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[Dwarmin]

Kash In feels the need to arrive at the Barrel Embassy personally, no doubt intending to give Cranky a hostile handshake, like where you try to break each others bones rather than patting each other on the back. Being 12 feet tall with muscles big as a kart, Kash In certainly looks ferocious...but Kongs have taken down bigger.

"...Hey, Golden Oldie Kong! I just got the GREAT news! I wanted to show up and congratulate you-I hope you'll come to find I'm an honest Krem, and I wanna say I'm as much looking forward to ruining your career and driving you into utter destruction, as you're looking forward to ruining me! But before that happens, maybe we can make some money off one another, eh? I think you'll find in this line of business, a reliable enemy is much better than a fairweather friend!"

He pauses to flex, no doubt releasing pent up energy before it builds up enough to destroy the building. He then reaches in his pockets (Shuffling away some random blueprints he seems to be carrying) and plucks out a coin bag which seems ridiculously tiny in his huge claw-hand.

"There's your advance~go buy yourself a banana or something! You're looking sort of thin! Also, did it just get cold in here? Nah, probably my imagination..."

+2 Coin (Now 7)

...

Diddy takes a barrel full of coins and starts ordering parts from the new fangled 'internets'. Gee, who goes down to the old brick and mortar anymore? Unfortunately, as Cranky Kong would no doubt point out, this is the 'age of distraction' and Diddy quickly forgets all about Karts...

"Wow, they released Kong of War: Bananarock!"

...

Sometime later, Diddy shows up the 'amazingly upgraded kart', which seems suspiciously like it was before except for the addition of a familiar looking green shawl now strung across the back on a clothesline wire.

"...Look here Pop Pop, I added a...hyperautomatic wind stabilizer wing! I didn't find it in a box in the attic, I ordered it from the...kart part online! Hey, I thought it was just a piece of juuu...juicy piece of kart equipment, but it actually seems to float, sort of? Like it's trying to fly! And it stabilizes whatever it is attached to! Well, the specifics are of course, too bothersome to explain! But, it'll be great for increasing your draft times! Also, the best part, no downsides!"

There's a creepy cold draft that blows through the room at that moment...


"~Wooooooooh!"

Oh my Bananas My Dear Cranky I can't believe you're driving that dangerous vehicle are you in such a hurry to join me in the afterlife you volunteer to drive into chain chomps and get hit by bomb-bombs and turtle shells and how did you con that poor boy into helping your cockamamie schemes he's only 25 years old its far too much responsibility he should be school practicing Donkey Kong Jr. Math. this place is just a mess as well does no one know how to pick up a broom I'll just have to clean up everything my self after all I'm just dead, it's not like I deserve a break!

"...Anyway, Pop Pop, we should think about getting some security coconuts, because things have been going missing lately, what a weird coincidence right? Hey, at least the place looks nicer. It's like someone is cleaning up why we aren't looking!"

...

-6 Coins
Aerodynamic
Ghost Kart
Module: Spooky Shawl
Some may question the addition of a finely patterned green blanket affixed to the back of a kart on a clothesline, but it's ability to increase drafting speed is without a doubt a benefit-it seems to occasionally possess some sort of levitating ability which kicks in at higher speeds, like a lazy magic carpet that only gets out of bed for something important. One drawback is the spirits which inhabit it...who seem to have a fixation on keeping the Kart as clean as possible...

...

"This is a pretty nice gaming rig, Diddy, must have set you back like 5 or 6 coins!"
"...Pop Pop gave me a bonus! How else could I afford this holographic 5000k screen, and the ergonomic gamer-chair that constantly adjusts to your height, weight and karmic balance."
"Is that a real banana smoothie machine?"
"Yeah, it's got an adjuster for 12 different flavors! I ordered a year long subscription. I'd say try the Lanky Raspberry Banana Twist, but don't bother serving yourself, I got a shy-guy butler!"
"How'd you get Kong of War 3: Eclipse?!"
"Multidimensional battle pass! I could order games that don't even exist yet!"

...

Cranky Kong (monk12)
Points- 0+9=9
Fame- 0+2=2
Coin- 2+3+2-6=1
Backstory: The old Speedy Pete! Can't remember why Junior stopped racing with it, some hoo-haw about it being a deathtrap. Nonsense! Nothing an experienced hand like myself couldn't handle, I'm sure! In fact, I think I'll get ol' Petey fixed up and go show these younguns how it's done!

