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Author Topic: BRAWL-MART: Episode 3: Screech, Rustle, Clang.  (Read 31485 times)

King Zultan

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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

piecewise

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2020, 09:37:06 pm »

Wow, I didn't know people are making forum games about everyone's favorite documentary, Idiocracy!

NAME: A raccoon
Spoiler: Photo (click to show/hide)
STATZ:
2 Strengtho
3 Speedize
3 thrustadjust
2 HARDSY
3 intellectable
2 ViewBetter
PURCHASED ITEMS:
Raccoons don't give a shit about material possessions.
Total Price: $0.00
Who let a raccoon into BRAWL-MART?

From parts unknown, armed with garbage, its a fucking racoon!

NAME: Garlic King
PHOTO: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/the-garlic-king/
STATS:
Strengtho: 1
Speedize: 2
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 4
Intellectable: 2
ViewBetter: 3
BMI +1

Items:
Some Delicious Morton Garlic Salt, with which to blind my foes!(3.56)
Two bags, two pounds each, of garlic big enough to be used effectively in a potato gun!(18.99x2 = 37.98)
The Urban Warrior incendiary potato gun! Because those cheap toys are unworthy of delivering GARLIC NIRVANA!(49.99)

Total: 91.53

Hailing from Italian royalty, with breath worse than any dragon, the worst enemy of vampires and women alike, THE GARLIC KING!

NAME: Bin Head Bary
PHOTO: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/0-1.jpeg

STATS:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 1
ViewBetter: 2

ITEMS:
Duct Tape: X3 $2.97 = $8.91
18 Piece screwdriver set: $17.37
Squeegee: $2.98
6 Piece screwdriver set: X2 $9.84 = $19.68
4 Pack 60W light bulbs: X4 $4.24 = $16.96
Thick and plush bath towel: X4 $7.72 = $30.88
TOTAL: $96.78
Straight from his gig doing motion capture for From Software, He's a murderer, a terror, a convenient way to store your old clothing, HE'S BIN HEAD BARRY!




We have two spots left open, but if they don't fill by tomorrow, we'll start anyways! Those sponsors aren't paying us to not glorify violence.

Xantalos

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #17 on: August 08, 2020, 10:30:20 pm »

Ooooooh gods I gotta get in on this, I found the perfect picture.
Name: Billy 'Responsible Parent' Beatstick
Photo

STATZ:
4 Strengtho
1 Speedize
2 Thrustadjust
4 Hardsy
0 Intellectable
3 Viewbetter
4 BMI

Purchased Items:
WD-40 - $4.88 each, x3 - 14.64
Clipper Lighter 5-Pack x4, $2.98 each - 11.92
Duck Tape - $2.97 each, x2 - 5.94
A 4-ft Metal Pole - $5.47
2 Foot Wooden Pole - $2.19 each, x3 - 6.57
8-Inch Chef Knife - $5.97 each, x3 - $17.91
3 Yards of Cotton - $4.85
8-Pound Sledgehammer - $29.99
3 Packs of Juicy Fruit Gum - $2.48

Total cost: $99.77
« Last Edit: August 08, 2020, 11:10:32 pm by Xantalos »
Logged
Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

ziizo

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2020, 12:45:48 pm »

NAME: Steve "Social distancer" Dickson

PHOTO: Photo

STATS:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 1
Intellectable: 2
ViewBetter: 3

ITEMS:
Kayak Paddle $24,52
Jawbusters  $32,17
Synthetic Motor Oil $22,38
Total: $79,07
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GG, Ziizo. May my spirit live on in your boobs.

piecewise

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2020, 02:28:24 pm »

Ooooooh gods I gotta get in on this, I found the perfect picture.
Name: Billy 'Responsible Parent' Beatstick
Photo

STATZ:
4 Strengtho
1 Speedize
2 Thrustadjust
4 Hardsy
0 Intellectable
3 Viewbetter
4 BMI

