Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Aigre Excalibur]

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES.

Please submit your resume with the following details:

---

Name:

About Yourself:

Position Applied for:

Education:

Skills:

Relevant Experience:

Desired Salary:

---

[Screech9791]

Name: Yes

About Yourself: Yes

Position Applied for: Yes

Education: Yes

Skills: Yes

Relevant Experience: Yes

Desired Salary: Yes

[Naturegirl1999]

---

Name: Zorp-Zorp

About Yourself: I am a Lorba. I am different from humans in that I inhale methane and exhale dihydrogen molecules. I also have 4 limbs you would call arms. The arms resemble yours, but our arms have 3 fingers instead if 5. Our arms are analogous to the tentacles of your cephalapods. My skin would be what you might call orange scales. I am similar to humans in that I also have two legs, however my legs appear like the legs of your corvids. I am also similar in that I have 2 eyes. They are orange and they are positioned to the side of my mouth which is at the front of my head and is in the shape of a square when opened. I was able to learn the language you use the most with other groups because it seems to be the most used language across different sections of your planet. We come from Zorclon 5, which is 2 stars from your solar system. I was placed in a stasis pod and was sent here to figure out more about this planet because of the large amounts of methane here. They sent me since I was able to breed creatures that can tolerate nitrogen, since your atmosphere is full of it. Unfortunately, the creatures were too big to fit in the stasis pods, so they are still at Zorclon 5. Your planet has something called a currency, which seems to be a universal trade item. There are things called jobs that are working for currency to then buy things. I wonder if I could get a job working with your planet's creatures.

Position Applied for: Breeder

Education: 4 years of Life Studies

Skills: Can breed creatures, can recieve communication Zorclon 5, can translate from English to Zoran and Zaron and vica versa.
Relevant Experience: I have worked on adapting life forms to various conditions, I have adapted a group of my pets to survive your planet's high nitrogen content.

Desired Salary: Any, so long as it is something

---

(If this is too wordy I can deword it somewhat. (is deword a word? if not, I can make it one, as human languages have a habit of changing ))

[Aigre Excalibur]

Name: Yes

About Yourself: Yes

Position Applied for: Yes

Education: Yes

Skills: Yes

Relevant Experience: Yes

Desired Salary: Yes

(2) - No.

---

Name: Zorp-Zorp

About Yourself: I am a Lorba. I am different from humans in that I inhale methane and exhale dihydrogen molecules. I also have 4 limbs you would call arms. The arms resemble yours, but our arms have 3 fingers instead if 5. Our arms are analogous to the tentacles of your cephalapods. My skin would be what you might call orange scales. I am similar to humans in that I also have two legs, however my legs appear like the legs of your corvids. I am also similar in that I have 2 eyes. They are orange and they are positioned to the side of my mouth which is at the front of my head and is in the shape of a square when opened. I was able to learn the language you use the most with other groups because it seems to be the most used language across different sections of your planet. We come from Zorclon 5, which is 2 stars from your solar system. I was placed in a stasis pod and was sent here to figure out more about this planet because of the large amounts of methane here. They sent me since I was able to breed creatures that can tolerate nitrogen, since your atmosphere is full of it. Unfortunately, the creatures were too big to fit in the stasis pods, so they are still at Zorclon 5. Your planet has something called a currency, which seems to be a universal trade item. There are things called jobs that are working for currency to then buy things. I wonder if I could get a job working with your planet's creatures.

Position Applied for: Breeder

Education: 4 years of Life Studies

Skills: Can breed creatures, can recieve communication Zorclon 5, can translate from English to Zoran and Zaron and vica versa.
Relevant Experience: I have worked on adapting life forms to various conditions, I have adapted a group of my pets to survive your planet's high nitrogen content.

Desired Salary: Any, so long as it is something

---

(If this is too wordy I can deword it somewhat. (is deword a word? if not, I can make it one, as human languages have a habit of changing ))

(4) Congratulations on your new job as test subject cum breeding stock. (6) You will be paid $10,000 Earth dollars a month! Your duties involve breathing air and being exposed to earth creatures until reproduction occurs.

[Naturegirl1999]

“not quite what I expected but ok” try to learn about the creatures from Earth

[King Zultan]

Name: Durg

About Yourself: He's a hyena man with a fancy hat and clothing, there isn't much else to say about him.

Position Applied for: Carpenter

Education: Learned how to work with wood and that's it.

Skills: Is good at all kinds of wood working.

Relevant Experience: Has made some furniture.

Desired Salary: All of the money.

[Screech9791]

Name: No

About Yourself: No

Position Applied for: No

Education: No

Skills: No

Relevant Experience: No

Desired Salary: No

(4) Congratulations on your new job as test subject cum breeding stock. (6) You will be paid $10,000 Earth dollars a month! Your duties involve breathing air and being exposed to earth creatures until reproduction occurs.