Kart
Name: Speedy Pete
Paint Job: Mahogany Brown and Tree Vine Green
Frame: Held together by withered Jungle vines and crankiness

Module Installed: Streamlined (Kongo Jungle Coconut Spoiler), Aerodynamic (Spooky Shawl)
Module Hiccups: Poor Handling (Kongo Jungle Coconut Spoiler), Ghost Kart (Spooky Shawl)
Permanent Hiccups: None
Races: 1
Placement
Mushroom Cup/Luigis Waterway (Summer)/2nd Place

Sponsor: Racing for KremKroc Industries
"Welcome to the Slam!"
Contract (Active)]Sign on Bonus: 2 Coins (Paid)
Win Bonus: 4 coins for a 1st or 2nd place win
Stipulations: Any placement below 3rd results in termination of contract! A 3rd place win means employment status is decided by flipping a weighted Kremkoin!

Length of Deal: Forever, until forcibly terminated

[Egan_BW]

"Of course I want to do the hee-ho right thing! But who decides what that means? Hee, I do!" Take the contract, provided they're willing to add free burgers to it. A hungry Jack's gotta eat! Also purchase a coconut tree and hammer it into a module for my cart! Something to improve its blunt force potential! Oh, and pry off that pesky Crank-Strictor. The people deserve better entertainment.

[Dwarmin]

"...Free Burgers? That's a stipulation we can agree too. Remember to eat healthy and get a lot of exercise, though! You can't live on burger-kun, as much as my advertisers would like to claim."

+1 Coin

...

Jack never bothered to read the rules, and for all we know he stole his kart, so it seems he never bothered to hire a pit crew either. Hee ho! Do all the work yourself and save money!

Remembering the words of the wise old ape, Jack decides to invest some of his new funds in coconuts! Utilizing classic Donkey Kong Country engineering, he makes up for his lack of technical ability by just using more nails, and attaching extra planks over already poorly fitted planks, utilizing some rubber wood because it was the cheapest thing he could find. Diddy would be proud! What he comes up with is...interesting...to say the least.

When Jack nailed a literal coconut tree to the front of his kart, he finds out it wouldn't nearly stay on unless he added some additional reinforcement-the rubber wood he used was light and flimsy, but for a brace actually made it bouncy and springy. He found with the right motivation, he could actually use the tree as a weapon-the motion of the kart makes it into a coconut flailing nightmare with little actual control, but serious potential for mayhem. After that, all he had to do was add some spikes to the coconuts, and adding that unique 'layer of Jack'! Unfortunately the finishing touches had some odd effects...his kart seems to be playing familiar music! Huh, there doesn't seem to be a way to shut it off!

https://youtu.be/MV4FWaDxFEs

He's pretty sure this will interfere with his karts star-puter systems, but is it really a downside? Theme music! It's sort of sticks into the mind.

Everyday Young Life!
Jun-es-u!

A businessman, cell phone in his hand!
Eating right out of the store, that's what youth is!
A middle-aged woman in leopard print-with her little puppy!
Dressed in a suit for your interview-that's what youth will be!

Ever since our young days!
Junes has been there!
Waiting for us!
With plenty of goods!

Everyday Young Life!
June-es-u!

...

-2 Coins
Ramming Speed
Signal Interference
Module: Jack's Iced Coconut Morningstar
A Jack Frost invention, the Iced Coconut Morningstar is a coconut tree grafted onto the front of your kart-it acts as an improvised weapon, making it hazardous for anyone to approach within ramming range, without getting a whack up side the head with a coconut laden with spikes. All the coconuts are painted (?) to look like Jack Frosts smiling face. The entire thing is covered with a thin layer of frosted icing, enough to be sweet and provide a nice crunch. Unfortunately it seems this icing has weird effects on his karts computer systems, as his kart now broadcasts the Junes Theme from the radio on repeat at intermittent times. Even when the kart is powered down!

...

Jack takes a short break to down six Big Bang Burgers and a bucket of Saturn Fries (he wonders how many burgers they'd actually sell him), before getting back to work.

His technical know-how may be lacking, but he definitely noticed his Kart was going much slower last race than it should have! It's not hard to locate the offending part, as it looks like a wide and flat metal panel with tiny holes in it attached over his stardust engines intake system-it's one of the parts he didn't put in, the Track Lakitus did it for him while they were inspecting his kart before the race looking for 'inconsistencies'.

