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[ChairmanPoo]

Re: stress and health this year: I can empathize. I never had any problem with my teeth until I broke a tooth last september. It has been bad, bad, bad 🤕

[wierd]

Try last feb.

I had to get a molar extracted and get an implant.  Still waiting for osteointegration of the implant base before I get the replacement tooth installed.

[nenjin]

Also, felony burglary is redundant: Burglary IS a felony, generally speaking.

It depends on when you break in. Daytime burglary is not a felony in my state (IIRC my Criminal Justice courses.) Nighttime Burglary is a felony though, since people are at home while you do it.

I'm aware that my resentment won't cure anything. But no matter how much I try to just let it go, I can't yet. I think that I have something to learn from it. The pain from the past year has to press us to change.

See my sig. Most of that pithy stuff about change came after I was emotionally backed into a corner and had no choice but to either change or go insane from a variety of emotions with no outlet. This was pre-pandemic. You will find something that will eventually allow you to break away from your current feelings: new friends, new interests, new loves, new job. Just gotta ride it out until then. For me, when I'm deeply raging, it just has to pass on until I'm empty inside, like a balloon with all the air let out.

[EuchreJack]

Nenjin, I've always appreciated those quotes, although the spaghetti one is my favorite.

[nenjin]

The sheer, delightful, obvious truth of Sindain's quote will be with me to the end of my days.

[Vector]

Lined up an officer position in a school club next year, an in-person teaching/researching gig at the university over the summer, and housing at a place with a lot of animals. Phew. Now I just need to figure out some kind of vacation. Far, far away from here.

[nautilu]

To OP,
I just watched a video of two real life brothers getting arrested in Las Vegas for breaking a store window. The police sent them to jail separately, to await trial. They were charged with felony burglary. For a week, the older brother became so angry that his little brother got him into that mess. He knew his brother was guilty and he was in jail only for trying to protect him. When they went to trial he was so hateful he was ready to strangle his brother, but when they saw each other they just laughed and he knew he could never hate him.

So the moral of the story is don't let the hate become a monster in your head, let it go when you see your friends and family in person and see how you feel from there.

Or don't break store windows.  That is also a good moral.  Also, felony burglary is redundant: Burglary IS a felony, generally speaking.
Without watching the videos, I'm just going to guess that at least one brother wasn't white.  Totally overcharged.

Back to Vector: Glad your fish are doing well.  As for "friends", remember the old adage "you attract more flies with honey than vinegar".  AKA, you gotta be really nice and tolerant with anyone that you want to connect.  Forgive without telling them they ever did anything wrong, real or imagined, and they'll love you.  Experienced that today myself in meatworld.
Also, sounds like you've been a bit under the weather lately.  That will ruin anyone's mood, so hope you're able to get that figured out.

The brothers were both white.. They were tourists in Vegas, you must not have any experience with the justice system. They overcharge EVERYBODY. The full charges were felony burglary, conspiracy to commit burglary, and having tools to commit burglary (1 hammer). They were with friends when the one brother with a learning disability broke the window for fun. No burglary was committed. They were let go after about a week with just property destruction charges due to lack of evidence. The point of the story was the one brother was so angry with his brother he was going to hit him but when they saw each other they smiled and laughed. Too many people these days are fighting imaginary monsters in their head. Too much media propoganda. Its not real life. Its not your life. Look around you to the people in your life.

[Vector]

Another update.

1. Talking more about my therapist regarding this issue and trying to treat it like a trauma problem, since part of the emotional issue here is that I got a new memo that the world is Scary and Bad and then basically all of my safe spaces disappeared, and then part of the issue with my response is that I basically went "arrrrrrrgh I am not safe and I don't like that my friends are doing other things because I can't meet even my most basic emotional needs anymore."

1'. With that said I did go to a friend's place today for the first time since January, fell asleep on her couch, and got the best sleep I've had in months. It took a while for me to figure out how to talk my way through a sentence again but in the end it was all right.

2. I'm also experimenting with asking myself, "would I be upset about X Y or Z if I had more people like this in my life." In the case of some friends, the answer is "no, cuz the problem is basically a resource shortage -> try to make more friends like so-and-so." In the case of other friends, it's "yes, I actually don't like being treated this way and having someone else to interact with would not fix the issue."

3. Fish seem cheerful and healthy.

4. Feeling much better now that I have a schedule and plans to move cities that don't feel like simply going into exile. Also think I may have found some volunteer work to do outdoors locally.

