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[Dark One]

Turn 4

For his offense, rend mine opponent to ribbons of flesh with mine terrible claws!

Run at the dragon, get close to him and stab him in his probably fat gut.

'Take that ya damned uptight dragon, spewin all that shit about cookies being so great then ya go and burn em all to nothin, fuckin moron.' King Zultan mocked the dragon. Crustulum's eyes practically bugged out from his fury. 'HOW DARE YOU?!?'

[King Zultan: 1] [Crustulum: 4]

Zultan ran up to the dragon in an attempt to stab him, but Crustulum caught him in his claws. With two swift moves, the dragon tore King Zultan to bloody shreds.

King Zultan: Dead

Stab self, chase the ghoul into hell and double-kill it.

'God FUCKING DAMN IT! MY DATE! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!'

[6] Egan stabbed themselves in the stomach and opened a portal to hell! A few demons managed to escape from it before Egan teleported and the gate closed. After a moment Egan saw the headless corpse going towards a settlement. There was a sign nearby that read "Welcome to New Jersey".

Chase after the Gollum and, after catching up with it, tell it that I have a substance called “fudge” that is superior to brownies.  Offer to trade “fudge” for the Drill of Insanity. 

If the Gollum agrees, take the Drill and create “fudge” using the power of my Lower Chakra and give the “fudge” to the Gollum. 

If the Gollum does not agree, then kill it and take the Drill. 

Afterwards, run back and attack Dustan Hache in the head with the Drill while yelling “Odorous Trashcan Cover, today is the day you shall die!!!!!!,,!,!,!”

[3] The Curious Cat caught up with the Gollum!

[Curious Cat: 3] [Gollum: 3]

Curious Cat was unable to convince the Gollum that fudge is superior in any way.

[Curious Cat: 5] [Gollum: 3]

Seeing that the thief won't cooperate, Curious Cat kicked Gollum hard enough to knock him on the ground, then took the drill!

Curious Cat: Drill of Instanity

Go find some orcs. Train them into a decent fighting force before the knight of insanity returns to challenge me again.

[6] In the meanwhile, Dustan managed to raise an army of orcs so mighty that even Sauron was envious!

[Sauron: 1] [Dustan: 5]

Sauron attempted to possess Dustan, but the latter absorbed a part of his power instead!

Dustan: +2 to next roll
Dustan: 300 Orcs

After getting the Drill of Insanity back and before confronting Dustan Hache again, go and get four of my Brothers of The Knights of Insanity to help me.

The first Brother will be armed with The Spoon of Insanity.

The second with The Dead Mackerel of Insanity.

The third will play the bagpipes while we fight.

And the fourth will bring a shrubbery. A nice shrubbery.  Not too big.  Not too small.  Just right.

[1] Curious Cat went in search of his Brothers of The Knights of Insanity, but Dustan's army spotted him!

[Army of Orcs: 5] [Curious Cat: 5]

The Orcs prepared a perfect, deadly formation while the Brothers of The Knights of Insanity arrived on their own to aid the Curious Cat!

I try to steal my book back again. If I successfully steal my book back, I pray to the brownie gods.

[Knightwing: 2] [Witch-king: 6]

Knightwing attempted to unbalance the witch-king and take his brownie book back, but the witch-king started beating him with it until he almost beat him to a bloody pulp, then kicked him off the pile! The witch-king's attacks were so ferocious that one brownie slipped down the platter!

10 Brownies Left

>Get my name legally changed to 0cra_tr0per to fix things. It's 0cra damnit!

[2] Due to the issues with the legal system, 0cra_tr0per is unavailable. The clerk offered to change it to Ocre Trapper instead.

Surprise, the Angry Everywhere system means the Witch King will be forced to fight Angry in several wacky situations so he can unlock the Tiger Drop. Time for round two where both of them play bowling.

Angry Demon Noises: 4] [Witch-king: 4]

Angry Demon Noises challenge the Witch-king for a round of bowling. They picked up a few severed heads and started playing. The score is even so far!

Hyuck!

Only one creature could possibly match this fell power.

[Superdorf: 5] [Witch-king: 5]

The hyuck echoed loudly across the entire battlefield, but the witch-king didn't seem to be moved by it.


[Balrog: 1] [Witch-king: 6]

One of the escaped demons attacked the witch-king, who evaporated its entire essence with one slap! The shockwave was so powerful that everyone except the witch-king fell over on the entire battlefield!

Spoiler: King Zultan (click to show/hide)

You died. Try again.

Spoiler: Curious Cat (click to show/hide)

Drill of Insanity
Brothers of the Knights of Insanity

Spoiler: Dustan Hache (click to show/hide)

+2 to next roll
An army of 300 orcs

Roll to get up

[Egan_BW]

Stab the ghoul repeatedly while giggling intensely.

