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[Starver]

If I were to ask THE DOOR GUARD "If I were to ask THE DOOR GUARD "does THE DOOR lead to freedom?" what would he say?" what would he say?

THE DOOR GUARD maintains that he would maintain that Freedom Is Subjective, and also that surely there is more potential before going through the door than after as you could not then choose to never go through the door if you already have done.

THE DOOR GUARD then stares fearfully over your shoulder, points, screams a terrible scream and hopes that you look behind you while he runs away. (If you don't he'll throw down a pitifully small smokebomb and run away anyway.)

Later, you notice another THE DOOR GUARD sidle up, wearing a false-false beard and an old Sony Walkman turned up far too loud.

_{...In my head}

[Kilojoule Proton]

Attempt to run the following command on the DOOR:

Code: [Select]

gcc -dumpmachine

This but with -Wall

[chaotick21]

lick the door

[EuchreJack]

Open DOOR

Failing that, open other doors.

THE DOOR does not open, nor do the other, lesser, doors.

Open a door in the wall next to the door, by systematically disassembling it one square foot at a time with my super laser gun thing pew pew

Great idea!  Only, our story is not set in the future, so nobody has lasers.  You instead point your finger at THE DOOR and make pew pew sounds.

Use my drill to drill to lock on the door, thus unlocking the door.  After this, open it.

Where did you get the drill?  Since you're probably hallucinating, THE DOOR remains locked.

EAT THE DOOR!

Your teeth hurt, and your can taste paint chips and splinters.  THE DOOR remains almost entirely intact.

lick the door

Ew.  Guess you get to taste paint chips and wood too.

THE DOOR ignores the rest of you, as do the other, lesser doors.

Point of clarification: THE DOOR is a physical door, not a computer program.  Are methylatedspirit and Kilojoule Proton physically present, or interacting from afar?

[Egan_BW]

Try the handle.

[VoidSlayer]

Count the other doors.  Then count the number of ULTIMATE DOORS.

[methylatedspirit]

I'm interacting from afar. In which case: use Hackerman powers to run sed -i 's/DOOR/DOOT/g' /dev/DOOR. (Yes, the DOOR is a Unix-style device-file now.)

[A_Curious_Cat]

1.  Go on quest to acquire the drill.

2.  Use the drill to drill holes in THE DOOR.

3. ??

4.  Profit!!

[King Zultan]

I stop being dead and become King Zultan II.

Then I go find an AXE!

[Kilojoule Proton]

On second thought, remoting into THE DOOR sounds too much like work; walk around THE DOOR?

[Strik3r]

EAT THE DOOR!

Your teeth hurt, and your can taste paint chips and splinters.  THE DOOR remains almost entirely intact.

THE DOOR can be damaged!
This incredible newfound knowledge allows me to do the most boring and obvious thing possible;

KICK THE DOOR

[Demonic Spoon]

Politely ask the DOOR to open.

If that doesn't work, chant "Open Sesame" until the DOOR or my throat gives in.

Observe the colour of the door and its material construction.

[ZBridges]

Knock on the door.

[Yellow Pixel]

"I'm so tiny! I'm a Yellow Pixel!"

Pass under the door.

[BluarianKnight]

KICK THE DOOR. But like, fancier. Twice the people, twice the power!