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering GREEN

Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Rotom (Naturegirl1999)
Place: 8th
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering PURPLE
Module Perks: Item Boost, Armor Shell

Module Hiccups: Poor Handling, Ghost Kart
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Cranky Kong (monk12)
Place: 3rd
Status- Normal, Missing Cane
Segment- Entering BLUE
Module Perks: Streamlined

Module Hiccups: Poor Handling
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

Jack Frost (Egan_BW)
Place: 2nd
Status- Normal
Segment- Entering BLUE
Module Perks: Dirty Weapons

Module Hiccups: Featherweight
Mid-Race Hiccups: None!

...

...Joe has won the race! The crowd goes...mild?

Yeah, they don't seem very excited! He hardly did ANYTHING! How do you think he feels about winning with minimal efforts?

Well, he'll have to cry himself to sleep on his bed of coin and free sponsorship offers!

Oh well! How about we turn to racers we actually want to see win!

...

Cranky Kong and Jack Frost are neck and neck!

And Crank, our favorite Gloomba, is building up speed! But he's got hazards building all around him-does he gun it, or try and play it safe?

Bowser pulled the POW block! It's a wildcard that changes EVERYTHING! He's got little choice but to use it NOW, as the other racers have cheeps that will let them hop over the final gap, but he doesn't! He's going to have to hope someone gets knocked in the drink by a combination of shells, boxes, pows, and rams! Everyone grab your seats and your unattended soft drinks (hopefully you're drinking EXTREME ORANGE, Daisys favorite and the official drink of MKL!), and get ready for the BOOM!

That's right! If Crank can just dodge the hazards, he'll be a good spot to steal 1st place! And so could all the other racers, but only if they race really well!

Cranky Kong and Jack are what we're watching, though! They have a tough choice to make in the final turn of the race-go to the outside curve, and hope you've got enough speed to win?

Crank himself won his 1st MLK Race here with a terrific bout of defensive driving using that same move!

Or do you risk the inner curve, hoping it'll give you just enough of an edge to pass your opponent-or keep him off of your back, assuming you don't get sent into the abyss by the POW?

Decisions like these make or break a racers career! Watch close-this should be a good finish! I mean technically we're ALREADY finished, but that was sort of boring! Tune in for the REAL end of the race in a few moments!

Changing track conditions!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Chompys revenge!
Chompy has escaped the track!

Racers in GREEN! Collect the cool free item box in front of the dash panel! Jack Frost left a special surprise!

[Fluffe9911]

  Waluigi's life metaphorically flashes before Waluigi's eyes all the WAAAAing all the gloating FOR A LOUSY 6TH PLACE?!?! is this truly all Waluigi can amount to? "NO! NO! NO! WALUIGI WILL NEVER GIVE UP AGAINST CHEATERS! THEY THINK WALUIGI WILL JUST SIT BY AND ACCEPT SUCH A UNFAIR DEFEAT?!?! NEVER!!! WALUIGI IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE NUMBER ONE! WAAAAAAAAAAA!" Throw all Waluigi's shells forward than do a kart flip to dodge the POW Box the stink lizard infront of Waluigi just got! Waluigi will be number one!

[Egan_BW]

"Hey purple man! Don't give up! I saw you trying to snag an item- well I left one last one! Grab it and turn the race around, hee!"

[Fluffe9911]

  "YOU THINK WALUIGI IS STUPID? WALUIGI ALREADY HAS ITEMS! YOUR CLEARLY TRYING TO GET WALUIGI TO WASTE A PERFECTLY GOOD ITEM BOX FOR NO REASON! WELL WALUIGI WONT FALL FOR IT WAAAAAA!"

[monk12]

Coconut Spoiler, don't fail me now!

With the checkered flag approaching fast, Cranky Kong Drafts to the Outside, hoping to squeak over the finish line before the POW block of doom obliterates the track!