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[King Zultan]

Hope everybody had a good Christmas.

(The percentages have returned!)
November 1, 1:30 AM
Its dark.
Its cloudy.
A giant pumpkin zombie army seven billion strong as appeared and is destroying everything that isn't Canada then adding it to Canada, some of them have weapons now.
Outsider didn't post for the seventh time so random action.
Dustan Hache didn't post for the third time so random action.
ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES didn't post for the second time so random action.
Avetruetotheimperator didn't post so random action.

Tell the animals to tell me how the army is doing.

Also try to discover how to use the legendary gun.

(Animals telling you how the armies doing = 5) Their scouts have reported a massive army coming out of Canada and that they are preparing the city for when it arrives.
(Figuring out how to use the legendary gun = 6) After spending several minutes messing with it you discover that its a laser rifle that has infinite ammo.

"Well, I can wait!"

Start correcting any mistakes in my manifesto. Also, try to invoke the ghost of the original Robespierre.

(Correcting mistakes in the manifesto = 5) It takes a bit of going over the manifesto, but you finally fix all the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.
(Invoking the ghost of Robespierre = 4) Using some magical magic you invoke Maximilien Robespierre to appear before you, he stands there looking around for a minute before asking why you summoned him.
(Getting to France = 4) After a few minutes the rain clears enough that the plane can take off, you are back on your way to France.

Try to heal myself by setting my broken bones in the proper places and try draining life from the plants I fell near to assist in healing

(Setting your broken legs = 4) It takes you a little bit of work to get your broken legs set back into place and braced.
(Draining life from plants to heal self = 3) You then try to drain the life from some plants, while you do manage to drain life from the plants your barely able to heal yourself.
You then feel that your telekinetic powers are being suppressed. (You can't use your telekinetic powers for two turns.)

Remove Naturegirl's telekinesis powers

(3) You don't manage to remove the power but you do manage to suppress them. (For two turns.)

Make the Pumpkin demons have free will and be pacifists.

(Giving Pumpkin demons free will = 4) Using your powerful magics you give the Pumpkin zombies free will.
(Making the Pumpkin demons pacifists = 2) But your not able to change their hatred for everything that isn't Canada, so even with free will they all join together in their hatred and continue the attack.

Get up, pretend that didn't happen, and find something for dinner.

(Pretending that didn't happen = 5) You quickly stand up and brush yourself off and wipe away the tears, then forget that that just happened.
(Finding something for dinner = 1) It turns out that can of beans was the only food you had in your hovel, looks like you'll need to go out and find some more.

With the disciples, attempt to usher in a new age of FUNK, and expand the portal

(Ushering in a new age of FUNK with help = 3) Even with the help of your FUNKY friends there just wasn't enough FUNK to usher in a new FUNKY age.
(Expanding the portal = 4) You and your FUNKY friends manage to make the portal to the Funkiverse bigger, now you can drive two trucks side by side into it.

Keep eating and cutting down the zombie army.
Give my avatar "zombifying" powers: if they burn someone down, they get resurrected as a fellow fire elemental.
If giving the powers is successful, then fire elementals shall attack the zombies, making even more fire elementals.

(Cutting the zombies = 3) You cut down several zombies with your sword arm.
(Eating the zombies = 2) You don't manage to eat any zombies as they run away when you try.
(Giving avatar "zombifying powers" = 6) You successfully manage to get the power to make fire elementals from people that get burnt by you and your fire elementals.
(Fire elementals attacking zombies and making fire elementals = 4) Then your fire elementals go out and start burning several thousand pumpkin zombies, that turn into several thousand fire elementals.

