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Author Topic: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife  (Read 2145 times)

NJW2000

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Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« on: September 24, 2019, 08:00:15 pm »

Death and Taxes

So... you died. It was bound to happen, sooner or later. We won't discuss the details. After you breathed your last, everything, as the cliche goes, went black. For a few seconds at least. Then you were rushing headlong through a tunnel, whirling flashes of colour streaming past, catching fleeting glimpses of countless realms: endless blue depths, bizarre hellscapes, blasted heaths, crumbling cities, raging infernos, until you were suddenly jerked sideways, forced at incredible speed down an extremely narrow black tube, flattened, stretched to an impossible length, and spat out of a fax machine into what looks like an ordinary office. You land in a heap on the floor, completely intact and wearing a suit that seems to belong to someone with very slightly different measurements.

What looks like an office worker regards you dully. He (it?) slowly moves back and forth on a swivel chair.

"Welcome to the afterlife. I am priviliged to inform you that your unique talents have led to your selection for an exciting opportunity, yadda yadda yadda, I'm going to cut this short for you, so we can both get on with our work. You've probably worked out that you're dead. And so now you're being processed by us, the Department for the Dead. We manage the afterlives. All of them."

"See, what we do here is about fulfilling people's expectations. People expect that death is simply the end, they get that. People who expect reincarnation, or Heaven, or Valhalla, or the Asphodel fields, or the Lotus-worlds of Zaxatrot the Ineffable, get exactly that. Doesn't matter which planet you're from, or even which universe. You get the afterlife you believed in."

He gives you a second to digest this profound metaphysical revelation. Literally a second, he starts talking again almost immediately. This seems to be a lot less interesting for him than it is for you.

"People who have a clear picture of their afterlife, they can be pretty tricky to cater for. Well, not the Zonkite serfs of Prungel-D, they just expect more nourishment-tuber harvesting. Poor sods can't imagine much else, really. But your Hels, your Mictlans, your Kriggimite Fire-lakes, they tend to be pretty complex, big-budget affairs. Luckily, that's not our department. We deal with the souls of people who had no idea what came next, but were always sure that there was something after death. All we're obliged to provide them is something. So we just outsource them to whoever, really. And that's where you come in. You didn't have any real idea of what was going to happen after you died. So you can get absolutely anything. By which I mean, anything we decide to give you. And we decide that you can choose between total nonexistence or managing your own realm of the dead. The paperwork's on the desk over there."

You opt to continue existing. Every surface in the office is covered in paper, but you eventually find an "Underworld Management Application Form" in between a stack of Psychopomp Employment Termination Forms and a ring binder on Duat fishing rights. The document is pretty simple, once you sign in a dozen places and get through several pages of writhing small print.

Quote from: Underworld Management Application Form

Name: (leave blank if unknown, unutterable, uncomprehendable, blasphemous, arcance, cognitohazardous, unwritten, cursed, or prefer not to say)

Plane, world, time and place of origin: (see above)

Former Occupation:
[] Sorceror
[] Artist
[] Mechanic
[] Clerk
[] Engineer
[] Pastry-milliner
[] Other (please specify):________________



Time to start your new life among the dead.
 
Spoiler: what is this? (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: October 06, 2019, 04:23:19 am by NJW2000 »
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Naturegirl1999

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2019, 08:25:25 pm »

Name: Clara Lichtenstein

Plane, world, time and place of origin: Milky Way Galaxy>Sol>Earth>United States of America, Year 2019 A.C.E

Former Occupation:
[] Other (please specify):______Biologist__________
(If too specific a location can change)
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King Zultan

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2019, 07:47:49 am »

Name: Hank Smith

Plane, world, time and place of origin: Earth, United states, 2019

Former Occupation:
[X] Other (please specify): Police Officer
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

Parisbre56

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2019, 08:34:15 am »

Name: Shad

Plane, world, time and place of origin: A post-apocalyptic future where every day is suffering and madness

Occupation: Clown

Dustan Hache

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2019, 08:57:35 am »

Name: *unintelligible scribble*
Origin: Interdimentional web> Sol #295 > Earth variant 28B (the one where humanity tried to digitize themselves for immortality) >Server cluster 999 >Year 3029
Occupation: Manifest Mail Daemon
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I figure at some point, you're just gonna run outta fucks to give and just off yourself whenever you get hurt at all. It's not like there's any downsides to it. Hangover? Suicide will fix that. Stubbed your toe? Suicide. Headache? Suicide. Papercut? Suicide.

