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[anaphaxeton]

It should be noted here that both Black and Blue hold the ability to "snipe" their Queens to either side of our King.

This is true. You wonder what reckless player (or chess intellectual!?) would make such a move, and get their queen captured so quickly? It kind of scares you.

Okay, question... what pieces does our Queen threaten right now? I need to know more about the way she interacts with the strange shape of the board.

FIGURE 1.

Your queen. Queens and bishops are unable to travel through the diagonals z3-d7, or i3-e7 to another player's board.
Doing all of this wondering puts you to sleep for a moment. You have a nightmare about one of your nebulous opponents.

FIGURE 2.

Colours so incoherent, and somebody else dominating the board! It's sickening.

Hm... Let me see. Looks like we'd swoosh past Red Bishop... wow.

We only threaten three pawns and a knight. Queens are dangerous indeed, but not now. Now, we

BACK IT UP!

Q/Wg4

Q/Wg4

+1

4a. Q/Wg4.

BACK IT UP BACK IT UP BACK IT UP
You get the hell out of blue hell.

4b. BxWf1.
4c. P/Rd4.
4d. B/Yg5.
4e. P/Bd4.

You watch in horror as Black curves round the landscape to capture, to consume your bishop. The other players continuing to open feels insignificant.

1 blue disadvantage. 3 white disadvantage.

[Kashyyk]

P/Wd3

This simultaneously blocks the Black bishop from retreating, gives our Queen side bishop access to move and supports our lone pawn.

That blue bishop can't actually threaten any of our pieces beyond the pawn, which will be protected by the Queen side knight's bishop's pawn.

Edit: Refers to the correct supporting pawn now.

[Superdorf]

P/Wd3

This simultaneously blocks the Black bishop from retreating, gives our King side bishop access to move and supports our lone pawn.

That blue bishop can't actually threaten any of our pieces beyond the pawn, which will be protected by the King side knight's pawn.

Clever. +1

[anaphaxeton]

P/Wd3

This simultaneously blocks the Black bishop from retreating, gives our Queen side bishop access to move and supports our lone pawn.

That blue bishop can't actually threaten any of our pieces beyond the pawn, which will be protected by the Queen side knight's bishop's pawn.

Edit: Refers to the correct supporting pawn now.

P/Wd3

This simultaneously blocks the Black bishop from retreating, gives our King side bishop access to move and supports our lone pawn.

That blue bishop can't actually threaten any of our pieces beyond the pawn, which will be protected by the King side knight's pawn.

Clever. +1

That's a stellar move! You're about to do it:

FIGURE 3.

when the police roll up to the door, and tell you that's illegal. They laugh in your face. "Check yourself before you check yourself." So cruel.

[TrickleJest]

King captures? If I understand this right.

[Egan_BW]

It's illegal to make a move that would immediately result in failure? Jeez, what kind of tyrannical hell game is this? I propose that we go play connect 4 instead.

[Kashyyk]

Yeah, we could just do a King capture. We lose out on castling though. Better than Blavk getting away with it Scot free though

[anaphaxeton]

King captures? If I understand this right.

5a. KxWf1

You crush the bishop.

It's illegal to make a move that would immediately result in failure? Jeez, what kind of tyrannical hell game is this? I propose that we go play connect 4 instead.

There are no Connect 4D tournaments, sadly.

Yeah, we could just do a King capture. We lose out on castling though. Better than Blavk getting away with it Scot free though

Of course! You can't allow such a slight to blight you without reproach.

5b. Q/Ng4.
5c. N/Rf3.
5d. P/Yg3.
5e. P/Be3.

Opening, opening, yellow skips a bishop for bishop trade, blue closes it off. Black's queen is out in the open.
What next?

[anaphaxeton]

You're feeling hopeless... maybe you should give up on becoming an excellent 4D chess player? Your aspirations will be spoiled eventually, won't they?

[Superdorf]

NWc3

[anaphaxeton]

NWc3

You get tired of chess for a bit. So, you do some work, some exercise. You flitter from cafe to cafe, having conversations. But a Nordic man and an Armenian accost you. "Stop running from chess," they say in unison. You ignore them initially, but really, you want to win at chess. Chess, everywhere and in all dimensions.

6a. N/Wc3

So, you come back.

6b. N/Nd5
6c. Q/Rd3
6d. PxYf4
6e. B/Bd3

You'll always come back.

(also the commie reds play suboptimally but nobody's counting)