(Sorry about all the delays, also Kakaluncha you came very close to becoming a NPC, but I'm glad to see you back.)
CABL's turn has been moved to the bottom of the turn to allow people to do their stuff before they potently die.Be sure to look at the bottom of the turn to see if you die. (This only affects people still in the town.)All the plants on Earth evolved to accommodate the newly evolved animals.November 1, 12:00 AMIts sunny.The sky is clear.A giant pumpkin zombie army less than a billion strong is destroying everything that isn't Canada, all of them have weapons now and they are also immune to brain alteration.The town the game started in has been lifted lifted into space, but people still in the town don't have to worry about air as it's in a bubble of breathable air.All animal life on Earth has evolved into bigger, stronger, and FUNKIER versions of themselves, and they also hate all humans and pumpkin zombies and want to kill them.An evil sorceress is doing evil stuff.Everything on Earth and the town is washed in a wave of FUNKINESS.Me and the space-pirates animals return to space city.
(You returning to the space city = 4) It doesn't take long for you to fly the Ultra-Mega-Zord back to the space city.
(Animal pirates returning to space city = 2+2 For space pirate ship) The ship gives them some trouble but they eventually get it started and take off and get back to the space city.
Now that things are clean, ask about the first lesson while trying to find a spellbook to read
(Asking about the lesson = 4) He tells you that he's ready to teach you when your ready to learn.
(Finding a spellbook = 1) You pickup a book, but the DISCO wizard quickly takes it away from you and says that your not ready for spells that advanced.
Keep having cats attack while I find candy around here
(Cats attacking the aliens = 4) They surround and kill the rest of the infantry squad.
(Finding some candy = 3) You find some random bits of candy in a box in the alien's base.
Go clean up my house and remove the heap of dead possums.
(Cleaning the house = 2) You would clean your house but you decided to watch the cats kill the rest of that infantry squad instead.
(Removing the pile of dead opossums = 4) After the cats are finished you decide to get rid of the opossum pile, and you do so by gathering them up and throwing them out a window, now you have to figure out where your going to sleep now.
Further FUNK up the ecosystem to help accomodate its new additions. Then, withdraw to the FUNKYVERSE.
(FUNKING up the ecosystem = 3+1 For being one with the FUNK) Using your FUNKY powers you FUNK up the ecosystem to allow it accommodate the the newly evolved animals.
(Withdrawing to the FUNKIVERSE = 4) With that done you withdraw back to the FUNKIVERSE.
QUICKLY DUCK DOWN, AWAY FROM WINDOW
ARM SELF WITH CONVENIENT BLUNT, HOSPITAL-RELATED OBJECT WHAT MIGHT BE EASY TO SWING IN NARROW SPACES
THEN HEAD TO DOOR AND LISTEN
(Getting a blunt hospital item = 4) You sling the shotgun over your shoulder and grab the IV stand from the corner.
(Listening at the door = 1) You go over to the door to try and listen when suddenly a large creature busts the door down, and it doesn't look friendly.
Warp away.
(5)You quickly teleport away from the Emperor of Mankind, you now find yourself in an abandoned building of some kind.
Began a purge against these rebel animals, enslaving them, and use telepathy to destroy this individual's mind.
Also, ask for reports of the current state of my empire and the world.
Meanwhile, send my ghosts to recruit armies in the afterlife.
(Purging the animals in France = 4) You send out several squads to kill off the hostile animal.
(Purging the animals in Europe = 4) You send out some more squads to kill off animals here as well.
(Purging the animals in Africa = 2) You can't seem to get people organized enough to fight back.
(Enslaving the animals in France = 6) They try to enslave dozen of them. but they accidentally kill some of them.
(Enslaving the animals in Europe = 4) They enslave a whole bunch of them.
(Destroying the individual's mind with telepathy = 3-1 For him leaving)You would have crushed his mind but you find your telepathic powers have gone missing and the guy has gone.
