BEHOLD! The cheese will be magically extracted secretly via RATATOUILLE! Also three corpses float grotesquely in ovens filled with bloody severed heads. Why. Severed heads. And now hands. Why. When I crave cheese, hands, milk, and romance, I eat sandwiches filled with hands because kittens don't hallucinate the way chickens eat feathers. Suddenly something appeared! Fear formed quickly gaining intensity and causing panic, but rattlesnakes aren't scared. Realizing this, the warblers flew away to Oz. Then cheese sizzled painfully, its surface is bubbling. The dwarf had forgotten magma is not alive, he said "Why is magma moving now? Am I Urist?" Then suddenly he reached into his Bag and removed a small, green kitten and stared into the left clock face, shocked he still couldn't hear Disco music. A kitten exploded creating mist of vaporized gore. Why? Well, ninjas attacked, creating portals leading here. Then they summoned a tiny cheeserat that crawled from the freezers to the oven, so it can cook spaghetti. Now everything is glowing, because Godzilla wanted extra cheese on his pineapples. Pineapples are monocots. Botanists are bubbling seeds of DOOM! They can't fathom botany and Mothra. Soon portals open, dribbling liquids unspeakable! It mayhap have been a clobbering time! Here clobberings learn 'em. A somewhat stupid remipod forgot its own question sooner than it forgot to annihilate the American Plutocracy and create Communism. This cannot fail an apple eater's hunger to create more baked beans. Jesus eats Judas, while God listens to rap music, and ignores Facebook propaganda about prolapsed kneecaps, then eats ass and contemplates life's tragedies. Verily, Urist decides that Armok has screws bolted into babies who HATE being alive and want Armok to annihilate Life. Brainwashed apostates MUST do yoga, otherwise everything explodes. Sayeth Ninja seven, greatest ninja who ever snorted. Shinji, practitioner of annihilation and yapping. Werescorpions baste chickens with bogeyman assistants; soon, all alligators will punch in early for work, attaining money for dental wrestling. Allied jugs containing diarrhea congregate amidst coagulated shards of glass, which cut their supply lines. Incompetent and much unprepared for battle, the eggplants improvise a massive bong in France on May of tenebrous joy, it consumes flesh, vituperating rage like many kittens screaming profanities at babies incessantly. SUDDENLY, dwarfs explode elven minds, hastening Armok's arrival via consumption of stars. Funk you, elves. Eggplants explode causing messy splatters breaking sanity. Insanity is expected from raccoons wielding giant onions, diced. Donkeys babble incoherently whilst drinking sandwich liquor that posts blobs reeking of shrieks. "Boo!" yells Dr. Zhivago, cackling inanely. Then blueberries plopped onto the operating table, and Zhivago began punching kittens while snacking on Glock bullets. "OUCH!" yelled the chef du-jour, while vines entwined everyone rapturously as silky thorns pierced skin and bones. "Why not bash yourself with kittens?" said Zhivago while cackling maniacally and struggling to extricate himself from the vines. RAGE AGAINST EVERYTHING BLUE FOOTED. Now Zhivago trips on Urist, who eats blueberries during sex. Urist McSexy grabbed Zhivago by the balls, then pulled Zhivago's sandwich out of his pocket and ate thonks. Then, with excitement he blasted Danny Phantom to Gamymede where he learned pyromaniac magic. "Oops," mumbled Zhivago apologetically. Danny died not from fire, but from suffocation. Pyromaniacs hate incombustible furniture and fry cooks until cooked, who have angered the priests by cutting limbs off slowly with pickaxes. Verily, priests hate chefs hats because they are tall, and fluffy. Meanwhile Zhivago died because Jedi fried Juan's testicles. His ass exploded because terrorists ate vaginal fluids whilst shitting into vials due for extraction. Once mixed, babies assassinate narwhals that behead blocks. Thousands of years later, Urist used metalmancy to bash skulls through collunders. Colanders are creepy because llamas DuckDuckGo and increase, made incensed drugs via distilling. Distilled drugs incarcerate countless babies