Ghazkull

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2019, 03:42:52 pm »

Name: Frank

Plane, world, time and place of origin: Earth year 2000, Germany

Occupation: Bureaucrat in the Treasury Department


hell yes a more soul crushing job than working in the German Department responsible for Taxes and its Laws does not exist :P
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VoidSlayer

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2019, 10:46:06 pm »

Name: Micheal Hunter

Plane, world, time and place of origin: Milky Way Galaxy> Earth>2243 AD>The Commonwealth>Vault 81

Former Occupation:
[X] Other (please specify): Vault Security

MonkeyMarkMario

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #7 on: September 25, 2019, 11:02:43 pm »

Name: Hank Smith

Plane, world, time and place of origin: Earth, United states, 2019

Former Occupation:
[X] Other (please specify): Police Officer
+1
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My Forum game(s):
Hahaha, ya right

Any future games will be simpler in nature, I have a bad habit of biting off more than I can chew. Also hoping for more players in them.

I have Discord for my games now(not necessary to play, tho might be easier to contact me): https://discord.gg/DuaARAZ

NJW2000

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2019, 05:42:35 am »

Turn 0

Name: Hank Smith

Plane, world, time and place of origin: Earth, United states, 2019

Former Occupation:
[X] Other (please specify): Police Officer
+1

Yes, that's right. You were a police officer in the US. You spent a good deal of time patrolling, dealing with domestic calls, negotiating the sticky, human situations people create every day. You've gained a pretty good understanding of the mental states that lead to crime, the architecture that facilitates gang control and illicit dealings, the things hunger and desperation can drive people to do. On the other hand, you're no stranger to out and out violence, and you certainly know a good deal about guns and hand-to-hand combat. In short, you have firsthand experience dealing with the less pleasant side of human behaviour.


The office worker looks at your form.

"A police officer, eh? That's a good sign. We get a lot of writers, sculptors and wizards in this job. They make interesting afterlives, sure enough, and world-creation comes naturally to those types, but they don't know the first thing about dealing with angry people. Tend to just run away or throw fireballs. You'll have a better chance of dealing with your mistakes."

For the first time, he actually looks at you.

"Anyway... Hank, that concludes the hiring process. Congratulations. There's a training video somewhere here you can watch, but what the Hel, I'll walk you through the Underworld creation process myself. I haven't left the office in, what, two and a half millenia? Time is funny here. Anyway, I'll show you where your new realm is. Just through that door. Name's David, by the way. Now that's something I haven't said in a few hundred years."

You step out of the office, and out of space. Now, I'm not going to describe what it's like for a physical being to be somewhere without dimensions, or at least not distance in the usual sense, because it's impossible. Suffice to say that in the colourless, objectless not-place you and David are in, there's a quality like place and an activity like movement, and the two of you arrive in a different not-place by not-moving there.

"And here we are. Your very own plane of existence. The usual semi-Riemann Manifold or whatever they're calling it now. Currently, it's just a single point of space, completely without dimension. You just need to add some space to it, make it larger. Then you can start putting stuff in it."

You have a sort of awareness of the single point universe, floating in primordial nothingness. Like it's connected to you.

"Of course, nothing's free in life, so you're going to have to buy that space. As a supra-planar being, you're going to be using the very basis of reality, what is technically termed "essence". We use it as currency here in the Department for the Dead. You can buy or create just about anything with it, if you've got enough. As per your contract, you're going to start with twenty bits of essence. Don't waste it, you'll need every drop of the stuff you can get."

You feel a sensation that's so far from describable I'm not going to try. Basically, you become aware that you have control over thirty tiny bits of reality, each of which has a great deal of potential.

"Now, you've got a tiny bit of time before souls start streaming in and you have to give them new bodies to inhabit, or at least provide an environment their reanimated corpses can live in, so you'd better start creating your plane of the dead. You should have a direct mental link to the Essence marketplace, which is where you can buy... well, anything really, but most importantly the stuff you need for your world. Space, air maybe, solid ground, gravity, whatever. Your call."

Time to get to work.