Sigged, also UPDATE DAT FUKKIN HOUSE DEFENSE RTD

[coalboat]

Name: Mike Pete Leland

About Yourself: I have a positive attitude, strong interest in research, and an eye for detail
Proactive and self-motivated
Ability to interact with many levels and deal with issues in a professional manner (excellent interpersonal skills to facilitate effective communication across teams)
Ability to work in a Team as well as independently
Ability to prioritize, multi-task, and deliver with regard to work deadlines, SLA’s, and targets

Position Applied for: Fish collector

Education: Pescator of Art ICTHU

Skills: fishing, fish cleaning, driving woscot, bubble-bubble

Relevant Experience: Three years tilapia herding in Pearl River Estuary

Desired Salary: 5k+

[syvarris]

Name: Actual President, Donald J. Trump

About Yourself:  "I'm the best.  I'm smart, I'm tough, I'm a guy who's very strong, I've got everything.  Nobody has as much as me, nobody is as great as me, that's why I'm applying for this job, I'll do it tremendously well.  Nobody else can do it as well as I can, I'll make this job great."

Position Applied for: President, but this time forever.

Education: Tremendous.

Skills:
--Unparalleled businessing
--Incredible communication skills
--Twittering
--World-class golfer
--Immunity to whining losers and fake news
--The Classiest Personality
--The Best Hotels
--Winning

Relevant Experience:
--Already proven to be the best American president EVER

Desired Salary: Zero!

[The Canadian kitten]

Name: Joe

About Yourself: A man who needs to pay his bills but, never ends up paying for it.

Position Applied for: Anything! As long it's not shovelling poop

Education: A random useless degree from a non-existant university

Skills: Taking up random jobs and ending up in weird situations

Relevant Experience: Somehow becoming a prophet, and Killing people

Desired Salary: 500

[Aigre Excalibur]

“not quite what I expected but ok” try to learn about the creatures from Earth

(4) You learn that most of the dominant species on earth are obsessed with reproduction. They mate or think about mating or watch actors mate even when not trying to produce offspring. It is a major preoccupation for them.

Name: Durg

About Yourself: He's a hyena man with a fancy hat and clothing, there isn't much else to say about him.

Position Applied for: Carpenter

Education: Learned how to work with wood and that's it.

Skills: Is good at all kinds of wood working.

Relevant Experience: Has made some furniture.

Desired Salary: All of the money.

(5) You start as a carpenter making ornate cruxifixes. You expect to earn $5000 this month.

Name: Mike Pete Leland

About Yourself: I have a positive attitude, strong interest in research, and an eye for detail
Proactive and self-motivated
Ability to interact with many levels and deal with issues in a professional manner (excellent interpersonal skills to facilitate effective communication across teams)
Ability to work in a Team as well as independently
Ability to prioritize, multi-task, and deliver with regard to work deadlines, SLA’s, and targets

Position Applied for: Fish collector

Education: Pescator of Art ICTHU

Skills: fishing, fish cleaning, driving woscot, bubble-bubble

Relevant Experience: Three years tilapia herding in Pearl River Estuary

Desired Salary: 5k+

(4) You get a job as an aquarium technician. It pays $2000 a month.

Name: Actual President, Donald J. Trump

About Yourself:  "I'm the best.  I'm smart, I'm tough, I'm a guy who's very strong, I've got everything.  Nobody has as much as me, nobody is as great as me, that's why I'm applying for this job, I'll do it tremendously well.  Nobody else can do it as well as I can, I'll make this job great."

Position Applied for: President, but this time forever.

Education: Tremendous.

Skills:
--Unparalleled businessing
--Incredible communication skills
--Twittering
--World-class golfer
--Immunity to whining losers and fake news
--The Classiest Personality
--The Best Hotels
--Winning

Relevant Experience:
--Already proven to be the best American president EVER

Desired Salary: Zero!

(3) You do nothing much for the first 4 years or so. The budget to build a wall keeps getting blocked. You alienate most of your trade partners as well as your traditional military allies. China runs all over you and expands its interests, through loans and political pressure while the free world is focused on your media antics. You do however, survive impeachment. That's a partial success right there.

Name: Joe

About Yourself: A man who needs to pay his bills but, never ends up paying for it.

Position Applied for: Anything! As long it's not shovelling poop

Education: A random useless degree from a non-existant university

Skills: Taking up random jobs and ending up in weird situations

Relevant Experience: Somehow becoming a prophet, and Killing people

Desired Salary: 500

(5) You gather a cult following of hobos. They donate heaps of thrash to your cause.

[coalboat]

Code: [Select]

Get to work early and swim with beluga

[Aigre Excalibur]

Code: [Select]

Get to work early and swim with beluga

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Name: Mike Pete Leland

About Yourself: I have a positive attitude, strong interest in research, and an eye for detail
Proactive and self-motivated
Ability to interact with many levels and deal with issues in a professional manner (excellent interpersonal skills to facilitate effective communication across teams)
Ability to work in a Team as well as independently
Ability to prioritize, multi-task, and deliver with regard to work deadlines, SLA’s, and targets

Position Applied for: Fish collector

Education: Pescator of Art ICTHU

Skills: fishing, fish cleaning, driving woscot, bubble-bubble

Relevant Experience: Three years tilapia herding in Pearl River Estuary

Desired Salary: 5k+

Money: 0

(3) You arrive late for work on your first day and receive a scolding. Don't you know that your time belongs to someone else. They pay you and therefore they deserve to control you.

[King Zultan]

Keep making those crucifixes to make that money.

[Naturegirl1999]

Attempt production of mating fluids