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[Radio Controlled]

Big words for a marine mammal. 

No one ever quite anticipated Stephen Hawking reincarnating as an orca whale, but he did anyway.

Wait, do you mean Stephen Hawking, or STEPHEN HAWKING?

[Xantalos]

Big words for a marine mammal. 

No one ever quite anticipated Stephen Hawking reincarnating as an orca whale, but he did anyway.

Wait, do you mean Stephen Hawking, or STEPHEN HAWKING?

ALL-CAPS VERSION - forgot that little incongruity last night.

[piecewise]

Spoiler: sheet (click to show/hide)

Name: Santa Claus
Photo: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/614.jpg
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 1
ThrustAdjust: 1
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 2
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 3

Inventory:
Nothing

Total: $0

Spoiler: action (click to show/hide)

FIND A KATANA AND HIT THE NEAREST FUCKFACE (IN THEIR FUCKIGN FACE) UNTIL THE KATANA SHATTERS INTO 4825 PIECES, THEN HIT THEM WITH THE KATANA SHARDS ANYWAYS

IF I ATTACK SOMEONE AND DON'T INJURE THEM, THEN THEY WERE ON THE NICE LIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. IF THEY WERE INJURED/KILLED, THEN THEY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN COAL ANYWAYS

also this thread was fucking buried under 3495 other threads and I only just found this thread under the pile of Shit No One Cares About and also IT'S 0CRA DAMNIT

Thats a pretty good excuse, huh folks?  But unfortunately this thread has been on the front page of roll to dodge THIS WHOLE TIME! *Audience applause*

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Santa jiggles on over into Con Merch and [3] gets himself a con branded novelty katana! [25 dollars] Its not sharp at all! Its a prop!

Spoiler: Bah, Humbug! (click to show/hide)

Take a few boxes in that case - I'll simply have to find their value later. Now then, probably best to avoid other contestants; being horses they aren't exactly civilized. Let's head south to Comic Merch and continue perusing the isles.

Spoiler: Butterball (click to show/hide)

Name: Butterball the Horse
Photo: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/return-stall/
Stats:
Strengtho - 0
Speedize - 4
ThrustAdjust - 0
Hardsy - 4
Intellectable - 0
ViewBetter - 3
BMI - 4

Inventory: 3.17 kg of margarine - x12, $7.97 each
Pillsbury Silicone Brush - $3.97
Total: $99.61

Loot: Jake Slagerton signed photos - $145

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Willy, on his way south west, runs into Butterball the horse in the autograph section! However, neither seem to have hostile intentions and thus just go about their business.  Butterball grabs two boxes of comics ( dollars) wanders south into the comic merch section. [2] Everything over there seems to be cheap plastic crap! A bunch of 7 dollar actions figures! Boo!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

well I guess the next best place to head is over to the Cosplay section. Anything there is likely very expensive.

Spoiler: Potential Contestant (click to show/hide)

Name: Willy Roy Campbell the III
Photo: here
Stats:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 1
Thrustadjust: 0
Hardsy: 4
Intelectable: 0
Viewbetter: 2
BMI: 4
Purchased Items:
Hyper Tough 20V HT Charge Cordless 10 inch Auto-Oiling Chainsaw HT19-401-003-11 ($72.00)
Corona Extra Coronita Mexican Lager Beer, 6 pk 7 fl oz Bottles, 4.6% ABV ($6.48)
Zippo Windproof Satin Chrome? Pocket Lighter ($10.42)
CRESTWARE 14" W Aluminum Stock Pot Lid
Loose cigarette ()
Total cost: 94.84
Loot: 61 dollars in Pornomags

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Willy, on his way south west, runs into Butterball the horse in the autograph section! However, neither seem to have hostile intentions and thus just go about their business. [5] In cosplay Willy discovers a custom Steelman suit worth 373 dollars!

Spoiler: There’s a joke in there somewhere… (click to show/hide)

Use knife to pry the cabinet open and get out. Then find that gun and/or attack anyone who has followed me with the sling blade.