He guesses is works by throttling stardust intake from the generator into the core-essentially, making it harder for the engine to breath properly. It also has a picture of the Blue Gloombas Face on it with a large red circle-and cross, and a plate reading '[DO NOT REMOVE! CRANK-STRICTOR PLATE]'. He has NO idea why they would install something to make the kart slower! Jack promptly REMOVES the DO NOT REMOVE sign-that means he can REMOVE this bothersome plate! Hee hee! Loophole abuse! The only real trick is finding a replacement part that will be the exact same weight-the Track Lakitus assist on weighing karts before a race to determine rule breaking. He ends up adding a spinning gear with his face on it-left over from his work on the Morningstar, as it turns out he didn't need metal parts for that after all. Hee ho!

...

Jack takes his kart for a few experimental spins and finds out it's much faster in the highest gear-maybe not so good when driving neck to neck, but for breaking out of the pack it's pretty sweet! The Kart seems a lot more responsive too! Like, actually responsive-it's somewhat unruly to control. It's like the kart is learning to hee-ho! His first demonstration of this new unwieldiness is when when his kart sideswipes a retaining wall and takes out the lock on a cage keeping a bunch of recently re-captured Chain Chomps prisoner. They promptly bounce off to create havoc! He speeds off before the Mushroom Rangers show up.

Is there such a thing as too much trouble? Because while it's something he probably would have done anyway, he definitely didn't CHOOSE to do it right then!

-1 Coins
Removed Crank-Strictor Plate
Faulty Weapons
Module: Guilty Gear
Crank-strictor plates were designed for two reasons, one was to inhibit the speed of karts, resulting in 'slower and fairer' races-mostly, keeping front running racers from pulling ahead too easily. Removing them solves this problem neatly! The second reason, however, was that the heated core of a stardust engine is in fact closer to living creature than a machine, and throttling the dust intake helps prevent various 'oddities' from occurring as it 'wakes up'. Which brings to mind a lot of questions about the morality of restraining such uninhibited life! It seems that MLK couldn't change racing, so instead of reflecting on themselves, they found a beast to blame-and now that Jacks inherent naughtiness has seeped into this modification, combined with the newfound energy, this will cause his weapons to act in a manner inconsistent with the rules of MLK, but likely consistent with his personality!

...

Jacks ridiculously busy morning (he really needs a break, and maybe some more burgers) ends with finding a mysterious package on the stoop to his garage as he returns. He quite forgot that he lost his Zorro's Rapier in the river last race!

It seems the Mafia sent him a replacement. That's oddly generous of them. They even left a nice note!

~Hey kid

Sorry, that other thing we sold you didn't turn out so well. It was a pretty good design, but what it was up against was better. And that means one of the other families is crossing us-making our goods look bad. Making us look bad. So we put our heads together, put on the midnight cheese fondue, and hacked together something better. One of the kids had an idea-got a new Curse-Cross System we like to call the Black Mark. Let's you do some pretty cool stuff. Try it out for us and give feedback, eh? Make sure that monkey doesn't beat you again, huh? We don't like to be shown up.

~Your mousy friends

He doesn't have to be a mechanic to know this blade is indeed, quite superior.

Got Zorros Rapier EX!

Jack Frost (Egan_BW)
Points- 0+7=7
Fame- 0+1=1
Coin- 4+2+1-2-1=4
Backstory: hee ho! I didn't read all the rules! hee, I'll just manage without...

Kart
Name: Hi-Ho Speedster

Module Installed: Dirty Weapons (Zorro's Rapier EX), Ramming Speed (Jack's Iced Coconut Morningstar), Removed Crank-Strictor Plate (Guilty Gear)
Module Hiccups: Featherweight (Zorro's Rapier EX), Signal interference (Jack's Iced Coconut Morningstar), Faulty Weapons (Guilty Gear)
Permanent Hiccups: None
!!Illegal Mods detected!!
Hacked: Zorros Rapier EX
Tweaked: Guilty Gear

Races: 1
Placement
Mushroom Cup/Luigis Waterway (Summer)/3rd Place

Sponsor: Racing for Burger-Kun
"If I act with resolve and believe in my actions, I know I'll be able to achieve anything."
Contract (Active)]Sign on Bonus: 1 Coins (Paid)
Terms: 1 coin per race
Win Bonus: 1 coins for 3rd, 2 coins for 2nd place win, 3 coins for a 1st place win
Stipulations: Must maintain current image bonus or contract may be cancelled. Publicity tours to adjust image mandatory! (Jacks current bonus is +0!) +1 Coin bonus to perfecting image rank, once per rank. 1 time 1 coin bonus to finish AHEAD of Team Flare Visions racer. Negotiations can only performed at the end of the every season. Free Burgers for Jack!

