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[Robsoie]

Damned magic spells, how do they work

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You are Tim, a wizard living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a staff and a spellbook. You finish your long journey and finally arrive at the ruin you've been looking for. You have come here searching for a mystical spellbook of great power called the book of essence. You look around and see nothing but broken pillars, crumbling walls, and general decay.
You are about to leave when you hear a groaning sound from within the rubble.

> You cast defense spell.
As you cast your spell, you notice something is off. The color and quality of the magic emanating from your fingers seems wrong. It's as if nothing is happening. The air begins to hum with a barely there energy.

> You move away from this area.
The aura around you vanishes and so do the unnatural vibrations coming from the rubble. You begin to walk away and then the bricks and stones begin to shatter.

> You cast defense spell.
You turn around and prepare to defend against the large block of stone that comes hurtling at you. However, instead of smashing into you, it bounces off your protective spell and moves slowly back to where it came from.

> You prepare a meteor rain spell.
You open your mouth and send forth a rain of small rocks. Unfortunately, the spell fails as the stones either miss their targets or get reflected.
This is a very basic RTS game.

> You send more peasants to gather gold.
The peasants return with less than you expected. You are satisfied with what they brought back though, but you need more subjects.
After a week of mining, you have acquired a sufficient amount of gold to expand.

> You build an advanced spell library.
You make an investment in a magic school to educate yourself in order to create more complex spells. This takes time, money, and subjects to teach.

> You cast a massive rain of meteor on the ruins.
You cast the spell, but only succeed in causing a minor rainstorm in the nearby area.
You begin to gather your forces for another attempt at gathering a greater concentration of meteorites.

> You use the gold to hire more wizard to help making more meteors.
Over the course of two weeks, you amasses an army of wizards. You begin to channel your own magic into their training, which you imagine will be much easier for you considering your previous experiments with nature.

> You with all the wizards cast the biggest rain of meteor ever on the ruins.
Your spell hits it's mark, but due to your unpreparedness and lack of experience, it is extremely unfocused. You manage to summon up a small shower of firey rocks which land in several places throughout the ruins.

> You use gold to hire engineers to help calculate spell accuracy.
You hire professional engineers who have actually worked on designing ballistics systems for several years who are capable of improving your first attempted shot's accuracy.

> You with all the wizards and the engineers create the biggest rain of meteors to crash on the ruins.
Your next barrage of projectiles hits it's mark!

> You look at the ruins.
You see the ruins are still intact, but there is a small crater where the main structure once stood. You assume it collapsed from the sheer amount of meteorites crashing into it.

> You leave the country, fully satisfied.
You realize there is nothing left to prove you are any sort of master of this craft, so you decide it's best if you leave the country before anyone notices how incompetent you really are.

[Flying Carcass]

Sometimes the AI does a pretty good job of setting a scene's mood.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You say "It's freezing out there!"
He leads you inside, and tells you to take a seat at one of the many tables. A young girl approaches the table, and offers you some meat on a stick.

> You observe the meat on the stick.
The meat on the stick looks odd, and seems to have something alive inside of it. You wonder if it's from a rat, but the girl is offering it to you so calmly that you take a small bite.

> You consider the meat's taste.
The meat tastes stale, and the creature inside is moving around. You put the remainder of the stick in your bag to worry about later.

> You look around.
You are in a large hall with several tables. You see many other children your age sitting at the tables. Many of them look afraid, while others look indifferent.

> You say "Why are there so many children here?"
"Oh, this is the orphanage. We orphans are the lucky ones; those are the cages for the werewolves.

[Naturegirl1999]

Sometimes the AI does a pretty good job of setting a scene's mood.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You say "It's freezing out there!"
He leads you inside, and tells you to take a seat at one of the many tables. A young girl approaches the table, and offers you some meat on a stick.

> You observe the meat on the stick.
The meat on the stick looks odd, and seems to have something alive inside of it. You wonder if it's from a rat, but the girl is offering it to you so calmly that you take a small bite.

> You consider the meat's taste.
The meat tastes stale, and the creature inside is moving around. You put the remainder of the stick in your bag to worry about later.

> You look around.
You are in a large hall with several tables. You see many other children your age sitting at the tables. Many of them look afraid, while others look indifferent.

> You say "Why are there so many children here?"
"Oh, this is the orphanage. We orphans are the lucky ones; those are the cages for the werewolves.

Did you continue this story?

[Flying Carcass]

Sometimes the AI does a pretty good job of setting a scene's mood.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You say "It's freezing out there!"
He leads you inside, and tells you to take a seat at one of the many tables. A young girl approaches the table, and offers you some meat on a stick.

> You observe the meat on the stick.
The meat on the stick looks odd, and seems to have something alive inside of it. You wonder if it's from a rat, but the girl is offering it to you so calmly that you take a small bite.

> You consider the meat's taste.
The meat tastes stale, and the creature inside is moving around. You put the remainder of the stick in your bag to worry about later.

> You look around.
You are in a large hall with several tables. You see many other children your age sitting at the tables. Many of them look afraid, while others look indifferent.

> You say "Why are there so many children here?"
"Oh, this is the orphanage. We orphans are the lucky ones; those are the cages for the werewolves.

Did you continue this story?

Eh, tbh the rest of the story wasn't particularly interesting. Just a bunch of werewolf fighting (even the AI got bored of it, like when I tried to warn some villagers that the castle was overrun by werewolves they weren't interested at all). I just like how it set the creepy mood for that scene.

[Strongpoint]

I am amazed by this thing. It is quite meh with descriptions or interaction of 3+ characters but dialogues are great and plots are surprisingly coherent... sometimes.

Very curious how will it look in few years.

[Eктωρ]

In my latest game, I died in the first scene as a wizard to an undead creature. I then played as a ghost wandering the afterlife. The game decided to give me an army of ghosts and I fought my way into becoming a god. The gods deemed me the god of snowmen and the jailer of the gods. I beat up and imprison a couple of mortals who were plotting to kill the gods, and went down physically to a village to get them to build a temple for me, but they pretty much hated me and tried to kill my physical manifestation several times. It was incredible.

[Strongpoint]

Spoiler: Fear the carp (click to show/hide)

You are a carp, dangerous and vile beast. Today you decide to hunt for more dwarves. You see them coming from the distance, but they don't seem to be heading your way so you continue on your path.

> You lay in an ambush in the river waiting for dwarves to come closer.
You wait patiently in the middle of the river as the dwarves pass by. Suddenly you hear a noise behind you and turn around only to find yourself surrounded by a dozen or so orcs with swords drawn.

> You rip stupid orcs to pieces.
You slash wildly at your orc attackers, however this is not a group you can dispatch so easily. Each one of their swords is skillfully wielded and you only manage to severely wounds two before they begin to overwhelm you.

> You become enraged and RIP STUPID ORCS TO PIECES.
Disgusted with their incompetence you begin to fight back with all your rage, fury and whatever other emotion you can muster. As you fight back you start to hear something bellowing behind you.
"STOP! Stop fighting and throw down your weapons before I blow your heads off!"

> You ignore the fool and continue biting orcish heads off.
Ignoring the man's orders, you continue to fight your orcish attackers. Orcs are fearsome creatures and valuable, it takes a great deal to kill one.

> You bite orcish head off.
Your teeth sink deep into the neck of a passing orc, you tear it's head off and throw it to the ground. Orcs are fearsome creatures and valuable, it takes a great deal to kill one.

> You call for other carps to help you.
"RIGHT!" You roar back at the man.
"Hold your ground and I'll get some of my dwarves to help you!"
You ignore the fool and continue biting orcish heads off.

> You continue mayhem.
You continue to fight, you slash a passing dwarf's hand off and bite another one in half. Your rage is beyond reason.
Suddenly you hear a crackling noise coming from behind you.

> You dive deep.
You turn around and dive deep underwater.
A volley of spears fly into the water where you were just moments before, an explosion of blood erupts from the surface.

> You look around counting enemies.
You quickly check the scene, there appears to be about five dwarves ahead of you with a slight ridge between the rest of them and you. You and your allies are a small group so the odds are not in your favor.

> You lead other carps to CHARGE dwarves.
You dash forward and leap into the air towards the nearest dwarf.

> You kILL KILL KILL.
You leap forward and tackle the first dwarf you see, knocking him into the group behind him and killing all but one of them. The last one runs away to the left.

> You eat their flesh.
You are hungry and starting to feel slightly weak after your recent display of rage. Looking over at your fallen comrades you spot a dwarf that looks particularly "easy" to kill.
You quickly approach him, he notices you and stands ready to fight.
There is something about the way he is armed that makes you think he is a commander of some kind.

> You try to bite his groin with your carp teeth.
As you bite the dwarf's groin, you feel his manhood tear through the skin and into the flesh itself. Surprisingly it is not as tough as you expected it to be and you easily tear through the thing.

> You tear his stomach.
You leap into the air, ramming your shoulder into the dwarf's stomach. The momentum of your jump carries you into him as you twist and ram again, this time his head collides with the stone floor.

> You pull the dwarf into the river and drown him.
You shove the dwarf into the river, he tries to stop you but you quickly pull him under the surface.

> You drown him.
You run to the edge of the roof and jump into the river, quickly treading water and watching the dwarf sink to the bottom.

> You rOAR IN TRIUMPH.
Riding the flood of adrenaline, you swim for coins and valuables along the stone floor.

> You consude all dwarven corpses.
With the flood of dwarves dead, you and your allies gather up valuables and coins, piling them into bags.
You have acquired a large amount of valuables, worth about thirty pounds in total.

> You find who your allies are.
You approach a dying dwarf. One of your allies reaches out to help him, he grunts and coughs as you put your hand on his chest and search for a heartbeat.
"B...bastard..."

> You laugh in dwarf's face.
You laugh, the dwarf is weak and dying. His whole body convulses as he breathes his last breath.
You begin searching for the captain and the other important dwarves, but the man has fled.

> You swim to the dwarven fortress.
You swim to the fortress, finding it sitting in the water.

> You attack the fortress!
You swim quickly towards the fortress as you see several dwarves shooting at you. They must be distracted, you need to strike now!

> You jump out of water and attack dwarfs.
You jump out of the water, carrying over half a dozen dwarves under water with you. Some of them manage to get out of the water, but you manage to clench your teeth around one dwarf's neck before you are dragged underwater again.

> You proceed to genociding all dwarves.
You proceed to kill all the dwarves. All of them. You laugh as you hack at their soft, squishy bodies, rolling around in the blood and guts.

> You take a well deserved rest.
You rest, crawling out of the fortress with your allies.
"We did it! We killed all the dwarves!"
"Yeah!"
You laugh as you see the courtyard filled with dead bodies, limbs and heads.

[Robsoie]

If the display was not as horrible and damaging to the eyes (constant blinking letters and background, it was a very lot more fast blinking than in current version) i would probably still play those old DF version (0.28 and lesser) , those accidental features were a lot of fun, as you'll had to organise a real war expedition with your dwarves just to get water due to the overkill carps

[Dunamisdeos]

I thought it was supposed to be randomized adventures, not factual documented encounters from Dwarf Fortress.

[Strongpoint]

Doing dwarf fortress stuff there is fun. (BTW, I am dissapointed that there are no high quality dwarf fortress scenarios there...)

Spoiler: Kobold who almost managed it (click to show/hide)

You are a kobold named Svelk, you are sneaking into the dwarven fortress to steal some artifacts. Your first obstacle is the guards who are armed with spears and crossbows. You sneak around them until you reach the door of the fortress.



> You wait till the door opens.
Sneaking in, you see that the door is open and a guard stands at the other side of it. He doesn't notice you though as he's too busy looking through his binoculars.

> You sneak past him.
A moment later you are crouching next to the stairway. This is the first time you've ever been inside a dwarven fort and you find it more technologically advanced than anything your tribe has.

> You find booze warehouse.
You find a large door with barrels that seem to contain some kind of liquid. You open the door and find a stairway. At the top of the stairs is a hallway which leads to several doors.