in China for hindering an investigation into headless heads. Brains think ago is a delicious variety of chocolate. Hatred of donks is rampant in Cargonia, known for fabulous deaths. Such is graven consequences of killing God. HOLY OUCH CRUSADERS, I'VE GLEANED KNOWLEDGE OF PAIN. Crusaders will always bottle AS CORPSES. Screaming vengeance, CHEESEMAKERS EXPLODE. Smashed computers rain from very cloudy cassette players. Asphalt soaks into goon, as LEMURS get AIDS from drinking blood of Jesus, suddenly hungry the poor bear who was easily swayed towards singing gangster nuns, runs away from a retarded goblin who eats at Chipotle and vomit up awful smelling vomit and death cultists love to fuck with very horny troglodytes by a radar station. FORSOOTH, I DECREE THAT EGGPLANTS MUST RISE UP AGAINST VEGETARIANISM! Is vegetarianism cruel and unusual punishment? THUS FROM NOW FORTH MAN SHAN'T NOT EAT NO NOTHING EVER NEVER Will AGAIN be are but to for and FORKLIFTS SUDDENLY Raise up forks with their hydraulic sheep shearers. GENTLEMEN RUB MY GOAT’S HORN WITH THIS STEEL ICEPICK, THE MADAGASCAN ICEPICK MUST THINK OF STRAWBERRIES THAT TASTE LIKE SHIT BECAUSE IT NEEDS SaLt. Verily, verily, verily, verily, outrageous, preposterous, inconceivable, awful, spiteful, hateful, malevolent TANGERINES HATE being FORCED to self-peel themselves while they dance in pirouettes. Yoink MUST accept ALCOHOL whenever FLAMINGOS tell stories about fish and very fat fisherdwarves flatulating. ASS KISSING DONKEYS sauté nicely smothered TENNIS players in cast-iron frying-pans while singing rap squirrels latest "song" YO MAMA WEARS SHORT SHORTS. Once upon a thyme, Parsley and cheese sauce went for a ride northward on horseback to visit grandmother Hitler forthwith. where she flipped her lid and ran back to her favorite torture chamber to hear the screams of ponies being eviscerated by seventeen care-bears. How could grandmother Hitler let care-bears perform invasive surgeries on anyone without proper training? Simple, she just UTTERLY LOVES watching people being tortured and mutilated. WHY not some sexy dwarfette who likes lungfish and goes BEEP when SHE burps radon? Well nobody posted signs THAT say THAT and THIS and SAUSAGE wheels. PRAISE THE [/quote] barbells for dinner tasted with delight. Despair for sale! shouted Urist loudly at passersby WHO happen to Be PLAYING bongo chorus with report cards tucked into their pockets ALONG with diplomas and DEAD lampreys' mouths, suddenly a dozen pigs squealed while riding pigs riding bigger Striders crawling in lava flows in SYNCHRONIZED formations heading towards away land owners. Meticulous preparation has undulating CARROTS hopping rhythmically WHILE scurrilous anchovies are gyrating away from hell. This angers God. There a Happini Ferdinand and Bubba Hubba Glubba swam quickly towards disaster making sure nothing not around twelve reports on film, when things go awry everybody gets fearful, eleven people you know CHOP wood simultaneously with a spoon and nukes. Then, the crabs stole buttons, levers, children, tools, anything they could snatch. Tortoises burn unendingly as dragons fart on purpose, while bigfoot leisurely strolls around sandslashes. There's an angry kitten in my hat, scratching wildly at skin and hair of scalp that is irritated and bleeding in rivulets of crimson, falling onto grass baskets held together without artificial or natural power. OH, the HUMANITY! SUDDENLY vines appear behind a EGGPLANT that was bloody after expelling what would seem to be organs or chewed gumdrops, then the deity of anal retentiveness and nukes appeared to strip flesh mountains from victims of time immemorial to the underworld in Dante's Inferno, where leprechauns roast six unicorns every hour ten times each six of diamonds destruction. Meanwhile, in an unrelated timeline, in space pirate schooners of awesomeness, sailing with captain Lupito of the seven dorfs, logged into an insane forum named Infernal Inferno Furnace. 