DROP TO KNEES AND POWER SLIDE THROUGH SWORD DEMON'S LEGS
SACK-TAP HIM ON WAY THROUGH, PREFERABLY NON-LETHALLY

OH, AND SHOOT ANY OTHER DEMONS WHAT COME AT ME OF COURSE

(Power sliding through the demon's legs = 6) You take a running start then start sliding towards the demon, while you do get hit on the way you manage to slide your way between the demons legs.
(Sack-tapping him without killing him = 1) Against all odds it turns out that the sword demons balls were his Achilles heel, and when you just barely tap them he explodes showering the arena with demon chunks.
(Shooting other demons = 5) You then wipe the demon bits from your face and plow down even more demons.

Gather troops and start fortifying the area around the pack in preparation for the incoming creatures.

(3) You and your troops fortify the park even more that it already was.

GET A BIGGER SUITCASE AND PACK MY STUFF AND GIVE THE REST OF THE ZOMBIE PUMPKINS WEAPONS.

(Getting a bigger suitcase = 5) You go and steal a bigger suit case from some dead guy.
(Giving the rest of the pumpkin army weapons = 5) Using your magical powers you make weapons for the rest of the Zombie Pumpkin army.

Use a map to find a candy factory then go there and take all the candy.

(Finding a candy factory = 6) It takes a several minutes to find the place on a map, but you eventually find it.
(Getting to the factory = 3) You then start heading towards it, but you find its further you would be able to walk in a reasonable amount of time.

Go out and enlighten more people, while my followers start building a monastery.

(Enlightening = 5) You go out and enlighten even more people.
(Building a monastery = 2) You return to find your followers were unable to build the monastery as they lacked tools and materials.

NPC  STUFFGive the rest of the zombies weapons.

Destroy everything that isn't Canada.

(3) They break some mirrors.
(4) They knock over some vans.
(4) They kill some dogs.
(5) They manage to kill and destroy some stuff.
(6) They destroy some stuff but get killed in the process.
(4) They shove some motorcycles into a lake.
(3) They push over some fat kids.
(5) They break all kinds of crap.

Destroy everything that isn't Canada.

(2) They don't do jack shit.
(6) They destroy things then die.
(5) They break a bunch of stuff.
(3) They break a car.
(3) They knock over an outhouse.
(5) They burn down a church.
(5) They kick a bunch of dogs.
(6) They kick a bunch of babies, then the babies turn on them and kill them.

Percent of America destroyed: 1.69%
-Percent of The Town destroyed: 45.34%
-Percent of Ziizo's Animal City destroyed: 0%

Percent of Canada destroyed 0%

Spoiler: Character stuff, so I don't forget about stuff. (click to show/hide)

Yoink
Health: EVEN MORE DAMAGE / flaming pants / cuts / burnt / cut face and hand
Inventory: loaded shotgun, some marijuana, a few lighters, some rolling paper, chips, candy, soda, glass bottles of beer, different kinds of chips

Kakaluncha / Robespierre costume
Health: FINE
Inventory: a bowl, two animated trees, Ninja Elvis costume, The Flying Guillotine, manifesto about the Cult to the Supreme Being

Dustan Hache / knight / blessed with strength
Health: FINE / broken arm in sling
Inventory: slightly damaged Plate armour, shield, sword, one small candy, bowl of candy, two bags of candy, even more candy
Fiefdom: walls, lots of food, crops, Good moral, hunting party, water snake with arms that takes care of the crops

ziizo
Health: FINE
Inventory: road atlas, lime green hatchback with full tank of gas slightly damaged, large pipe, music CD, all kinds of cooking tools, legendary gun thing, very big army of animals, zord

Naturegirl1999 / doesn't have the power to switch bodies / has telekinesis
Health: A BUNCH DAMAGE / broken legs in splints
Inventory: three canned goods, some bottled water

CABL / Is a house / never able open a portal to the demon bloodsports dimension / giant sword arm
Health: FINE
Inventory: living furniture
Some weird, hellish, 666 degree Celsius, plane of existence: 8,090 fire elementals two injured, power to make fire elementals from people that get burnt by you and your fire elementals

ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES / Is Angry Halloween Kaiju / soul magic / ULTRA OVERDEITY OF HALLOWEEN / combined with Samhain and Gates of Hell haunted house / blessing of strong bones and spookiness
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE
Inventory: 4000 page waiver that has to be signed to get into the haunted house if you sign it or read it you lose your soul, one soul, posters advertising the GATES OF HELL HAUNTED HOUSE, Smoke Mirrors's ankles, thirty souls, a bunch of demons, all of Earth's gumball machines, necronomicon, bigger suit case

The Canadian kitten / ability to fly / god powers
Health: A LOT OF DAMAGE / bent backwards dislocated fingers
Inventory: several cans of food, can opener, some cans of food, some bottles of water, 9mm handgun, bike, first aid kit with aspirin a few bandages and a first aid pamphlet, knife, shotgun, rifle, .44 magnum revolver, anti-tank rifle

Enemy post / employee of the month
Health: FINE
Inventory: Toothbrush, rock, has a job in a "office" organizing files and papers regarding new species and issues faced by the new world

Smoke Mirrors / Angelo and Diablo / couldn't lose your soul even if you wanted to / one ankle / angel magic / OVERDEITY OF ALL HOLIDAYS / on fire
Health: SOME DAMAGED
Inventory: six million souls

Avetruetotheimperator / SPACE GUY / in slightly damaged Mecha
Health: FINE
Inventory: one mecha, three armoured cars, and a slightly damaged tank, some earthnoids weapons, three earthnoids
Base in a park, medical tent, fortified, repair equipment

Outsider / ascetic monk
Health: FINE
Inventory: 36 enlightened people

WyrdByrd / FUNK-Master / increases FUNKability
Health: FINE
Inventory: fifteen FUNKY disciples

Spoiler: World stuff that might be important. (click to show/hide)

The country of Oman has been destroyed.
If you wear a costume you become whatever the costume depicts.
The more candy you have the more powerful you become.
There's a massive army of animals.
The apocalypse happened.
The town may or may not exist.
Ceres has been destroyed.
Jupiter has been destroyed.
Super Hell has been destroyed.
The Unholy Pail has been killed.
VY Canis Majoris has been destroyed.
There's a giant ball made from dead animals in the town.
There's a demon bloodsports dimension.
There's a portal to the Funkiverse in the town.
A giant pumpkin zombie army seven billion strong that hates everything but Canada and has free will.

[ziizo]

Order the animals to prepare traps to defend ourselves from the army.

Then go to zord and try to discover how to pilot it.

Also pass the gun to anyone capable of using it like a monkey or a team of squirrels

[Kakaluncha]

"My dear Robespierre, I think your ideals didn't die with the guillotine. I belive France must once again become Revolutionary, if we want to make the Revolution of Individuals eternal. Not only that, I belive we can use this opportunity to expand the Enlightment to the stars. But for that, I need you to teach me the art of the coup d'état: Jacobin Edition. TEach me, Maximillian Robespierre, and together we may rule the galaxy!"

Learn from the art of the coup d'etat. Also, invoke the ghosts of Napoleon and Marat for extra advice on ruling and creating propaganda.

[Naturegirl1999]

try to get away from the sniper and head for the fortified section with the alien army

[Avetruetotheimperator]

Alright, send a transmission for reinforcement. We likely need more in order to face whatever will come at us
Also, find wherever the earthnoids went.

[The Canadian kitten]

Use my god powers to call down a giant rock to crash upon Nature girl

[Enemy post]

Boil one of my possums for dinner.

[CABL]

Along with my fire elementals, begin to chant in some ancient tongue in order to summon a meteor storm upon the zombie army.

[WyrdByrd]

Enter the FUNKiverse. Get FUNKED up.

[Smoke Mirrors]

...in the spirit of the holiday season convince the pumpkin demons to lay down their arms and embrace peace and goodwill towards man. I am overdeity of all holidays, as such, I have Christmas powers.

