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[Empiricist]

var missions = [];

missions[0] = "Hypochondria";
//OOC Thread

[Empiricist]

//Mission 0 - Hypochondria

Pinkish blooms and wooden floors, gardens of stone and paper walls, that is what you see as you enter the server. But who cares about that weeb shit when there's hacking to be done? You can worry about the outside later when you've fucked the moderation system, try pulling any shit before then and you'll just get kicked out.

You fire off a port scan and sure enough you find the port you're looking for, your vision updating with a new sliding paper door in the floor. Without further ado y'all hop on in.

You find yourselves on the first floor of a building not unlike the unlike the one just left, a building constructed of lacquered wood and paper screen walls. This floor really just consists of four walkways following the four edges of the chamber with stairs descending down in front of the door you just exited and the door opposite it all the way on the other side of the chamber.

Paper lanterns hang above illuminating the zeroth floor below with electric light. You can see a large square mat resting at the very center emblazoned with the chat client's logo and pinned in place by a statue on each of the four corners. Along the walls you can see ornamental swords hanging in place in decorated receptacles.

Spoiler: Floor 0 (click to show/hide)

 

Spoiler: Floor 1 (click to show/hide)

((Maps of the floors. Not to scale. Shadows on Floor 0 indicate the presence of something above on Floor 1.))

On this floor, the path between the doors are positioned perpendicular to those on your own, and as you watch they slide open, a group of five figures striding across the chamber.

They are dressed in environment suits, a little on the bulky side with an aesthetic that makes them appear almost as if they are dressed in padded winter coats albeit with high collars and a vaguely more space-y feel. Their opaque visors gaze sightlessly at the world as they cross the chamber. The two in front brandish pump-action shotguns. The two in the back have submachine guns hanging at their hip. The one in the center is pushing along a cylindrical cannister on a utility dolly, a white gauge on its side indicates that it is mostly full right now. They are armed with a pair of handguns, holstered on either side.

Assuming that cannister contains supplies, the way deeper into the network would be past the door they just came in from. At the very least the source of its contents should lie beyond there. The security units themselves have yet to notice you. It should be possible to slip past without a fight, question is, do you want to?

38

Spoiler: Statuses (click to show/hide)

Bogosort-chan
Queue: 5 4 5 5 6 4 5 5 2 3
Alterations: 5
Status: Fine
Inventory: None

Dancer
Queue: 5 1 3 4 5 5 2 6 6 4
Alterations: 5
Status: Fine
Inventory: None

THE_TEDDY_BREACH.bat
Queue: 1 3 3 6 5 4 4 3 6 2
Alterations: 5
Status: Fine
Inventory: None

Janitor A
Status: Fine, armed with shotgun

Janitor B
Status: Fine, armed with shotgun

Janitor C
Status: Fine, armed with handguns

Janitor D
Status: Fine, armed with smg

Janitor E
Status: Fine, armed with smg

Spoiler: Comments (click to show/hide)

[ragnarok97071]

There are enemies. The Teddy Breach... should be aware of this, and the one handling it should REALLY be aware of this.

instead, they are playing some kind of 4x game on their laptop while they trigger their trojan now that they're inside of the firewall, then take a long drag from their Big Gulp.

Code: [Select]

> The_Teddy_Breach.bat -p
Initiating Bearpocalypse - - - [100%]
DONE!
The figure of the Breach blooms wide, and from it pour teddy bears. Enormous, angry, malformed teddy bears formed from every sort of program imaginable swarm from the darkness of the 'net, climbing over each other in order to be birthed into this new and unsuspecting system.

EXEC_BEARPOCALYPSE using the far right 6

Alter to 3 if that's still a thing we can do, I don't see alternations listed in our statline.

[Strider03]

"Ooh, wow, they're like astronauts. That's kinda cool." The Dancer commented idly. She wondered if they had to be fought, perhaps for once they'd only need to answer a riddle? The Dancer turned to ask Teddy about this--she was sorry to say Bogosort might not be very much help in deciding--and took in the sight of the emerging swarm.

"Oh, we're fighting then." The Dancers adversarial systems began their startup, and she started to move.

Begin Weaving Lull [4], and start messing with some minds.

[5] 1 3 4 5 5 2 6 6 [4]

[Naturegirl1999]

PTW

[Powder Miner]

"Wowwwww," Bogosort-chan commented as she looked over the place she was in. Old memories stirred within her at the sight of the sliding paper doors and zen gardens, but she didn't really end up processing either those memories or even all that much of the sight around her; her "Wow" was an empty one. Bogosort-chan, to be frank, didn't have much processing power, especially compared to other AIs -- and some of what she did have was, as it always was, devoted to sorting the data (1 4 3 2 5, the numbers said) from previous commissions that Bogosort-chan had been given. The remainder flitted wildly around the area, taking in details at random and putting them together in a jumbled mess of an analysis.