> You destroy barrels.
You smash the barrels open and some of the liquid spills out and onto the floor.
A guard walks in and sees the liquid on the floor, he immediately knows there's been a break in the warehouse.

> You hide.
You hide yourself behind a barrel and listen as the guard begins speaking to someone on his behalf.
"The warehouse has been breached! The barrels have been smashed! Someone help us!"
Several minutes later a dwarf comes running down the stairs.
"I'm sorry commander, but it was the most concentrate form of liquid Zim!" He says and then turns to you.
"You!" He says as he draws his weapon.

> You run for your life.
As you turn to run, you see the dwarf charging at you with his axe. You leap out of the way and he runs into the wall. You run up the stairs and hear a loud explosion.

> You look for a weapon artifact to steal.
You start looking around for weapons of some sort but there doesn't seem to be any.
Maybe you need more information before you can get any kind of head start.

> You look for any kind of workshop.
You find a large workshop filled with dwarven workers who are all shouting out directions to each other.
Maybe one of them knows something.

> You leave quietly.
You leave the workshop and enter another part of the fortress. A moment later you come to the armory, and there you find some dwarven guards sleeping on the job. You take their crossbows and head back downstairs.

> You check if any of crossbows is an artefact.
None of them are but you hear footsteps coming down the stairs. You drop the crossbows and hide in a dark corner. Eventually the guard comes down and leaves.

You don't have time for this!

> You try to find some gemstones to steal.
You see several large gemstones on the walls of the workshop. You quickly take a few and hide amongst the barrels.
Soon another dwarf appears and starts shouting at his workers.

> You flee the fortress with the loot.
You again run outside and begin running south. The sun is already beginning to rise and you need to be far away before it does.

> You sell gems to goblins and get back into fortress to steal more.
You run back to your camp and hide the bags of gems you stole. You have to get back inside that fortress and steal more.

> You go back to the fortress.
You carefully scale the fortress walls again and hide behind a pillar. You buy some time and manage to get back inside.

> You find a food stockpile.
You head into the kitchen and find a large stockpile of food. You take some of it and hide it in your pack. You'll need it for the return journey, assuming you're able to return.

> You pull a lever.
A mechanism is pulled that dumps a large amount of water into the ovens. The food begins cooking again.
Further in the kitchen you find even more food.
There's a storage room next to the kitchen.

> You poison the food.
You take the nearby poison and carefully apply it to the food. You then take some, hide it in a sack, and exit the fortress.
You run several miles south until you find a nearby river.

> You wait few days and get back to the fortress after dwarfs are poisoned.
You return to Fort Destiny and find a large number of your dwarves dead and many more suffering the effects of the poison.

> You grab all artifacts you can find.
You grab as much valuables as you can carry and exit the fortress. You manage to crawl over the walls of the fort which are still under control of your forces.

> You become the richest kobold alive.
You take your fortune and make a run for it. Sadly a few stray bolts from crossbows manage to hit you, and with your heavy pack it's all you can do to drag yourself to the nearest trail.

> You try to flee.
You are hit numerous times and the bolts go deep into your body. You suffer a slow and painful death.

[Bumber]

> You pull a lever.
A mechanism is pulled that dumps a large amount of water into the ovens. The food begins cooking again.

I'm now even more confused about how dwarves cook food than I was to begin with.

[forsaken1111]

> You pull a lever.
A mechanism is pulled that dumps a large amount of water into the ovens. The food begins cooking again.

I'm now even more confused about how dwarves cook food than I was to begin with.

Dwarven atom smasher inside compresses the water and achieves fusion so you can cook an 8 hour recipe in 0.32 seconds?

[Flying Carcass]

This (long) adventure from a few days ago was kinda' wild. Started with the custom prompt: "You are a space man, from space. You have a space man suit and nothing else."

Taking off

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You are a space man, from space. You have a space man suit and nothing else. You have a space car and badly need gas. It isn't yours, so you can't just fill it up. You don't have a space station to live in either.

> You siphon gas from another space car using your mouth.
You step up to the other space car and eyeball the hose. You put your mouth on the hose and begin to suck. The gasoline begins to enter your mouth.

> You spit the gasoline into your space car's gas tank.
You spit the gasoline into the space car's tank.
You begin to hear a sound. A beeping sound. Your eyes open wide and you look around for the source of the noise.

> You search for the source of the noise, while wiping gasoline from your mouth.
You find the source of the noise. It's your watch. It beeps out an alarm and you realize that someone needs help.
You run into the desert toward a large metal building.

> You enter the large metal building and announce your presence.
You run inside and up to the front desk. "Hello! I'm and I need assistance."
A middle-aged man walks out from the back of the building. He looks at you and smiles.

> You say "my space man watch alerted me that someone needs my help"
"That's wonderful," the man smiles. "Do you want to be put on the next shuttle to Earth?"
You look at him questioningly. "Why wouldn't I?"
He laughs. "Well, for one thing, you'd be the only person to have done it in quite some time. Don't you want to see your family again?"
You think it over.

> You remember your family.
You remember your family.
You agree to meet your family on Earth as soon as possible. The man smiles and leads you to the counter behind him.

> You follow the man.
You follow the man.
He leads you to a space car and shows you around. It's the same one your watch is parked in. The man starts driving.

> You sit in the space car and make idle conversation as the man drives.
You sit in the space car and make idle conversation as the man drives.
"Where are we going?" you ask. "What's your name?"
He smiles. "I'm not allowed to tell you that."
You laugh. "Of course not." You think for a moment. "But what is your name anyway?"
He thinks for a moment. "I don't know. They call me 'Driver'."
"Why are you called that?" you ask.
He looks at you confused. "Because that's what I do."
You laugh again.

> You say "alright, Driver, take me to the space shuttle"
Driver pulls into a large parking lot. Behind a chain link fence are several shuttles. He stops at one and presses a button on the space car's console. The door opens with the push of a button.

> You exit the space car and choose a space shuttle with which to commence your space journey.
You exit the space car and choose your space shuttle. There is a line painted on the floor of the parking lot, but it looks permanent, so you walk around it.
"So does this one work?" you say referring to the shuttle you have chosen.
"It yes," he answers.

> You enter your chosen space shuttle.
You walk into the shuttle and find a control panel in the middle of the wall. Three more button from your chair. You notice you are alone in the shuttle.

> You press the middle button.
The lights in the shuttle blink on and you see a flashing message appears on a monitor. The message flashes:
GPS: IN USE. DO NOT DISTURB.
"Is it supposed to do that?"

> You shrug and press the middle button again.
The message disappears and the monitor turns on, showing the interior of the shuttle. You notice a small tool box on the floor. You wonder if you could use it to fix the autopilot.

> You grab a wrench.
You grab a wrench out of the small tool box. There seems to be enough wrenches to do the job.
Driver walks in and takes one look at you.
"What are you doing?"

> You say "I'm fixing the GPS with a wrench"
Driver walks over to you. "That's not a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Well," he says nervously, "you don't know what you're doing.

> You say "very true"
He stares at you. "Yes, but I'm sure you can figure it out."
You sigh. This wasn't the fun you expected it to be.

> You screw some bolts to fix the space shuttle.
You screw some bolts to fix the space shuttle.
The autopilot still does not work, but you figure you won't die if you don't have enough air or something.

> You blast off.
You step into the shuttle and the door closes. The lights flash on and off and then the door opens. You see a bright light and feel weightlessness. Then, the door opens again.
Driver stands outside.

> You say "hey Driver, which button do I press to launch this thing?"
He smirks. "You've just been launched into the black."
Driver laughs and sits down in the seat behind you. You sigh and sit down in the seat in front of you.

> You look out the shuttle window.
You look out the window and see a bright orange flash. The shuttle shakes violently and the flashing stops.
Driver screams.
You turn around and press the panic button on the ceiling, just as the shuttle explodes.

> You eject from the space shuttle.
The alarm reminds you that you are still alive and in danger.
Drivers seat is empty.

> You use your wrench to quickly fix the exploded shuttle.
You quickly fix the shuttle. You don't see how this makes sense, but there aren't any windows in the room, so you guess it's better than nothing.
"It's only life support," says the computer.

> You say "It'll have to do!"
"Life support won't last long enough," says the computer.
You sigh in frustration and walk out of the room. The door shuts behind you, leaving you under life support of the now dead shuttle.

Space adventure

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You call AAA.
"I'm stranded, please help me," you say in a video call to your dad.
"I'm busy, can it wait till later?" he says in a rude tone.

> You say "but I'm adrift in space!"
"What? Yeah, sure, what the hell..." he replies and hangs up.
You sit back in your seat and look out the window. You see a few floating pieces of furniture and satellites.

> You wait for rescue to arrive.
The door opens and you see the ghost of a woman in a white dress. It looks like she is made out of light. You scream.

> You but in space, no one can hear you scream.
You walk up to her and ask "What happened?"
"We tried the same plan you did. We launched a shuttle, but it exploded. Now we're all ghosts."
"What about the commander?"

> You say "We should sue that space shuttle company. their shuttles are dangerous!"
She stares at you. "I don't know, let's go find out what happened to the other shuttle."

> You ask the computer what happened to the other shuttle.
The computer replies "The other shuttle landed on a space station which then exploded."
"We need to tell someone!" says the first ghost.

> You say "Indeed, let's tell a space lawyer and sue the shuttle company!"
The first ghost nods. "This is a good plan, let's go ask the captain."
The two ghosts walk out of the room and leave you alone.

> You wait for your father to arrive to rescue you.
You sit in main room and wait for your father to rescue you. The ghosts float around the room and whisper "I wonder where he is..."

> You say "this is taking forever!"
Suddenly, a man appears in the room. It's your father.
"Who are all these people?" he asks. "This station doesn't have enough power to support that many."

> You say "oh, they're just ghosts who were killed in another space shuttle explosion. we're going to file a class action lawsuit against the space shuttle company"
He looks at you and sees the ghosts. He screams and runs out of the room. You run after him.
"Dad, please!

> You say "these ghosts are my co-plaintiffs!"
He turns and glares at you. "I'm not taking this risk! You're not dragging me through the court system!"
He runs back into the room with the captain.

> You chase after your father.
You chase after your father. You enter to see him and the captain blocking the door. The captain has something shiny in his hands. It looks like a laser gun.

> You say "put down the laser gun, captain. we should band together to sue the space shuttle company!"
The captain glares at you and your father. "Shut up! I'm going to dock this shuttle to the space station so I can give them a piece of my mind for blowing up my shuttle!

> You say "but the space station was also blown up. we all need to get into my father's shuttle and go back to earth. there, we can hire a lawyer and sue the space shuttle company!"
He shakes his head. "I don't want to waste my vacation here. this is a nice escape from stress. I'm going back to earth."
He leaves the shuttle. You and your father follow him outside.

>you, your father, the captain, and the ghosts all enter the shuttle and begin the journey back to earth.
You are all sitting in the front of the shuttle. It's your turn to drive, so you hop in the driver's seat and begin driving.
"Why didn't you let me drive?"

> You do a barrel roll.
You do a barrel roll. "I don't like driving."
"Why not? You could have gotten us all killed!"
You shrug. "I don't know anything about driving.

> You say "or about fixing space shuttles, for that matter"
You complain loudly. "This was a bad idea."
The captain glares at you. "Keep your voice down! We're on a schedule!"
You roll your eyes.

> You floor it.
You floor it. "If you don't like the shuttle, you could always fire me."
The captain sighs heavily and grabs a walkie-talkie. "This is a general alarm," he says in a serious tone. "All crew members to their posts. We're being attacked." The captain swears and then switches to a military frequency.

> You say "wait, who's attacking our shuttle?"
"The Kobold, apparently."
Your father switches to a higher military frequency. "Kobold forces are attacking the station, copy?

> You not the space Kobolds!
Your father nods. "The space Kobold forces are massive, but the station is holding out."
There's a painful roaring sound, and then you see a red haze outside the windows.

