You peel off your clothes and climb into the machine. It fills with a liquid, and you have to fight the instinctive panic of drowning that these machines always instill. It fills your lungs, your nose, your ears -- everywhere. The pressure changes and your feet lift off the floor. The view on the front of the machine fades, and you're left in darkness. There's a sharp pain in the back of your neck--
--and the world stretches out in white. A soft chair settles behind you, and a woman appears, sitting across from you.
What follows for the next hour is a discussion of your life. The simulated therapist is...incredibly accepting as you describe it to her. Her prompting questions are gentle, but she doesn't let you wander on to tangents from the line of questioning. She keeps you focused. With a nod, she eventually begins to ask you questions about your previous experiences with the Plague.
[18] You're honest. You explain, hesitantly, at first, each of your encounters, when you're finished, and feeling drained, the AI asks you a question.
"Would you say each of your experiences with the Plague has caused you physical and mental trauma?"
"Y-yes. I guess so." You murmur, fidgeting awkwardly.
"You view these as defeats?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
You take pause, looking across to her as it begins to explain, "You've survived more encounters with the second most dangerous form of life in the galaxy than perhaps anyone else. You've won, each and every time. You survived -- or is that not enough?"
"W-what? Of course, it's enough."
"Is it?"
[20] "It isn't." You admit, quietly. "I...I want to be perfect. I want to be the strongest. I need to..." You trail off -- Pheonix trails off, then fidgets.
"Go on. I already know what you're thinking."
"I need to make my Ancestors proud." Unbidden, tears begin to drip from her face, and your connection to the visual-audio feed waivers, "They've done so much. They were so powerful -- I need to live up to that. And I can't --"
"Not yet."
"W-what?"
"The amount of Willpower suppression dust within this system is immense. Based on your potential, you could easily overpower that if your emotional state was compromised." The therapist shows you a graph -- and after a point, it's exponential. "You may feel you have to live up to their standards, to their strength, but, as I'm sure they will tell you, you are already stronger than they possibly could have been in their first three year--" It leans back, pausing, "I do not agree with your self-diagnosis. You do not fear the Plague any more than a human should. Judging from your brain scans, however, you have a mild case of memetic Plague exposure. It's an echo, and it reacts to certain stimuli. Nearness. Hostile intentions towards the Plague."
"C-could you explain?"
"Yes. During combat with the Plague, you interact with what you call their 'willpower'. Certain strains inject information through this field, that, when they interact with an Ascended or nano-augmented individuals, they infect them. The data eventually forms enough will and intelligence that it acts as a parasite, affecting neurotransmitters to cause hallucinations, nightmares, even, as you mentioned, stroke and hemorrhage."
"How do I remove it?" You ask, eager.
"You cannot. Eventually, when you reduce your exposure to the Plague, the data will become corrupted. Then inert. Eventually, your body will recognize it as a foreign body. If you do not limit your exposure, however, it will become worse. Rage. Anger. Hallucinations. Self-destructive tendencies. Wishing for further exposure through combat. The individual that you know, Eric, has all the symptoms of such a memetic Infection. This 'Nightmare'."
You give a slow nod, relaxing in your seat.
"You do, however, have an intense fear of failure, one that affects your decision-making capabilities to a harmful degree. I would recommend cognitive behavioral therapy for that. You're also beginning to manifest the symptoms of a Messiah complex."
[12] "I'm trying not to let that last one happen."
"It is not what can be called a full-blown mental illness, as it does not interfere with your day to day existence, especially on this world -- but it could become a social issue when you begin to interact with the wider Empyre. But as for today -- our session is at an end. Madam Cephelia has returned, and we've diagnosed the damages to your mental state. Any further questions from you or your Ancestors?"
"I'm good --"