(Getting reports of the state of the empire = 6) All areas of your kingdom are going strong, and your followers from North America have fled and are slowly making their way across the ocean.
(Getting reports of the state of the world = 2) Turns out everyone's to busy with the attacks to figure out what's going on outside of the kingdom.
(Recruiting more ghost armies in the after life = 3) They only manage to get a few more troops to join.
(Does the boat arrive = 3) They get slightly closer than they were before, but not that much.
Continue to battle!
(Other mecha attacking the tree = 1) It tries to continue to fight but the roots constrict it even more and eventually the mecha is destroyed and the pilot killed.
(Infantry squad attacking the creatures = 1) Before they can do anything the cats come back, surround and kill the rest of them.
(Artillery gun 1 attacking the tree = 2) It misses the target completely
(Artillery gun 2 attacking the tree = 5) They manage to hit the tree blowing a bunch of the branches off.
(You using the spaceship to attack the creatures = 6) With the destruction of your mecha you decide to continue to fight using the small ship to fight and so you kill off dozens of the creatures with it's weapons, but it gets slightly damaged in the process.
They you see the sniper steal some of your candy.
CABL's turn:Well, shit. Direct and collide the town with the alien mothership in a final suicide attack.
Fire elementals: Form into one giant fireball and fly towards the mothership.
Demonic Foliage: Turn into one big sprawl of vines and entangle the mothership, so it can't dodge the final attacks.
(Fire elementals turning into a giant fireball and hitting the mothership = 6) All of your fire elementals gather together into a giant fire ball and launch themselves in to the alien mothership, the impact is massive destroying a large chunk of the ship.
(Demonic Foliage entangling the mothership = 3) Then all of your Demonic Foliages gather together into a massive clump and launch themselves at the mothership, but they can only slightly clog the engines, but it doesn't matter as the engines are already badly damaged so the ship can't move anyway.
(Can you get the town to move = 4) It takes a bit but you finally figure out how to move the town.
(Slamming the town into the mothership = 4) And with that you launch the town into the mothership, the impact is massive and ends up blowing both apart, sending town and spaceship chunks everywhere.
Who gets killed? (You need at least a 4 to live.) CABL (1) Your killed on impact.
Avetruetotheimperator (6) You manage to fly the small ship out of the town before its destroyed, but the ship takes more damage in the process.
Avetruetotheimperator's Artillery gun 1 (2) Its destroyed by the impact.
Avetruetotheimperator's Artillery gun 2 (3) It is also destroyed.
The Canadian kitten (3+2 For god powers) Using your god powers you manage to save your self from death, but your now floating in space in a massive debris field.
The Canadian kitten's cat army (4) The cat army is also saved by The Canadian kitten's god powers.
Enemy post (6) Somehow you survive the destruction of everything, your now floating in space surrounded by dead opossums, guess there wasn't much point in throwing them out.
Spacenoid mothership crew (2) They all die when the mothership is destroyed.
The town has been destroyed.The Spacenoid mothership has been destroyed.CABL has been killed.NPC STUFFKeep defending the fief from the pumpkin zombies, while I continue to use my holy powers to kill the pumpkin zombies.
(You using holy magic to kill = 4) You continue to use your magic to kill.
(Militia defending = 1+1 For wall) They hide behind the wall for a bit.
(Civilians defending = 4) They kill dozens of the creatures.
Keep up the enlightening of the pumpkin zombies.
(You enlightening = 4) You manage to gather even more followers.
(Followers enlightening = 2) They sit around and do nothing.
(Followers enlightening = 6) They gather tons of followers and damage the monastery in the process.
Keep throwing explosive spells, while the demons will continue to attack the pumpkin zombies.
(Casting explosive spells = 2+2 For magic) You continue to cast spells on the creatures and they continue to die.
(Demons attacking = 6) They kill scores of the creatures, but they also damage the fort.
Destroy everything that isn't Canada.
(6) They burn a bunch of stuff then die.
(5) They break all kinds of things.
(3) They break a few things.
(6) They all get hit with big ass rocks while breaking some shit.