> You say "did I just run over a space kobold?"
"We appear to have hit a mine," your father says. "but... yes, I believe you did."
"Oh dear."

> You say "should I stop to exchange insurance information with the space kobold?"
The captain shakes his head. "It's too late for that, son. Just keep driving."
You continue driving, and in the distance you begin to make out several large, winged creatures.

> You quickly drive your space shuttle away from the large winged creatures.
There's a large rumbling sound, and you feel the shuttle shake. You look outside, and there's a clawed hand reaching through the window.

> You smack the clawed hand with a wrench.
You smack the clawed hand with a wrench. The hand withdraws, and you continue driving.
Soon, the shuttle banks to avoid some debris, and your view of the large winged creatures is obstructed.

> You drive your space shuttle through an asteroid field.
"A wise move," your father says. "Although I hope you're aware that if any asteroids do threaten to damage the ship, we're defenseless against them."
You accelerate past a few more asteroids.

> You check on the ghost passengers.
The ghosts seem to be confused and disoriented. They look like they're having a difficult time.
One of them looks like a catgirl. She looks at you and meows.

> You meow in response.
The catgirl meows, Purring.
Another ghost looks familiar. It takes you a moment to place him: it's Patrick, your English teacher from middle school.

> You say "Greetings, Patrick! what are you doing out here in space?"
Patrick stands by himself, wearing a red firefighters' uniform. He has a surprised look on his face.
"G-greetings, Jacob. I'm not sure," he says.

> You use the GPS to calculate a fuel-efficient route to Earth.
The route requires using the least amount of fuel, and is the most fuel efficient option.
"Good decision, Jacob," your father says. "Now I can sleep."
"Good night, Dad," you reply.

> You do barrel rolls in the space shuttle while your father sleeps.
You continue driving, and soon, you're out of the asteroid belt and into orbit around the moon.
"Good thing we didn't take the faster route," your dad says.

> You say "why is that?"
"Because the faster route would have taken us near a gas giant, size of Jupiter. If we'd taken that way, we would have had to pass it."
"Oh," you reply.

> You take a left around the moon and drive the space shuttle towards Earth's orbit.
A few hours later, you awaken to the shuttle in Earth's orbit. The moon is visible in the distance.
"Alright, we're home," your father says. "Brilliant job, kids."

> You cheer.
"We drove a shuttle," you say.
"Yes, Jacob," your father says. "You helped keep the ship safe."

Arrival on Earth

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You say "now let's land so the ghosts and I can find a lawyer"
You continue driving the space shuttle towards the landing bay so you can disembark. You're nervous about the purpose of the shuttle.

> You attempt to park the space shuttle.
You park the shuttle, and all of you get out of the ship. A G-man stands waiting for you.
"Hello there," he says.

> You say "hey, are you a lawyer?"
"I'm a lieutenant with the Earth Defense Force. I need you kids to come with me for a little while."
"What?

> You say "but we need to find a lawyer so we can sue the space shuttle company!"
The lieutenant snorts with contempt.

> You snort back.
"There's no need to be insulting, kid. Now come on."
You sigh, and get into a shuttle parked at the landing bay.
everyone follows the G-Man into the shuttles hold. There, you find dozens of identical space shuttles, arranged in a line. The G-Man leads you into one of the shuttles.

> You observe the shuttle.
The shuttle is very similar to the one you're in, except there are a few extra seats in here for passengers.

> You say "I'm not getting into another space shuttle. They're dangerous!"
"These aren't like the one you rode in earlier. They're safe."
"How do you know?"
"Because I designed them."
The G-Man's smug remark gets under your skin.

> You say "but what do you want with us? we're no soldiers"
The G-Man frowns at you.
"That may be so, kid. But it doesn't make you any less important."
"What do you mean?"
"I need every able-bodied person I can get my hands on. The aliens are planning to launch a full invasion past year, and we're going to need every gun we can get."
"Full invasion?"

> You say "have the space Kobolds really gotten that dangerous?"
The G-Man sighs.

> You defiantly sigh back.
"Sorry, kid. I can't tell you that."
"But why not?"
"Because then I'd have to kill you."
The G-Man shoots you a glance before continuing.
"You'd serve the mission by getting out there and fighting, and that's where you're needed."
"But..."
"ENOUGH!" the G-Man snaps.

> You ask the ghosts what they think of the situation.
"Should we really risk our lives on an invasion when we're not even sure if it's going to happen?" Catia asks.
"We have no choice," You say. "If we don't serve the mission, we won't be able to leave."
Catia looks at you with sympathy.

> You say "fine, G-Man, we'll do your little mission. but when we get back we're going to sue the space shuttle company AND YOU!"
"Thank you, Jacob."
"Don't mention it," you reply.
The G-Man suddenly points a finger at you and you feel a sharp pain hit you in the chest.

> You say "ow, what was that for?"
"For calling me 'G-Man.' That's a term that only refers to my rank, not me personally. I'm not a 'man' and I'm certainly not your 'aunt.'"

> You say "fuck you, asshole"
"I'd recommend you keep that in mind while serving on this mission."
the G-Man stares at you for a second before continuing.
"This mission is very important. If you're determined to follow a more militant path, I suggest you do so wisely, or you might find yourself in a whole lot of trouble."

> You say "perhaps we could sue the space kobolds?"
The G-Man looks at you.
"Maybe we'll see if we can negotiate a better deal with them."
"What if they just say no?"
"We'll keep trying, I promise you that."

> You hire a lawyer to sue the space kobolds.
The shuttle docks at the space station. The G-Man enters the next area of the station, leaving you and your father behind.
"Hey, I thought we were coming with her," your father says.

> You say "I guess not"
"Hmm..."
Your father nods, seemingly lost in thought.
"I wonder if we could set up a counter trade?" he says. "We send them fruit, and they send us metal.

The peace conference

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You plot out a normalization of human-space kobold relations using trade as the basis for peace.
Year 50
You and your partner have been hired by the humans, specifically the ED arm of EDF, to negotiate a non-aggression pact with the kobolds.

> You remember your partner's name.
"Patrick! Apologies, I've forgotten your name!" you say.
"Patrick's fine," he says, extending his hand to shake. "We worked together before? Back when you were fighting the Xi?"

> You say "cool, so what are the terms of the non-aggression pact we'll be offering the space kobolds?"
Patrick quickly types something on his laptop and shows it to you. You read over the treaty, and it seems pretty standard stuff.

> You read the treaty.
You look at the treaty again, making sure you didn't miss anything.
"That's it?" you say.
Patrick nods.
"Yeah, that's pretty much it," he says.

> You say "alright, let's go to the peace conference!"
Patrick quickly finds some papers to give to the receptionist, while you head over to grab a coffee.
You start to feel nauseous immediately after drinking the coffee.

> You say "I think the coffee was poisoned! help, call a doctor!"
Rushing to the nearest restroom, you throw up.
Patrick rushes in shortly after you.
"I've sent a message to the EDF for doctors and an antidote!" he says, before rushing out.

> You say "thanks, buddy"
Patrick rushes into the room after walking up to you.
"The EDF has agreed to send a team over here right away, but they're going to need at least a day. Can you hold out that long?"

> You say "I've been poisoned! no, of course I won't last a day! surely there's a doctor closer by!"
Patrick nods, and gestures you over to a chair.
"Listen, don't worry, they'll save your life. They probably know how to cure or at least treat this poison better than I do."

> You stick your finger down your throat to try to force yourself to vomit out the poison.
Patrick looks at you for a second, before nodding.
"Good thinking. If you do actually have it that bad, eating something soon could kill you."

> You wait for doctors to arrive to treat the poison.
Hours later, the doctors have finally arrived. One of them, a woman with a stern, no-nonsense demeanor, comes and starts looking you over. She stares at Patrick for a moment, before looking at you.

> You say "doctor, I've been poisoned. please cure me!"
The doctor looks surprised.
"I..." she starts to say, before Patrick interrupts.
"His food was poisoned! He's been suffering from poisoning!" he says.
The woman narrows her eyes at you.

> You say "help me!"
"Fine," the woman says, rolling her eyes. "We'll try an antidote. Does anyone know what he was eating?"
Patrick shakes his head, no. The woman turns to you.
"Hey, open up," she says.

> You open your mouth.
The doctor quickly sticks a needle into your neck, pushing down on the plunger as the liquid is forced into your veins.

> You react to the antidote.
The antidote seems to do nothing. You're still incredibly sick, and your entire body is shaking.
"Again!" the doctor says.
You do as you're told. The woman quickly does it again, and again. By the third time, you start to feel a little bit different. It's hard to focus, but you can tell something is happening.
"Good," the doctor says.

> You say "is the antidote working?"
"We should be fine now," the doctor says. "Oh, I'm supposed to introduce myself. I'm Doctor Kessel."

> You say "hi Doctor Kessel"
"Alright, we have work to do," Doctor Kessel says. "Patrick, we need to regain control of the food-chain in this city."
"Right-o,"

> You say "but what about the negotiations with the space kobolds?"
"What space kobolds?

> You say "the ones that have been attacking humanity for the last 50 years?"
"Ah, yes. Well, we have to assassinate them before the peace talks."
"What?! But that's going to break the treaty! We're supposed to be meeting with them in a day!"
"I'm sorry, I have a lot of work to do."
"A-all right," Patrick says. "I'll go."

> You warn the space Kobold diplomats of the impending assassination attempt.
You warn the space Kobold diplomats of the assassination attempt.
"Yes, yes. I'll keep an ear out for any word of an attack. Unfortunately, the ED are fairly convincing when they say these agreements don't mean anything if you break them.

> You say "This treaty would be the best chance for peace between our peoples. we can't let the talks break down due to assassins!"
"I know. I know. It's just really frustrating. But that's how it is sometimes."
Patrick nods, before grabbing his fedora and walking out of the room.

>the next day, Jacob and Patrick attend the peace conference with the space Kobold diplomats.
It goes well, and shortly afterward peace is declared. There's celebration in the streets, and the ECS leadership calls for a week off so everyone can enjoy the peace.

> You return to earth.
you're back on Earth, spending time with Victoria before you have to head back to the city.

> You return to the city.
You meet up with Dr Kessel and a few of the ECS leadership.
"Look who's back," Mr Mol says, as you enter.
"Peace is declared!" a reporter shouts.

> You say "Indeed! using fruit trade as a foundation for peaceful relations, a new era of human-space kobold relations has begun!"
"Good for you, Jacob," Mr Mol says.
"We're not finished yet," Dr Kessel says, glaring at you.

> You glare back at Dr Kessel.
The two of you stare at each for a few seconds, before,
"Uh... Mr Mol, could you..." Dr Kessel asks.
"Yes?"
"Could you get Jacob some coffee?

> You say "Oh no, I'm not drinking any coffee. Are you trying to poison me or something?"
"Ha ha, no. Sit down."
You sit down, as Dr Kessel and Mr Mol begin talking strategy.
"We're focusing on getting the ED's banned. The food doesn't agree with you."

> You say "yeah, my constitution doesn't react well to frickin' poison"
"Really? I'd think you'd be used to it by now. Alright, look, how about a nice healthy snack?"
"No... nope. Don't want anything."

> You leave the room.
You leave the room and walk into the hall, as a guard hurries up to you.
"Uh, Mr Mol wants to see you."

> You say "Well I don't want to see him"
"Uh, yes sir, right away," the guard says, clearly wanting to get you out of here.
You wave him off, and walk down the hall.

> You exit the building.
You exit the building and walk outside. A crowd has gathered, as the news has spread of your departure. A crowd of reporters and onlookers quickly gathers, as you take a deep breath.

> You say "attention, ladies and gentlemen... there shall be peace in our time!"
"What's with the peace talk?" a reporter asks.

> You say "we've negotiated a peace treaty with the space kobolds"
"No comment!" a reporter says.
"We shall prevail!" you shout, to the crowd's dismay.
You wave them away and get into your car.

> You drive home.
You get home and Victoria immediately greets you.
"Oh, Jacob! I'm so glad you're home!" she says, running into your arms.