Length of Deal: Three races

[Egan_BW]

"Another productive day! I only regret that since Team Flare don't have a racer to their name yet, I can't earn extra coin by humiliating them, hee ho! Well, this juggernaut of a car is itching to show somebody a bad time! Good kart!" Jack pats the speedster affectionately.

[Dwarmin]

The kart almost seems to purr back!

[SuperDino85]

We’ll since purple Stache refused team flare vision, let’s see about making them my sponsor. The uniform looks like it’ll match my hair

[TricMagic]

"I'll note the discord invite is invalid. How dastardly."

Dick Dastardly IV (TricMagic)
Status: Cheating his way in.(And yes, just read the whole Mario Kart. But he has a dastardly plot to pose as Waluigi.)
Points- 0
Fame- 0
Coin- 5(awaiting assignment.)
Backstory: A man following in his ancestor's footsteps, cheating his way in. "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!"

Kart
Name: The Mean Machine
Paint Job: Dastardly Purple and dim mustard yellow trim.

Module Installed:
Module Hiccups: None
Permanent Hiccups: None
Races: 0

Take a Dirty Weapon and Loot Vacuum Module. If you're not cheating you aren't trying!

[Dwarmin]

Welcome to the madhouse! This link should be fresh!

https://discord.gg/HsaCCmyztB

[Dwarmin]

Found ya on discord too

[Dwarmin]

"...Wake up Jim, we actually got another racer!"

"Waluigi got a new hat?"

"Well, yes and no! In a long line of mustached purple criminals, there was one who came before them all-DICK DASTARDLY, THE DESPICABLE DEVILISH DO-BADDER! AND HERE HE COMES, DRIVING THE DOUBLE ZERO DEUCE, THE MANGY MEAN MACHINE! WITH HIS SNIVELING SIDEKICK...wait, did we see Muttley?"

"No confirmation, Bob! Are you feeling alright? Your voice got a bit...alliterative there."

"Must be something I ate! Well, everybody who knows their history knows that Dick Dastardly was a famous (for cheating) racer in the mirror reality version of our sport, known as the Wacky Races! It stands the only reason he COULD even exist in our dimension is that he came to race!"

"Quite so! His last reported sighting was almost 20 years ago...not as old as Cranky, but he's still up there!"

"I wasn't sure anyone was left from the DreamCast dimension! Though it's possible he existed in a ported reality...maybe the GBC...?"

"...The rules-lawyers of MLK have weighed in, and not only have they approved him, they said they look forward to testing their enforcement skills vs such a legendary cheater. They would consider it an honor to eject him from the league!"

...

Dick Dastardly was perhaps drawn to this realm by his pale mirror imitation, Waluigi-no matter his reasons, he found himself well prepared to connive his way to villainous victory!

-1 Coins
Dirty Weapon
Signal Interference
Module: Dastardly Duffel
Dastardlys was a legendary cheater for using his own wily ingenuity, a generous rubber banding of time and space to set up overly complex traps (a power only available when comfortably in the lead), and of course his dastardly dog-Muttley. All of this was contained in the duffel he brought over from...wherever he came from. How it can contain all of that needs no real explanation. Let's just say, if he needs to cheat, he'll have whatever he needs.

Slight downside is the the bag radiates 'cartoon energy' and has some weird effect on his karts flashy tv screen thing, but he's pretty sure that's the mechanically weakest hiccup any racer can have-it's already working!

-1 Coins
Loot Vacuum
Cold Start
Module: Grab-o-Glove
Giant gloves on springs were a classic and time honored tool in his profession, whether for snatching loot, or punching other racers-he lacks a giant boxing glove and a horseshoe, however, which limits that at the moment. The Grab-O-Glove (a fancy glove attired in purple, like himself) attached to his kart can spring out and grab anything he might desire. Even ghosts, oddly enough. That would have been really useful vs the Gruesome Twosome in the Creepy Coupe.