Purchased Items:
WD-40 - $4.88 each, x3 - 14.64
Clipper Lighter 5-Pack x4, $2.98 each - 11.92
Duck Tape - $2.97 each, x2 - 5.94
A 4-ft Metal Pole - $5.47
2 Foot Wooden Pole - $2.19 each, x3 - 6.57
8-Inch Chef Knife - $5.97 each, x3 - $17.91
3 Yards of Cotton - $4.85
8-Pound Sledgehammer - $29.99
3 Packs of Juicy Fruit Gum - $2.48

Total cost: $99.77

Now I know our contestants aren't known for their book learning, but I'm fairly certain that those stats are 3 points over! So that BMI is 1 instead of 4. FAT BE GONE!


NAME: Steve "Social distancer" Dickson

PHOTO: Photo

STATS:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 1
Intellectable: 2
ViewBetter: 3

ITEMS:
Kayak Paddle $24,52
Jawbusters  $32,17
Synthetic Motor Oil $22,38
Total: $79,07
And look at Skinny Steve Dickson over here! 0 BMI! He's got the stability of a rice paper submarine! Guess that explains the hat.





LETS GET DOWN TO IT!

Here is the map of our chosen super store! Its the Megavalue Mart in Boise! Famous for the record-breaking fatalities last black Friday! Lets Keep that run going, shall we?  As per usual each contestant has been given their own hovering drone cameras so as to keep their locations secret from each other and allow maximum backstabbing! No peaking at the other contestant's airwaves, silly boys.  OR ELSE.



NAME: Steve "Social distancer" Dickson

PHOTO: Photo

STATS:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 1
Intellectable: 2
ViewBetter: 3

ITEMS:
Kayak Paddle $24,52
Jawbusters  $32,17
Synthetic Motor Oil $22,38
Total: $79,07
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ooooooh gods I gotta get in on this, I found the perfect picture.
Name: Billy 'Responsible Parent' Beatstick
Photo

STATZ:
4 Strengtho
1 Speedize
2 Thrustadjust
4 Hardsy
0 Intellectable
3 Viewbetter
4 BMI

Purchased Items:
WD-40 - $4.88 each, x3 - 14.64
Clipper Lighter 5-Pack x4, $2.98 each - 11.92
Duck Tape - $2.97 each, x2 - 5.94
A 4-ft Metal Pole - $5.47
2 Foot Wooden Pole - $2.19 each, x3 - 6.57
8-Inch Chef Knife - $5.97 each, x3 - $17.91
3 Yards of Cotton - $4.85
8-Pound Sledgehammer - $29.99
3 Packs of Juicy Fruit Gum - $2.48

Total cost: $99.77

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NAME: Bin Head Bary
PHOTO: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/0-1.jpeg

STATS:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 3
Intellectable: 1
ViewBetter: 2

ITEMS:
Duct Tape: X3 $2.97 = $8.91
18 Piece screwdriver set: $17.37
Squeegee: $2.98
6 Piece screwdriver set: X2 $9.84 = $19.68
4 Pack 60W light bulbs: X4 $4.24 = $16.96
Thick and plush bath towel: X4 $7.72 = $30.88
TOTAL: $96.78
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NAME: Garlic King
PHOTO: https://www.peopleofwalmart.com/the-garlic-king/
STATS:
Strengtho: 1
Speedize: 2
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 4
Intellectable: 2
ViewBetter: 3
BMI +1

Items:
Some Delicious Morton Garlic Salt, with which to blind my foes!(3.56)
Two bags, two pounds each, of garlic big enough to be used effectively in a potato gun!(18.99x2 = 37.98)
The Urban Warrior incendiary potato gun! Because those cheap toys are unworthy of delivering GARLIC NIRVANA!(49.99)

Total: 91.53

Spoiler (click to show/hide)



Wow, I didn't know people are making forum games about everyone's favorite documentary, Idiocracy!