[King Zultan]

(Sorry about not posting the turn, I fell asleep.)

The Moon is hurtling towards the Earth and will strike it in three turns unless stopped!
There is a temporary ceasefire with the pumpkin zombie army, they will not attack again for four turns unless provoked.

November 1, 2:00 AM
Its dark.
Its cloudy.
A giant pumpkin zombie army seven billion strong as appeared and is destroying everything that isn't Canada then adding it to Canada, all of them have weapons now.
Outsider didn't post for the eighth time so random action.
Dustan Hache didn't post for the fourth time so random action.
ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES didn't post for the third time so random action.
Yoink didn't post so random action.

Order the animals to prepare traps to defend ourselves from the army.

Then go to zord and try to discover how to pilot it.

Also pass the gun to anyone capable of using it like a monkey or a team of squirrels

(Setting traps = 5) It takes a bit for them to set up traps all over the city.
(Figuring out how to pilot the zord = 5) You go inside and dig around for a bit before finally finding the manual, and it turns out its easier than you thought it would be to pilot the zord.
(Giving the gun to someone that can use it = 4) After a bit of searching you finally find someone to use the weapon, its one of the mutant things and it looks like it was a deer at one point.

"My dear Robespierre, I think your ideals didn't die with the guillotine. I belive France must once again become Revolutionary, if we want to make the Revolution of Individuals eternal. Not only that, I belive we can use this opportunity to expand the Enlightment to the stars. But for that, I need you to teach me the art of the coup d'état: Jacobin Edition. TEach me, Maximillian Robespierre, and together we may rule the galaxy!"

Learn from the art of the coup d'etat. Also, invoke the ghosts of Napoleon and Marat for extra advice on ruling and creating propaganda.

(Learning from the art of coup d'etat = 3) You spend several minutes trying to learn the art of coup d'etat, but it looks like you need some more time.
(Invoking the ghost of Napoleon = 5) It takes a few minutes but you manage to invoke Napoleon.
(Invoking the ghost of Marat = 2) You try to invoke Jean-Paul Marat but he doesn't show up for some reason.
(Advice on ruling and creating propaganda = 2)  You try to get info about ruling and propaganda creation but the ghosts are to distracted by the air plane.
(Getting to France =  2) You still have a while to go to get there.

try to get away from the sniper and head for the fortified section with the alien army

(Getting away from the sniper = 5) You quickly crawl away from and out of sight of the sniper.
(Getting to the fortified alien camp = 5) You then crawl for several minutes before finally arriving back at the alien camp.

Alright, send a transmission for reinforcement. We likely need more in order to face whatever will come at us
Also, find wherever the earthnoids went.

(Getting reinforcements = 2+2 For radio) You pickup the radio and start requesting reinforcements for when the giant army gets to your postilion, and after a few minutes of talking they tell you they'll send a tank, three mobile artillery pieces, and four infantry squads, they tell you that the new troops will arrive in thirty minutes. (Next turn)
(Finding the earthnoids = 3) You go look in the medical tent and find the three eathnoids still sitting in there, then you see the other one crawling back into the camp, but you can't find out where the sniper got off to.

Use my god powers to call down a giant rock to crash upon Nature girl

(1) You use your powers to call down a giant rock, but your not yet used to your powers and accidentally call forth the moon, which is now hurtling towards the Earth and will arrive in three turns and kill everyone.

Boil one of my possums for dinner.

(5) You quickly grab a pot and fill it with water, then you drop the opossum in and set it to boil, and after a few minutes you have one boiled opossum.

Along with my fire elementals, begin to chant in some ancient tongue in order to summon a meteor storm upon the zombie army.

(Chanting 3+1 For Fire elementals helping) You and your fire elementals begin chanting in some long forgotten language and summon a meteor storm above the zombie army.
(Does it kill a bunch of them = 3) It looks like you miscalculated and only hit some of the smaller packs of zombies with your meteors.

