I TOTALLY DIDN'T FORGET THIS EXISTED FOR A WEEK.
pray the following to whatever deities are listening:
“To any who are listening, Please help me be able to survive longer without food or drink. Tell me what I must give in return”
2
A vending machine appears in your cell, accompanied by a heroic fanfare.
You don't have any coins.
Slip out of the noose. Kick the monks out, run out of the cell, grab some holy icons, get outside and discreetly locate a time rift caused by the actions of the Geese.
Also, pray as if all Hell is about to break loose, because it sounds like it is. Pray to summon Michael, the Celestial Champion. Also John Milton.
Also, Yoink should totally get Frank Peretti to help write his Judas comic.
6
You disentangle yourself from the mess of monks and bandages, rush out the cell, grab several wooden icons from the walls, and fall straight into a time rift. You land in 1527, in the middle of the Sack of Rome. It is being carried out by geese.
"WELL WELL WELL POPE TROMBOSES, DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD ESCAPE THE LAW WITH YOUR LITTLE SUMMONING SATAN AND MINGLING WITH CATS STUNT? ISN'T TRUE YOU VIOLATED CANON LAW, COMMITED PURGERY, SUMMONED SATAN, UNLEASHED THE TIME DUCKS, STARTED A CRUSADE ON FALSE PRETENSES AND PRETENDED TO BE A BISHOP WHILE YOU WEREN'T?! I HEARD ENOUGH FELLOWS, RELINQUISH THE SEAT OF POPE RIGHT NOW OR WE'LL THROW YOU IN A RIVER!"
6
The Quaker looks even more serious than before.
"So Lucifer has walks the earth openly, and the Time Ducks have found our world? Things are worse than we thought. We will deal with this Satanist later. For now, we must join the battle against the Adversary."
The Street Preacher snaps his fingers, and suddenly the four of you are standing outside the papal apartments, watching a pitched battle between flying priests, skeletons, demons, the swiss guard, duck monsters, angels, and Satan himself.
You're pretty sure everyone else in this fight is some kind of magic. And the Anti-Catholic Fourumvirate is looking at you like they expect you to lead them into battle.
"The fizzy drink was really important to my work!"
QUICK CREATE A POTION THAT CAN KILL ANY DUCK IT TOUCHES!
5
Using all of your chemical expertise, you create a specialised anti-duck catalyst, a single drop of which will start an explosive chain reaction in any duck, destroying it completely. You make several bottles.
Honk in agreement with the Swiss Guard Captain.
Go to the Anchorites' cells for now, though. I need to explore more of my psychic potential in solitude.
1
The annoying honking of the Time Geese echoes through the aeons, disrupting your meditations. To make matters worse, several demons burst into your cell. They look like giant silverback gorillas, but with garden shears instead of arms and venomous spiders instead of fur.
Y'ALL EVER PLAY THAT MIRROR'S EDGE GAME? ME NEITHER.
GONNA TRY TO PARKOUR MY WAY MIRROR'S EDGE-STYLE ACROSS ROOF ANYWAY, THO, EVEN IF AM MOSTLY NAKED.
TRY AND EITHER POP BACK IN THROUGH WINDOW OR SLIDE DOWN ONE OF THOSE WEIRD BUTTRESS THINGS TO GROUND
IF I FALL OFF DUE TO INJURIES, NAKEDNESS AND/OR GENERAL LACK OF COORDINATION AND PARKOUR ABILITY, BE SURE TO LAND IN A CONVENIENT OPEN-TOP TRUCK FILLED WITH, I DON'T KNOW, MATTRESSES OR TUFFETS OR WHATEVER A DUMPSTER BEHIND THE CHAPEL SOMEWHERE, FILLED WITH BROKEN GLASS AND MISPLACED HOLY RELICS
4
You dash across the roof of the Vatican, dodging Swiss guards, flying priests, and giant duck monsters. No one's really sure which side you're on here. You manage to slide down a drainpipe to a conveniently open window, and clamber into it. Once inside, the first thing you see is the Pope having an orgy with one of your fellow anchorites and a large number of stray cats.