Now, he did have to design it to look like a giant jack-in-the box, and it did have to explode into confetti every time it opens and he needed to reroute some of his engines rocket booster to do that-but you can't mess with these classic designs. Of course he has to re-wind it by hand every time, villainous sing-song optional but encouraged...

Dick Dastardly IV (TricMagic)
Status: Cheating his way in.(And yes, just read the whole Mario Kart. But he has a dastardly plot to pose as Waluigi.)
Points- 0
Fame- 0
Coin- 5-2=3
Backstory: A man following in his ancestor's footsteps, cheating his way in. "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!"

Kart
Name: The Mean Machine
Paint Job: Dastardly Purple and dim mustard yellow trim.

Module Installed: Dirty Weapons (Dastardly Duffel), Loot vacuum (Grab-O-Glove)
Module Hiccups: Signal Interference (Dastardly Duffel), Cold Start (Grab-O-Glove)
Permanent Hiccups: None
Races: 0

We’ll since purple Stache refused team flare vision, let’s see about making them my sponsor. The uniform looks like it’ll match my hair

Bowser stomps his way into Team Flares Headquarters, only to be immediately with a bombardment of annoying red and white spheres. They don't seem to do anything, and before he knows it, he's getting attacked by a bunch of weird attack birds and guard dogs...unfortunately for them, Bowser is classified as a dual Dragon/Fire type, and shrugs off their attacks with ease!

...

The Koopa King picks his teeth and burped as he marched into Milos office.

"What's this? Another trainer, coming to challenge the might of Team Flare? Go poke...oh my God, please don't eat me! ...I mean, wait, you're Bowser! The racer who got in last place! Well, you had heart, right? Here-you want the contract? Take it-Waluigi sent back all our cool uniforms. I'm not sure if we can fit you for one...

Anyway, I don't really care who races for us as long as you flatten that unctuous retrograde from Burger-Kun! As long as you share our overly dramatic spite towards an imperfect world that refuses to cede to our impossible demands of perfection, we can work with you."

Bowser inks his claw-mark on an expanded size contract a few minutes later, and gets a coin for his efforts. Money and a free lunch?

This deals getting better all the time!

Bowser (SuperDino85)
Points- 0+3=3
Fame- 0
Coin- 5+1=6
Backstory: King of the Koopas and don't you forget it.

Kart
Name: BW Standard
Paint Job: Villainous Reptile Orange

Module Installed: Firebreath Ignition Sparker (High Acceleration)
Module Hiccups: None
Permanent Hiccups: None
Races: 1
Placement
Mushroom Cup/Luigis Waterway (Summer)/7th Place
Special: Keyholder

Sponsor: Racing for Team Flare Vision
"Jack Frost, more like Jack LOST...! After my racer defeated him! Which is like, future tense."
Sign on Bonus: 1 Coins Paid
Terms: 1 coin per race. Increase pay by 1 per race.
Stipulations: Must always finish AHEAD of Burger-Kuns racer, or contract terminated! Will require a uniform change (if we can fit one)
Length of Deal: Three races

[Fluffe9911]

Waluigi is waiting patiently in a convinent back ally for a certain mouse to arrive
"WHATS TAKING THIS MOUSE SO LONG HE TOLD WALUIGI HE WOULD HAVE IT READY BY NOW WAAAAAAA!"
Suddenly a mouse in shades enters the ally behind him are a buncha other mice carrying multiple heavy packages.
"Well well well if it isnt the purple plumber got those packages you ordered right here."
"TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH ALSO IM NOT A PLUMBER IM WALUIGI! NOW HAND OVER THE PACKAGES WAAAAAA!"
"Ayyy no need to be so hostile we all friends here right? Anyway just hand over the coins and the goods are all yours."
Waluigi reluctantly hands over 4 coins to Mouser
"Hehe pleasure doing business with you sucker."
The mafia mice scamper off leaving Waluigi alone with the packages which Waluigi proceeds to open with a evil grin
"EVERYONE THINKS THEY CAN CHEAT AGAINST WALUIGI BUT TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME ITS TIME TO FIGHT CHEATING.... WITH CHEATING! WAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Waluigi suddenly notices a nearby passerby was staring at him the whole time
"OH ERRRR DONT MIND WALUIGI WALUIGI IS JUST UH DOING A VOCAL WARM UP WAAAA WAAAAAA WAAAAAAAA"
The passerby stares at Waluigi confused before shrugging and walking off
"WALUIGI SHALL BE NUMBER ONE WAAAAAAAAA!"
Buy the Illegal Mod Slot, Dark Star Fuel Injector, Remove Crank-Strictor Plate, and Fake Starheat Vents! WALUIGI WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE!