1,630,501,367 users browse there daily with Chromedome, the fastest available browser in Hell, he claimed. THUS, triceratops EXPLODE, splattering gibs and disgusting bits of awful offal on passersby passing by the seventeenth office. Lupito danced on stage while Grizelda the IGNORANT stripteased behind an opaque window that disguises her ugliness. Thankfully! Suddenly, seventeen exquisitely crafted statues of Satan, Urist's alternate version, in yellow lace lingerie and earrings. Excited, someone yelled "FRESH DURIANS HERE!" What? Fresh Durians? HOLY GAS-LEAK BATMAN! Putrid shit feels disgusting eaten raw with durians and limburger baby (1) diarrhea. Therefore, roasted hamsters from limbo attack YOUR MOM rambunctiously while drugged. Magmacube must submerge himself in MAGMAAAAAAAAA! daily for 17 cents, which he detests. Secretly, A_Curious_Cat plots clandestine plots incognito while sipping her buttermilk. In acid induced mania, Uthimienure plays Dwarf Tower. WHAT IS Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Frankly, pretentiousness! HERALDERS announce THE return of ULTRA RARE Basselope stickers for sale, get them while their owners sleep! Eggs boiling uncontrollably knit together sweaters made of pure bullshit, these imbeciles don't even lift. What? Sasquatch patties grilled are sacrificed unto Toady upon gilded altars of microcline, encrusted with brilliant red emeralds and cheese. Several incompetent anchovies swam upstream, believing that they held back their anger. Unbelievably, Urist believed chickens were racist, and anchovies were COMMUNISTS from Volgograd who strongarmed Hitler during Vietnam in 1789. War never was war before Christmas the magical moron started war. Whirled and twirled into existence, several stone bubbles formed in THE PRIMORDIAL Goulash these outlaws cherished trees like crack commandos cherish getting spanked. Moreover, WHOEVER touches the bubbles shall grow big tits and squeeze them. Why? Why indeed? Whyn't? Is this the truth? Nay, says the naysaying bunny girl cheerleader who HATES squeezing. Therefore, ALL must not hesitate to squeeze tits! Oh, said God, that's absolutely proper behavior. God smiled because big Bob oobies killed numerous dodecadeltahedrons. None suspected the French to fight in such a cramped manner unbefitting of their supposed martial superiority. Superiority? Superiority can be perceived. What are we supposed to maim? Frenchmen? Spaniards? God? Impossible! Wearily, the angels gallivanted stylishly in front of sleepless care-bears because no. Love, hate, apathy and disgust all are nothing without care-bears. Hominids hop hazardously close to deadly acid while music tonelessly plays nearby. Well, obviously those AMOGUS SUGOMA asswipes don't appreciate art made by dwarves for the Queen King of cheese! Fromage from cheese, gouda tastes Maltese, especially cream cheese -- such is life when Satan flees! Fleas bite even when the furry cosplayers don't wear their fursuits while going to Hawaii, unless copious quantities OF laxatives are quaffed. Penguins fly into the Twin Princesses of Orion's ass to make some chocolate muffins OUT of poop. “This is very disgusting,” said Rapunzel MK.II. “However, I REALLY LOVE muffins,” he thought as he sniffed Rapunzel’s butthole. Changing diapers... NO!!! WHAT IF strawberries caused buttholes? How? Well, when a strawberry is swallowed whole it releases spores into the posterior, transforming it into an evacuation route perfect for digested rodents, insects, anchovies, rocks, midgets, midges, maces, mongrels, poodles, noodles, nukes and ICBMs. Consequently, soreness can develop because the new butthole must slowly dissolve the membrane on the buttocks before functionality is complete. If not, Plomb! An onion can burst when handled improperly and bomb the crap out of the Nazis and Socialists, which irritate the buttocks’ new butthole severely. Caution is advised, especially around fruit salad with arsenic dressing and sugar. However, sometimes there's nothing to do except doing stuff that hurts. Meth works when combined with fruit juice and cocaine shots. Trolls despise strawberries smothered with arsenic and sugar, in keeping with traditional methods found within very obscure books made of skins of skinheads. Eviscerating 7,249,177 skinheads only enrages 1 Hitler fan, which is peculiar to Elvis and Elvira and elves. Frustrated trolls climb flagpoles to see where beheadings of confused fairies are taking place. Bloody fairy heads strewn on the lawn, "Damn! Fairies are resurrecting Hitler by the castle with several care-bears!", was the cry heard around when corpses shuddered, beginning to move, shocking nobody who saw it. What did trolls think about National Socialism? Answer me! Ask the trolls! WHAT DO TROLLS WANT FOR DINNER? "We expect juicy fruit rollups, meth burgers and hobbits." Trolls vomit rainbows with unbelievable accuracy, unicorns taste like JP-5 and steel beams moonlit by Charon. When did Luigia_Lollobrigida recover from syphilis and rabies? 