Spoiler: Essence (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: status (click to show/hide)

((If you have any questions, please do ask. I don't always explain things clearly enough.))
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Dustan Hache

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2019, 07:08:32 am »

what are some things we have to watch out for when dealing with souls? in particular, how do we deal with evil souls and both types of wizards, respectively?
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I figure at some point, you're just gonna run outta fucks to give and just off yourself whenever you get hurt at all. It's not like there's any downsides to it. Hangover? Suicide will fix that. Stubbed your toe? Suicide. Headache? Suicide. Papercut? Suicide.

NJW2000

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2019, 07:30:11 am »

what are some things we have to watch out for when dealing with souls? in particular, how do we deal with evil souls and both types of wizards, respectively?
"Souls can cause trouble in a lot of ways. If you use portals to living worlds, they may find ways to go through them, and escape into the realm of the living. Upper management really doesn't like this, the paperwork's a nightmare. Souls have been known to take over parts of the afterlife or even entire underworlds, and amass power until whoever's in charge is unable to deal with them. They may start harming other souls, even find a way to destroy them outright, anything. And you really don't have the necessary licences and permissions to destroy or torture the dead under your care, so too much of that and you're going to lose your job. And then, you know, total disintegration."

"You'll want to avoid making the souls too unhappy, give them something to occupy themselves with for eternity so they don't start making trouble, stop them being in too much pain, and make sure they aren't able to disrupt whatever system you put in place for dealing with them. You're doing best when you know where everyone in your realm is, and what they're doing, and it's exactly what you intended. Heck, once you get into the swing of it, you can even give these folk a pleasant afterlife. Decent food isn't expensive if they can eat, give them something pretty to look at, something to fill their time, all that. Some people manage to build pretty fulfilling and positive afterlives."

"Evil souls are just the buggers that our systems have marked as incorrigible. People who will always cause trouble when they can, without any provocation."

"Wizards are an issue because they're going to retain some of their arcane abilities and knowledge, and they're going to mess with stuff. My advice, keep them away from the rest of the underworld, install backup security measures, keep them occupied so they don't escape out of boredom, and above all don't piss them off, or you'll have a magical rebellion going on in less time that you can say 'Abracadabra'. Well, as much time, maybe. And as for evil wizards... never mind about them, you'll think of ways to deal with them when you're a bit more experienced."

"You won't have to deal with magic-users for ages though, don't worry, we screen them out for your first few months at least, it's only fair. The first souls coming in will be normal, run of the mill folk, not too clever or talented, and you don't have any particular obligation to make their afterlife special or anything."
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Naturegirl1999

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #11 on: September 26, 2019, 10:38:12 am »

use 1 Essence to buy space and figure out how much space that gives and how many souls can fit there
« Last Edit: September 26, 2019, 11:00:07 am by Naturegirl1999 »
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Dustan Hache

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #12 on: September 26, 2019, 10:43:55 am »

What if we Want to try and take on the challenge of a particular type of soul, how would we make arrangements to receive one or more?
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I figure at some point, you're just gonna run outta fucks to give and just off yourself whenever you get hurt at all. It's not like there's any downsides to it. Hangover? Suicide will fix that. Stubbed your toe? Suicide. Headache? Suicide. Papercut? Suicide.

King Zultan

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #13 on: September 27, 2019, 01:08:00 pm »

What would we have to do to get the necessary licences and permissions to destroy troublesome dead people?
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

Parisbre56

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Re: Death and Taxes: an SG about managing the afterlife
« Reply #14 on: September 29, 2019, 03:09:18 pm »

Buy enough space to hold a 1/10th scale room but warp the space so that the bottom leads to top and vice versa.
Then buy a 1/10th scale room with some chairs/benches, some tables, some snacks, one of those things that gives out numbers and a closed booth, essentially a waiting room. Make sure it's airtight and fill it with air. Place a sign on the booth saying "Back soon, please wait".
Buy 10gs of acceleration that constantly push the room upwards. The warping space will make it so that the room can constantly accelerate rather than reaching some sort of boundary or disintegrating or whatever.
Put new arrivals in a nice rebuilt copy of their original at 1/10th scale. If possible, make it so that it can breathe but doesn't actually use up oxygen. Dunno if the dead can die again, but we should probably avoid that.

We could also generate gravity by spinning or have no gravity at all but I'm assuming the living beings we will get will most likely be used to normal gravity, so they're more likely to be happy with it, or at least less confused. And since the force we buy is in acceleration regardless of mass, it is cheaper to accelerate the room rather than individual souls.

Assuming this is cost effective, we can buy a few waiting rooms to generate some quick profit.
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