Yeah, I should probably be more careful when updating. It was the first time that ever happened to me, so it surprised me more than it probably should have.
Can updates be spoilered so it's quicker to scroll between different updates?
The problem is that the forum doesn't allow stacking spoilers, so if I wanna post actual spoilers or large images I'm outta luck. I do know what you mean though; it bothers me too sometimes.
Anyway, I had Monster Zero Ultra, or just Monster Ultra as they call it around here. It was kinda... grapefruity? It had that chemical aftertaste that most sugar-free drinks have, but it wasn't as strong as it usually is. Overall it was good; definitely not better than Rockstar or regular Monster, and I probably wouldn't choose it over local energy drinks such as Tiger or Black, but if I was forced to choose between Lidl's good ol' Kong Strong and Zero Ultra, I would probably choose... Kong Strong, because it's cheap af. Boomer Juice is way better than Red Bull though.
Dossier 1: 14,000,605 timelines
In this timeline Port Fantastic is situated in the Italian peninsula, south-east of Roman capital Ground Zero. Legends of the mighty hero, John Port, Port Marine must have reached even these parts.
We've started with rounding up the runts and making them distill moonshine for the thirsty gals. Brainers have barricaded themselves in the lab, researching the very basics: peasants, the local town, and a meeting. As for the hands, well...
My position as the cap'n is backed up by my impressive skills; I can shoot and stab very well, throw with decent accuracy, and do it all very quickly. Unfortunately my base stamina is poor, although it's very easy to train, so no big deal.
Now I had trouble assigning a class to Jill, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter. She is great in most skills with the exception of throwing in which she is simply good. Reactions in high 60s will make her deadly with light blades and hard to get past.
Happy isn't as well-rounded as Jill and I, but her incredible stabbing skills are more than enough to make up for that. Her muscles, however, seem to be atrophied more than those of Star Gods, but unlike our alien overlords she doesn't have a powerful brain to make up for that.
0cra is almost identical to Happy except a bit worse in shooting and much faster. Come to think of it, the speed difference make them quite different, not nearly identical.
Rina excels in everything, a perfect gal to carry a gun and a whacky stick at the same time. She's a pistolero, but that doesn't mean she won't be shooting shotguns and SMG in her career; it's just to remind me about Rincewind's request.
Kaos is good at many things, but due to her pitifuly low stamina she won't be running around bludgeoning people or lobbing javelins. Snipin's a good job, so she's not losing anything.
Whippa I.Duno and Runna Scurvy Sin haven't arrived yet; I'm worried they might have got lost on the way. Let's not panic and hope we can find them sooner or later.
We're armed, topless and it's dark as balls. Academicians beware, we're coming for you! In the second turn that is.
This nocturnal search of theirs is starting to go south very fast. One of the nurses was pacified by Rina Wind who later attempted to shoot the other one with no success. It's hard to hit anything when you can't see past the tip of your nose.
It's not a prblem when you're using a shotgun. I've made a quick work of the nurse with a cheeky snap shot.
It must be horrifying scouting the woods on the border of Eurosyndicate and Iberian no-man's land in the middle of the night armed with a baton and a pocket laser gun, when suddenly a sword-wielding amazon with her taddies out jumps out of the undergrowth trying to cut you into pieces. 0cra gave the nurse a full course of that.
That sneaky broad was trying to flank us with her ball bat, but I predicted something like that could happen, so I had Jill prepared. Omae wa mou shindeiru indeed.
How is that for the first mission? I consider this a good sign for the future of our pirating enterprise.
Peasants and equipment are now available! Before we make use of that, let's tell the brainers to focus on the machinery and interrogating one of the nurses. In the meantime we've also finished the meeting, which means we'll be able to research pirate clothing, those sweet sailor uniforms.
Supplies mothafucka! With six shooters we finally have a reliable ranged weapon other than the shotgun.
Gotta go fast! The runts still haven't finished the first batch of moonshine, and we already have a job for them to do. It's an important one, so they better hurry up there in the still.
Learning everything about our culture will be a priority now, because without that we're nothing more than just a band of brigands.
Hey, familliar names! One major benefit of going back in time is seeing the fallen crew members again. The drawback is that I may forget a planned plot point and I'll never learn that I was the one who saved myself when I was a child. At least I have this rad hairdo.
A gal is being held in a brothel in Black Sanctuary, Rogue Fields! We sure are ill-equipped for that, but had this ever stopped me? Yes, actually; we might run if things turn beany side up.
It's good to land in a good spot for once. We can attempt to infiltrate the place through the side enterance without getting ourselves caught under fire from the front.