Enter the FUNKiverse. Get FUNKED up.

(5) You and your FUNKY friends all walk into the Funkiverse, and you all feel the FULL POWER OF THE FUNK if you weren't so well antiquated with the power of FUNK you would probably be overwhelmed by its FUNKINESS.

...in the spirit of the holiday season convince the pumpkin demons to lay down their arms and embrace peace and goodwill towards man. I am overdeity of all holidays, as such, I have Christmas powers.

(Convincing them to lay down their arms = 5) You convince them to lay down their arms for a period of peace.
(Convincing them to embrace peace and goodwill towards man = 4) You then convince them to embrace peace and goodwill.
(How long does this peace last = 2) You then look to the future and see how long the peace will last, turns out it doesn't last that long at all, looks like the most you'll get is two hours, unless someone attacks them, but hey at least they're all friendly towards each other now. (They start attacking again in four turns unless provoked.)

GRAB THE DEAD DEMONS SWORD AND KILL ANY DOMINOES THAT GET CLOSE TO ME.

(Grabbing the sword = 3) You try to garb the sword but get blocked by demons.
(Killing demons = 6) You then kill the demons, but one gets a hit on you and your now close to death.

DO SOMETHING TO PREVENT SMOKE MIRRORS FROM MESSING WITH THE PUMPKIN ZOMBIES.

(2) You try to do something but you end up doing nothing.

Keep heading to wards the factory, once there gather all of the candy.

(Getting to the factory = 4) It takes a long time to walk there but you finally manage to do it.
(Gathering all the candy = 4) And luckily the factory is empty so you can just walk in and take all the candy, which you do.

Help my followers gather tools and materials to build the monastery.

(Finding tools = 6) You and your followers find a bunch of tools in a rickety building, and as you go to leave the building collapses, causing injuries to everyone in your group.
(Finding building materials = 4) After a bit of work you and your followers manage to gather all the materials needed to build the monastery.

NPC  STUFF

Destroy everything that isn't Canada.

(5) They burn down a bunch of houses.
(4) They kick over some garbage cans.
(5) They burn some bridges.
(5) They kill a bunch of stuff.
(1) They try to break stuff but they get killed.
(6) They kill a bunch of ducks then die.
(6) They break a bunch of stuff then die.
(4) They punch some cars.
(4) They break a bunch of windows.
(2) They sit around and smoke a joint.
(4) They cut down some trees.
(3) They break some bottles.
(1) They also get killed before they can break stuff.
(5) They kick all the puppies.
(5) They derail a train.
(6) They beak some stuff then get killed.

Percent of America destroyed: 5.83%
-Percent of The Town destroyed: 45.34%
-Percent of Ziizo's Animal City destroyed: 0%

Percent of Canada destroyed 0%

Spoiler: Character stuff, so I don't forget about stuff. (click to show/hide)

Yoink
Health: NEAR DEATH / flaming pants / cuts / burnt / cut face and hand
Inventory: loaded shotgun, some marijuana, a few lighters, some rolling paper, chips, candy, soda, glass bottles of beer, different kinds of chips

Kakaluncha / Robespierre costume
Health: FINE
Inventory: a bowl, two animated trees, Ninja Elvis costume, The Flying Guillotine, manifesto about the Cult to the Supreme Being, air plane, blood pilot, Maximilien Robespierre's ghost, Napoleon Bonaparte's ghost

Dustan Hache / knight / blessed with strength
Health: FINE / broken arm in sling
Inventory: slightly damaged Plate armour, shield, sword, one small candy, bowl of candy, two bags of candy, even more candy, one factories worth of candy
Fiefdom: walls, lots of food, crops, Good moral, hunting party, water snake with arms that takes care of the crops

ziizo
Health: FINE
Inventory: road atlas, lime green hatchback with full tank of gas slightly damaged, large pipe, music CD, all kinds of cooking tools, mutant deer thing has the legendary laser gun, very big army of animals, zord, zord manual