> You embrace.
You give Victoria a kiss and pick her up, before she begins choking you.
"What?" she asks.
"What what?" you reply, while she continues to strangle you.
"I love you."

> You say "cool"
"I love you!" she says, beaming at you.
You pick Victoria up and spin her around, before setting her down and taking her in your arms again.

Flashback

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You reminisce on how you and Victoria met.
Your relationship with Victoria is one of the few good things in your life. Victoria was a student at your high school. She's smart, beautiful, and kind. Unfortunately, she's a bit shallow. She's a bit obsessed with you and only you. The first time you met her was during your first period chemistry class.

> You recall what happened during the first period chemistry class.
You were in class, sitting at your desk and working. Ms Ackerson was the Chemistry teacher, a tough, no-nonsense woman who had red hair. The bell rang, and you quickly made eye-contact with Victoria. She winked at you, smiling seductively.
"Karth!" Ms Ackerson shouted.
You turned to look at her.

> You say "My name isn't Karth"
"Karth!" she screams.
You quickly turn to look at her.
"Yes?"
"There's a ton of homework tonight! Everyone in the class turn it in!

> You say "but my name isn't Karth"
"What?" she replies, clearly annoyed.
"My name isn't Karth."
"Yes it is. It's Karthos."
"No, it's not.

> You say "My name is Jacob"
"Yes, it is," Ms Ackerson says.
You continue working.
In the end of the period, Victoria comes up to you, smiling.
"Hi, Karth," she says.

> You say "Hi Victoria, my name is Jacob"
She looks at you, clearly confused.
"Jacob? Why would you call yourself that?"
"Well, it's what you called me, and I've been using it ever since.

> You say "plus it's my name"
"Jacob, why are you dressed as a medieval knight?"
"It's for the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons. We're playing the adventure Holgard's Horn, where a vampire has taken over the city."

> You roll for initiative.
You suddenly grab Victoria's hand.
"Come on, V, it's time for Dungeons and Dragons."
She shrugs, and follows you out of the classroom.
"Yes! I've made my character!"

> You play Dungeons and Dragons with Victoria.
Over the course of the next week, you end up playing Dungeons and Dragons with Victoria quite a few times. Every time, you find yourself enjoying it much more than you thought you would.

>and that's how Jacob and Victoria met.
One happy adventure later, you were dating.

The presidency

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

>back in the present, the world reacts to news of the peace deal Jacob brokered between humanity and the space kobolds.
He's much praised, with many saying he should run for president.

> You run for president.
The world needs a hero, and you're ready to lead.
You run for the presidency, to uplift society, create a better future for all, and to put America back on top.

> You run on a free trade platform.
You run on a free trade platform. The economy booms, and you end up winning the election, easily.
Thanks to your platform, the economy booms.

> You sign into law all the bills.
You pass all the free trade bills you can find.
Unfortunately, there are too many and you can't get them all passed in time.

> You run for a second term.
You win a second term easily.
The economy continues to boom.
Unfortunately, the U.S. dollar becomes very strong against all foreign currencies, and the U.S. economy slows down severely.

> You print money.
You print money to fund the government, but the resulting hyperinflation makes the economy collapse. You resign in disgrace after only two years in office.
You are not wanted for treason, but rather for incompetence.

> You and Victoria escape into space on a space shuttle.
You and Victoria escape into space on a space shuttle. You don't go to Earth, though; you decide to go to one of the orbital space stations instead.

> You hide from the wrath of the Electorate in space.
You hide from the wrath of the Electorate in space. There you live out the rest of your days in relative peace, waiting for the world to end.
It never does.
In the far distant future, the world still exists.

> You say "How fortunate for the world"
How fortunate for the world.
Life continues, and humans engage in the same cycle. Mankind has spread to the stars, and many of those worlds are better than this one.

> You say "Yeah, Earth kinda' sucks"
Yeah, Earth kinda' sucks.
You spend the last few cycles of civilization in the museum on Eridani Prime, alone and bored out of your mind. Eventually you're found and put down.
the end

[Naturegirl1999]

This (long) adventure from a few days ago was kinda' wild. Started with the custom prompt: "You are a space man, from space. You have a space man suit and nothing else."

Taking off

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You are a space man, from space. You have a space man suit and nothing else. You have a space car and badly need gas. It isn't yours, so you can't just fill it up. You don't have a space station to live in either.

> You siphon gas from another space car using your mouth.
You step up to the other space car and eyeball the hose. You put your mouth on the hose and begin to suck. The gasoline begins to enter your mouth.

> You spit the gasoline into your space car's gas tank.
You spit the gasoline into the space car's tank.
You begin to hear a sound. A beeping sound. Your eyes open wide and you look around for the source of the noise.

> You search for the source of the noise, while wiping gasoline from your mouth.
You find the source of the noise. It's your watch. It beeps out an alarm and you realize that someone needs help.
You run into the desert toward a large metal building.

> You enter the large metal building and announce your presence.
You run inside and up to the front desk. "Hello! I'm and I need assistance."
A middle-aged man walks out from the back of the building. He looks at you and smiles.

> You say "my space man watch alerted me that someone needs my help"
"That's wonderful," the man smiles. "Do you want to be put on the next shuttle to Earth?"
You look at him questioningly. "Why wouldn't I?"
He laughs. "Well, for one thing, you'd be the only person to have done it in quite some time. Don't you want to see your family again?"
You think it over.

> You remember your family.
You remember your family.
You agree to meet your family on Earth as soon as possible. The man smiles and leads you to the counter behind him.

> You follow the man.
You follow the man.
He leads you to a space car and shows you around. It's the same one your watch is parked in. The man starts driving.

> You sit in the space car and make idle conversation as the man drives.
You sit in the space car and make idle conversation as the man drives.
"Where are we going?" you ask. "What's your name?"
He smiles. "I'm not allowed to tell you that."
You laugh. "Of course not." You think for a moment. "But what is your name anyway?"
He thinks for a moment. "I don't know. They call me 'Driver'."
"Why are you called that?" you ask.
He looks at you confused. "Because that's what I do."
You laugh again.

> You say "alright, Driver, take me to the space shuttle"
Driver pulls into a large parking lot. Behind a chain link fence are several shuttles. He stops at one and presses a button on the space car's console. The door opens with the push of a button.

> You exit the space car and choose a space shuttle with which to commence your space journey.
You exit the space car and choose your space shuttle. There is a line painted on the floor of the parking lot, but it looks permanent, so you walk around it.
"So does this one work?" you say referring to the shuttle you have chosen.
"It yes," he answers.

> You enter your chosen space shuttle.
You walk into the shuttle and find a control panel in the middle of the wall. Three more button from your chair. You notice you are alone in the shuttle.

> You press the middle button.
The lights in the shuttle blink on and you see a flashing message appears on a monitor. The message flashes:
GPS: IN USE. DO NOT DISTURB.
"Is it supposed to do that?"

> You shrug and press the middle button again.
The message disappears and the monitor turns on, showing the interior of the shuttle. You notice a small tool box on the floor. You wonder if you could use it to fix the autopilot.

> You grab a wrench.
You grab a wrench out of the small tool box. There seems to be enough wrenches to do the job.
Driver walks in and takes one look at you.
"What are you doing?"

> You say "I'm fixing the GPS with a wrench"
Driver walks over to you. "That's not a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Well," he says nervously, "you don't know what you're doing.

> You say "very true"
He stares at you. "Yes, but I'm sure you can figure it out."
You sigh. This wasn't the fun you expected it to be.

> You screw some bolts to fix the space shuttle.
You screw some bolts to fix the space shuttle.
The autopilot still does not work, but you figure you won't die if you don't have enough air or something.

> You blast off.
You step into the shuttle and the door closes. The lights flash on and off and then the door opens. You see a bright light and feel weightlessness. Then, the door opens again.
Driver stands outside.

> You say "hey Driver, which button do I press to launch this thing?"
He smirks. "You've just been launched into the black."
Driver laughs and sits down in the seat behind you. You sigh and sit down in the seat in front of you.

> You look out the shuttle window.
You look out the window and see a bright orange flash. The shuttle shakes violently and the flashing stops.
Driver screams.
You turn around and press the panic button on the ceiling, just as the shuttle explodes.

> You eject from the space shuttle.
The alarm reminds you that you are still alive and in danger.
Drivers seat is empty.

> You use your wrench to quickly fix the exploded shuttle.
You quickly fix the shuttle. You don't see how this makes sense, but there aren't any windows in the room, so you guess it's better than nothing.
"It's only life support," says the computer.

> You say "It'll have to do!"
"Life support won't last long enough," says the computer.
You sigh in frustration and walk out of the room. The door shuts behind you, leaving you under life support of the now dead shuttle.

Space adventure

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You call AAA.
"I'm stranded, please help me," you say in a video call to your dad.
"I'm busy, can it wait till later?" he says in a rude tone.

> You say "but I'm adrift in space!"
"What? Yeah, sure, what the hell..." he replies and hangs up.
You sit back in your seat and look out the window. You see a few floating pieces of furniture and satellites.

> You wait for rescue to arrive.
The door opens and you see the ghost of a woman in a white dress. It looks like she is made out of light. You scream.

> You but in space, no one can hear you scream.
You walk up to her and ask "What happened?"
"We tried the same plan you did. We launched a shuttle, but it exploded. Now we're all ghosts."
"What about the commander?"

> You say "We should sue that space shuttle company. their shuttles are dangerous!"
She stares at you. "I don't know, let's go find out what happened to the other shuttle."

> You ask the computer what happened to the other shuttle.
The computer replies "The other shuttle landed on a space station which then exploded."
"We need to tell someone!" says the first ghost.

> You say "Indeed, let's tell a space lawyer and sue the shuttle company!"
The first ghost nods. "This is a good plan, let's go ask the captain."
The two ghosts walk out of the room and leave you alone.

> You wait for your father to arrive to rescue you.
You sit in main room and wait for your father to rescue you. The ghosts float around the room and whisper "I wonder where he is..."

> You say "this is taking forever!"
Suddenly, a man appears in the room. It's your father.
"Who are all these people?" he asks. "This station doesn't have enough power to support that many."

> You say "oh, they're just ghosts who were killed in another space shuttle explosion. we're going to file a class action lawsuit against the space shuttle company"
He looks at you and sees the ghosts. He screams and runs out of the room. You run after him.
"Dad, please!

> You say "these ghosts are my co-plaintiffs!"
He turns and glares at you. "I'm not taking this risk! You're not dragging me through the court system!"
He runs back into the room with the captain.

> You chase after your father.
You chase after your father. You enter to see him and the captain blocking the door. The captain has something shiny in his hands. It looks like a laser gun.

> You say "put down the laser gun, captain. we should band together to sue the space shuttle company!"
The captain glares at you and your father. "Shut up! I'm going to dock this shuttle to the space station so I can give them a piece of my mind for blowing up my shuttle!

> You say "but the space station was also blown up. we all need to get into my father's shuttle and go back to earth. there, we can hire a lawyer and sue the space shuttle company!"
He shakes his head. "I don't want to waste my vacation here. this is a nice escape from stress. I'm going back to earth."
He leaves the shuttle. You and your father follow him outside.

>you, your father, the captain, and the ghosts all enter the shuttle and begin the journey back to earth.
You are all sitting in the front of the shuttle. It's your turn to drive, so you hop in the driver's seat and begin driving.
"Why didn't you let me drive?"

> You do a barrel roll.
You do a barrel roll. "I don't like driving."
"Why not? You could have gotten us all killed!"
You shrug. "I don't know anything about driving.

> You say "or about fixing space shuttles, for that matter"
You complain loudly. "This was a bad idea."
The captain glares at you. "Keep your voice down! We're on a schedule!"
You roll your eyes.

> You floor it.
You floor it. "If you don't like the shuttle, you could always fire me."
The captain sighs heavily and grabs a walkie-talkie. "This is a general alarm," he says in a serious tone. "All crew members to their posts. We're being attacked." The captain swears and then switches to a military frequency.