Don't you hate it when you whack a hooker with a bat and she stops breathing? Happens to me all the time. This one was unarmed, so I wanted to look merciful, unfortunately I'm too stronk.
This dead hooker is the effect of Jill's amazing reactions that allowed her to make a trick shot through the airbus's window.
I just wanted a positive score, is that too much to ask for? Rina got shot by yet another hooker who then got savagely beaten by Jill and her ball bat.
Ambush this, hoe! I've put a revolver bullet in her before she could hurt anyone, then she tried to do the same to me but fortunately missed. I later went to hide behind the warehouse, not because I'm a coward but because I don't want to spend the next month in the hospital because of some hoebag.
Kaos and Rina going in! A kid was no obstacle for Rina's furious charge, and his gear was better for the break-in than Kaos's musket.
Look, a highwayman got himself caught in our ambush. He was trying to shoot Happy with his SMG, but a pureblood's stick arms are nothing compared to even the feeblest of ubers. For his effort Kaos stabbed him to death with the b-boy's bandit knife.
A lot going on here. First, Rina ran into the room with her cutlass to kill a pesky tough guy; that she did, and it was awesome.
Then, Jill went around the brothel to kill the dude outside. She managed to shoot him once, but got hit in return. Maybe, just maybe he will pass out? He better, because he's got a clear shot on Rina.
Finally, Crystal Formation broke the peasant tradition of being completely useless by bombing a drifter.
Kid, sneaking up on armed pirate gals is not a good idea, especially if there is another one behind you, holding a knife taken from your friend's cold dead hands.
Since we're already in full hooker-strangling mode, let's go full ham; even Crystal can join, lobbing Molotovs left, right, center.
One more kid stabbed to death and we're free to go. Positive score, yay! We've recovered four hoes and a drifter, plus an SMG that I might consider using this time around. I haven't even mentioned the castaway gal whom we're gonna recruit as soon as we can.
Our culture researched, now it's time for... the submachine gun. We're not ready for recruiting just yet, we need to interrogate a nurse first, I believe.
Another Academy search party, and they don't have the dubious advantage of darkness.
Welp, that was quick and easy, though we did suffer some wounds from their glorified laser pointers. By we I mean I, because it was my well-shaped booty that got fried. I also got whacked over the head a bit, and I hope that doesn't leave me with permanent brain damage.
All starting research topics done, now we can focus on important things such as umm...
All those things. That means we've also finished interrogating the nurse and taking apart the SMG.
The nurse has told us about Fun-Go, a popular drink based on Reticulan recipes. It restores morale at the cost of energy, so it's not exactly something we should be using often. Also, I would recognize the label and the bottle everywhere:
It's just green Frugo - apple, lemon, kiwi and lulo flavored, the worst of them all. The best is the black one - grape, blackcurrant, cherry and dragon fruit. Enough about delicious fruit drinks, let's see what else fate has in store for us.
Turns out it's a ratman rodeo. Our parrot has alerted us about a guard dog, but is that really the biggest worry right now?
Yeah, right now it is. Kaos blasted one of the brigands with her shotgun, while Happy stabbed the other one with a dagger. Sneakiness won't get you anywhere if you just stand in the open like that. Daring charge towards the enemy, that's a winning strategy. Dog was right the whole time.
Maybe next time, dogs. One of them bit Happy, but they are both down now. There was also a brigand bowman, just in time for Candice's target practice. He straight up fukken died next turn.
There might be the parrot's killer in or around this building. 0cra and Candice are going to investigate it.
Ambush on Crystal Formation thwarted! Kaos pulled out a handle and whacked the brigand with all her strength. Shooting the little bastard would have been easier and safer, with no risk of being slashed with a machete, but I don't roll that way.
Sad but not unexpected; Crystal and Candice are dead. That leaves Kaos, 0cra and Happy on the battlefield while a really nasty ratman with a shotgun is watching them from above.
Oh look, no entrance. We'll have to make one for ourselves which means making a hole in the fence with a bullet or a shellful of birdshot.
The shotgunner put his mate on his post and skedaddled out of there, but it's not enough to get get us off his rat tail. 0cra did kill the decoy just out of spite and because we needed to do that to finish the mission.
The big boss is up there wondering how we managed to get through his sentries.
Wouldn't it be funny if this wasn't the end and everyone got hurt?
Ho ho ho ho, so funny. Bullshit.
I was sick of this constant panicking and dropping weapons, but one final slamfire into a ratman's skull solved the issue. Most satisfying kill ever.
I hope nobody was expecting fat loot from clearing a rat nest. Was it worth it in the end? Fuck no!
Not worth at all. We'll have to rely on untrained peasants for a while, at least two weeks. First we'll have to hire those untrained peasants. It really does have like Dwarf Fortress sometimes.
