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[Enemy post]

Turn 25

Everyone on the Moloko hears a general alert over the speakers.

"This is an urgent message from Earth Command. We have a Code Omega! A Doom Mug has been spotted en route to Earth! This is not a drill! All available ships, move to intercept, immediately!"

The Moloko has also now been redecorated with a Gothic ecclesiastical theme. The nanobots also switched a few rooms to a simple creepy mansion design, for variety.

The galley is too far I will not reach it in time.
activate the doom mug so it takes me to whatever world is going to destroy and far from this place.

5

You don't feel like you could possibly get back to the Black Galley. By the Dreamland's rules, that probably ensures you cannot. You instead decide to ride the last Doom Mug to whichever world it was set to destroy. You guess the incantation.

"ATHATH, ATHATH, da mihi poculum!"

The Mug breaks free of the ground and flies into the air, opening a portal in the air. You glance down behind you as the Holy/Unholy nuke touches down and the blastwave spreads across the landscape. It doesn't look good for your Men of Leng "allies".

You feel an odd sense of unfamiliarity as you ride the Doom Mug into the material universe. It's probably just because you're the dream-self of a dead mass of tentacles brought into waking existence. Anyway, you look ahead to see which unfortunate planet you targeted.

Which other could it have been, really?

Earth's unmistakable profile slowly becomes visible in the distance.

Escape

1

The black galley attempts to turn around and sail to safety, but is vaporized in the Holy/Unholy nuke's detonation.

"With a snap of my fingers I could erase anything. Anything. Even let's say...a shitty sequel to a famous movie of yours. A sequel so sucky it spits in the face of the original. If you give me the map, there will be no blemishes on your list of good franchises anymore. "

If he accepts to go to the big arena, if not then just explode the other ship and go beat the map out of him.

"As for my word. I never trough my favorite daughter how to lie. Trust me, Goldblum, when I'm done you'll still have enough planet around."

1+1 for great RP, 6, 6

Goldblum sits on his throne, severely tempted by your offer. Finally, he looks up. "Sorry. I can't let you have the map. So many, um, so many people would die. I can't see myself making that trade, even for, even for Cats & Dogs 2."

With that, the fight is on. Drawing from the Power Milk, you shoot down saucer after saucer.  However, you're limited by your reaction time. As Goldblum promised, a ship rams your engines and forces your ship down. Once a crash is inevitable, you steer your smoking vessel into Goldblum's palace. The alien steel tears through the luxurious golden palace. You step out and blast your way through guards as your minions hold off swarms of shrieking and pointing "humans". You reach the throne room, blasting the doors off their hinges with purple flame. It appears empty at first glance, but then Goldblum jumps out of hiding and strikes you with his Saturn Award.

It doesn't hurt, but the effort provokes you into a burst of fury. Your Glove flares purple as you throw a potentially lethal punch. You remember your purpose and pull the swing aside at the last moment, destroying a pillar instead. This allows Goldblum to land a few more ineffectual blows with the Award. You snarl and backhand him with your uncovered hand. Goldblum hits the wall shoulder-first with an ugly cracking noise. You step forward and lift him by the throat, giving him just enough air to give you what you need. Goldblum chokes, coughs, and then gives a distinctive laugh. You notice purple cracks traveling up his good arm and a glow from his hand just before you notice the missing slot on your Glove. Goldblum lands a massive punch that cracks a few of your ribs and knocks you on your back. After a moment, you recover in time to see Goldblum's shadow disappearing down a previously hidden tunnel. The door is closing, but you lunge forward and catch it. While forcing the door into position, you spot your puddle of chupacabra milk abandoned on the floor. Goldblum's fragile human form must have been unable to handle it. You put it back in place and stride down the tunnel as the door clicks behind you.

The tunnel ends in a massive underground chamber. Several large holographic maps are projected over a table as Goldblum limps over to it. You can't see details from this distance, but it appears that most of the Milks are located outside the usual understanding of the universe. You notice one actually change realities at this time. Goldblum notices you and slumps into a chair as you approach. He's clearly no longer in any condition to fight you himself, with one arm broken and the other badly burnt.

"So, ow, it seems you got me. I really hoped that trick would kill you. Not enough, though. I guess you know what those maps are. The locations, of the Infinity Dairies. Tempting, aren't they. Infinite power, in the palm of your hand." As you study the maps, Goldblum whistles. "By the way, I brought you down here because I wanted you to meet an, ah, old friend of mine. Get him, girl." A bellowing roar is unleashed from the depths of the cavern as a colossal T. rex charges at you.