But that jumbled mess was at least enough to figure out that there were security figures around, that they had supplies with them, and that the strange teddy-bear thing that seemed to be part of her group (Bogosort-chan wasn't sure, but she didn't believe that it was actually an AI) was dumping out a bunch of its weird messed-up things all over the place. Well, the extremely colorful, sweater-and-jean-short-wearing sorting algorithm girl figured that that meant they were fighting, so she skipped forwards to the edge of the balcony and let the constant random numbers in her head decide her target.

Bogosort-chan fires a Fireball Method v1.0 off at... whichever one of the enemies ends up targeted! It is random after all!
Queue: 5 4 5 5 6 4 5 5 2 3

[King Zultan]

PTW

[Empiricist]

Spoiler: Rolls (click to show/hide)

Bogsort: 5, Method[4]
Dancer: 5, Method[4]
TTB: 3, Method[6]

Janitor A: 4
Janitor B: 2
Janitor C: 5
Janitor D: 2
Janitor E: 1

So this miniature tsunami of teddy bears just begin pouring over the balcony, a swarm of bears brandishing hammers and knives, each member a congealed mass of network packets. The Janitors react smoothly for their part, the group fanning out with units A and B, D and E heading to cover at the sides of the room, and C running backwards with the canister in tow. Each unit draws their weapon in turn, the crest of the wave meeting a wall of lead.

D and E's weapons rake across the front of the wave, teddies falling in droves as they fire. For a moment the tide is paused, but only a moment as their clips soon run dry. The other three are up next, at first they don't aim at the bears, no they point their weapons to their source, the ursine rift and the colorful spellcaster leaping up beside them, but then the Dancer's adversarial systems kick in and they're forced reprioritize as their bodies begin to chug just from looking near her. Dripping down their visors are tears of garbage memory. A and B get to work on the rapidly approaching bears, shotgun shells claiming heads, but there's simply too many. B is quickly overwhelmed and vanishes under the tide, A blows a teddy's chest open and claims its claw hammer for itself shifting their stance as the bears surround them. C fires at whatever bears draw near before quickly leaping on the dolly hooking themselves up to the canister? The gauge begins draining and they start aiming down at the dolly's tyres. Sigils surround its body, it's opening a comms link, it's trying to raise the alarm. You've got time before the message gets out though.

While this happens a fireball streaks out at Janitor D. At least, it was supposed to. It kinda appears, hovers in the air for a few ticks, and then glitches forwards with a burst of speed detonating where its target was initially standing, doing little but blasting apart almost a quarter of the teddy tide.

D and E both rush to opposite sides of the room, each reaching for one of the swords. E looks like it's about to make it. D also does but then it suddenly changes directions not under its own will either, it just sort of gets plastered against the wall half its body rupturing in a spray of polymer, sparks, and some sort of clear liquid. It smells like, bleach? At any rate D promptly crashes, the program's body dissipating in a poof of bits.

50

Spoiler: Statuses (click to show/hide)

 
Bogosort-chan
Queue: 5 5 6 4 5 5 2 3 5 4
Alterations: 5
Status: Fine
Inventory: None

Dancer
Queue: 1 3 4 5 5 2 6 6 1 1
Alterations: 5
Status: Fine
Inventory: None

THE_TEDDY_BREACH.bat
Queue: 3 3 6 5 4 4 3 2 2 1
Alterations: 2.5
Status: Fine, 6 units of teddy troops
Inventory: None

Janitor A
Status: Fine, armed with hammer

Janitor B
Status: Leaking from multiple breaches to environment suit, buried by bears, armed with shotgun

Janitor C
Status: Fine, armed with handguns

Janitor D
Status: Crashed

Janitor E
Status: Fine, armed with smg (magazine empty)

Spoiler: Comments (click to show/hide)

Bogosort-chan's fireball crashed D.

[Strider03]

What happened to that last spacesuit person? The Dancer was just a little confused. Bogosort-chan wouldn't have done that, right? Teddy definitely wouldn't. There were no bears involved. Well, that didn't matter! The one enemy seemed to be trying to raise the alarm. Why let him?

"Mr., let's not do that right now, okay?"
Charge over to janitor D and attempt to kick him off the dolly. All part of the dance of course.
[1] 3 4 5 5 2 6 6 1 1

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Before you ask, yes I do mean to use a 1. I'm. . . curious, let's say.

[ragnarok97071]

Many bears had been lost. Simple solution: more bears.

EXEC_BEARPOCALYPSE again.

Queue: 3 3 6 5 4 4 3 2 2 1

[Powder Miner]

Bogosort-chan kind of just stared as her fireball lagged out, missed, and instead blew up a significant portion of her ally's strange and kind of vaguely scary bear things up. Oh. That wasn't supposed to happen. She frowned, too, as her sorting allotted the data given to her, now ordered in 5 3 4 2 1, abstracted. That definitely wasn't right either! Things weren't turning up awfully well. Hmm... well, if one big fireball had only hit the teddy bears and blown them up... what if... Bogosort used several smaller fireballs? That way surely one of them would happen to hit!