> You say "wait, who's attacking our shuttle?"
"The Kobold, apparently."
Your father switches to a higher military frequency. "Kobold forces are attacking the station, copy?

> You not the space Kobolds!
Your father nods. "The space Kobold forces are massive, but the station is holding out."
There's a painful roaring sound, and then you see a red haze outside the windows.

> You say "did I just run over a space kobold?"
"We appear to have hit a mine," your father says. "but... yes, I believe you did."
"Oh dear."

> You say "should I stop to exchange insurance information with the space kobold?"
The captain shakes his head. "It's too late for that, son. Just keep driving."
You continue driving, and in the distance you begin to make out several large, winged creatures.

> You quickly drive your space shuttle away from the large winged creatures.
There's a large rumbling sound, and you feel the shuttle shake. You look outside, and there's a clawed hand reaching through the window.

> You smack the clawed hand with a wrench.
You smack the clawed hand with a wrench. The hand withdraws, and you continue driving.
Soon, the shuttle banks to avoid some debris, and your view of the large winged creatures is obstructed.

> You drive your space shuttle through an asteroid field.
"A wise move," your father says. "Although I hope you're aware that if any asteroids do threaten to damage the ship, we're defenseless against them."
You accelerate past a few more asteroids.

> You check on the ghost passengers.
The ghosts seem to be confused and disoriented. They look like they're having a difficult time.
One of them looks like a catgirl. She looks at you and meows.

> You meow in response.
The catgirl meows, Purring.
Another ghost looks familiar. It takes you a moment to place him: it's Patrick, your English teacher from middle school.

> You say "Greetings, Patrick! what are you doing out here in space?"
Patrick stands by himself, wearing a red firefighters' uniform. He has a surprised look on his face.
"G-greetings, Jacob. I'm not sure," he says.

> You use the GPS to calculate a fuel-efficient route to Earth.
The route requires using the least amount of fuel, and is the most fuel efficient option.
"Good decision, Jacob," your father says. "Now I can sleep."
"Good night, Dad," you reply.

> You do barrel rolls in the space shuttle while your father sleeps.
You continue driving, and soon, you're out of the asteroid belt and into orbit around the moon.
"Good thing we didn't take the faster route," your dad says.

> You say "why is that?"
"Because the faster route would have taken us near a gas giant, size of Jupiter. If we'd taken that way, we would have had to pass it."
"Oh," you reply.

> You take a left around the moon and drive the space shuttle towards Earth's orbit.
A few hours later, you awaken to the shuttle in Earth's orbit. The moon is visible in the distance.
"Alright, we're home," your father says. "Brilliant job, kids."

> You cheer.
"We drove a shuttle," you say.
"Yes, Jacob," your father says. "You helped keep the ship safe."

Arrival on Earth

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You say "now let's land so the ghosts and I can find a lawyer"
You continue driving the space shuttle towards the landing bay so you can disembark. You're nervous about the purpose of the shuttle.

> You attempt to park the space shuttle.
You park the shuttle, and all of you get out of the ship. A G-man stands waiting for you.
"Hello there," he says.

> You say "hey, are you a lawyer?"
"I'm a lieutenant with the Earth Defense Force. I need you kids to come with me for a little while."
"What?

> You say "but we need to find a lawyer so we can sue the space shuttle company!"
The lieutenant snorts with contempt.

> You snort back.
"There's no need to be insulting, kid. Now come on."
You sigh, and get into a shuttle parked at the landing bay.
everyone follows the G-Man into the shuttles hold. There, you find dozens of identical space shuttles, arranged in a line. The G-Man leads you into one of the shuttles.

> You observe the shuttle.
The shuttle is very similar to the one you're in, except there are a few extra seats in here for passengers.

> You say "I'm not getting into another space shuttle. They're dangerous!"
"These aren't like the one you rode in earlier. They're safe."
"How do you know?"
"Because I designed them."
The G-Man's smug remark gets under your skin.

> You say "but what do you want with us? we're no soldiers"
The G-Man frowns at you.
"That may be so, kid. But it doesn't make you any less important."
"What do you mean?"
"I need every able-bodied person I can get my hands on. The aliens are planning to launch a full invasion past year, and we're going to need every gun we can get."
"Full invasion?"

> You say "have the space Kobolds really gotten that dangerous?"
The G-Man sighs.

> You defiantly sigh back.
"Sorry, kid. I can't tell you that."
"But why not?"
"Because then I'd have to kill you."
The G-Man shoots you a glance before continuing.
"You'd serve the mission by getting out there and fighting, and that's where you're needed."
"But..."
"ENOUGH!" the G-Man snaps.

> You ask the ghosts what they think of the situation.
"Should we really risk our lives on an invasion when we're not even sure if it's going to happen?" Catia asks.
"We have no choice," You say. "If we don't serve the mission, we won't be able to leave."
Catia looks at you with sympathy.

> You say "fine, G-Man, we'll do your little mission. but when we get back we're going to sue the space shuttle company AND YOU!"
"Thank you, Jacob."
"Don't mention it," you reply.
The G-Man suddenly points a finger at you and you feel a sharp pain hit you in the chest.

> You say "ow, what was that for?"
"For calling me 'G-Man.' That's a term that only refers to my rank, not me personally. I'm not a 'man' and I'm certainly not your 'aunt.'"

> You say "fuck you, asshole"
"I'd recommend you keep that in mind while serving on this mission."
the G-Man stares at you for a second before continuing.
"This mission is very important. If you're determined to follow a more militant path, I suggest you do so wisely, or you might find yourself in a whole lot of trouble."

> You say "perhaps we could sue the space kobolds?"
The G-Man looks at you.
"Maybe we'll see if we can negotiate a better deal with them."
"What if they just say no?"
"We'll keep trying, I promise you that."

> You hire a lawyer to sue the space kobolds.
The shuttle docks at the space station. The G-Man enters the next area of the station, leaving you and your father behind.
"Hey, I thought we were coming with her," your father says.

> You say "I guess not"
"Hmm..."
Your father nods, seemingly lost in thought.
"I wonder if we could set up a counter trade?" he says. "We send them fruit, and they send us metal.

The peace conference

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You plot out a normalization of human-space kobold relations using trade as the basis for peace.
Year 50
You and your partner have been hired by the humans, specifically the ED arm of EDF, to negotiate a non-aggression pact with the kobolds.

> You remember your partner's name.
"Patrick! Apologies, I've forgotten your name!" you say.
"Patrick's fine," he says, extending his hand to shake. "We worked together before? Back when you were fighting the Xi?"

> You say "cool, so what are the terms of the non-aggression pact we'll be offering the space kobolds?"
Patrick quickly types something on his laptop and shows it to you. You read over the treaty, and it seems pretty standard stuff.

> You read the treaty.
You look at the treaty again, making sure you didn't miss anything.
"That's it?" you say.
Patrick nods.
"Yeah, that's pretty much it," he says.

> You say "alright, let's go to the peace conference!"
Patrick quickly finds some papers to give to the receptionist, while you head over to grab a coffee.
You start to feel nauseous immediately after drinking the coffee.

> You say "I think the coffee was poisoned! help, call a doctor!"
Rushing to the nearest restroom, you throw up.
Patrick rushes in shortly after you.
"I've sent a message to the EDF for doctors and an antidote!" he says, before rushing out.

> You say "thanks, buddy"
Patrick rushes into the room after walking up to you.
"The EDF has agreed to send a team over here right away, but they're going to need at least a day. Can you hold out that long?"

> You say "I've been poisoned! no, of course I won't last a day! surely there's a doctor closer by!"
Patrick nods, and gestures you over to a chair.
"Listen, don't worry, they'll save your life. They probably know how to cure or at least treat this poison better than I do."

> You stick your finger down your throat to try to force yourself to vomit out the poison.
Patrick looks at you for a second, before nodding.
"Good thinking. If you do actually have it that bad, eating something soon could kill you."

> You wait for doctors to arrive to treat the poison.
Hours later, the doctors have finally arrived. One of them, a woman with a stern, no-nonsense demeanor, comes and starts looking you over. She stares at Patrick for a moment, before looking at you.

> You say "doctor, I've been poisoned. please cure me!"
The doctor looks surprised.
"I..." she starts to say, before Patrick interrupts.
"His food was poisoned! He's been suffering from poisoning!" he says.
The woman narrows her eyes at you.

> You say "help me!"
"Fine," the woman says, rolling her eyes. "We'll try an antidote. Does anyone know what he was eating?"
Patrick shakes his head, no. The woman turns to you.
"Hey, open up," she says.

> You open your mouth.
The doctor quickly sticks a needle into your neck, pushing down on the plunger as the liquid is forced into your veins.

> You react to the antidote.
The antidote seems to do nothing. You're still incredibly sick, and your entire body is shaking.
"Again!" the doctor says.
You do as you're told. The woman quickly does it again, and again. By the third time, you start to feel a little bit different. It's hard to focus, but you can tell something is happening.
"Good," the doctor says.

> You say "is the antidote working?"
"We should be fine now," the doctor says. "Oh, I'm supposed to introduce myself. I'm Doctor Kessel."

> You say "hi Doctor Kessel"
"Alright, we have work to do," Doctor Kessel says. "Patrick, we need to regain control of the food-chain in this city."
"Right-o,"

> You say "but what about the negotiations with the space kobolds?"
"What space kobolds?

> You say "the ones that have been attacking humanity for the last 50 years?"
"Ah, yes. Well, we have to assassinate them before the peace talks."
"What?! But that's going to break the treaty! We're supposed to be meeting with them in a day!"
"I'm sorry, I have a lot of work to do."
"A-all right," Patrick says. "I'll go."

> You warn the space Kobold diplomats of the impending assassination attempt.
You warn the space Kobold diplomats of the assassination attempt.
"Yes, yes. I'll keep an ear out for any word of an attack. Unfortunately, the ED are fairly convincing when they say these agreements don't mean anything if you break them.

> You say "This treaty would be the best chance for peace between our peoples. we can't let the talks break down due to assassins!"
"I know. I know. It's just really frustrating. But that's how it is sometimes."
Patrick nods, before grabbing his fedora and walking out of the room.

>the next day, Jacob and Patrick attend the peace conference with the space Kobold diplomats.
It goes well, and shortly afterward peace is declared. There's celebration in the streets, and the ECS leadership calls for a week off so everyone can enjoy the peace.

> You return to earth.
you're back on Earth, spending time with Victoria before you have to head back to the city.

> You return to the city.
You meet up with Dr Kessel and a few of the ECS leadership.
"Look who's back," Mr Mol says, as you enter.
"Peace is declared!" a reporter shouts.

> You say "Indeed! using fruit trade as a foundation for peaceful relations, a new era of human-space kobold relations has begun!"
"Good for you, Jacob," Mr Mol says.
"We're not finished yet," Dr Kessel says, glaring at you.

> You glare back at Dr Kessel.
The two of you stare at each for a few seconds, before,
"Uh... Mr Mol, could you..." Dr Kessel asks.
"Yes?"
"Could you get Jacob some coffee?

> You say "Oh no, I'm not drinking any coffee. Are you trying to poison me or something?"
"Ha ha, no. Sit down."
You sit down, as Dr Kessel and Mr Mol begin talking strategy.
"We're focusing on getting the ED's banned. The food doesn't agree with you."

> You say "yeah, my constitution doesn't react well to frickin' poison"
"Really? I'd think you'd be used to it by now. Alright, look, how about a nice healthy snack?"
"No... nope. Don't want anything."

> You leave the room.
You leave the room and walk into the hall, as a guard hurries up to you.
"Uh, Mr Mol wants to see you."

> You say "Well I don't want to see him"
"Uh, yes sir, right away," the guard says, clearly wanting to get you out of here.
You wave him off, and walk down the hall.

> You exit the building.
You exit the building and walk outside. A crowd has gathered, as the news has spread of your departure. A crowd of reporters and onlookers quickly gathers, as you take a deep breath.

