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[sprinkled chariot]

Analyze the teleportation traces, calculate the coordinates, and prepare to follow Thainos into the chamber, along with Alpha and Omega squads.
If everything goes well with the beaming down, issue permission to use the heaviest lethal force available.

assist in this

I would recommend equipping the strike force with laser carbines, as thainos should have quite a problem with sun light 

[ziizo]

Take the grenades conveniently hanging from the capitain belt and throw them to the fishing ship before falling into the water

[Enemy post]

Sad face

Sorry I missed your action. I'll edit yours in as soon as possible.

[Fluffe9911]

Silence: Gives Douge a hug
Silence: Balls up his fist
Silence: Pumps it up the sky
Silence: Helps Douge save the mini Douges!

[Enemy post]

Alright, I've added in your action, Imic. You got a +1 for my mistake.

[Avetruetotheimperator]

Alright, there is way to much stuff that can go wrong here. Best get to work on that problem.
First things first, gotta get those under my command properly loyal to the Go-I mean Man-emperor, and therefore, me. Some relevations and talking should do the trick.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

Make portals to the deep darkness of space in front of the turrets so that their shots go into the void. Grab the milk, and use it to access the human collective consciousness.

"Almost there."

[randomgenericusername]

First of all, most demons have been killed and hell was almost completely destroyed. There's still some left, but right now it's a shadow of it's former self and not the hell they knew. Second, I'm not a mortal. The fact that I am still existing despite lacking a physical form should be proof of that.

Third, a single glass of milk is NOT a good offer in exchange of a few universes. It's not that rare, I've gotten at least 5 different samples of both normal and exotic milk during the last few hours. You know universes can have milk on them too, right? It just takes a few moments of searching.

That said, here's my second offer: They still get the plane in which hell was and the Void. But, before the Seven consume the universe, we will work together to transport any milk we find from the mortal plane to the eldritch plane. If I still have it, give them what's left of the Void milk too. Two universes and the entire mortal plane's supply of milk should be enough, especially if said universes also have milk in them.

[Imic]

That is... interesting. Very, very interesting.
Head back to Egypt 6400 years ago, and find the ritual. Don’t interfere, fixed points and all that, but spy on the Cultists. Take notes on their every movement, their every word, even if I don’t understand it. Take a video of it if possible. If they spot me, get in the Tardis and run.

[CABL]

Action edited.

[Smoke Mirrors]

Ok, firstly, I'd like to say, as the current ruler of Hell, you do not want it. I will, however, happily give you the void, especially since I left a Doom Mug in there for you guys. Remember that? The massive dark magic filled mugs of milk big enough to drown a planet? One of them is in the void, ready for you. However, recall what happens when realms get f*cked up? Shit goes sideways, and not in ways you'll like. Trust me on this, if the 7 eat the mortal plane, you're just as screws as the rest of us. So, who will you trust, the guy who knows how all this stuff works and has been a business partner for longer than writing existed, or this guy with a goat fetish and no idea how dimensional equivalence works?

[Enemy post]

Turn 35

Analyze the teleportation traces, calculate the coordinates, and prepare to follow Thainos into the chamber, along with Alpha and Omega squads.
If everything goes well with the beaming down, issue permission to use the heaviest lethal (preferably heavy laser weapons) force available.

4-1, 2-1

assist in this

I would recommend equipping the strike force with laser carbines, as thainos should have quite a problem with sun light 

1

Captain GiantDad orders a trace to find Thainos. According to your computers, he's currently on Earth again. GiantDad turns the ship around to head back as Boris enters the room intending to help. However, the rotation of the ship allows the light of the local sun to shine into the bridge. Boris is struck by the light and bursts into flames. Screeching in pain, Boris leaps behind a computer console and rolls around to put himself out. This saves his own life, but in the process allows the fire to spread into sensitive equipment. Machines grind to a halt. The ship will be unable to make warp jumps until the circuits are repaired.

Make portals to the deep darkness of space in front of the turrets so that their shots go into the void. Grab the milk, and use it to access the human collective consciousness.

"Almost there."

4+1, 1+1 for previous 5.

Taking inspiration from a wizard you once met, you surround yourself with portals as the room explodes with the earsplitting hail of bullets from the turrets. You try to march toward the pedestal, but still more guns drop down and force you to focus completely on blocking the bullets. Your advance is delayed, for the moment.

Bite and scratch at the spider’s legs and get under it, then fly up to its abdomen from under it and use my spikes to try and burrow into it and use whatever fluids are inside to grow
Edited since autocorrect was being weird

3, 3

You rush at the spider, snapping and clawing. In response, the spider bites down on you. As you duel, you cut a gash into the abdomen and drain some of the blue blood from inside. You use it to grow up to the size of a human and turn blue in the process. However, since the spider is draining blood as you go, it also grows to match.

"What an idiot, why would he do that to himself, you never try that kind of crap on yourself." He pauses to look at the corpse a little longer before saying, "I'm gonna throw him into the failure hole before starts to stink."
Drag dead Bob outside and drop him into the hole in the backyard where all the failed experiments go, then go see what he was working on, and find out what Other Dr. Bob wants to do now.