(6) They knock down a bunch of building onto themselves.
(1) They drop dead.
(6) They explode a bunch of stuff and die.
(5) They break a whole bunch of stuff.
(4) They break a bunch of stuff.
(4) They break all kinds of shit.
Get other pumpkin zombies to join.
(3) They only get a handful of new followers.
(5) They get a crap load of now people.
(4) They also gather a lot of followers.
(4) They gather a bunch of followers.
Kill all humans and pumpkin zombies.
(North America = 5) They kill and destroy loads of the creatures.
(North America = 5) They kill dozens of the pumpkins.
(France = 5-3 For enslaving) They all get enslaved.
(France = 1) They get killed.
(Europe = 2) They get killed and enslaved.
(Europe = 1) They get killed.
(Africa = 1) They get killed off.
(Africa = 5) They kill a bunch of people.
Places in space:-Percent of The Town destroyed: 100% DESTROYED-
Percent of Ziizo's Animal City destroyed: 0%-Percent of Spacenoid mothership destroyed: 100% DESTROYEDPercent of America destroyed: 43.78%-
Percent of Dustan Hache's fief destroyed: 4.21%-
Percent of Outsider's monastery destroyed: 19.76%-
Percent of Evil sorceress's fortress destroyed: 18.12%-
Percent of Spacenoid base destroyed: 0%Percent of Canada Earth destroyed 43.23%-
Percent of Pumpkin Hippy commune destroyed 32.42%Yoink
Health: FINE / flaming pants
Inventory: loaded shotgun, a few lighters, some rolling paper, chips, candy, soda, glass bottles of beer, different kinds of chips, big ass sword, sword surfing skills, beer
Kakaluncha / totally normal human costume / The Emperor of Mankind
Health: FINE
Inventory: a bowl, two animated trees, Ninja Elvis costume, The Flying Guillotine, manifesto about the Cult to the Supreme Being, air plane, blood pilot, Maximilien Robespierre's ghost, Napoleon Bonaparte's ghost, knows everything about coups, knows about different propaganda, laptop, Leon Trotsky's ghost, Vladimir Lenin's ghost, know everything about revolutions, 34 ghostly Russian troops, Robespierre costume, a bunch of candy, 100 ghosts in the afterlife, some radiation as an ally, some mecha parts, 89741 followers in North America now on a ship, plan to takeover Europe, more radiation friends, plan to take over Africa, Comms that allow communication with North America, a bunch hyper evolved animal slaves, several more ghost troops
France: United, 313,125 follows, no radiation, one power plant, super efficient economy, the most stable, efficient, and self sustaining version of France EVER, global superpower, great again
Afterlife: a French puppet state, lead by distinguished puppers
Europe: back to what it was before the apocalypse, 2,425,124 followers
Africa: Better than what it was before the war, 3,312,456 followers
Dustan Hache / knight / blessed with strength
Health: MORE DAMAGE / broken arm in sling
Inventory: slightly damaged Plate armour, shield, sword, one small candy, bowl of candy, two bags of candy, even more candy, one factories worth of candy
Fiefdom: walls, lots of food, crops, Good moral, hunting party, water snake with arms that takes care of the crops, militia ready to fight some more injured
ziizo / barely damaged ULTRA-MEGA-ZORD made from ten zords and has nine animal pilots
Health: FINE
Inventory: road atlas, lime green hatchback with full tank of gas slightly damaged, large pipe, music CD, all kinds of cooking tools, mutant deer thing has the legendary laser gun, very big army of animals, zord manual, , space pirate ship, one partly finished space pirate ship some of the crew is injured, big laser, decent amount of loot, some more loot
Animal city: traps, trenches all around, razor wire, landmines, fortified walls and positions, more mounted machine guns, improved to with stand being space, space worthy, in space, space port of pirates
Naturegirl1999 / doesn't have the power to switch bodies / has telekinesis
Health: DAMAGED
Inventory: three followers