[A_Curious_Cat]

“Brothers!  Shall we flee??!!  Shall I ask for my brown pants?!!  No!!  We are The Knights of Insanity!!!,,!!!,,!,!

...

Leroy Jenkins!!,!,!,,!!,!!!”

The Brothers of The Knights of Insanity (all five of them) fight the orcs.

[Glass]

One slightly-less-pissed-than-before dragon begins prowling the locale, out for cookies.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

Don't get up, instead use the Breaker Style to bust a groove on the WK

[Knightwing64]

Steal back, My goddamn book!

[Yellow Pixel]

Get up from the VOID, launch myself through the air at the WITCH KING atop his mountain of decayed bodies, and eject him with FORCE toward the horizon with a terrific strike.

[SuperDino85]

Obtain the Spatula of Awesome and attempt to seize control of the brownies

[RoseHeart]

Find an ankylosaurus to ride.

[Dustan Hache]

"Well, at least you ain't chicken."
Attack, and have my orcish legion mob them down. None of that conservation of ninjitsu stuff, attack all at the same time!

[King Zultan]

"Fuck you ya damn dragon, I'm a ghost now so I'm gonna posses something then come back and shit on your damn parade!"
Go find a bigger dragon and possess it!

[Dark One]

Turn 5

Stab the ghoul repeatedly while giggling intensely.

[Egan: 1] [Grammar ghoul: 5]

Egan charged at the undead, but it managed to dodge! Egan couldn't stop and fell over their own dagger, mortally wounding themselves! The ghoul giggled intensely as Egan bled out!

Egan: Died

The Brothers of The Knights of Insanity (all five of them) fight the orcs.

Attack, and have my orcish legion mob them down. None of that conservation of ninjitsu stuff, attack all at the same time!

'Brothers!  Shall we flee??!!  Shall I ask for my brown pants?!!  No!!  We are The Knights of Insanity!!!,,!!!,,!,! ... Leroy Jenkins!!,!,!,,!!,!!!' yelled the Curious Cat as they were preparing the defense. 'Well, at least you ain't chicken.' Dustan screamed from across the battlefield.

[Brothers of Insanity: 4, 4, 6, 2, 1] [Dustan and his orcs: 6, 4]

Dustan led the entire army of the orcs in a crushing rush, his charge so ferocious and reckless that some of them died. The army instantly killed two of the brothers. Dustan and Curious Cat duelled, the clash of their weapons broke Dustan's blade and Cat's drill! There is 286 orcs against the three remaining brothers.

One slightly-less-pissed-than-before dragon begins prowling the locale, out for cookies.

[5] Crustulum left his lair and found out that there is an entire settlement founded by bakers just in front of his lair. They offered him their worship and limitless cookies in exchange for some of his chocolate.

Don't get up, instead use the Breaker Style to bust a groove on the WK

Angry Demon Noises: 2] [Witch-king: 2]

Angry Demon noises tried to bust a groove on the Witch-king with a breaker style, but just couldn't move. He lost an opportunity, as witch-king didn't focus on him.

Steal back, My goddamn book!

[Knightwing: 1] [Witch-king: 4]

Knightwing ran up to challenge the witch-king for the book again, but the latter started beating on him with it until he turned into a bloody pulp.

Knightwing: Died

Get up from the VOID, launch myself through the air at the WITCH KING atop his mountain of decayed bodies, and eject him with FORCE toward the horizon with a terrific strike.

[Yellow Pixel: 6] [Witch-king: 4]

Yellow Pixel launched themself through the air, getting such a high momentum that the friction turned him into a fireball! Witch-king took it on his chest, nearly getting knocked out! His armor got severely damaged!

Yellow Pixel: Burning for 2 turns

Obtain the Spatula of Awesome and attempt to seize control of the brownies

[2] SuperDino85 prayed to receive the Spatula of Awesome, but brownie gods didn't listen.

Find an ankylosaurus to ride.

[2] Roseheart thought about finding an ankylosaurus to ride, but they don't know how it looks like.

Go find a bigger dragon and possess it!

'Fuck you ya damn dragon, I'm a ghost now so I'm gonna posses something then come back and shit on your damn parade!'

[5] King Zultan focused really hard and found a specimen just right, Ancalagon the Black!

[King Zultan: 5] [Ancalagon: 4]

Bards will always praise the power of Zultan's essence and his victory in possessing Ancalagon. They already started writing "How I possessed my dragon".

Zultan: Possessed Ancalagon the Black

[Egan_BW]

I will have my date! This is new jersey,  everyone's dead here, so why should I let a little blood loss stop me? It'll probably just make me hotter to the witch king!
Now suplex that ghoul!

[Dustan Hache]

Question: did I get +2 to my roll to make that 6, or was it a natural 6?

[Glass]

Yeesssssss, excellent.

Permit these bakers access to mine chocolate supplies, though watch them for treachery. Should none be found, I shall protect my new vassals, for the resources they may bring to bear are of greatest value.