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Author Topic: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta  (Read 5648 times)

NUKE9.13

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SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« on: September 17, 2020, 11:38:22 am »

SPAMVICEROY
Because why not? Credit to Haspen, of course, for creating the original SPAMKINGDOM. I did one of these before (several years ago) called Spamwarlord, which was more military-focused. This will be a more traditional Spamkingdom-esque affair.



The Empire was in turmoil, as it so often is. The Emperor's authority was at an all-time low, the Imperial coffers were bare, barbarians threatened every border, and half the cities in the Empire were on the brink of revolt.
Then a ship washed up on the eastern shores. The surviving crew explained that they had voyaged far across the Great Ocean, and there discovered an unknown continent, which, crucially, was rich in precious metals. The Emperor immediately proclaimed himself sovereign of the new world, and had a grand fleet constructed to go plunder its riches. Soon they returned, holds bursting with bullion, filling the ailing treasury. The newfound wealth bought soldiers and fortifications, securing the borders for a while, and the Emperor revealed a grand plan to ship unwanted malcontents and ne'erdowells off to the new world to settle it in the Emperor's name.
In a stroke, it seemed like all the Empire's problems had been solved. Alas, it was not so. The endless reserves of cash proved a lot less endless than thought, which in turn lead to desertion amongst the soldiers guarding the borders. The new colonies were mismanaged, costing more money than they earned, and the natives proved troublesome, making the Emperor's proclamation of rulership seem a tad premature. Unless someone could bring order to the new world in the Emperor's name, things would soon be as bad as they were before.

This is where you come in. A young noble of moderate standing, you found favour at the Imperial court at just the right (or wrong) time, leading to you being appointed the new VICEROY of all the Empire's colonies on the eastern continent.



So, who are you, exactly?

Name: [Given name & family name]
Skill: What talents do you possess, that the Emperor might consider you a worthy Viceroy?
A: Charisma. Your noble line has long resided in the capital, where words are the weapon of choice- thus you were forced to learn to wield them well. You sweet-talked your way into this job, but your skill at appeasing a crowd will serve you well in the colonies.
B: Health. You come from the Empire's agricultural heartlands, where even the nobility work the land. As a result, you are strong, resilient, and well acquainted with the art of farming- you were surely recognised for your ability to keep the colonies fed.
C: Wisdom. Hailing from the southern coast, your family is equal parts noble and merchant. Dealing with commerce, and meeting strange people from strange lands, has given you the mental flexibility needed to manage a profitable colony.
D: Martial Expertise. Fighting is what your family does best, which is why your ancestors were granted land on the barbarous northern border. You have experience in both personal combat and leading troops in battle, and can be trusted to keep the colonies safe.
E: Luck. Your family lives in the middle of nowhere. You received a reasonably decent education, and served in minor government posts for several years, before suddenly being summoned to the capital. You have absolutely no idea why you have been chosen to be Viceroy.

Name of Colony: [Self-explanatory, I hope]
Name of Capital: [The largest city in the new world, that serves as the entrance point for immigrants and manufactured goods, and the exit point for precious metals and raw resources. It shall serve as your de facto capital, the center of your administration.]
Capital Bonus: Whilst the new world is vast, the region around your capital is know for its...
A: Natural Beauty. A veritable paradise, it is a joy simply to live here.
B: Fertility. Fish and grain are in abundance, making feeding a large population easier.
C: Silver Mines. Whilst not the richest of lodes, the nearby mountains provide a steady stream of silver.
D: Strategic Location. Easily defended, leaving more troops free for other duties.

Note: I've added the phrase "TURNTURNTURN" to all updates in invisible text, so you can pull them all up by searching for that.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2020, 02:05:30 am by NUKE9.13 »
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMVICEROY
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2020, 12:09:36 pm »

Name: Kidraan Traic

E: We got this position because someone wrote our name incorrectly on the paper, and we were mistaken for someone much more famous (and capable)

Colony Name: Bena Janetta, named after Emperor's daughter famed for her beauty

Capital Name: Nova Emperia, because originality wasn't the forte of previous Viceroy

Capital Bonus: Silver Mines, the biggest so far found in new world.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2020, 12:12:49 pm by Haspen »
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

chubby2man

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Re: SPAMVICEROY
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2020, 08:29:41 pm »


Name: Kidraan Traic

C: Wisdom

Colony Name: Bena Janetta, named after Emperor's daughter famed for her beauty

Capital Name: Nova Emperia, because originality wasn't the forte of previous Viceroy

Capital Bonus: Silver Mines, the biggest so far found in new world.

I liked everything else, just switched out luck for wisdom cause being rich and the wisdom to leverage it sounds like a good combo to me.
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King Zultan

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Re: SPAMVICEROY
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2020, 06:33:47 am »

Name: Kidraan Traic

E: We got this position because someone wrote our name incorrectly on the paper, and we were mistaken for someone much more famous (and capable)

Colony Name: Bena Janetta, named after Emperor's daughter famed for her beauty

Capital Name: Nova Emperia, because originality wasn't the forte of previous Viceroy

Capital Bonus: Silver Mines, the biggest so far found in new world.
+1
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
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Nirur Torir

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Re: SPAMVICEROY
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2020, 07:25:17 am »

Name of us: Merryn Weaver
B: Health
Name of Colony: Bena Janetta, named after Emperor's daughter famed for her beauty
Name of Capital: Nova Emperia, because originality wasn't the forte of previous Viceroy
B: Fertility

Solve everything with more food.
The soldiers are deserting? Dessert them.
The people are revolting? Give them deliciousness.
The natives are upsetti? Fill them with spaghetti.
The treasury is empty? Fill it with cash crops.
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Maximum Spin

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Re: SPAMVICEROY
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2020, 07:26:34 am »

The people are revolting? Give them deliciousness.
I can't believe you didn't say "let them eat cake".