Track down some  lone droog with blood sight, hypnotize and  drain him to further increase my power

6+1

You stalk over to the securitybots who captured the droogs and convince them that one of the droogs was actually an undercover agent. Your hypnosis forces the droog to back up your story. You take him away to a back room and brutally drain him dry. The blood is delicious, but you devour him too quickly and receive an unstable power boost.

You get a +2 on your next roll, but then a -1 on the turn after that. This is regardless of if you use vampire powers.

Greet this odd Robot and ask it if it’s been sent by the AI to stop the Gothic architecture. If it is, quote shakespeare to confuse it and then run off. If not, offer it a cup of delicious tea. Maybe quote shakespeare anyway.

2

(In Shaun's voice) "Hi. I'm Rana. I am a living organism. I spawned into existence not too long ago and went to find someone so I could talk. I smell tea, can I have some?

When offered, drink the tea and thank Shaun. Absorb the tea into myself, causing me to change my color to the color of the liquid I absorbed. Use some of the liquid to create an eye

1

Rana speaks to Shaun in his own voice. "Hi. I'm Rana. I am a living organism. I spawned into existence not too long ago and went to find someone so I could talk. I smell tea, can I have some?" Shaun replies in a Shakespeare quote. "Come, and take choice of all my library". Shaun tries to activate the replicator, but it beeps and suffers an error. Rana floats over to help, but then an explosive charge destroys the wall and the replicator both.

A figure in a dark cloak and hood walks in through the newly created hole from another hallway. "Where is Dr. Bob? Where is his creation? I must have its precious DNA!", it demands.

1. Send a small detachment of securitybots after the Droog leader, while the rest round up and detain the subordinates.
2. Send a researchbot to go investigate Douge.
3. Now that we’re zombie-free, set up some stuff to spray the zombie cure aerosol outside the ship, as well.

6, 1, 1

You order your securitybots to finish arresting Borek's subordinates and search for their ringleader. The robots successfully detain the subordinates and imprison them in the brig, but the squad they send after Borek doesn't come back.

The science and engineering bots don't perform as well. The researchbot misunderstands its orders and wastes quite a bit of resources and effort on a comprehensive study of a random crewman named Doug. The project to spray the zombie cure is unsuccessful and wastes your remaining cure samples.

Follow the securitybots towards the Droog leader and attack him.

1

You follow the securitybots into the maintenance tunnels. The only evidence you find of your target's presence is the remains of a few robots that were destroyed by creative use of a knife. You also take some injuries as you fight off the occasional packs of vacuum vermin and mutant rats.

"I've been shot, and didn't die....         I should've become a vampire along time ago."
Eat the dead people to heal my self and take a handgun if available, then get the gas and fill my Z-wing, after its full use the ship to blowup this shitty gas station and anyone that's near it.

4, 4

You drain the dead people of blood, successfully rejuvenating yourself. You also replace your giant gun with a more practical handgun and refuel your Z-Wing. You then take off and blast the station to smoking rubble. A message crackles over your ship's communicator as you watch the planet's one gas station burn.

"This is an urgent message from Earth Command. We have a Code Omega! A Doom Mug has been spotted en route to Earth! This is not a drill! All available ships, move to intercept, immediately!"

Silence: Gives a double thumbs up!!!
Silence: Takes out his BOTTLE OF NOTHING
Silence: Mixes the milk with the BOTTLE OF NOTHING
Silence: Puts it in his pocket for later use
Silence: Prepares a party to celebrate Douge finding milk!
Silence: Starts creating party invitations with the help of Douge

3

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Attempt to use the milk in a slightly different ritual to break the seal placed on the Void.

6

You alter your ritual, connecting to Adam Simon's spell and attempting to break it. However, you hit the spell a bit too hard as you look for a way through. Cracks in reality open around the Bazaar, connecting it, Hell, and the Void. Universally hostile Void nightmares crawl out of the cracks and begin attacking everyone they see.

This includes you. As you move to defend yourself, you see Three and Four reentering the Void to rejuvenate. If they can go in, the rest of your dark pantheon could probably escape with sufficient magical assistance.

Now then
Send a demon army after the goat monsters.