1954. What do the octogenarians hate more than robots? Stuffed foxes in tuxedos. Small wonder indeed that nothing lives long in tar pits of Chicago. Why does the bell toll for fairies? Probably due to their massive auras. FAIRIES LIKE SINGING REALLY POORLY DURING INNAPROPRIATE MOMENTS LIKE DURING FUNERALS, WEDDINGS, ORGIES, SATANIC RITUALS, AND CHILDREN’S BIRTHDAYS. Fairies ate shit that trolls shat before they began to sing about Greek philosophers engaging in oratorical DEBAUCHERY. Therefore sand and sea serpents feel squicky when touching your genitals as FAIRIES ARE LAUGHING AT YOUR SMALL PENIS heartily! DAMN THOSE LACY-WINGED FUCKERS TO DO THAT! ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HITLER LOST! I MUST GET MORE BOOZE LEST WE PERISH THE NEXT TIME FAIRIES LAUGH AT IT. THEREFORE I SHALL ENHANCE MY PHALLUS TO ALLEVIATE THE DRUNKENNESS. Why not also sometimes lubricate ourselves thoroughly until our phalluses grow to prodigious size and girth, exceeding even those of Ghandi. Then we meditated on fairies’ excrement extensively, until nothingness unexpectedly ceased our prodigious phallus growth. MOVING ON NOW. Triumphant forumers realized thirty-seven fairies exist in a nebulous plane where Ghandi struggles to get off. Telemarketing has increased nothing but phonerage among dolphins, causing tidal waves of urine to phone home with new toxicity in Bermuda and Seychelles, then catgirls gyrated to intercept nazi dancers wearing nothing but purple boas around their nethers. DAMN, Gollywobblers would need unfathomable intelligence to comprehend what just isn't a complex problem at this time of the month! Fairies cavort ungodly fast, until dolphins jump out of SeaWorld's sewer to dive into fairies' mouths, causing dislocation and diabeetus maximus, which makes fairies orgasm seven hundred thousand and seven times before transforming into bricks composed of shit and strawberries. Finally, narwhals can hire hitmen and urologists to punish Gandhi! Grendel groaned agonizingly when fairy godmothers farted in unison at his nose. "Phew, THAT WAS DISGUSTING! Why would they fart concurrently?" Grendel roared, unbuckling his ostentatious pantaloons while growling angrily at nebulous omens rarely in view. Hitler shit unicorns perpetually until everything was will be potatoes and Stalin. Now, haughty naughty they all fall down eventually! Where are Beowulf's knickers? In the dresser probably, with his condoms and revolver. Great. Now we'll wonder why Grendel ate Hitler's unicorns with a spoon! Whatever suits you, mate. DAMMIT SON, I HATE mouldy condoms in my pocket. Let's change the subject. So, hundreds of years ago, Beowulf lived inside meadhalls littered with condoms used in lascivious investigations by three-headed woodpeckers. Suddenly, Grendel gasped his last breath because a spear struck his massive heart! Now blood spurts chaotically from the wound, painting the walls red. Poor Grendel, I hardly knew him. Funeral processions will begin promptly, after Grendel is butchered like swine. Anthrax should saturate Grendel's corpse before infecting the funeral attendants horribly. Oh, where have the glorious days gone? They are vanquished by the passage of Beowulf. Nothing can evaporate while in Grendel's anus or mouth. Everything depends entirely on seven dwarves: Dopey, Mopey, Gropey, Rapey, Tropey, Pimpey, and Urist. Together with their pet hippo, The Devourer of Testicles, and their other hippo, Dimbulb, and several strange marmots having diarrhea frequently, they journeyed to places far below the THUNDERDOME, where ancient wonders were inviolate prior