[TricMagic]

Meanwhile across town.

"Let's get to work Muttley." snksnksnksnk Proceeds to install the High Acceleration Module he brought from.. Somewhere. -3 Coins.

[Dwarmin]

Like a wicked child opening Christmas presents he bought for himself, Waluigi tears into his new purchases with self satisfied glee!

-4 coins

Waluigi has no time to head back to his pit stop, and he's pretty his own pit crew would report him if they found cheating devices on his kart, so he'll just have to stick them on himself!

...

Dark Star Fuel Injector
Poison Shrooms
Module: Toxic Star
Waluigi has never seen a beautiful purple star before! It suits him perfectly, not only allowing him to cheat by funneling additional energy into his engine, but being terribly radioactive to everything in the vicinity. Aha! But Waluigi has cleverly accounted for this! Since his kart is ALREADY infected with Poison Shrooms, a second dose of toxins, can't actually make things worse! At least in the short term. Now he doesn't even have to pay to repair it, instead it's more like a permanent fixture!

...

Remove Crank-Strictor Plate
Cold Start
Module: Mini-Mouser Pub
Waluigi removes the Crank-Strictor plate pretty easily. He's wondering why he bothered to pay so much money, when he remembers that Karts need to have exact weights to pass casual MLK inspections! Thankfully, they provided him an oddly homely looking brick to place in his kart. Why does it have a door?

"Hey pal, set us down and quit with the shaking! We're trying to drink cheese here!'

He hears a tiny mouse-like squeak coming from the brick. Bringing it to eye-level, with many unnecessary shakes, he looks in the door sees there's an entire tiny bar, complete with stools, tables, and a jukebox. And it's filled with tiny mice, smaller versions of the ones who sold him it! Most of the Patrons give him the rat eye, so he closes the door with his white gloved pinky finger. He places the box in just the right spot, anyway, hopefully offsetting the weight of the removed crank-strictor plate. How was he supposed to know this was a real estate deal? It's drawing a lot of power from his kart to run the cheese-stills...

"I don't what I was thinking buying this place! We got poison mushrooms growing in the ceiling, ghosts in the walls, blobs lounging around! What a dump!'

...

Fake Star Hear Vents
Ghost Kart
Module: Scumball the Slime
Waluigi final set of instructions tells him to remove his star heat vents and affix cheap, fake stickers (unlike his glorious hat, which is a patch) that looks like vents! Clever!

The note also says he needs to install something in a jar labeled 'SCUMBALL'-it'll help handle the heat issues and keep him from explod blah blah waaaa. He cracks open the jar, and what jumps out is a fat looking blob wearing a backwards baseball cap ( this is the wrong way) and what looks like a cheap coat made of fake fur. It looks at him dolefully, then squishes into his kart without permission. Making itself at home.
'Hey, nice place! The poison shrooms really set off the decor-and there's a bar right down the street!' It speaks. In a squishy voice. '...Don't worry, W-Dog, I got the whole 'engine on' fire thing or whatever totally down, bro-uigi. Just tell me when things are about to explode, otherwise I might be asleep, or something.'

Waluigi watches with dismay as Scumball lounges in his engine block, brings up his cellphone, and begins inviting his friends. Which as it turns, are ScumBoos.

'Boos before Bros, yo! BOO-yah! Party at the Waa House! Hashtag #Giggle!'

Waluigi (Fluffe9911)
Points- 0+5=5
Fame- 0
Coin- 5+1-4=2
Backstory: Waluigi number one! WAAAAAAAA!
 
Kart
Name: WL Standard
Paint Job: Garish Purple and 2nd Banana Gold

Module Installed: Dark Star Fuel Injector (Toxic Star), Remove Crank-Strictor Plate (Mini-Mouser Pub), Fake Starheat Vents (Scumball the Slime)
Module Hiccups: Mold Growth (Toxic Star), Cold Start (Mini-Mouser Pub), Ghost Kart (Scumball the Slime)
Permanent Hiccups: None
!!Illegal Mods detected!!
Ban Worthy: Dark Star Fuel Injector
Tweaked: Mini-Mouser Pub
Hacked: Scumball the Slime
Permanent Hiccups: Poison Shrooms
Races: 1
Placement
Mushroom Cup/Luigis Waterway (Summer)/4th Place

...