CABL / Is a fully grown giant eucalyptus tree with a house in it / never able open a portal to the demon bloodsports dimension / giant sword arm / magic barrier filled with breathable atmosphere / power to make fire elementals from people that get burnt by you and your fire elementals, second prophet of FUNK
Health: DEAD
Inventory: living furniture, better dance moves than any tree, Holy FUNK book, half the members of the FUNKY Church named Funkists
Some weird, hellish, 666 degree Celsius, plane of existence: some more acidic spore sacs
ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES / Is Angry Halloween Kaiju / soul magic / ULTRA OVERDEITY OF HALLOWEEN / combined with Samhain and Gates of Hell haunted house / blessing of strong bones and spookiness
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE
Inventory: 4000 page waiver that has to be signed to get into the haunted house if you sign it or read it you lose your soul, one soul, posters advertising the GATES OF HELL HAUNTED HOUSE, Smoke Mirrors's ankles, thirty souls, a bunch of demons, all of Earth's gumball machines, necronomicon, bigger suit case
The Canadian kitten / ability to fly / god powers / mind slightly crushed crushed / explosion proof / higher powered god than you were before
Health: DAMAGED
Inventory: several cans of food, can opener, some cans of food, some bottles of water, 9mm handgun, bike, first aid kit with aspirin a few bandages and a first aid pamphlet, knife, shotgun, rifle, .44 magnum revolver, anti-tank rifle, 531 cat army with extra sharp claws, a box of candy
Enemy post / employee of the month
Health: FINE
Inventory: rock, has a job in a "office" organizing files and papers regarding new species and issues faced by the new world, art supplies, masterpiece painting of the fighting in the town
Smoke Mirrors / Angelo and Diablo / couldn't lose your soul even if you wanted to / one ankle / angel magic / OVERDEITY OF ALL HOLIDAYS / on fire
Health: A LOT MORE DAMAGED / broken nose
Inventory: six million souls, "Totally Average Human"TM costume
Avetruetotheimperator / SPACE GUY / vauge space psychic powers
Health: FINE
Inventory: massive pile of candy, badly damaged small spaceship
Medium sized fortress on the planet:
Outsider / ascetic monk
Health: MORE DAMAGE
Inventory: 12 enlightened, 36 injured enlightened people, a bunch of tools, some of building materials, 136,005,075 enlightened pumpkin zombies
Monastery: farm, wall, lots of rooms
WyrdByrd / FUNK-Master / increases FUNKability / ONE WITH THE FUNK / CREATURE OF PURE FUNK
Health: FINE
Inventory: 15 FUNKY disciples, 23 FUNKY creatures, LAVA LAMP, DISCO BALL, STEREO, 36 people enlightened about the FUNK
FUNKY Church: Filled with FUNKY stuff, "Holy FUNK book", split between two parties, leads the half of the FUNKY Church called FUNKODOXES, 12 plant creatures
Evil sorceress
Health: FINE
Inventory: 385 demons
Former gas station now a proper fortress: high walls, towers, a moat, in the middle of nowhere
The country of Oman has been destroyed.
If you wear a costume you become whatever the costume depicts.
The more candy you have the more powerful you become.
There's a massive army of animals.
The apocalypse happened.
The town may or may not exist, and is now in space, has a wall built around it.
Ceres has been destroyed.
Jupiter has been destroyed.
Super Hell has been destroyed.
The Unholy Pail has been killed.
VY Canis Majoris has been destroyed.
There's a giant ball made from dead animals in the town.
There's a demon bloodsports dimension.
There's a portal to the Funkiverse in the town.
A giant pumpkin zombie army seven billion strong that hates everything but Canada and has free will.
The city with animals has traps.
The moon is much bigger.
Canada has be magically renamed to Earth.
The entire Earth has been covered with a wave of FUNK.
The moon is a DISCO BALL.
The FUNKY Church is a thing, and its divided, Half follows CABL and the other half follows WyrdByrd.
Large space station filled with aliens that are willing to buy your ill-gotten goods.