>Find spaceship(s) with enough combined crew capacity for my entire militia, hijack them if necessary, and turn my militia into a space-faring fleet and my personal army. Fuck this shit, we're out. Earth is quite literally going to hell and back, so it's best that we fuck off at the earliest available opportunity.
4
You manage to take over most of NASA's launch facilities. There are only enough ships for you and a select handful of your followers. Do you stay to construct more ships as the US armed forces advance on your position, or leave the rest behind?
Your organisation - ok, cult - is growing in popularity after the discovery that some weird friend of John Milton's predicted its rise. Turns out this guy wanted you to take your spaceships back in time to 1689 to save him and John Milton.
"Stay behind me, Milton!" Give him instructions on how to complete Operation Epilogue by himself.
Pray for the Archangel Michael to rescue me.
If Michael kills the local Time Geese, look for any equipment on their corpses I can use to create/find a closer rift. Then get to a few centuries after the main battle and continue with Operation Epilogue.
If Michael fails or doesn't show up, fend them off with my scavenged weapons. Keep Milton alive at all costs, since I've told him how he can continue the operation without me.
If all else fails, yell through the centuries for OcraTroper to come fetch myself and Milton in his new spaceships. And by yell through the centuries I mean yell loud enough that enough nearby people hear it they will likely record this strange exclamation for posterity, when OT can access it.
there is only one reasonable reaction to these events
summon the lurker in the angles
Oh no no no no no. Also century-shout for someone to counter-summon the Altered.
You explain your plan to have Milton write a record of the battle then send it back in time so it can be used in the battle itself. He understands it about as well as I do.
3
You completely fail to summon an archangel.
4 v 5
You manage to hold off the local time geese for a while with a musket, but they eventually defeat you by making it so the building you're holding out in was never built. You resort to screaming out a message intended for a powerful cult leader from around the time you used to live in, hoping that someone will record it.
The time geese have you surrounded.
If U can summon things, maybe I can teleport, too? There’s only o e way to find out
Attempt to use as much magic as needed to teleport me and the vending machine to a random country
4
You manage to teleport you and your holy vending machine to a small town in Greenland. It's pretty cold, but at least you're not underground, and the time geese haven't really bothered with this place.
Split up. Let the demons help Satan, while I go back to the Anchorites' cells and force everyone there to commit suicide via psychic powers.
BE CRUSHED TO DEATH
REANIMATE AS HEAVENLY ZOMBIE BARD
RISE FROM GRAVE
2 v 6
You waddle back into the anchorite cells, and start to emit alpha-waves capable of forcing living beings to commit suicide. An anchorite pops up in front of you, half his head crushed into a shapeless mess of blood and bone, dragging a bed behind him.
"wHaT Is DEaD cANNoT DiE"
Thoroughly spooped.
Use my powers of SCIENCE to create a potion that causes demons to explode when they come into contact with it!
5
You apply your science knowledge to utilise science in scientifically creating a potion filled with science that explodes demons.
Then someone in Swiss Guard uniform grabs it.
It is all coming together...But there is one last thing to take care of. The time geese are running rather rampant across the timestream, and my plans don't need them ruling over time itself. Therefore, it's time for the duck lords to fulfill their purpose. Yet, aren't they all dead? All slain? Hah, do you not know? "That which is dead may eternal lie, but over strange eons...EVEN DEATH MAY DIE!"
Dark Eldritch forces raise the Duck Lords as undead spawn of Yog-Sothoth. Not bound by time, the lords of the Quack begin the Quail Wars with devastating strikes against the time geese plans, structures, and homes.
2 v 4
You call upon Yog-Sothoth to raise the Dread Lords of the Quack that they might begin the Quail Wars. But the Time Geese have had all of history to respond to this ploy, and have penetrated the endless aeons before the start of the universe and after its end, sending their temporal vessels to the unimaginable birthplace of Yog-Sothoth itself. As you stare into the infinite and mutter the dread name, instead of the countless orbs and terrible light the ancient texts led you to expect, you see only an orange beak and two dull black eyes in an endless expanse of white feathers.
Their will be no Quail Wars. The Time Geese control time itself.
ATTACK SATAN
NO NOT PROTESTANT JESUS, ALL THE JESUSES! BLACK JESUS, ASIAN JESUS, MORMON JESUS, SUPPLY SIDE JESUS, AND MANY OTHERS.
there is only one reasonable reaction to these events
summon the lurker in the angles
Satan.
6, 2 v 5 v 3
The Holy Anti-Catholic Fourumvirate attempts to summon every single version of Jesus. Not a single version of Jesus turns up. Guess Satan literally appearing on earth isn't enough for the Son of Man to intervene.
The Vice Commander of the Swiss Guard however is ready to do things with his own two hands. Grabbing a convenient potion of anti-demon a nearby Science Saint just invented, he picks up a pike in his other hand and charges through an army of demons. He carves a path of destruction straight to the Prince of Darkness himself, ducks past a fist the size of a tank, and hurls the test tube straight into Satan's gaping maw.
On the one hand, the resulting explosion of holy light does kill Satan. It also destroys every demon on earth, and cleanly removes from existence the huge green comet heading for the Vatican microseconds before the world-ending impact. On the other hand, what used to be the Vatican is now a giant crater.
Literally miraculously, everyone else in the Vatican survives unharmed. The burst of blinding light does however interrupt any discreet eldritch being summonings going on.
The forces of hell have been vanquished. The battle is won, but the war remains: the Time Geese are massing in preparation for a final confrontation.
The Time Geese have taken over history.
The Vatican has been destroyed.
Satan is dead.
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Topic: ROLL TO ANCHORITE (Read 28690 times)