6, 4, 1

You drag Mutant Bob out to the failure hole and open the trap door. There are far more rejects inside than your own failure hole had, and the horrific stench is immediate. You toss the other you inside to the grateful sound of hungry jaws. You close the door, but you don't think you'll be able to get the stink of corpses off you for a while. You return to the lab and study the notes. You learn a good deal about mutagenic work from this you. (+1 on mutating things)

You also ask Hooded Bob what to do next. He seems to be suffering a moment of doubt. "I'm...not sure, really. There are a near infinite number of Dr. Bobs, and I nearly died back there. If we keep trying to get them all one by one, we'll be at this forever. But, if I don't have them all, how can I be sure my creation is really the Ultimate Bob?

Take the grenades conveniently hanging from the capitain belt and throw them to the fishing ship before falling into the water

6

You rip off the captain's belt of grenades and throw it back onto the ship as you hit the water. The captain sinks into the abyss, but then you realize you forgot to pull the pins. The fishermen start throwing the grenades back into the water around you, resulting in thudding underwater explosions.

Alright, there is way to much stuff that can go wrong here. Best get to work on that problem.
First things first, gotta get those under my command properly loyal to the Go-I mean Man-emperor, and therefore, me. Some relevations and talking should do the trick.

3

You preach to the commandos and attempt to ensure their loyalty. It doesn't seem to have much effect. They appreciate your enthusiasm and respect your rank, but find the quasi-religious undertones to your speech a bit offputting.

First of all, most demons have been killed and hell was almost completely destroyed. There's still some left, but right now it's a shadow of it's former self and not the hell they knew. Second, I'm not a mortal. The fact that I am still existing despite lacking a physical form should be proof of that.

Third, a single glass of milk is NOT a good offer in exchange of a few universes. It's not that rare, I've gotten at least 5 different samples of both normal and exotic milk during the last few hours. You know universes can have milk on them too, right? It just takes a few moments of searching.

That said, here's my second offer: They still get the plane in which hell was and the Void. But, before the Seven consume the universe, we will work together to transport any milk we find from the mortal plane to the eldritch plane. If I still have it, give them what's left of the Void milk too. Two universes and the entire mortal plane's supply of milk should be enough, especially if said universes also have milk in them.

Ok, firstly, I'd like to say, as the current ruler of Hell, you do not want it. I will, however, happily give you the void, especially since I left a Doom Mug in there for you guys. Remember that? The massive dark magic filled mugs of milk big enough to drown a planet? One of them is in the void, ready for you. However, recall what happens when realms get f*cked up? Shit goes sideways, and not in ways you'll like. Trust me on this, if the 7 eat the mortal plane, you're just as screws as the rest of us. So, who will you trust, the guy who knows how all this stuff works and has been a business partner for longer than writing existed, or this guy with a goat fetish and no idea how dimensional equivalence works?

4-1 vs 3

The debate goes on as Adam Simons and Nuhg attempt to persuade the Eldritch creatures into deciding the outcome of the battle in either side's favor. The two rivals seem evenly matched, and neither makes much progress. The Eldritch creatures become increasingly impatient at the intrustion, and a few of them start moving aggressively.

[Glass]

Swarm Thainos with combat drones, firing on him from every angle, so as to prevent him from successfully blocking them.

Remember how I said there were people who would oppose you or help you? Yeah, that was us.

(Sorry for the late post, EP.)

[Enemy post]

For some reason I wasn't able to post the entire turn at once, so I moved Imic, Glass, and Fluffe's actions to a second post since they were the last ones I did.

That is... interesting. Very, very interesting.
Head back to Egypt 6400 years ago, and find the ritual. Don’t interfere, fixed points and all that, but spy on the Cultists. Take notes on their every movement, their every word, even if I don’t understand it. Take a video of it if possible. If they spot me, get in the Tardis and run.

6, 4

You go back to the days of ancient Egypt and travel back to the day Seven were born. In disguise, you join a crowd of Egyptian cultists in goat-skull masks. You also slip a discreet video camera into your sleeve. They watch alongside you as seven priests takes seven goats and lead them to a giant well. The well is deep enough that the bottom vanishes into a shadowy void. Each priest casts a ritual on his goat. The goats fur cracks and burns, and the animals thrash around as the spirits of the Seven are introduced into their bodies. As they foam at the mouth and roll around, the priests pick them up and throw them into the well. The goat's screams ring out for a long time, and you don't hear an impact. When the silence returns, the cult explodes into jubilant celebration. One of them bumps into you at this point and notices your strange device. They don't know what it is, but they aren't inclined to ask questions. Just as well, since you can't understand their language.

You flee from the furious crowd and sprint back to your TARDIS. You can hear them trying to pry the door open as you vanish back into the timestream. That was a bit close, but you've successfully filmed the entire ritual.

Silence: Gives Douge a hug
Silence: Balls up his fist
Silence: Pumps it up the sky
Silence: Helps Douge save the mini Douges!

4

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Swarm Thainos with combat drones, firing on him from every angle, so as to prevent him from successfully blocking them.

Remember how I said there were people who would oppose you or help you? Yeah, that was us.

(Sorry for the late post, EP.)

(No problem.)
No roll

You prepare the drones, but Boris and GiantDad mess up the jump. Since the Moloko isn't near Thainos, you can't shoot him this turn.

OOC:Busy today, hopefully no mistakes this turn.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

Use the Power Milk to disintegrate the temple, and then get the Mind Milk.