USING A CLEVER LOOPHOLE IN THE MAYOR'S POLICY OF NOT ALLOWING ME TO BUY FUCKVILLE, BUY THE MAYOR INSTEAD!
MAKE SURE TO ALSO PRAISE THE VIRUS FOR IT'S EXCELLENT LOOPHOLING ABILITIES!
THE VIRUS CONSIDERED ITS NEW SENTIENT LIFE. HIS CREATOR'S COMPUTER WAS CLEAN, GIVE OR TAKE THE TERABYTE OF WELL-MADE FURRY PORN. HE REALIZED THAT HIS CREATOR WAS TRYING TO BUY THE CITY. WELL, TIME TO JUST LOOPHOLE EVEN HARDER THAN HE WAS AND RUN A "LEGIT" VOTE FOR THE NEW MAYOR. THE VIRUS VOTED TANKKIT, THEN CLOSED THE VOTING SESSION. YOINK THUS BECAME THE NEW MAYOR IN A LANDSLIDE VOTE OF... 1-0. SEEMS LEGIT.
JESUS, ALMOST VOTED THE WRONG PERSON.
(2+1 VS 2) THE VIRUS HACKS AND ALTERS ALL OF THE CITY ELECTION RESULTS, SO THAT IT SEEMS THAT THE MAYOR WON THROUGH OBVIOUS VOTER FRAUD! (5) THE COPS BELIEVE YOU AND ARREST THE MAYOR, (5) BUT THEN YOU WALK TO THE POLICE OFFICERS AND ASK THEM IF THE FORMER MAYOR CAN BE TURNED TO PERSONAL SERVICE INSTEAD OF GOING TO JAIL, AND THEY REPLY, "YES, AS LONG AS YOU PAY US." YOU PAY THE CORRUPT COPS THEIR MONEY, AND SO FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE THE MAYOR OF FUCKVILLE, AND THE FORMER MAYOR IS YOUR PERSONAL SERVANT! (?) YOU PRAISE THE VIRUS THE SAME WAY YOU PRAISE THE SUN!
Kills until nuke: 19
>Cast Gunshotus Deletus on myself to remove the gunshot I just got, healing myself back to having a healthy right arm. Kill people to save the town from bobcat mascots, demons, bird .gifs, and other stuff so that I can call in a nuke to devastate the entire city of Fuckville.
(1) YOU WAVE YOUR HEALTHY ARM WHILE SCREAMING "GUNSHOTUS DELETUS" AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS, BUT YOU ACCIDENTALLY WAVE TOO WIDE AND BREAK YOUR WRIST BY HITTING THE WALL FROM EARLIER! (1-1 VS 4) A SWAT OFFICER USES GRENADE LAUNCHER ON YOU; YOU GET DAZED, THEN THE COPS CLOSE THE DISTANCE WITH YOU, BONK YOU IN THE HEAD WITH BATONS, THEN ARREST YOU!
THIS GUY'S TOUGH! TIME TO USE MY FULL POWER TO PUNCH HIM!
(1) YOU FAIL TO IGNORE YOUR BROKEN LEG AND ARM BONES; THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH, AND SO YOU DROP UNCONSCIOUS! (1) THE GATEKEEPER DECIDES TO NOT FUCK AROUND AND JUST STOMP YOU INTO A BLOODY PASTE! THE GATEKEEPER THEN VANISHES IN FLAMES! RESPAWN?
Get out of the sewers and kill more mascots with my shovel!
(3) YOUR SEARCHES FOR BOBCAT MASCOTS WOULD BE ALMOST FUTILE IF YOU DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT A TERRORIST BIOLOGICAL BOMBING IN THE METRO: (6 VS 3) SEEING HOW THE ONES THAT WERE HIT BY THE CANCER BOMB TURN INTO BOOBSIES, YOU BEGIN TO DECAPITATE THE AGONIZED VICTIMS WITH YOUR SHOVEL! YOU KILL A LOT OF THEM, BUT THERE'S STILL MORE TO GO, ESPECIALLY SINCE SOME WE'RE ALREADY HOSPITALIZED!
TURN THE MIGHT OF THE ALLOSAURS AGAIST THE DEMON ARMY!
(5 VS 5) AS THE ALLOSAURS DESTROY THE CURRENT WAVE OF THE DEMONS, A NEWER ONE APPEARS, WITH SOME MANCUBI, BARONS OF HELL, AND REVENANTS IN THE COMPOSITION! THEY KILL A LOT OF ALLOSAURS AND MAKE THEM RETREAT AT THE SURFACE!
NPCS TURNS:ONE TURN, AND THE ARMY WILL FINALLY ARRIVE!SCOUT THE CITY AND THE OUTSKIRTS, THEN REPORT ON THE RADIO!
(5) THE AIR FORCE FINDS SOME WEIRD FLOATING GUNSHIPS NEAR AN AREA THAT NMBAA CORP BOUGHT AND LIVING DINOSAURS! THEY'RE WAITING FOR THE ORDER TO ENGAGE THEM!
THE ALLOSAURS ARE GOING ON THE SURFACE; SHOOT THEM ALL!
(4 VS 3) SSO INFANTRY AND GUNSHIPS OPEN FIRE AT THE ALLOSAURS, MELTING SOME OF THEM WITH PLASMA!
WOWIE, THE DOOR MIGHT AS WELL RECYCLED AT THIS POINT!
ANYWAY, LET'S CHECK THE APARTMENT!
THE POLICE FINDS A SPLASH OF CANCEROUS TISSUE AND SOME DRIPS OF NASAL MUCUS AND TEARS, SUGGESTING THAT THE SUICIDAL MAN WAS DRIVEN TO SUICIDE BY SOMEONE... BUT WHAT ROLE DOES THE CANCEROUS TISSUE PLAYS IN THIS PLOT?! (1)(4 VS 3) ONE OF THE COPS TRIED TO COLLECT THE TISSUE INTO A VIAL, BUT SUDDENLY, THE TISSUE MORPHED INTO A BALL AND JUMPED AT HIS FACE AND INFECTED HIM! THE COPS IMMEDIATELY MERCY KILL THEIR COLLEAGUE, WITH THE TISSUE STOPPING TO GROW!
MORPH INTO BOOBSIES!
(6) THE PATIENTS RAPIDLY TURN INTO AMORPHOUS PILES OF CANCEROGENS, WITH THE DOCTORS IMMEDIATELY STARTING EVACUATION BEFORE THE SITUATION GETS WORSE!
CITY POP: 2129362
DEAD: 529