NAME: A raccoon
Spoiler: Photo (click to show/hide)
STATZ:
2 Strengtho
3 Speedize
3 thrustadjust
2 HARDSY
3 intellectable
2 ViewBetter
PURCHASED ITEMS:
Raccoons don't give a shit about material possessions.
Total Price: $0.00
Who let a raccoon into BRAWL-MART?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Oh crap, is it too late now?
Name: Juliana Bullwinkle
Photo: here
Stats:
Strengtho: 2
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 2
Intellectable: 3
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 0
Purchases
Hydrogen Peroxide $4.14
Chain $4.47
100 Scalpel Blades and one scalpel handle $7.95
Aquarium cleaner $5.58
Pool cleaner chlorine tablets $62
Lasso $9
Total money spent: 93.14
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NAME: Sheauwn-Dagger Smith
PHOTO: Photo
STATS:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 4
ThrustAdjust: 3
Hardsy: 1
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 4

ITEMS:
Hatchets - $22.99
Bow - $33.88
Arrows x4 - $23.92
Matches - $5.49
Lighter Fluid - $4.57
Paracord - $3.94
Bubble Gum - $2.24
Total = 97.03
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Name: Bread Man
Photo:
Spoiler: Bread Man (click to show/hide)
Stats:
Strengtho: 3
Speedize: 3
ThrustAdjust: 2
Hardsy: 4
Intellectable: 0
ViewBetter: 2
BMI: 1

Purchased Items:
Nature's Own® Honey Wheat Bread 20 oz. Loaf x 4 ($2.78 x 4 = $11.12)
Nylon / Poly Tie Down Rope 50 feet x 1/4" Thick (White Fiber) x 1 ($4.95)
Marketside Bake at Home French Baguette, 10 oz x 1 ($1.98)
Kitchenaid Classic Forged 8-Inch Triple Rivet Scalloped Bread Knife x 2 ($19.99 x 2 = $39.98)
King Arthur Flour Unbleached Bread Flour 5 lb. Bag x 1 ($3.92)
Joseph's Bakery Pita Bread, Low Carb, 8 oz. x 1 ($12.95)

Total Price: $74.90
and all of the bread is stale.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)


AND IT BEGINS! Our contestants have been introduced the normal way with the courtesy black bag blindfold and shove.  They have each been placed in their store sections at complete random, except for those we placed specifically because we thought it would be funny!  All they have to do is make it to the checkouts with 1000 dollars in product, or be the last surviving shopper and they're the winner! But watch out, the longer they take the more of our SUPER SHOPPERS will arrive! Good luck everyone!

KitRougard

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2020, 02:57:26 pm »

« Last Edit: August 09, 2020, 03:17:55 pm by KitRougard »
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Scream all you want
They don't understand
Your Comic Sans font
A language of another land

The Lupanian

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2020, 03:08:39 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: August 09, 2020, 05:58:09 pm by The Lupanian »
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I only ate a few vampire hearts. Like, three tops. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Go check out Shadow of the Void!

Xantalos

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #22 on: August 09, 2020, 03:55:01 pm »

Billy rages at the loss of his precious beer-and-excessive-calories-gut. "I have been DEPRIVED of SMOKED jalapeño barbecue RIIIBS with extra bacon by my LOVING WIFE on account of my HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE and unresolved INADEQUACY ISSUES," he proclaims in a reality tv-style talking head cutaway that he may or may not be imagining. "Joy and MEANING has fled FROM my existence! Something something JOBS! My only recourse is to DOUSE MY SOUL in the calorie-rich BLOOD of my fellow patriots, and transcend my societal woes in SANGUINARY NIRVANA!"

Spoiler: Actions (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Char Sheet (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: August 09, 2020, 04:26:39 pm by Xantalos »
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Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

Naturegirl1999

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #23 on: August 09, 2020, 04:05:38 pm »

Spoiler: Action (click to show/hide)
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ziizo

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #24 on: August 09, 2020, 06:00:39 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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GG, Ziizo. May my spirit live on in your boobs.