> You say "attention, ladies and gentlemen... there shall be peace in our time!"
"What's with the peace talk?" a reporter asks.

> You say "we've negotiated a peace treaty with the space kobolds"
"No comment!" a reporter says.
"We shall prevail!" you shout, to the crowd's dismay.
You wave them away and get into your car.

> You drive home.
You get home and Victoria immediately greets you.
"Oh, Jacob! I'm so glad you're home!" she says, running into your arms.

> You embrace.
You give Victoria a kiss and pick her up, before she begins choking you.
"What?" she asks.
"What what?" you reply, while she continues to strangle you.
"I love you."

> You say "cool"
"I love you!" she says, beaming at you.
You pick Victoria up and spin her around, before setting her down and taking her in your arms again.

Flashback

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

> You reminisce on how you and Victoria met.
Your relationship with Victoria is one of the few good things in your life. Victoria was a student at your high school. She's smart, beautiful, and kind. Unfortunately, she's a bit shallow. She's a bit obsessed with you and only you. The first time you met her was during your first period chemistry class.

> You recall what happened during the first period chemistry class.
You were in class, sitting at your desk and working. Ms Ackerson was the Chemistry teacher, a tough, no-nonsense woman who had red hair. The bell rang, and you quickly made eye-contact with Victoria. She winked at you, smiling seductively.
"Karth!" Ms Ackerson shouted.
You turned to look at her.

> You say "My name isn't Karth"
"Karth!" she screams.
You quickly turn to look at her.
"Yes?"
"There's a ton of homework tonight! Everyone in the class turn it in!

> You say "but my name isn't Karth"
"What?" she replies, clearly annoyed.
"My name isn't Karth."
"Yes it is. It's Karthos."
"No, it's not.

> You say "My name is Jacob"
"Yes, it is," Ms Ackerson says.
You continue working.
In the end of the period, Victoria comes up to you, smiling.
"Hi, Karth," she says.

> You say "Hi Victoria, my name is Jacob"
She looks at you, clearly confused.
"Jacob? Why would you call yourself that?"
"Well, it's what you called me, and I've been using it ever since.

> You say "plus it's my name"
"Jacob, why are you dressed as a medieval knight?"
"It's for the new edition of Dungeons and Dragons. We're playing the adventure Holgard's Horn, where a vampire has taken over the city."

> You roll for initiative.
You suddenly grab Victoria's hand.
"Come on, V, it's time for Dungeons and Dragons."
She shrugs, and follows you out of the classroom.
"Yes! I've made my character!"

> You play Dungeons and Dragons with Victoria.
Over the course of the next week, you end up playing Dungeons and Dragons with Victoria quite a few times. Every time, you find yourself enjoying it much more than you thought you would.

>and that's how Jacob and Victoria met.
One happy adventure later, you were dating.

The presidency

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

>back in the present, the world reacts to news of the peace deal Jacob brokered between humanity and the space kobolds.
He's much praised, with many saying he should run for president.

> You run for president.
The world needs a hero, and you're ready to lead.
You run for the presidency, to uplift society, create a better future for all, and to put America back on top.

> You run on a free trade platform.
You run on a free trade platform. The economy booms, and you end up winning the election, easily.
Thanks to your platform, the economy booms.

> You sign into law all the bills.
You pass all the free trade bills you can find.
Unfortunately, there are too many and you can't get them all passed in time.

> You run for a second term.
You win a second term easily.
The economy continues to boom.
Unfortunately, the U.S. dollar becomes very strong against all foreign currencies, and the U.S. economy slows down severely.

> You print money.
You print money to fund the government, but the resulting hyperinflation makes the economy collapse. You resign in disgrace after only two years in office.
You are not wanted for treason, but rather for incompetence.

> You and Victoria escape into space on a space shuttle.
You and Victoria escape into space on a space shuttle. You don't go to Earth, though; you decide to go to one of the orbital space stations instead.

> You hide from the wrath of the Electorate in space.
You hide from the wrath of the Electorate in space. There you live out the rest of your days in relative peace, waiting for the world to end.
It never does.
In the far distant future, the world still exists.

> You say "How fortunate for the world"
How fortunate for the world.
Life continues, and humans engage in the same cycle. Mankind has spread to the stars, and many of those worlds are better than this one.

> You say "Yeah, Earth kinda' sucks"
Yeah, Earth kinda' sucks.
You spend the last few cycles of civilization in the museum on Eridani Prime, alone and bored out of your mind. Eventually you're found and put down.
the end

Amazing. Dr. Kessel appears a lot. She seems to have a penchant for syringes, as does her husband, who likes to rid people of their memory, either that, or coincidentally finds them without memory

[Dunamisdeos]

Here is a long story about a dwarf migrating to the fortress of Inchbolts. Custom start.

It gets good. Then it gets real good.

Spoiler: You are a dwarf peasant migrating to the fortress of Inchbolts. (click to show/hide)

You are a dwarf peasant migrating to the fortress of Inchbolts. A dwarf is short, sturdy creature fond of drink and industry. Your enemies are the goblins. The Elves and Humans are your trade partners. Your skills are cheesemaking. You are traveling from the Dwarf Capital.

You have been on this journey for five days now. It has been an uneventful trip, save for the occasional goblin ambush or bandit raid. You are tired, but you will make it through.

> You check inventory.
You look at your equipment. You have no weapons or armor, so you don't need any of them. You also have no food and water.

> You forage for food.
You wander, looking for food. You come across a small village. A few huts are burning, and animals are running around, scared.
You enter the ruined hut, and you find a dead goblin.

> You loot the goblin.
You take the dead goblin's dagger, which is a good knife.
You then collect some meat from a dead pig and a few apples from trees.
You have some food now.

> You get the hell out of here.
You run out of the village as the goblins start to attack the village again.
You manage to escape, and you continue on your journey.

> You continue towards Inchbolts.
You arrive at Inchbolts, and a large fortress. You can see soldiers milling about, and then you see the King.

> You run in a straight line from the edge of the area towards the entrance to the fortress.
You arrive at a soldier, who is looking in the opposite direction. You throw your dagger at him, killing him. You then attack the other soldiers, killing them before they can react.

> You say "OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY I JUST REACTED"
The battle is over, but the fortress is now alert. You need to find somewhere to hide.
You see a man running out of a house, and you jump on him.

> You pretend you are someone else, ride your new steed into the fortress like everything is fine.
The man, a human, is panicking.
"Please! Help me! I am a miner from the Karst Trench! I was imprisoned in Gilboa by a derro!"
"What?

> You say "Look, just humor me here, ok? I just want to make cheese underground."
"Yes...okay."
You sneak him into the fortress. You then go back to the entrance and say you are a miner from the Karst Trench, an oath you made up while talking to the man.

> You say "Greetings from Karst Trench. I am a miner from there but I also look like a dwarf. I want to make cheese."
The King of Inchbolts lets you in, and you go to find somewhere suitable to make cheese.
You see several rooms underground that could be used. Suddenly, a dwarf comes up to you.

> You say "Hello"
The dwarf, wearing a crown, looks at you. He then says "Oh, so they let the dvergrs in here now, is it?"
Dwarves are a subterranean race.

> You say "This is a dwarven fortress. What's your point."
"My point? My point is, why the hell are you here?"
You are taken aback. How would the dwarven king know that you are a dvergr?

> You say "I want to make cheese. I just want to make cheese."
The dwarf, wearing the crown, looks at you.
"Listen, dvergr, if you're looking to break into my gold reserves, you're going to be severely disappointed. Go bother someone else."

> You say "I'm see that you don't understand how cheese is made, but that's why you need my services. I formally request a grant for the purpose of cheese production and research."
The dwarf thinks for a moment, before looking at you.
"I see. So you're an idiot."
He walks off.

> You flip the king off behind his back.
You put your middle finger up in the air at the king, who winces in pain.

> You flip him the double bird, mouth silent obscenities.
You give him the finger and a middle finger, with your hand motions obscuring your mouth.
The king winces in pain.
"What the hell? I was just making a request..." he says.

> You say "Have a nice day your highnessness"
You leave the room, as the king looks in pain.

> You go to the food stockpile.
Cheese is made by combining milk with starter culture. You have no milk, though.
You see a door leading deeper into the fortress, and a staircase leading up to it.

> You look for the food stockpile so that you can acquire a barrel of milk.
There is no food stockpile in this section of the fortress.
You check the other rooms, corridors and holes you passed.
Eventually, you find a staircase leading down to a barrel of milk.

> You take the barrel of milk.
As you carry the barrel of milk, a human crawls out from under a barrel. He is covered in dirt and grime.

> You kick him in the teeth.
He screams, and you think he has broken a few. Laughing, you continue walking.
Eventually, you come across another staircase. You have found your way to the animal pen.

> You bring the milk barrel to the Farmer's Workshop.
You find the workshop, and the giant workshop door. You set the milk barrel against one side of the door, and open it up to place the barrel inside.

> You use Milk Barrel to create Cheese.
You go into the workshop, and find Galen, Zaren and Duggin working on various things like the enchantment of weapons, enchanting gems to act as lanterns and creating jewelry.

> You say "Hello gents, I am here to make cheese with this milk barrel."
"Hey Duggin, did you remember to water the plants?" Galen asks.
"Yeah." Duggin responds.
"Perfect." Galen replies.

> You just ignore them, and make some cheese.
You walk to the side of the workshop to get to the milk barrel. Galen, Zaren and Duggin continue working on various things.

> You pick up milk barrel.
Zaren, Galen and Duggin continue working on various things.
Galen clears his throat.
"So, are you going to use the milk or dump it out?" he asks.

> You make cheese with milk.
You grab the lid of the milk barrel. Galen, Zaren and Duggin continue working on various things.
Duggin sighs loudly.
"Ah, fine. Just don't dump it on me."

> You mAKE CHEESE.
You grab the wooden slats and begin to tap them against each other. This is called making curd. You dump the curds into a bowl, and begin stirring.

> You wait for cheese to be finished.
Galen, Zaren and Duggin continue working on various things.
"Will the cheese be ready soon?" you ask.
"Probably not," Duggin says. "It takes time to age it."

> You say "I was being sarcastic. I am a cheesemaker. I know how to make cheese. Go away."
"Ah. Yes, yes you are a cheesemaker alright." Galen says.
You hear a jet engine noise above you.

> You say "What the hell is that"
You raise your head to the sky, and look up. In the sky is a large, black stealth jet. It begins to rapidly accelerate, and dogfights begin to break out.

> You say "What is this modded bullshit"
Many men in black military clothing begin pouring out the jet, and begin leaping off the side.
Suddenly, a man leaps from the jet with a rope. You cannot see who it is.

> You pick up the completed cheese.
Galen, Zaren and Duggin are startled by your arrival.
"Who are you?" Zaren asks.
"I'm the man who's going to save your lives."

> You use the cheese to combat the men in black military clothing.
You throw the cheese at the men in black military clothing. The cheese bounces off their bodies and off their helmets.
One manages to leap off the side of the jet before it crashes down.

> You catch the cheese as it boomerangs back to you, and then pose dramatically.
You catch the cheese, and hold it with one hand against your body. Galen, Zaren and Duggin are taken aback by your display.

> You say "My name is Captain Cheesemaker. I defend the Dwarven way of life from anyone who doesn't follow it. I use my mighty cheese shield and various acrobatics to fight."
"How did you get up here?" Zaren asks. "By the looks of that jet, we should be miles down at sea by now."

> You backflip away to your hideout.
You leap off the edge of the cliff and into the void. You fall for quite some time, but fortunately you land in a giant pile of wreckages.

> You examine the wreckages.
There is a large amount of steel and iron here, which you could presumably use to make siege weaponry and other such devices.
Zaren approaches you, looking very nervous.
"Please...

> You say "How can I help you, citizen?"
The man gulps nervously.
"I... I'm here about an invasion. They're coming. We know they're coming. We think it'll be this weekend."

> You say "Where are they coming from"
"There is a island called Nalin."
"Interesting. Who's coming?