We've learned about proper loot distribution and finally read that fugitive search orders. Next we'll learn about recruiting castaway gals and survival techniques, because survival is what we're fighting for right now. Those damn ratmen and their damn villages.
And here is our crew of brave human gals ready to protect our base and lives. Oh my gowd, this is gonna be bad.
Can we play Robin Hood, or should we keep robbin' the hood instead? With
six five peasants we may encounter some serious trouble even with barely armed thugs. On the other hand, we'll weed out the weak and take money.
I'm not afraid of some thugs with pansy-ass flintlock pistols!
I am afraid of those thugs with those terrifying flintlock pistols! Dixie Normous is dead (just as planned), one thug stabbed to death by Jenny Talia, one set on fire by none other than Chika Breeki. There's a highwayman with a hunting rifle out there and he...
He killed Jenny Talia. Thankfuly there was a dog who was so nice he mauled the remaining thug and the highwaymen. We've recovered one ruffian, some money and the hunting rifle. It was just something to do while we wait for the real crew to come back to their senses.
Okay, we've established contact with merchants and went shopping for some supplies. Unfortunately we were so focused on rushing this that we haven't researched any guns. We've also researched survival that alows us to make spears and javelins which you know I love.
Since we're already talking about research, we're trying to learn about hunting rifles, six-shooters and dogs. I hope that will help us avoid problems such as lack of hands on board.
The hunting rifle is babby's second or third sniper rifle. It's more accurate in aimed and less accurate in snap than the ol' carbine. That's not the most important difference, because the hunting rifle is horribly slow in aimed, but at least it can fire three rounds in snap for what it's worth. I can't say I like this gun over the ol' carbine, mostly because of limited mobility.
We're moving up in society by moving up in firepower rating. Even our handguns are getting an upgrade.
I've got a great idea - let's go to Sahara and rescue a gal from the hands of bad guys! Our newly-acquired kitty has noticed a few dudes up there on the upper floor.
Jill is on the roll this time; looks like this two-week rest of hers did her good. She simply shot the guy upstairs and is about to whack the other one. Happy Happens later burst inside and blasted the last highwayman inside with her sawed-off. Now where could be the possibly last enemy be?
Ha! Chika Breeki is not afraid of your puny bullets!
Oh for fuck's sake, just let Chika have her moment! I shot the guy with a hunting rifle from almost point-blank, but it just bounced off like nothing happened! Ugh, at least I blocked his shot and then killed him. We've got some UAC chaingun ammo and of course the uber gal we came here for.
I can hardly believe it, but we're doing fine. I'll send the requests for an extra brainer, and also for a dog, because we've unlocked those.
Animal poison can be recovered from certain monsters and used to make weapons and ammo for slaying other monsters. Poisoned arrows and blowdarts, for example, put the target to sleep on top of dealing chemical damage. What does a simple thug use poison for? A simple mugger would probably do well enough with a simple switchblade; no need for weapons prohibited by the Hague Convention.
There's a ratman village waiting for us, but I'll give it a pass and interrogate nurses instead. This one knew about mining ships and how we can get easy loot from pillaging landed ones. Other than ore they contain an engineer which is an endless supply of knowledge about ships.
There was also a hoe I've questioned, but she just told us about furries.
Mutant pogrom in Dallas carried out by bandits at night; DEFINITELY not something we can deal with now, thus the fast retreat. I need an easy mission to lift myself up; how about...
...what seems to be a ratman village, but actually is an Academy outpost.
Great fucking job, Happy. An Academy researcher came out of the shed, so Happy Happens blasted her with a sewed-off. That's not all that happened though, because Chika Breeki was standing nearby. Well, a peasant gone is not too much of an issue.
I'm not forgiving you, Happy, no matter how many Academy nurses you stab to death with your stupid dagger! Mary Juana killed an Osirion pyjama boy with her javelin, then Rina Wind attempted to stun the medic with a club, but she only managed to get herself exposed to harmful radiation and bullets from another pyjama'd baldy. Let's see how that plays out.
That's exactly how I imagined it would go.
The bug hunt for the last academicians just got this much easier. First I shot the drone with my rifle, then Rina finished it off. I really hate how my cool strong gun can't kill anything.
The bug hunt was very brief and ended with Happy stabbing yet another researcher with a knife. We've recovered a medic and a yeoman, some junk, some apples, nothing exciting.
We've still got some catching up to do, but I haven't been feeling like playing lately.
Sorry it took so long, guys, but fate wants it so I have tons of work, no free time at all. It's all mostly work related this time, so don't worry about me.
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Topic: Port Fantastic - X-Piratez (Read 24291 times)