Caridin (Bringing himself back to life with the help of a quirky girl.)Caridin was.... speechless. Mostly because the more he thought about what Loki just relayed, the more he realized it was true. He'd been focused so much on actually stopping and thinking through his actions in battle that he never stopped to realize that almost all the actions he ended up making depended on the whims of his opponent. Hell, even his battle with No Equal, as much progress as he might have made in it, was a perfect example. Nearly every action was not an action, but a reaction. Hell, had No Equal wished it, he could've easily kited him the dark, slowly killing him via a thousand cuts from afar. The only reason Caridin had come even
close to winning was because the old man had chosen to charge in instead. It was because No Equal had through his own actions given Caridin an opportunity to react in a way that nearly got the better of him.
Nearly.Not a fecking thing he had done in that battle beyond his initial spotlight tricks had been something born from his own initiative. It was true. It had been true for all his fights. It had been true since he started this mess to begin with. And he knew it. Every stroke of the sword, every strike of his fist, every dodge, every beam of light, they had all been the byproduct of him letting himself be played the fool.
A
fool...
Yes, he already knew he was one. A fool playing the hand fate dealt him. A fool who never bothered to realize that he could simply discard the cards. Or cheat to even the odds. Or punch out the fecking dealer. Or just get up from the damn table and walk away. And yet, even though his nature was that of a fool, he still deluded himself into seeking to become the Emperor.
"Hmph... a fool... becomin' emperor?" He whispered to himself, turning away from Loki as his eyes burned ever brighter with their golden hue. So bright that even in this lighting, the glow was noticeable. A mirthless smile etched itself upon his face as he shook his head "what a grand and intoxicatin' innocence."
Hollow. There was no pain now. No heartache. He just felt empty. No rage and no sorrow. Maybe the illusion of having some semblance of control up till now had been the only thing sustaining him. He didn't know. All he knew, was that it was shattered now. And now that it was gone and the truth revealed, the light within him had stilled for the first time since it's birth. His spirit as lost as his body. Yet somehow he found the will to speak again, as some part of him he didn't even realize was there until now emerging from the shadows created by the dying of his light. But the words it spoke felt so...
foreign coming from his mouth.
"Yer right, Loki." It said, looking down at hands that were scarred beyond recognition from the ones he'd once owned. Hands that could barely feel, hands that were now only good for holding a sword. Hands that now knew destruction and no other skill besides it. Hands that had been twisted and corrupted, first by the man who'd scorched them, then
by the savage beast that his soul had devolved into so it could kill that man. "I've been lettin' meself be someone else's puppet for too long now. And it ain't just in the arena. I'm tired of being a damn pawn, always stuck reacting, picking up the pieces of me life, dancing to the jig of a fecking madman. Deluding meself that in me rage, I have some semblance of control over me fate, when all it ever fecking does is dig me deeper into the hole."
He could feel sensation returning to him. Things beyond the usual, wistful thinking and all consuming wrath. Things he'd not felt for years upon years. All the while, something within him retreated with its tail between it's legs as it shrunk, growing more pitiful by the second as a presence besides its own finally filled the void it'd squatted in all this time, and asserted the righteous authority over it only possible from someone whose domain it had rightfully been from the beginning. Yet that presence called out to the beast all the same. Willed it to halt in it's retreat and come to his side. An irresistible command to hear his will and obey, and perhaps earn its place in the order he would bring back. For even a rabid dog could have it's uses, few as they might be. Besides, at this point he could not discard the beast without discarding part of his very being along with it.
He took a deep breath to steady himself, closed his eyes, and turned to face Loki once more. When he opened them again, they were so vibrantly green that now matter how much gold may have surged through them before, it could've never rivaled them. The smile he wore was no longer mirthless.
"But enough 'bout that. I s'pose I owe ye one for uh... givin' me some clarity here. I hear the Cafeteria finally got that fancy chef from Greed. How's 'bout I treat ye ta something?"