3

You mobilize and prepare your army to invade the Void. You troops do decently against the Void monsters that enter Hell through the cracks that just now appeared, but the assault is stalled when your demons attempt to cross over. It seems that your spell is preventing them from leaving Hell.

Five turns to Doom Mug impact on Earth.

OOC:Special thanks to ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES for giving me a reason to write a 500+ word "Thanos vs Jeff Goldblum" fanfic.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

((Woah that was...something. Noice))

"All that for some broken bones? You have my respect Goldblum, I really liked you in The Fly. When I'm done half of all milk will still exist. I hope the survivors from the incoming wars and famine remember you."


Punch the T-Rex and mount it. Make it my stead, then finish off Goldblum via a crunch to the neck.

[Imic]

Ask him wa’ th’ fuck ‘e’s doin’ ‘ere
While he tries to translate, give him a big old whack about the head with whatever comes to hand. Once whatcking is complete, head back qnd make sure the time machine is ready to go. If not, fix it. Grab the auxiliary controls and hide them in my fake beard. From there, try to assess the situation.

[King Zultan]

He sit for a second before picking up the radio and saying, "Which Earth are you talking about there's like twelve of them....           You know what I don't know why I'm asking I don't really care what happens to you people."
Now that the ships refilled start heading to my home planet.

[ziizo]

notice that reality is still a dream.Azathoth dream to be exact and thus reality works with the same rules than the dreamlads do.

[Naturegirl1999]

Using the voice of the hooded man, ask what he needs the DNA for, and more information about the creature he's looking for, and why he can't just use DNA from the various microbes in the air

[Glass]

So many 1s and 6s ._.

Try to make some more cute samples, and now that the other droogs were captured, I can send most of the combat and security bots after their leader.
Furthermore:
Crew, we are going to Earth. I recommend getting to an inertially-dampened location. Takeoff in T-600. [10 minutes]

[Smoke Mirrors]

Use my hatred for doom mugs, my skills as the guy who repeatedly saved the world, my powers as ruler of hell, and the cracks in reality, to send the Doom Mug into the void.

[CABL]

Fight off the mutant rats and head to a save location before the hyperjump.

[randomgenericusername]

Continue channeling the ritual, and use the power to force the cracks open, unsealing the Void from the mortal plane and creating a more permanent entrance between both dimensions.

[Fluffe9911]

Silence: Does the finishing touches on the party
Silence: Hands out the party invitations to all the crew with Douges help

[sprinkled chariot]

put droplet of my blood into drained drooge to turn him into loyal vampire thrall, then attend party of mime

[Naturegirl1999]

Using the same voice as the hooded man, ask Shoun about safe places to not get hurt during the hyperjump

[Enemy post]

Turn 26

((Woah that was...something. Noice))

"All that for some broken bones? You have my respect Goldblum, I really liked you in The Fly. When I'm done half of all milk will still exist. I hope the survivors from the incoming wars and famine remember you."


Punch the T-Rex and mount it. Make it my stead, then finish off Goldblum via a crunch to the neck.

4

The tyrannosaur lunges and you whirl around to meet it. You catch the jaws just as they reach you and hold them back. Your heels literally dig into the stone floor from the impact. Slowly but surely, your Titan blood and the Power Milk give you the strength to overcome the dinosaur. You punch her hard in the nose with your gauntleted fist. The animal is intimidated by your superhuman strength and submits to your command. Goldblum looks on in resignation as you climb aboard your new steed. After you express your respect to Goldblum, he nods his head and the dinosaur coldly removes it.

The maps to the Infinity Dairies are now yours for the taking.

He sit for a second before picking up the radio and saying, "Which Earth are you talking about there's like twelve of them....           You know what I don't know why I'm asking I don't really care what happens to you people."
Now that the ships refilled start heading to my home planet.

3

You jump to lightspeed and soon enter the orbit of your homeworld, the planet Cervidae. It is a lushly forested world in most places, aside from the areas cleared or damaged in the course of the mad science cause. A ship belonging to your people's navy hails you and asks your business. It also preemptively denies any reports you may have heard of a recent zombie uprising and assures you that any hypothetical surviving creatures would have been properly disposed of and not retained for study.

notice that reality is still a dream.Azathoth dream to be exact and thus reality works with the same rules than the dreamlads do.

5

Ah yes. As you recall from one of the most popular children's stories on the mass of tentacles homeworld:"Outside the ordered universe is that amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles at the center of all infinity—the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes."