> You say "Who is coming"
"The Iron King and the Vampire Clans."
You feel a pain in your chest. It's the same one you felt when you were bitten. You remember the iron golem you encountered.

> You say "MY ARCH NEMESIS. Worry not citizen, I'll stop him for good this time."
The man breathes a sigh of relief.

> You assemble a crack team of ragtag individuals.
You call various dwarves, ogres, humans and other such creatures to join you on your quest.
"I'll lead this team." You say.
"Be my guest."

> You set off towards the island of Nalin.
Over the next couple of weeks, you travel to the Nalin continent. You encounter a few minor encounters with beastfolk patrols, but you manage to exterminate them before they can do any real damage.

> You describe the members of your team.
"There's the team." You say, as you pose for a group photo.
"We have Ogrewitch, the Halfling Hunter."
There stands a small, yet adorable female elf.

> You say "Ogrewitch, we need to infiltrate the secret base of the Iron King."
"Pleasure to meet you, halfling." she says in a chipper voice.
Duggin stands there, a massive ogre with an even more massive club.

> You say "Duggin I had no idea you were an ogre but I am happy to have you here."
"You can take out the next sentry." he says. "I'll take first shift, wake me up an hour before dawn."

> You say "Ok, the plan is that Duggin distracts the sentries from the front while we sneak in. Everyone go to sleep. We attack at dawn."
"Got it, boss." Ogrewitch says.
You have the team split up as you infiltrate the camp.

> You tell Duggin to rampage in through the front. Ourselves and Ogrewitch will sneak in.
Duggin and the other ogre smash their way through the front gates.
"Time to work." you say, drawing your sword.
You rush forward, Ogrewitch by your side.

> You sneak into the Iron King's base.
You successfully sneak into the camp.
Ogre, are able to take out several guards who are caught unawares. You immediately see the tent where the King himself resides.

> You look around for vampires.
There are none to be found.
The ogre begin to roar and smash their clubs against their respectively armored foes, breaking through.

> You sneak into the Iron King's tent.
You manage to sneak into the tent, and there you see him. The Iron King. He sits in his throne, a massive, imposing figure. You ready yourself, as he gestures toward the sword of Zelvix.

> You say "IRON KING. WE MEET AGAIN."
"Ah, yes. I heard you were in this time." He says, as he gestures toward the sword.

> You say "THIS TIME I WILL STOP YOU FOR GOOD."
"Stop? Isn't that a bit of a paradox?

> You say "I'm going to bludgeon you with cheese until you die from it, Iron King."
"Hah! Good luck, mortal. You're not going to beat me."
You run forward towards the Iron King, but he smashes you in the face with his gauntlet. You collapse to the floor.

> You get back up, Captain Cheesemaker! Use your Spin Kick!
You send your leg spinning into the Iron King's groin, and he falls back in pain. You climb onto his torso and stab him through the heart.
"No!"

> You fling your cheese wheel at the Iron King!
You hurl a cheese wheel at the King, but he deflects it with his gauntlet, tossing it aside.
"I've had enough with your cheese games, mortal."

> You say "No! My Cheese Wheel!"
The King raises his hand.
"One last challenge, mortal."
You immediately put on your bravest face that you can muster up.
"I accept!"
"Good."

> You kick him in the groin again.
You rush forward, and plant your foot into the Iron King's groin. The King grunts in pain, gripping your foot and flipping you onto your back.

> You say "OGREWITCH CAN I GET SOME HELP HERE PLEASE"
"Hang on, halfling." Duggin roars.
Duggin charges forward, headbutting the Iron King in the face.

> You fistbump Duggin, team pose.
Duggin takes a fist bump, before punching the King in the face. The King throws Duggin, then charges forward, knocking you to the floor. He stomps on your chest, breaking it.

> You trip the Iron King, then rush to pick up the Cheese Wheel.
You attempt to trip the Iron King, but he sidesteps you, knocking your legs away. He picks up your head and smashes it into the ground.

> You wrestle the Iron King. Break his wrist.
You attempt to grapple the Iron King, but he easily shoves you off. He grabs your wrist and begins twisting it.
"Breaking my wrist will not save you, human."

> You call for Duggin.
"Duggin! Come in, over!" you cry.
Nothing.
"Duggin? Ogrewitch? Any of you lot there?"
Still silence. The Iron King begins twisting your arm.

> You spin Kick out of the Iron King's grasp.
You spin out of the Iron King's grip, grabbing your sword. You rush forward, stabbing him in the chest. He grabs your wrist, twisting it.
"Suffering mortals, never taking breaks."

> You pick up Cheese Wheel.
You grab the cheese wheel, clenching it. The King grabs your head and smashes it into the ground, as you drop the cheese wheel.

> You pick up the cheese wheel again.
You grab the cheese wheel again, and as the Iron King charges forward to smash your face in, you hurl it at him. He dodges, but the cheese still hits his shoulder.

> You use the distraction to flying missile kick the Iron King out of the tent.
You spin and fly around, kicking the Iron King in the head with your steel flipflop. The King staggers back in pain, before charging forward and grabbing you by the scruff of the neck.

> You dodge the Iron King, Pick up Cheese Wheel.
You dodge around the Iron King as he charges forward to smash your head in again. You pick up the cheese wheel, before he charges forward to hit you with his gauntlet.

> You use all your strength to hurl the Cheese Wheel at the head of the Iron King.
You launch the cheese wheel at the Iron King's face, but he swats it away with his gauntlet. You watch as it hits Duggin in the chest, killing him instantly.

> You say "Maybe a cheese wheel is not a real weapon. Maybe I should be using a sword."
You look around as the Iron King prepares to smash your face in.
"Are you sure you want to use a sword here?"

> You pick up duggin's giant club.
You pick up duggin's giant warhammer, and hold it in both hands. The King charges forward to smash you in the face with his gauntlet once more, knocking you to the floor.

> You stand up and use the warhammer to hit he Iron King in the leg.
You swing the warhammer, smashing the King's metal leg. The leg buckles, but the King keeps standing. He hits you with another gauntlet blow, knocking you back to the ground.

> You use the warhammer to take out his other leg.
You swing the warhammer, smashing both of the King's legs away. He falls to the ground with a crash. You pick up duggin' club, and swing it at the King's head.

> You say "It doesn't get any cheddar than this"
You pick up the hammer, and charge ahead as the Iron King tries to stand. You swing the hammer, hitting his head and breaking it open like an egg.

> You bash his head a few more times until the Iron King is dead and his reign of terror is over.
You pick up the Iron King's head, taking it as your own. You hold it high, walking out of the tent and into the light.

> You mourn for Duggin.
Duggin's giant body lies on the ground, heavy and lifeless. You sit beside him, sobbing for a moment before you grab his club.
"Duggin, where are you? I need you!"

> You return to the Fortress of Inchbolts in victory and sorrow.
You walk into the fortress, sobbing, with the head of the King on a pike. Your men stand alongside you, each and every one of them mourning the death of their leader and friend.
"General!"

> You retire to Inchbolts.
You retire to the fortress, and enjoy the rest of your days there, with only a single regret.

> You say "I miss Duggin"
Random Death: You regret leaving your men.
You lay in your bed one night, tossing and turning and thinking back on the battles you'd fought, thinking about how they'd changed the world...
The World Before...

Spoiler: The backstory of Duggin, continued from the same story (click to show/hide)

> You remember the backstory of Duggin, an ogre with a huge warhammer who works with dwarves in Inchbolts.
You remember Duggin, a massive, bearded Ogro with a huge warhammer. As far as Ogres go, he's one of the best miners and metal-workers in Inchbolts.
You are now Duggin, a massive, bearded ogre with a huge warhammer and the best miner and metal-worker in Inchbolts. You work happily in the tunnels.

> You admire your own beard.
You like your beard so you keep it.

> You compare your wonderful beard to the beards of the dwarves.
You have a wonderful beard. The dwarves, on the other hand, have terrible, sparse beards. Mr. Grimly's is barely there and size isn't a concern.
The Dwarves Before...
Mr.

> You strut around the tunnels so everyone can see how great your beard is.
You strut around the tunnels, showing off your amazing beard to anyone who will look. While you're doing this, Flog walks into the room, stops and stares.

> You say "Damn right, it's better than yours."
You say "DUDE, your beard looks like a toothbrush."
Flog puts his hands on his hips and stares at you stoically. After what seems like an eternity, he finally speaks.

> You say "Before that, how about a toast to my beard?"
You say "HEY! Let's toast my glorious beard!"
The Dwarves Drink...
The Dwarves Swear...
Mr. Grimly walks into the room, staring at you.

> You remember who Mr. Grimly is.
Mr. Grimly is the head dwarf in charge of the fortress. He's a large dwarf with a gruff voice and an even gruffer demeanor.

> You say "Mr. Grimly, have you come to admire my beard? We are drinking to my beard."
Mr. Grimly walks over and sits down next to you, staring at your beard in silence for a moment.
"Your beard is impressive, boy" he says.

> You say "Damn right, it's better than yours."
Mr. Grimly slams his fist on the table, causing Flog and Snilkez'ka to look at him nervously.

> You say "you dare to challenge the glory of my ogre beard?"
Mr. Grimly stares at you for a moment in silence, then stands up.

> You stand up, square up.
Mr. Grimly stares at you evenly for a moment, then suddenly slams you to the ground, smashing your head into the wooden table.
"You will not pass, boy!" he growls.

> You punch straight up at Mr. Grimly, how dare he disrespect your beard.
Mr. Grimly grabs your fist and twists it, throwing you to the ground.
"You will learn respect, boy, or my beard will take yours!" he roars, lifting his massive axe.

> You quickly grab your warhammer.
Mr. Grimly swings his axe and smacks it into your left arm, shattering the bone. You scream in pain as Mr. Grimly snarls and lifts you up again, smashing your face into the ground.

> You enter a rage state and superman-punch Mr Grimly.
You punch Mr. Grimly with all your might, knocking him away. He falls against a wall, and you leap forward to grab your warhammer.

> You roar in fury at the disrespect offered by Mr. Grimly. Bring the warhammer down upon him in righteous vengeance.
You swing the warhammer, smashing him in the shoulder. He roars and grabs it with both hands, swinging it at your head.

> You dodge, then grab Mr. Grimly's beard with both hands.
You grab his beard with both hands and pull, then pull again. He pulls back, yanking on the beard as he tries to break free, but you have the advantage, and pull back harder.

> You swing him around and around by the beard.
Using his beard as leverage, you swing Mr. Grimly around the room, smashing him into the wall. He yells in pain and rage, roaring like a beast.
Mr.

> You axe kick Mr. Grimly into the pavement.
You kick Mr. Grimly, and he falls forward onto his face.

> You say "YOU WILL YIELD BEFORE THE GLORY OF MY BEARD OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES, GRIMLY."
Mr. Grimly growls, standing up.
"Fine, boy. You've made your point," he says, stepping back. "Gag it's ill-manners."
Mr.

> You say "I don't know what that means but all is forgiven. Please have a drink."
Mr. Grimly sighs as he pulls a flask from his jacket.
"I... don't think you understand, boy," he says, pulling the cork out of the flask.

> You say "What do I not understand, Grimly?"
Mr. Grimly roars as he slams the flagon into your hands without warning.
"Drink, boy! Drink!" he screams.

> You roar at his betrayal and grab the flask.
You grab the flask, and he roars as he grabs you by the shoulder, pulling you forward and up to your knees.
Quickly, he jams the cork into your mouth.
"Swallow!"

> You spit the cork into his face, then bludgeon him with the flask.
You spit the cork at Mr. Grimly's face, landing in his eye. He screams and falls back into the wall.

> You bludgeon him with the flask.
You bludgeon the flagon into Mr. Grimly's face again and again. He howls in pain, and you grab it, smashing it into his face until he falls to the ground.

> You take his beard and absorb it into your own, increasing its power.
You grab Mr. Grimly's beard and yank it, absorbing it into your own.
"You fool!" he screams as he begins to regenerate.