[EuchreJack]

Glad to hear it!

[Robot Parade Leader]

Posting to watch.

Also I'm glad OP seems to be dealing with this better (they, I think? No idea. I'm trying).

If it helps. I'm also not leaving anything during COVID, and haven't for ... well over a year. I'm pissed off society is so stupid that we couldn't quarantine and mask our way through til a vaccine. Now, some just won't take it, and it took me forever to get my first dose. I'll be wearing a mask til they make me take it off.

Yup, I'm a bit angry too, maybe like OP feels angry? I don't know. I suck at communicating sometimes, but I've been trying to be better with it. I've been living alone too, and slowly digging my way out of  some stuff and improving my life. Then COVID hit and I managed to stay employed somehow, but any other progress just seemed to stop, like everything else. Looking at 16 ish months and counting since things were normal. I honestly don't know when normal will happen again, or what that looks like. 

I ... think I can kind of relate to OP not feeling like they have anything of value people want. My life sucked for a while, and it's been a massive pain getting even to where I am now. I see people at work who have had steady employment for years, going to warm places, taking time off, and buying things they want. I see it, and hear them complain about stupid crap. I haven't talked to many of my friends in a long time. Probably years for some of them. Even some of the people here that I talked to are gone, or rarely on. I used to ride a train into work to save on parking. That's gone, so when I actually can/have to go back physically, I don't know what I'll do. Kinda sucks. I don't know if this helps but I hope so?

I'm not great at giving advice, but I've gotten some decent advice here from a person or two and I .... I really wish I knew what to say. I hope things work better for you. I'm glad they seem to be improving some.

[wierd]

I am too.  I have no idea how to offer more than token sympathy, let alone a cogent suggestion on the problem.

I am a natural introvert, and was basically unimpacted by the social isolation aspect-- at most, it was issues with routine health (dentistry) and essentials (shopping). Nothing at all like the social anxiety so many were facing, or are still facing.

That is not at all helpful for Vector.  I am glad she is doing better.

(Telling people "I dont have that problem!" is not helpful. But on the flipside, I want to be helpful, but can't.  I have never engaged in that level of social interaction to begin with... I would be uncomfortable if forced to BE that social-- not the flipside.  At best, I could offer advice on things to do to fill your time while being home alone. Not how to deal with pangs of emotional/social withdrawal. )

[Vector]

Also I'm glad OP seems to be dealing with this better (they, I think? No idea. I'm trying).

You're a good kid shoosh shoosh pap pap


I've managed to largely work through the anger/emotional brittleness now. I'm definitely still convalescing; I'm barely working. I'm doing maybe 1/4-1/2 of what I should be and it's taking all of my energy. However:

Getting a couple of pets really helped. Having plans to move away to a new city where the libraries are actually open really helped. Finding a place which will let me penpal back and forth with incarcerated people about math has really helped. I'm not writing with them yet but just having that plan has helped with the grinding feelings of worthlessness and societal rejection.

My friend broke up with the person she'd been seeing for three months because they wouldn't let her see friends even if everyone was vaccinated, which, it's too bad and I'm a little bit ashamed of myself, but it helped because I can now occasionally hang out at her place and play with the cat. (Please note that friend has multiple romantic partners and that I have agreed to be an ... uncle? to her unconceived child; this maybe isn't quite what it sounds).

And, this is dumb and materialistic, but I'm using my stimulus checks to invest in some new things like clothing and coffee materiel. Letting go of the faded, baggy, hole-laden stuff from the Goodwill and paying for a few nice things is helping me feel less like I'm at a banquet where everyone is eating except me.

[nenjin]

And, this is dumb and materialistic, but I'm using my stimulus checks to invest in some new things like clothing and coffee materiel. Letting go of the faded, baggy, hole-laden stuff from the Goodwill and paying for a few nice things is helping me feel less like I'm at a banquet where everyone is eating except me.

Materialism wouldn't be effective if it didn't work. That is the whole point of the stimulus after all, if it's not there to cover your rent and grocery bills. Something be said for stuff like "I'm worth having clothes that aren't a compromise." The real line is between creature comforts and pointless extravagance.

[Arx]

It's important to remember that you're allowed to have nice things. I have a similar thing with wearing clothes long past their normal expiry, especially shoes. Material needs are real.

[ChairmanPoo]

Learn to overcome the crass demands of flesh and bone, for they warp the matrix through which we perceive the world.