Dick Dastardly feels vaguely dirty buying a technically legal part from...somewhere...but he has to keep his opponents guessing, right? And even cheaters sometimes have to compromise their lack of morals and do the right thing...he decides he'll install something to give his engine a kick in the baggy pants to make up for his jack in the box.

High Acceleration Mod
Greased Up
Module: Evil Gramophone
Dick has long realized his kart runs on pure badness, it's less a machine than a part of himself, one that plays better when it plays worse! For that classic touch, he picks out a Gramophone from a multidimensional garage sale and picks the most evil sounding selection of classic music he can still find on record-Carmina Burana O Fortuna No. 1 comes highly recommended for villains. He finds his kart actually seems invigorated when he plays this music! Must have good taste.

Drawbacks, so much concentrated evil actually exposes his kart to the Negative Karma influx better known as 'When it Rains, it Pours.' Dick remember this effect well. He'd end up in a mud puddle, dratting his bad luck and then he'd get hit by a piece of the trap that just failed to stop anyone. Figures it's about the same thing.

Dick Dastardly IV (TricMagic)
Status: Cheating his way in.(And yes, just read the whole Mario Kart. But he has a dastardly plot to pose as Waluigi.)
Points- 0
Fame- 0
Coin- 5-2-3=0
Backstory: A man following in his ancestor's footsteps, cheating his way in. "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!"

Kart
Name: The Mean Machine
Paint Job: Dastardly Purple and dim mustard yellow trim.

Module Installed: Dirty Weapons (Dastardly Duffel), Loot vacuum (Grab-O-Glove), High Acceleration mod (Evil Gramophone )
Module Hiccups: Signal Interference (Dastardly Duffel), Cold Start (Grab-O-Glove), Greased Up (Evil Gramophone )
Permanent Hiccups: None
!!Illegal Mods detected!!
Hacked: Dastardly Duffel

Races: 0

[Dwarmin]

Events Happen!

[1][2][3]

Bowser has barely any time to enjoy his weekend as a flurry of reporters encircle his pit-castle for the next few days, wanting to get his comment on joining Team Flare. The goombas can barely keep them at bay! His reverie is interrupted as his new sponsor swoops in crimson suited contractors to begin redecorating everything in his castle, and swapping out all his Bowser Banners for Team Flare flags. Price of doing business..at least they're using summer colors.

The worst part is they've scheduled him for 're-styling', starting with his hair...

"...Abreezio is the best stylist we could find who would take our calls! Oh yeah, it'll have to come out of your own pocket, but don't worry-it'll be good for the brand, good for us, which is good for you, which is good for us, which is good for the brand, right?"

Change his do? He's worn his hair the exact same way since 1985!

Spoiler: Bowser Mane (click to show/hide)

He's pretty sure this is going to blow fireballs no matter what he decides.

Bowser has to choose between two bad (?) things!
-1 Coin

OR

-1 Glamor (This image will negatively impact his relationship with team flare)

....


Jack Frost is in a similar situation, but in his case it's more of a 'family reunion'...figures they'd come out of the frostworks as soon as he gets some money!

Somehow he's not surprised to find a Milky Frost on his doorstep, sounding as sweet as ever.

Yeah, there's a story behind everyone.

Most Demons/Shadows known as 'Jacks' are pretty closely related (though none so close they wouldn't immediately betray the other for personal gain and/or amusement) and there's a seperate race known as Frosts. Not all Jacks are Frosts and not all Frosts are Jacks. These Frosts were created in Jacks Image, but they were originally completely artificial-as in, created by a human.

What complicates this is that after awhile they started appearing like any other Demon would, completely naturally in the sea of souls.

What matters is that they've all got a smug Hero complex and there's five of them, and if five of them get together, they form a team of Invincible Super Frosts called the Frost Five with five times the smugness...

Spoiler: Hee ho! (click to show/hide)

"...COUSIN! It's been hee-ho heck of a long time since we've gotten together! How about I cut to the chase and ask you for money! Hee hee!

So, I'm getting the hee-ho whole band together! We're gonna form the Frost Five of the Mushroom Kingdom, and purge this land of bad hee ho-ers! And for that, Milky needs some money to bring them over the Rainbow Bridge! Can you help a fellow Frost out? I promise it'll be worth it!"