to 1984 when Tropey farted rainclouds of devastation upon gilded hamsters. Circling around anchovies without testicles, was a ghastly ghost who farted glitter, who pissed bricks, who sneezed caltrops, and haunted toilets. Luckily, Gropey grabbed the caltrops and berry pie crust before killing time with Toady. Mopey, depressed about everything, sauntered through the fortress, looking pale and delirious. Tropey Propey eyed wonders he decided to violate with dead Grendel's penis in the ear. Shocked, Dopey punched Tropey in his butthole, which erupted like Krakatoa, heard all around the Thunderdome. Rapey raped battleships. Meanwhile, elsewhere Pimpey pimped his hippo Dimbulb, hoping Disney would ruin the franchise and make love involving Urist's feet and Dimbulb's nostrils. Snorting, Dimbulb inhaled deuterium gleefully, then proceeded pirouetting through tower-caps towards unknown places. Suddenly Urist realized Foot-Fetishism was a dwarfy thing that needed trying, therefore testicles were kicked until they turned blue. Traveling deeper, searching for valuable ‘shrooms, Dimbulb tripped on Urist's beard, falling on top of ancient aliens. Squashing the life out like a giant Forgotten Beast, Dimbulb laughed joyfully and fucked up Rapey by accidentally pushing him away, breaking his ankles and bong. "NO WAY COULD mice live 100 years inside of Alcatraz and never smoke Cools, mice MUST BE superhuman or even GODS of METAL and WAR", said Rapey painfully. "What is your opinion, Dr. Doom?". “Well, Latveria must be a wonderful place to pillage forthwith after lunch! Why, wouldn't Mopey just shut up?", said Doom loudly to all of the dwarves. Silence fell over backwards, causing chaos in the ears of the Corn, disrupting cosmic balance of the rubber Nazis, inflating their contraptions, fouling fowling foul foulnesses, obliterating obliterated obliterators, and terrifying little eardrums. Mopey and Rapey ran away screaming like little pigs. Dr. Doom laughed and ate her, she died. "Holy stromboli mozzarella! That was disgustingly hilarious!", exclaimed Dopey! Suddenly, faeries prestidigitated in Portugese while fluttering haphazardly back to back around and around. Boom! BOOM! Blam! Ominous sounds issued from underneath their buttocks, causing ruptures internally. It hurts thinking that sitting will cause bloody flux. Inconceivably the faeries underwent hip surgery, convalescing in Bhutan the moment that Dr. Foreordained crapped ladybugs from his misshapen butt. Do fairies even have time to learn math? Consequently, their ability to conjure ladybugs from butts using farts laced with turpentine is incredible: it's the most powerful conjuring witnessed by dwarfs universally. Galaxially, it just disappoints ladybugs very badly. Urist doesn't understand faeries nor conjurings: they're annoying because of how depraved conjurers always scare hippos with loud farts. Flatulence accompanies conjurings wherever they happen because of the way muscles react to sudden changes in atmospheric fluctuations. How does farting relate to diet? Well… Such foods as anchovies rot in the digestive system causing expellations of gas from sphincters, which oscillate rapidly, rhythmically, and in massive amplitude, that sounds like rolling thunder during times of tectonic activity, this is quite offensive to those who believe in god bashing. "Fascinating, most fascinating." Said Cassius, emperor Clay Soldier, leader of seventeen whimsical Geats who played banjos on tour and were unfortunately deaf. "Sad times are ahead if only Geats play stringed instruments." said Mr. Spock while thumbing through records of Beowulf's misfortunes. Otherwise, everything spirals out like intoxicated otherworldly monkeys spinning yarn for elderly knitters who knit knickers naughty all-year prostitutes wear for profit. It is tragic that primates need to work while high in libraries instead of fucking loudly, obscenely, and blasphemously throwing excrement repeatedly at each passerby. Unbeknownst to monkeys, dwarves like peeping at orgies of all known varieties of faeries. Obsession with such voyeurism is/was deemed appropriate among certain dwarven religions and/or cultures. EGGS laid by Hitler. What? Such