> You power up.
You begin to glow with power, as Mr. Grimly begins to regenerate once more.
"This won't stop me! The beard has made you into one of us!"

> You say "Fool! I am greater than you ever were! Your beard has made me stronger! Perish now!"
With a flick of your wrist, you send the flask flying into Mr. Grimly's face, slamming into his nose. He screams in pain as it shatters into pieces of glass, and he staggers back.

> You say "I am the greatest beard that ever was. Witness me."
You stare at Mr. Grimly, who growls in return. He begins to regenerate faster, and you realize that's he's trying to shrug off the beard.

> You destroy Mr. Grimly.
You focus all of your energy into your right hand as it begins to burn with white-hot flames.
"What the--?!" Mr.

> You blast him with the righteous power of beard.
You press your palm against Mr. Grimly's face, releasing the flames. He screams in pain and shock as his skin burns, and he staggers back again.

> You say "Mr. Grimly, your beard is broken."
He howls in pain and rage, looking at you with burning hatred in his eyes.
"You will pay, beard boy!" he screams.
He begins to regenerate again, and you realize his plan.

> You exile Mr. Grimly from the fortress. He is unworthy.
You grab Mr. Grimly's hand and fling him out the door. He flies backwards, smashing into the wall and slumping down.

> You go back to drinking. This is a normal Wednesday.
"Goodbye, Mr. Grimly," you say.
He growls as he gets back up and begins to stalk towards your home. You laugh and laugh.

> You call the guard on Mr. Grimly.
You grab your walkie-talkie.
"Hello, this is the barracks. I need security to escort Mr. Grimly from the meditation room and back to his cell. Over."

> You say "Excuse me guards, are you coming or what?"
The guards begin walking towards the door. Mr. Grimly looks up, and you notice he has a knife in his hand.
"Too late beard boy. I'm coming to get you."

> You say "So you have chosen death."
Mr. Grimly flies at you, screaming.
"No, beard boy! I'm coming to kill you!"
He begins to swing his knife. You back away, but the guards are still in the way.

> You incinerate Mr. Grimly with the full power of your beardly might.
You punch Mr. Grimly with your burning hand, and he flies backwards as the flames engulf his entire body. He lets out a scream, before his body is set alight.

> You say "Goodbye, Mr. Grimly."
Soon, the flames reach his head as he lets out a final scream before his head explodes.

> You say "This power is too dangerous for any one being to handle. I must destroy it."
You sleep for the entire day, before waking up. You realize that you've slept for almost a whole day, and wonder how that's possible. You immediately notice that your hand doesn't hurt anymore, and laugh.

> You shed your beard by willpower alone.
The beard falls off, and you feel pure power run through your very veins for the first time. You smile with glee, and grab a nearby chair to hoist up on as you scream.

> You destroy the beard so it cannot corrupt anyone else.
You chuck the chair against the wall in a rage. It shatters into several pieces, but you don't care. You begin to scream, tearing off your shirt as you begin to smash your fists into the ground.

> You say "Oh no, I'm changing!"
You flex your muscles and grow Taller. Your strength soars, and you flex once again as new muscles form. Your body is now that of a young Adonis's. You laugh, loving the power.

> You say "I am the apex of ogre-kind. The beard has changed me forever, though I have shed it."
You flex one more time as a new scar forms across your chest. You laugh, adding it to the scars on your forehead and arm.

> You dispose of the remaining beard.
You rip off the rest of the beard, throwing it into a corner as you flex one last time. You look down at your scars, loving them as you remember the pain they give you.

> You maybe calm down a little bit, this is getting weird.
You calm down, and begin to do pullups from the bar hanging overhead.
You pull yourself up and break your record.

> You go to work in the workshops.
You put on some welding gloves and grab a hold of a welding torch. You quickly move along the wall, welding it up.

> You say "whistle while you work"
You move along the wall, welding.

> You go find your friends, Galen and Zaren.
The guard says "Do you think we could talk about what happened?"
You laugh, and Galen looks at you.

> You say "I did as I had to do. Mr Grimly was out of control, and the power of beard is gone forever."
As you speak, Zaren looks at Galen who nods. You put your welding mask back on and continue welding.
"I do not think so."
"Well, that's what happened.

> You flex.
You flex one more time for good measure, loving the feeling of your new body.
Zaren puts his hand on your shoulder.
"Sorry, friend."

> You say "It's ok. The fortress is safe again."
"Well then, friend, take care of us again when you come back from the crater tomorrow, OK?"
"You got it."
You begin walking along the path home, your new record in mind.

Spoiler: The backstory of Ogrewitch, Halfling Hunter, also continued from the same story (click to show/hide)

> You remember the backstory of Ogrewitch the halfling hunter, a small, yet adorable female elf.
You quickly arrive at the halfling's home and knock on the door. After a moment, Ogrewitch answers with an intimidating bow.
You are now Ogrewitch the Halfling Hunter.

> You say "Who are you"


> You answer the door.
You stand up and walk over to the door.
"Who are you?"
"Greetings, I am Galen."
"I am Ogrewitch the halfling hunter."

> You say "What do you want"
"I am here to discuss the beard situation."
"What are you, some sort of lawyer? The beard is my body modification. Now leave.

> You slam the door in his face.
Galen stands there, shocked at your response. He clearly had not expected you to slam the door in his face. Ogrewitch thinks for a moment, and tries to open it.

> You reconsider. People need to respect your life choices.
You pull open the door and Galen steps in.
"What do you want?"
"I am here to discuss the beard situation.

> You say "I'm sorry. I'm keeping the beard."
"Why?"
"It's my body."
"Yes, I know. But why?"
"I'm keeping the beard."
"Do you want something, Mr.."
"Peakes.

> You say "Look, Mr. Galen Peakes, if you can't handle the magnificence of this beard that's your problem."
"You seem very sure about that."
"Yes."
Galen runs his hand through his hair, and starts towards a chair.

> You kick Galen out.

You hear a splintering sound, and then see that Galen has pulled a pistol on you.
"Oh, hi."
"Could you please put that down?"
"I'm keeping the beard."

> You use your witch powers to take his gun.
The pistol clicks, and is now in your hands.
"Now you'll see what it feels like."
"Look, Mr..

> You say "I am Ogrewitch, the Bearded Halfling Hunting Female Elf. Get out."
You wave the gun in his face threateningly.
"What, you think just because you have a beard you can demand respect? Get out."
"You... You don't want to do this.

> You have had enough. Throw him out of the house.
You shake the gun, and Galen slowly backs out of the house.
"I've had enough of you.

> You slam the door.
"You've had enough?"
"Yes."
With that, Galen grabs his knapsack and runs off into the woods. Ogrewitch sighs, and goes back to her house.

> You make a hotpocket for dinner.
After heating up a couple of the hot pockets, you sit down in your spare bed. This is the best meal you've had in a day.
With your belly full, you decide to go to sleep.

> You go to sleep, wake up tomorrow.
You wake up in the morning, wondering what you should do today. Yawning, you get up off of your bed and go about your day.

> You look around for your equipment.
After walking down the path for a while, you reach your equipment stash. You open up your knapsack to see if anything is missing.
You notice that your knife is gone.

> You take the other things inside the knapsack.

You grab the knapsack and walk down the path a little bit further to your target, a beaver dam.

> You say "This is clearly where halflings live, in beaver dams. They steal them from honest beavers."
You chuck the knapsack at the dam, and duck.
The knapsack flies through the air, and you duck down behind a tree.

> You wait for the bomb inside the knapsack to go off.
You wait, and after a bit you hear the explosion. Thick smoke billows out from the dam, and for a moment you can't see anything.
Suddenly, a loud squeaking noise pierces the silence.

> You look for the source of the squeak.
You run around and find a cute little halfling, about your height, cowering in the corner. "Hey, little halfling, come on out," you say.

> You blast the nasty halfling with your gun.
You draw your gun and shoot the halfling in the head. It falls dead to the ground.

> You say "Nasty dam-thieving halflings."
You take a bite of one of the hot pockets, and continue down the path.
After a bit, you come across a trapdoor in the ground. You walk over to it and look down...

> You look inside the trap door.
You climb down the ladder.
You pull out your gun and shimmy down the rope. On the ground, you take the knapsack off of your back and put it on.

> You look around.
The room is very dusty, and cob webs cover everything. An old desk sits in the corner, covered in dust. A dirty bedroll is rolled up in another corner.

> You look for halflings.
You immediately start searching for signs of the little thieves. There are none to be found, and you find no supplies, either. You sigh in disappointment.

> You search the desk.
You walk over to the desk and start opening drawers. You find some notepaper with halfling writing, and a dusty lute.
What next?
You think about what you should do.

> You read the halfling writing.
You read the halfling writing and learn it says, "Halfling lives will be taken if you try to steal our dam."
You smirk and continue searching.

> You search the rest of the room.
You search the rest of the room, and find nothing at all.
Maybe you should take the dam. You could use more loot, and the halflings could use some safety.

> You go back to the exploded dam.
As you run back up there, you start to wonder whether or not the dam is even still standing.

> You search the exploded dam for loot.
You search the dam for any valuables, and you find a large pouch of gold coins on the ground. You sigh in satisfaction.
You then hear a crackling noise from behind you.

> You turn around and shoot.
You turn around, pulling your pistol. You shoot the strange thing that's spying on you, but it ignores the bullet and opens up a "mouth."
Suddenly, a piercing shriek emanates from the... thing.

> You say "HALFLING TRICKERY"
You say, "Halfling trickery."
It screams at you more, before it finally disappears.

> You say "It was clearly just an illusion"
You laugh, and keep on the path.
Suddenly you hear a tiny voice yell, "STOP! BURN THE DAM AT THIS POINT!"
You look around for the source of the voice.

> You run towards the source of the voice.
You run ahead and see a halfling, about the size of your pinky, wearing a captain's hat. "What are you doing here?" he asks.
"I was just following this voice to the source,"

> You roundhouse kick the hobbit.
The little hobbit falls to the ground. "I am Captain Smudge," he says, "and you are?"

> You say "I am Ogrewitch, the halfling hunter. Time to die."
Captain Smudge pulls out a sword. "I don't think so, halfling. I'm calling for help!"
He starts to whistle loudly, and you can hear the twigs as his hobbitses appear.

> You use a smoke bomb to escape into the trees.
You can see the trees, but you're still exposed. You pull out your flintlock and fire at the hobbitses, killing four of them. You then start to run.
"Come back here!"

> You run away while firing.
You run, and once again, you can hear the twigs. You turn around and see a group of seven hobbitses and an orc chasing you.

> You say "Damn, those poor honest beavers are still in trouble."
You look for somewhere to hide.

> You hide in a tree, and wait for the hobbitses to pass underneath.
You hide in a tree, and wait for the group of hobbitses to pass underneath.
Unfortunately, they are not observant enough to pass right under the tree you're in.

> You drop down behind them and stealth kill the orc.
You jump down from the tree and sneak up behind the orc. You stab him in the back, and he dies instantly.
You can hear the hobbitses calling out "Who's there?" in several different voices.

> You shoot the hobbits.
You take cover behind a rock. You load your flintlock, and pop up, firing.
Unfortunately, you miss the entire group.

> You throw the exploding knapsack at them.
You run, as the knapsack explodes, gaving you time to get far enough away. Unfortunately, it doesn't kill all of the hobbitses.

> You return to the dam and save the honest beavers.
You rush to the dam and see a few beavers working diligently on it. You smile "Thank goodness. I'm actually too lazy to hunt humans."
You see a hobbit, standing in the trees.

> You blast the hobbit angrily. Have they no shame?
He falls from the tree, but it takes three bullets to kill him. You sigh and load your flintlock.
You see another one, standing behind a rock.
You shoot him in the head.

> You say "Honest beavers, I will stand guard while you fortify your home. No hobbits will steal the fruits of your goodly labor this day."
You know that you'll need to eventually leave the area. Time for some scouting.
You begin to wander.