Jack Frost is pretty sure it WOULD be worth it, because the thing about product recognition is the more product you have, the easier it is to sell. One Jack Frost is nice, One Jack Frost and Five Knockoffs who will engage in a very public displays of courage and battling 'evil' (Who decides who's evil again, hee?) will do a wonder for his own popularity!

...Of course, when Milky hands him the bill, he finds it is quite astronomical. It covers not only travel expenses, but new costumes, a really big dinner he's not sure they'll invite him to, and the deed and construction of the "Jackster Building", a tower which will apparently house this new superhero team. He cannot actually afford this...unless he asks his new sponsor for money. Or, ironically, asks the mousers to pull some strings. He's pretty sure it's not the first superhero team founded on organized crime hee ho! He figures he has a little less to lose here-if he makes the effort of at least attempting and fails, well, hee ho oh well.

But, who says he can't do the organizing? Jacks devious little mind concocts a scheme where he could steer them to BurgerKun for 'help'-they'd fund the teams foundation and then ruthlessly mine them for coins, rather than letting them fight crime. At least, that's what a normal company would do. Or he could direct them to the mousers and see what happens. And he in any case, could pocket a significant finders fee! On the other hand, that wouldn't endear him much to his extended family...

Dilemma!

Jack frost has to choose!

+1 Fame/-1 Coin a race for the next five races (Fund the Frost five out of your own wallet. Jack can ask his sponsor [and/or the mafia] for help paying.)

OR

+1 Coin a race for the next five races (Pawn the Frost Five on the Mousers or BurgerKun!)

...



Cranks pit crew has tried a lot of things to break him out of his funk, but maybe in the end, it's the work that brings him back...

Spoiler: Boomer! (click to show/hide)

"Hey, Crank! Open up or I'll blow the door down!"

He's not joking.

...

Crank consults with Chief Boomer about a choice between two low-price sponsors. So low they can't even provide any coin, but they will lend some replacement parts...

Boomer smokes freely in his office. Crank probably doesn't have a nose anyway.

"First up is the 2021 Deep Arctic Drilling Expedition. They just want a flag. Not sure what they expect to find up there rather than a bunch of my bom-buddies frozen down in the ice...hmmph...well, they're offering some newfangled repair device. As a test, to see if it works. In theory we'll be able to account for some damage from that GRLR kit and whatever else might pop up on the tracks...Brainy upstairs says it'll make us look all the more educated and whatever, might endear us to the sponsors looking for that sort of thing. I don't know about this experimental stuff...but we've pushed the envelope before...and set it on fire...

Second, the Boom Boom brothers are offering to let us test a new fuel mix if we, and I quote 'dumb down thems racing' a bit. I'm not sure what that means, but even being associated with the Boom Booms will make us seem very dumb. On the other hand, they know their fuel up in Boom Boom Hills, I certainly wouldn't mind a drink of it..."

Boomer tends to approve fuel mixes for Cranks kart based on his taste preferences.

Crank is wondering if he should just go back to his trailer.

Optional Dilemma!

Crank can choose! Both bonuses are unique perks/hiccups, which can't be revealed (or refused) until chosen. Could be positive or negative.

Gain [Arctic Compensator] Bonus next race, and adjust education +1

Or

Gain [Boom Boom Nitrous] next race, and adjust education -1

Or

Turn down both deals!

[Toaster]

  Crank had been holed up in his trailer for quite some time, it was true.  He would certainly object to the word "sulking" but maybe it wasn't too far off from true.  He had indeed felt zero interest in talking to the media, and he had mostly ignored the first banging on his trailer; when he checked that out, all that was there was a torn piece of paper and an empty drink bottle.  Boomer certainly knew how to command attention, however.

Crank considered the options.  While new racing fuel mixes were always appealing, he was extremely leery of the association.  Did he want to be associated with Boom Boom's... non-educational focus?

No.  He didn't go to years of Alchemical Academy to blow it all away.

Metaphorically.

Bit late for the literal sense.

"Call up the research team.  We'll take their repair device; Mario knows I've been hampered by damage enough in my career.  And the flag's not half bad either.  Who knows what else they'll find up there?  Maybe something to help with engine overheating, or... I don't know.  We'll see where this goes."


Take the Arctic Compensator!  Slap it in and have it start Compensating for Cold Start!