With the blessing of the sexy lord Buddha, and a large force of irate felines, convert the pope and these rebellious interlopers to Buddhism. If some refuse to convert, use the explosive breeding potential of cats to gun the heathens down with high velocity kittens.
At least I think that's how that works. Make do if not.
6
The interlopers disappear and the pope refuses to convert to buddhism, so you enlist the help of your army of stray cats. While the stray cats are moving around the papal aparemnets at high velocity, and more seem to be appearing all the time to see what the yowling is about, none hit the Pope. This might be because he is currently flying around the ceiling, praying desparately. You decide to resort to the more barbaric method of disintegrating your foes with the famed catsplosion. First however, you have to catch them...
One carefully executed plan later, and you and the pope are rolling around the floor, tangled in the papal bedsheets, surrounded by completely furious stray cats. The catsplosion doesn't seem to be happening... perhaps you need to set the mood somehow.
>Melt down the pots and pans into molten metal, before pouring said metal into moulds for roughly torso-sized armor plates, to make an improvised armor vest. If I have leftover metal, then making shoulderpads wouldn't hurt.
Gotta be armored for a crusade.
5
You create a perfect armor vest and a pair of metal pauldrons.
SATAN
Yes, the dark lord has come to battle! Though the Quail wars seem to be on pause, we will fix that in time. For now though, something very important will happen. The Cult readies a Dark Spell, to forever break the shield around the Vatican! What is to come should not be interfered with...
action: https://youtu.be/99WBsOqSujc
AMPLIFY THE HOLY MICROWAVE FIELD
Pray
Sees Satan rising in the Vatican.
Looks down at goose.
Offers team-up hand.
AND ITS THE END OF THE LINE, OF THE FINAL JOURNEY
ENEMIES LEAVING THE PAST
AND ITS ANNOYING GEESE AND THE SWISS GUARD, JOINING TOGETHER AT LAST
DEFEATING THE SATAN, WHO HELD THEM BESIEGED
4, 3, 3, 6, 1, 1
The Cult attempts to use its dark magicks, but is interrupted by a man swinging a gold mitre and screaming "Oolf", charging towards Satan. The two sides clash, and several cultists receive nasty bruises before the shiny stick breaks. This results in something of an identity crisis.
The remnants of the Dread Ducks and the demonic army are mostly held at bay by the surviving Swiss guard, flying priests and reanimated skeletons. Both forces are vastly diminished.
The Vice Commander of the Papal Swiss Guard and the angel Gabriel himself advance on Satan as he emerges from the huge rent in the earth, weapons raised. But a single blow from the Prince of Darkness is enough to send the two of them flying, landing on the squishy body of a decapitated duck Dread Lord. Demons of various descriptions advance on the duo as they struggle free of the blood-spattered feathers, stunned and weaponless. Gabriel has even lost hold of his burning sword, the incandescent blade lying in the rubble some distance away, shining across the battlefield.
Then the holy microwave field created by the celestial music of the anchorites becomes so strong that the Vatican itself begins to crumble, statues toppling, walls falling in, huge chunks of masonry tumbling to the ground. The energy shield flickers and ripples as the generators that power it start to fail, and only the papal apartments remain largely intact.
Devastator, CABL, Yoink, syvarris, Angry Demon Noises, Ocra Troper, Naturegirl and King Zultan have found Solitude.
King Zultan, Angry Demon Noises, coalboat, CABL and Yoink have achieved self-flagellation.
Coalboat and Devastator have recieved Divine Revelation.
Devastator has summoned the Angel Gabriel.
Avetruetotheimperator has summoned the dread Duck Lords of the Quack.
CABL has summoned the Time Geese.
Angry Demon Noises has summoned the Holy Anti-Catholic Triumvirate.
The Vatican Energy Shields are failing.
The Time Geese are taking over Earth's history.
The Vatican is crumbling.
Satan has arrived on the battlefield.
Author
Topic: ROLL TO ANCHORITE (Read 28582 times)