"Re-attempting!"

Bogosort wildly spams as many non-hyper fireball methods as she can get away with.
Queue: 5 4 5 5 6 4 5 5 2 3

[Empiricist]

Spoiler: Rolls (click to show/hide)

Bogsort: 5
Dancer: 1
TTB: 3, Method[6]

Janitor A: 2
Janitor B: 1
Janitor C: 4
Janitor E: 3

As more bears spew from the Teddy Breach, Bogosort-chan presses the assault with a barrage of fireballs! Her first shot blasts the buried Janitor B fully terminating its process in a spray of fire and burning teddy stuffing, her second shot clipping Janitor E in the arm as it tears into the teddy horde with its newly drawn samurai sword. The bolt cuts deep into the limb with a spray of clear liquid before hitting the wall and exploding. At least, it tries. What happens is more of an implosion really, there's this sharp crack and spider cracks rip across the wall and air, flames draining away into it.

So uh, turns out fireball isn't actually thread-safe and it's just triggered a segfault in trying to free already-freed memory. The world around the crack begins to drain of all color as its memory corrupts. It'll stop by itself. Eventually. Maybe.

To a backdrop of bears and explosions Dancer vaults over the railing intent on introducing Janitor C to the wonders of capoeira. C ain't interested though, nor is it interested in the three fireballs currently flying at its face. The gauge on the canister drains as it mounts the dolly and fires twice. The wheels pop one after another launching the dolly and rider right up into the air out of the way of the pugilistic dancer and buggy fireballs. You're all pretty sure physics doesn't work that way but apparently C doesn't give a fuck.

It leaps off the dolly in mid air tossing one of its guns at TTB and grabbing onto the rafters above with its now-free hand, firing shot after shot into the handgun's magazine as the dolly and canister vanish into the segfault below. It's trying to detonate the magazine, blast TTB out of the damn network. Again, not physically feasible, but that doesn't seem to be stopping it.

Janitor A falls to the teddy hordes. E continues fighting valiantly with its sword though it's "bleeding" heavily now.

C's comm link solidifies. The alarm will soon be raised if you don't stop it.

118

Spoiler: Statuses (click to show/hide)

 
Bogosort-chan
Queue: 5 6 4 5 5 2 3 5 4 2
Alterations: 5
Status: Fine
Inventory: None

Dancer
Queue: 3 4 5 5 2 6 6 1 1 5
Alterations: 5
Status: Fine
Inventory: None

THE_TEDDY_BREACH.bat
Queue: 3 5 4 4 3 2 2 1 3 4
Alterations: 3
Status: Fine, 13 units of teddy troops
Inventory: None

Janitor A
Status: Crashed
Details: N/A

Janitor B
Status: Crashed
Details: N/A

Janitor C
Status: Fine
Details: About to raise the alarm; hanging from the rafters above a memory corruption site; trying to detonate a handgun ontop of TTB with another handgun

Janitor E
Status: Leaking heavily from an arm
Details: Fending off teddies with a samurai sword near a memory corruption site

Spoiler: Comments (click to show/hide)

Welp, TTB has fuck all defenses and the Dancer is one floor below. The one person who might be able to prevent them from taking a heavy hit is fucking Bogosort-chan. Thankfully the expletives are only for emphasis here.

[Strider03]

Having no quick path up to the janitor, the Dancer looked for a way to interfere, and settled on the teddy bears.

Use super special dance moves to yeet/punt a couple of teddy bears up towards the janitor on the ceiling, perhaps in a way to interfere with the attempts to detonate the handgun magazine.

[3+3] 4 5 5 2 6 6 1 1 5

[Powder Miner]

That... had actually worked quite well! Ignoring the sucking reality-shattering segfault in the wall, Bogosort-chan declared that that had been a valid result (unlike her sort, 2 5 4 3 1), and she would now repeat the exact same procedure! "It's working! It's working! I'm gonna do it again!" And Bogosort began rapidly spamming glitchy old fireballs once more, hoping to take the rest of the Janitors out of the equation.

Bogosort wildly spams as many non-hyper fireball methods as she can get away with... again.
Queue: 4 5 5 6 4 5 5 2 3

[ragnarok97071]

Alright so putting in the last moves o-

Oh hey that's a danger alarm from the trojan. Really? Already? Whatever, first part of the mission is usually the bullshit part. alright.

The button eyes of the teddy bears suddenly flash a bright red as the AI behind the Teddy Breach ASSUMES DIRECT CONTROL, several dozen of them rushing in to encase the Rift itself, lifting it and attempting to drag it around evasively to prevent it from being destroyed, with some others, including those yote by her teammate rushing the one attempting to gank their TC as it were, any nearby attempting to grab the fallen enemies' guns if possible.

Meanwhile, THE TEDDIES CONTINUE TO FLOW, the new ones attempting to intercept any incoming shots and reenforce the breach rather than immediately rushing the enemies.

TACTICS. also, EXEC_SPAWN_MULTIBEARS