I have to refuse to vote for this on those grounds alone.
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NUKE9.13

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Re: SPAMVICEROY
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2020, 06:31:16 am »

Not much of a mandate, but let's get things started.


Quote
5+1=6
They warned you that the voyage to Bena Janetta would be long and rough. They were wrong. The captain asked for permission to make a detour; you agreed, having no idea of the risks involved. As a result, your ship bypassed a region of the ocean known for stormy weather, and caught a seasonal current that cut a week off of the voyage. The captain gave you his old "lucky compass" as thanks for agreeing to his experiment. 
An auspicious start to your tenure as Viceroy.

Early Spring, Colonial Year 10

You disembark at the docks of Nova Emperia. Well, dock. There is only space for a single ship to moor up. The 'city' is, mm, underwhelming. It looks more like a large village, nestled in the foothills around an inlet that forms a natural harbour. Your new domicile is the only building with a second floor, the office of the recently recalled former governor. Well, it's pretty similar to your residence back home, but a more affluent noble would probably consider it a downgrade.
You are arranging your things in your new office when a well-dressed gentleman knocks on the door. He introduces himself as the former governor's advisor, and explains that he oversees the basic day-to-day affairs of the colony, leaving you to focus on the bigger picture. To that end, he has a scroll for you to peruse.

Quote
Colony stats:
Rebelliousness: 0
Colonists: 3+2
Bullion: 6
Militia: 3
Imperial Favour: 4

Uh, okay. He offers no clarification as to what these numbers mean.
Reading the scroll reminds you that you received a sealed envelope from an Imperial dignitary, with strict instructions not to open it before arriving in Nova Emperia, and only in trusted company. You carefully unseal the envelope, and extract... a single piece of paper.

Quote
Empire stats:
Imperial Authority: 2
Debt: 1
Barbarian Invasions: 0
Civil Unrest: -1

You hold the envelope upside down and shake it, hoping for an explanation to materialise. No such luck.

"Now that you are up to speed, my lord, we can get down to the business of the day. There are a number of intrepid souls in the colony who wish to launch an expedition to explore inland. They are requesting funds to gather supplies and hire native guides. Do you wish to finance their venture?"

A: Some other time, maybe.
B: Sure, why not.
C: Sure. Hey, they can have this 'lucky compass' as well.
TURNTURNTURN
« Last Edit: September 23, 2020, 02:03:01 am by NUKE9.13 »
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Maximum Spin

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Re: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2020, 07:10:34 am »

C if they give it back when they're done. :P
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2020, 07:14:53 am »

Compass is surely cursed and an artifact of eldritch sea demons, get rid of it.

:P
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

Kashyyk

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Re: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2020, 07:53:52 am »

C - If they don't come back it wasn't lucky after all, so there would be no point keeping it
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King Zultan

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Re: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2020, 07:59:16 am »

C
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

NUKE9.13

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Re: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2020, 08:51:33 am »

The expedition leader seems a bit sceptical about the 'lucky compass', but if nothing else it is a functional piece of navigational equipment, so he isn't going to say no (especially not when it comes along with the requested funds). The expedition departs after a week of preparation, promising to return by the start of summer. 

Mid Spring, Colonial Year 10

You spend a few weeks trying to familiarise yourself with the basic state of the colony, despite the Advisor's protests. Nothing interesting happens in this period- someone loses a cat, someone finds a cat, someone accuses someone of stealing their cat-, until a group of natives are spotted approaching the town. They seem peaceful enough, but the Advisor cautions that their dress identifies them as members of the Stone-Axe Tribe, who have been known to attack colonists in recent years.

A: They come in peace, it would be unbecoming not to welcome them in the same spirit. Invite them to share a meal. 
B: Let's be cautious, but not jump to conclusions. Send a couple of soldiers to see what they want.
C: Better safe than sorry. Bar the gates, man the palisade, and warn them to keep their distance.
TURNTURNTURN
« Last Edit: September 23, 2020, 02:03:12 am by NUKE9.13 »
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chubby2man

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Re: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2020, 09:19:58 am »

A: Time for a fresh start!
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Haspen

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Re: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2020, 11:39:34 am »

Better safe than sorry.
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SigFlags!
Quote from: Draignean@Spamkingdom+
Truly, we have the most uniquely talented spy network in all existence.
Quote from: mightymushroom@Spamkingdom#
Please tell me the Royal Physician didn't go to the same college as the Spymaster.

VoidSlayer

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Re: SPAMVICEROY: Viceroy Kidraan Traic of Bena Janetta
« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2020, 12:06:08 am »

Listen to your advisors!

C
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