Name: Mad Monke ~A monkey that wandered into the arena and grabbed his stuff~
Photo: https://imgur.com/a/J6VaR38 ~except as a monkey~
Stats
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 0
BMI: 4

Inventory

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Seymour-S500-Industrial-Ditch-Bank-Blade/169834880 - Sling Blade - $43.84

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Equate-All-Purpose-First-Aid-Kit-140-Items/421170443 - First Aid Kit - $9.88

https://www.walmart.com/ip/11-25-Defender-Xtreme-Full-Tang-Serrated-Blade-Silver-Wood-Hunting-Knife-with-Sheath/139612632 - Hunting Knife - $13.99

Total $67.71

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[8] Monke manages to bash his way out of the filing cabinet with some patented monkey slamming. [2] Once free he again searches for again and AGAIN fails to find one. He begins to wonder if there even are guns in here.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NAME: Steve "Social distancer" Dickson

PHOTO: Photo

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 1
ViewBetter: 3

ITEMS:
Kayak Paddle $24,52
Synthetic Motor Oil $22,38
Mentos Mint Flavor Rolls $17.48
(2 pack) Diet Coke Soda Soft Drink, 16.9 fl oz, 6 Pack $8.62
Duck Brand Max Strength 1.88 in. x 45 yd. Duct Tape, Silver $5.97
Total: $78, 97

Entire steampunk outfit $157
nice 3d printed minis in convenient blister packs! $102
Total= $ 259

Spoiler: Action (click to show/hide)

Move towards Vintage Toys with my kayak paddle out so I can use violence next time I meet another contestant

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Steve wanders a bit north into vintage toys. He can still hear clanking and rattling from the south, in the direction of Security. He also hears...clopping up north a bit.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Quickly bust one of the legs off the skeeball table, then grab the most expensive looking thing in the room with my.

Spoiler: I shall try again! (click to show/hide)

NAME: Bob Smith
PHOTO: https://www.mindbounce.com/thumbcache/0/0/0922be90f1d15aa7435b1daad570d244/p/uploads/2012/08/dd7da42e.png

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 2
Intellectable: 3
ViewBetter: 1
BMI: 0

ITEMS:
NOTHING

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[5] Bob tears one of the legs off the skeeball table and gives it a few practice swings before looking for something valuable to grab. [3] The best he gets is to smash open a prize grabber machine and steal himself a large teddy bear [35 dollars].

Spoiler: STEALTH WAS AN ACCIDENT. WHY WOULD I HIDE? (click to show/hide)

NAME: Absolutus
STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 2
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 4

Purchases:
Truper MD20HC 20 lb. Sledge Hammer
$62.10
Mainstays Stainless Steel 8 Quart Stock Pot with Lid - But carefully hammered and chisled into a very nice spartan helmet... Thereby losing all normal retail value, but becoming BADASS HEAD PROTECTION.
$6.94*

"IT SEEMS MY BROTHERS ARE NOT HERE. A SHAME. A FURTHER SHAME IS THE TINGLING IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD THAT SAYS I REQUIRE ARMOR. I SEE NO REASON TO COVER MY GLORY, BUT I SHALL, FOR MY MIND COMMANDS IT."

...He says this quite loudly and clearly. Not in his head. Then Absolutus searches for functional armor to wear. After all, some of these people are pretty skilled, including with blacksmithing!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[4] Absolutus acquires a set of cosplay knight armor. Its made of metal, though its functionality is somewhat questionable. Its rather thin. [+1 armor]

BE AWARE EVERYONE! THE SUPERSHOPPER HAS BEEN RELEASED!  They asked us to keep quiet about exactly what they look like though so...well, you'll probably know them when you see them.

[ziizo]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NAME: Steve "Social distancer" Dickson

PHOTO: Photo

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 1
ViewBetter: 3

ITEMS:
Kayak Paddle $24,52
Synthetic Motor Oil $22,38
Mentos Mint Flavor Rolls $17.48
(2 pack) Diet Coke Soda Soft Drink, 16.9 fl oz, 6 Pack $8.62
Duck Brand Max Strength 1.88 in. x 45 yd. Duct Tape, Silver $5.97
Total: $78, 97

Entire steampunk outfit $157
nice 3d printed minis in convenient blister packs! $102
Total= $ 259

Spoiler: Action (click to show/hide)

stealthily Collect the most expensive Vintage Toys I can find, then try to see what is up north.

[m1895]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

look for more expensive cosplay shit. Kill anyone who attacks me.