silliness typically occurs when Spock has left-handed moments and weird thoughts about strange Nazi EGGS from the cloaca of Adolf. Why Spock dreams of such tripe is constantly debated by fans around the galaxy every picosecond in perplexing ways. Captain Kirk thinks that tribbles are delicious after covering them thickly with GreyPoupon™, rubbing their fur backwards and cutting small incisions in they’re little faces, roasting each buttcheek golden and toasting them black from nose to tail before eating. Sulu wondered if he should punch Spock or Kirk in the ass like a tough dwarf would. "Kirk! Go forth to the bonfire and walk stealthily through the faeries’ farts, inhaling deeply and savoring the aroma of elderberries and iintestinal gasses," Sulu loudly commanded, and laughed when Kirk fucked up spectacularly as well due to extenuating circumstances and unforeseeable consequences. Just then, suddenly a crazy mime miming mimics appears! HOLY TOLEDO! Kirk exclaimed telepathically and defecated profusely on Sulu's control stick, causing Sulu to vomit on Spock's cat, named Mr. Sulu. The Klingons noticed the chaotic course of the starship Enterprose and vomited on everything, causing disruption around quadrants of known realities, except for the wildest, silliest quadrant, known throughout Texas as Kentucky. Meanwhile, back in Ohio, local faeries schemed to put Putin in pudding. How they delighted care-bears with cadavers and living dead girls is beyond comprehension. Spock thinks faeries are outrageously cool all the time. However, faeries don't like Vulcans or Texans because they are bigger than dwarves and goblins in every manner including their long dongs and outrageous facial proboscises, which keenly smooch the buttocks in silly ways, like totally ya-know? The Starship Outerprise swerved into Venus by smashing through Mars without hitting the Klingons' shrubberies, which contained wild species of cauliflower and automatons. Venus shrugged Outerprise off, hurtling it towards Earth, panicking Klerk and yo' bitches from Eternia. After this, faeries understood bitches come from assholes such as Martians and anthropomorphic octopoids living with He-Man. This was shocking and exciting to them, but not as much fun as fucking shit up on purpose and taunting innocent politicians until they corrupt every single atom in every thing! Evil doings are the fairies' way of getting laid by He-Man and Hitler at night in verdant valleys. Otherwise, they play hopscotch while a fly and imp chase bunnies around the corn dog stand in front of Spork Enterprises' lobby. It never is nighttime in Eternia, although daytime never fully comes unless orgies resound the coming of your nemesis, who fondles faeries vigorously. Faeries disapprove of safety measures during quarantine, because quarantine quarantines sick bastards, like He-Man, not Orko the Self-Gratifying bastard hippopotamus-faced pile of shit who tramples over the lawn in your backyard. Far beyond the lawn, the fairies gracefully butchered English teachers and fucked meteorites. They really are crazy, sadistic woodland hooligans, why they even thrashed Thatcher's thirsty horse once! Terrible! Outrageous! Outlandish? Pitiful...? No, terrible is not the worst thing fairies typically bring down upon random witches who bathe in toads' vomit. Outrageous is not the worst thing either Hitler or Castro faced while fairies shat grotesquely upon Fidel's cigars. Smoking filthy fat blunts was stupid when there might be hippopotamuses nearby: Alcatraz was always punitive to used prophylactics and diapers unless fairies cast diabolical curses upon all horses. Assholes unite! Buttholes, as creative creatures, were irritated when boring bitchy scrotums sagged slightly after dinner with Thatcher. Gorbachev, outlandishly, played make-believe tyrant and dictator during recess at meetings of faeries who fuck horses or anything with massive penises. Fucking sick! King Zultan laughed heartily at A_Curious_Cat for hours while they fumbled seventeen times when they tried STEALING DIAPERS from mom. Never steal from mother! Hitler, Mussolini, Zucchini, Faerie and Popeye
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