Naturegirl1999 / doesn't have the power to switch bodies / has telekinesis
Health: A BUNCH DAMAGE / broken legs in splints
Inventory: three canned goods, some bottled water

CABL / Is a house / never able open a portal to the demon bloodsports dimension / giant sword arm
Health: FINE
Inventory: living furniture
Some weird, hellish, 666 degree Celsius, plane of existence: 8,090 fire elementals two injured, power to make fire elementals from people that get burnt by you and your fire elementals

ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES / Is Angry Halloween Kaiju / soul magic / ULTRA OVERDEITY OF HALLOWEEN / combined with Samhain and Gates of Hell haunted house / blessing of strong bones and spookiness
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE
Inventory: 4000 page waiver that has to be signed to get into the haunted house if you sign it or read it you lose your soul, one soul, posters advertising the GATES OF HELL HAUNTED HOUSE, Smoke Mirrors's ankles, thirty souls, a bunch of demons, all of Earth's gumball machines, necronomicon, bigger suit case

The Canadian kitten / ability to fly / god powers
Health: A LOT OF DAMAGE / bent backwards dislocated fingers
Inventory: several cans of food, can opener, some cans of food, some bottles of water, 9mm handgun, bike, first aid kit with aspirin a few bandages and a first aid pamphlet, knife, shotgun, rifle, .44 magnum revolver, anti-tank rifle

Enemy post / employee of the month
Health: FINE
Inventory: Toothbrush, rock, has a job in a "office" organizing files and papers regarding new species and issues faced by the new world, boiled opossum

Smoke Mirrors / Angelo and Diablo / couldn't lose your soul even if you wanted to / one ankle / angel magic / OVERDEITY OF ALL HOLIDAYS / on fire
Health: SOME DAMAGED
Inventory: six million souls

Avetruetotheimperator / SPACE GUY / in slightly damaged Mecha
Health: FINE
Inventory: one mecha, three armoured cars, and a slightly damaged tank, some earthnoids weapons, three earthnoids
Base in a park, medical tent, fortified, repair equipment

Outsider / ascetic monk
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE
Inventory: 36 injured enlightened people, a bunch of tools, a bunch of building materials

WyrdByrd / FUNK-Master / increases FUNKability
Health: FINE
Inventory: fifteen FUNKY disciples

Spoiler: World stuff that might be important. (click to show/hide)

The country of Oman has been destroyed.
If you wear a costume you become whatever the costume depicts.
The more candy you have the more powerful you become.
There's a massive army of animals.
The apocalypse happened.
The town may or may not exist.
Ceres has been destroyed.
Jupiter has been destroyed.
Super Hell has been destroyed.
The Unholy Pail has been killed.
VY Canis Majoris has been destroyed.
There's a giant ball made from dead animals in the town.
There's a demon bloodsports dimension.
There's a portal to the Funkiverse in the town.
A giant pumpkin zombie army seven billion strong that hates everything but Canada and has free will.
The city with animals has traps.

[Kakaluncha]

Try again my previous actions (studying the art of the coup, propaganda, and ruling, summoning Marat. Also, explain what a plane is.

((I just have this hilarious image of three radical french ghosts acting like children inside the plane))

[Enemy post]

Wait for the water to cool down a bit to drink it safely and then eat dinner.

[CABL]

Okay, time for the Plan B: shove my legs and the ordinary arm deeply into the ground, then start rapidly growing and transform into a gigantic eucalyptus tree, with a house at the top of it.
Fire elementals will just have to hold the line until I've successfully grown up. They should assume tactical positions (chokepoints) in order to reduce casualties.
Once the growth has been completed, try to lift the town off the Earth and into space, but don't forget about a magical barrier that'll keep the breathable atmosphere inside.

[Naturegirl1999]

Try getting to the medical tent to heal myself, if possible, try to not wake up the other humans