Spoiler: Potential Contestant (click to show/hide)

Name: Willy Roy Campbell the III
Photo: here
Stats:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 1
Thrustadjust: 0
Hardsy: 4
Intelectable: 0
Viewbetter: 2
BMI: 4
Purchased Items:
Hyper Tough 20V HT Charge Cordless 10 inch Auto-Oiling Chainsaw HT19-401-003-11 ($72.00)
Corona Extra Coronita Mexican Lager Beer, 6 pk 7 fl oz Bottles, 4.6% ABV ($6.48)
Zippo Windproof Satin Chrome? Pocket Lighter ($10.42)
CRESTWARE 14" W Aluminum Stock Pot Lid
Loose cigarette ()
Total cost: 94.84
Loot: 61 dollars in Pornomags

$373 Steelman suit

[The Lupanian]

Spoiler: Back in action Baby! (click to show/hide)

Well, in that case head north until I find something to chop with my sling blade.

Name: Mad Monke ~A monkey that wandered into the arena and grabbed his stuff~
Photo: https://imgur.com/a/J6VaR38 ~except as a monkey~
Stats
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 0
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 0
BMI: 4

Inventory

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Seymour-S500-Industrial-Ditch-Bank-Blade/169834880 - Sling Blade - $43.84

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Equate-All-Purpose-First-Aid-Kit-140-Items/421170443 - First Aid Kit - $9.88

https://www.walmart.com/ip/11-25-Defender-Xtreme-Full-Tang-Serrated-Blade-Silver-Wood-Hunting-Knife-with-Sheath/139612632 - Hunting Knife - $13.99

Total $67.71

[Screech9791]

Spoiler: sheet (click to show/hide)

Name: Santa Claus
Photo: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/614.jpg
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 1
ThrustAdjust: 1
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 2
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 3

Inventory:
Katana prop

Total: $25

Spoiler: action (click to show/hide)

Find an actual weapon for epic murder of the next person I see

[Xantalos]

Spoiler: BAH, HUMBUG (click to show/hide)

Well, that's unfortunate. Take a look around to try to spot any fellow shoppers coming to kill me, and head away from them as much as I can. Loot anything expensive as I move.

Spoiler: Butterball (click to show/hide)

Name: Butterball the Horse
Photo: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/return-stall/
Stats:
Strengtho - 0
Speedize - 4
ThrustAdjust - 0
Hardsy - 4
Intellectable - 0
ViewBetter - 3
BMI - 4

Inventory: 3.17 kg of margarine - x12, $7.97 each
Pillsbury Silicone Brush - $3.97
Total: $99.61

Loot: Jake Slagerton signed photos - $145
2 boxes of comics ( dollars)

[King Zultan]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Tear the bear and make armour out of it, then leave the arcade and head into the anime merch thing.

Spoiler: I shall try again! (click to show/hide)

NAME: Bob Smith
PHOTO: https://www.mindbounce.com/thumbcache/0/0/0922be90f1d15aa7435b1daad570d244/p/uploads/2012/08/dd7da42e.png

STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 2
Intellectable: 3
ViewBetter: 1
BMI: 0

ITEMS:
 Skeeball table leg
 Large teddy bear [35 dollars]

[piecewise]

Gonna give abso a bit to most before I continue without him

[KitRougard]

Spoiler: THANK YOU, SIR. HAD A BAD TIME IN ANOTHER WORLD. (click to show/hide)

NAME: Absolutus
STATS:
Strengtho: 4
Speedize: 2
ThrustAdjust: 0
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 4

Purchases:
Truper MD20HC 20 lb. Sledge Hammer
$62.10
Mainstays Stainless Steel 8 Quart Stock Pot with Lid - But carefully hammered and chisled into a very nice spartan helmet... Thereby losing all normal retail value, but becoming BADASS HEAD PROTECTION.
$6.94*
Thin Knight's Armor [+1 Armor]

Well. That was nice.
Stalk the area randomly - See if we can't get the drop on another contestant!

[piecewise]

I think I'm gonna have to end this. I feel like I'm just gonna half ass it and then end it after the third round here anyways. Sorry for the meandering and inconsistent posting. If you'd like the system explained so you can use it, feel free to ask.

[King Zultan]

Now I'll never know who wins the battle of weeb con.

Oh well it was fun while it lasted.

[Naturegirl1999]

I made this to help Lenny before reading that he died, but I’m putting it here for others too for episode 4.
To anyone who can’t think of an appearance, this AI can help