Screech9791

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #25 on: August 09, 2020, 07:44:28 pm »

Spoiler: *raccoon noises* (click to show/hide)
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King Zultan

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #26 on: August 10, 2020, 04:22:30 am »

Spoiler: Action (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Character stuff (click to show/hide)
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

Coolrune206

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2020, 05:54:09 am »

Bread Man scoffed at the apparent secrecy in which the other contestants were acting. Opting out of such cowardice, he instead decided to scream his actions at the top of his lungs.

"I WILL NOW PROCEED TO TAKE MAH BREAD KNIFE, AND MAH NYLON ROPE! I WILL THEN CUT THE ROPE SO THAT I HAVE TWO ADEQUATELY SIZED PIECES, ABOUT A FOOT LONG, AND PUT THE REST OF THE ROPE AWAY! I WILL THEN TIE TWO BREAD BAGS TO EACH OF THE ROPES, ONE AT EACH END, SO THAT THE ROPES ARE LINKING THE TOPS OF THE BREAD BAGS! VOILA! I NOW HAVE DUAL SETS OF BREAD NUN-CHUCKS TA BEAT Y'ALL TA DEATH WITH! I CALL 'EM, BREAD-CHUCKS!"

Spoiler: Character Sheet (click to show/hide)
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"You are a shameful gaggle of cowards who has made a mockery of the challenge, but you have avoided death. Sit and eat."

piecewise

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2020, 01:19:40 pm »

((Remember to post your character sheets along with your actions everyone))

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: *raccoon noises* (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Action (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Character stuff (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Bread Man scoffed at the apparent secrecy in which the other contestants were acting. Opting out of such cowardice, he instead decided to scream his actions at the top of his lungs.

"I WILL NOW PROCEED TO TAKE MAH BREAD KNIFE, AND MAH NYLON ROPE! I WILL THEN CUT THE ROPE SO THAT I HAVE TWO ADEQUATELY SIZED PIECES, ABOUT A FOOT LONG, AND PUT THE REST OF THE ROPE AWAY! I WILL THEN TIE TWO BREAD BAGS TO EACH OF THE ROPES, ONE AT EACH END, SO THAT THE ROPES ARE LINKING THE TOPS OF THE BREAD BAGS! VOILA! I NOW HAVE DUAL SETS OF BREAD NUN-CHUCKS TA BEAT Y'ALL TA DEATH WITH! I CALL 'EM, BREAD-CHUCKS!"

Spoiler: Character Sheet (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Billy rages at the loss of his precious beer-and-excessive-calories-gut. "I have been DEPRIVED of SMOKED jalapeño barbecue RIIIBS with extra bacon by my LOVING WIFE on account of my HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE and unresolved INADEQUACY ISSUES," he proclaims in a reality tv-style talking head cutaway that he may or may not be imagining. "Joy and MEANING has fled FROM my existence! Something something JOBS! My only recourse is to DOUSE MY SOUL in the calorie-rich BLOOD of my fellow patriots, and transcend my societal woes in SANGUINARY NIRVANA!"

Spoiler: Actions (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Char Sheet (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Action (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)







AAAAAND BULLSEYE! What a start to this round, with a death at the checkout stands already!  Normally we'd have to wait a bit to see a slaughter over here but our contestants seem to be upping the stakes this season! Ha Ha.  And we have not one, but two loud mouths shouting for all the world to hear! Lets home that doesn't come back to bite them in the end!

Two turns until the first SUUUUUPER SHOPPER is released into the store! Vote now on which one we send out!

Screech9791

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Re: BRAWL-MART
« Reply #29 on: August 10, 2020, 01:38:46 pm »

THIS GAME IS FUCKING RIGGED

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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