You attempt to reassert your powers by accessing the pervasive nightmare semi-mind squirming at the heart of all reality.

Your form snaps back into its usual appearance as you ride the Doom Mug onward. A portal opens ahead of you and envelops the Mug in the Void.

Ask him wa’ th’ fuck ‘e’s doin’ ‘ere
While he tries to translate, give him a big old whack about the head with whatever comes to hand. Once whatcking is complete, head back qnd make sure the time machine is ready to go. If not, fix it. Grab the auxiliary controls and hide them in my fake beard. From there, try to assess the situation.

(I didn't roll for assessing the situation, since you can already see what's going on from the turns. I guess there's a good chance of a universe-ending disaster or three, but that's hardly new.)
6, 2, 3+1, 6

Using the voice of the hooded man, ask what he needs the DNA for, and more information about the creature he's looking for, and why he can't just use DNA from the various microbes in the air

2

Using the same voice as the hooded man, ask Shoun about safe places to not get hurt during the hyperjump

No roll, since talking to other players doesn't require an action.

Rana floats forward and asks the hooded man various questions in his own voice. No answers are forthcoming, once Shaun confuses him with a heavily accented question and then whacks him in the face with a wrench. The hooded man swears vengeance from the ground as Shaun darts off down the hall and clambers through secret passageways. Rana follows and asks where she should stay during the hyperjump. However, Shaun ignores her and checks on his time machine. It seems like incorporating wildebeests into the design instead of cows has caused some minor damage, but Shaun fixes the problems easily enough.

Shaun also thoroughly hides the auxiliary controls in his beard while considering the situation. Not even he could quickly find them now.

At this time, GiantDad wanders into the room and sees the time machine.

So many 1s and 6s ._.

Try to make some more cute samples, and now that the other droogs were captured, I can send most of the combat and security bots after their leader.
Furthermore:
Crew, we are going to Earth. I recommend getting to an inertially-dampened location. Takeoff in T-600. [10 minutes]

4, 3, 1

You successfully synthesize more samples of the zombie cure. You also reorganize the troops to try and once more attempt to capture Borek. However, their search is fruitless. No matter how hard your troops look, they are unable to find wherever Borek has hidden.

(Due to the rolls, you're not going to be able to find Borek unless Yoink decides to come back.)

Use my hatred for doom mugs, my skills as the guy who repeatedly saved the world, my powers as ruler of hell, and the cracks in reality, to send the Doom Mug into the void.

(Oh yeah, I had forgotten about your +1 on saving the world bonus.)
6+1

Most people would consider a giant mug on a course to destroy the Earth a terrifying and surreal event. You, however, have dealt with this exact situation plenty of times before. You draw together the energies of three dimensions and the memory of the old Doom Mug's various planar trips to redirect it into the Void. The threat is contained for now. However, you have had enough experience with these things to know that there's still a decent chance of it getting sent back by whoever summoned it.

Especially after the ghost of Nuhg breaks your spell and reopens the Void to the mortal world.

Fight off the mutant rats and head to a save location before the hyperjump.

4, 1

You successfully defeat the mutant rats and go looking for a safer place to prepare for the hyperjump. You aren't able to find anything like that in the maintenance tunnels. Instead, you get lost and find yourself in a hidden chamber. You see Shaun O' Brian working on a large and bizarre device with various moving parts and a couple wildebeests strapped to a turbine.

Continue channeling the ritual, and use the power to force the cracks open, unsealing the Void from the mortal plane and creating a more permanent entrance between both dimensions.

3+1 for prior success.

You meditate on the ritual and finally crack the walls of reality. A large hole opens in the world. The Void lies before you, silent and seemingly empty. However, a Doom Mug is teleported in. As it moves, the dark silhouettes of passing monsters become visible against the white of its side.

Silence: Does the finishing touches on the party
Silence: Hands out the party invitations to all the crew with Douges help

1+2 for Boris's 5.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

put droplet of my blood into drained drooge to turn him into loyal vampire thrall, then attend party of mime

5+2, 5+2

You spread your curse to the defeated droog, gaining a genuinely loyal and powerful minion in the process. You then decide to go attend Silence's party. On the way, you locate a few other individuals who were interested in attending and bring them with you. When you enter the room, you find that you're the first to arrrive. The mime and his pet joyfully yet silently greet you.

Four turns to possible Doom Mug impact, although it won't naturally hit anything in the Void.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

Yoink the map, and go after the next Dairy on the list.